LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Transitioning > Getting Married

I cheated on my fiance and can't win him back


Getting Married Cold feet to pre-marital stressors--the place to discuss all the issues that come with saying "I do."

Like Tree30Likes
 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 23rd October 2018, 6:29 PM   #16
Established Member
 
preraph's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 26,396
Ever heard of the post office and a stamp?

You need to file for child support with your state by giving them the name of the real father of this child. Then he will pay child support, but you are going to have to get a job or two. Your ex was right to leave you. Don't know why he waited. You cheated on him and then, worse, you tried to trap him into thinking this was his child, which is reprehensible.

The state will pursue child support, so google and find out what you need to do and do it. Stop scheming on people and take care of your child.
__________________
"I care not much for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not better for it." -- Abraham Lincoln
"The greatness of a nation & its moral progress can be judged by the way in its animals are treated." -Gandhi
preraph is offline  
Old 23rd October 2018, 6:54 PM   #17
New Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2018
Posts: 2
Thank you all for the responses. I know I messed up really bad, and my friend was very apologetic before we cut ties. She felt that she was well passed that point and truly did want her marriage to be monogamous, and the assumed real father said he couldn't remember anything and was totally blacked out.



As for my ex-fiance, I assume it was calculated, but his last words was he had a long talk with a family member of his and wasn't going to be a cuck and was convinced to get a restraining order on me.


I am 99.99% sure that he isn't the father. The last time we were "together" he wore protection, and I ended up having my period a week later and he was gone the entire month that this "mistake" took place.



I do love him still, and I know what I did was unforgivable. I just don't know how I could patch things up with him. I feel like if I was to contact him with that restraining order in place, he'd have me criminally charged.



For those who suggest mailing them, I plan on to, but every little I get from good bystanders, goes towards the baby. The shelter has been nice to me, and we do get meals, it's still not enough. I don't have transportation, I don't have a phone, the place I'm at has very patchy internet service which half the time doesn't work, a couple of computers which are almost always booked (the times I get on is to write on here) and many of the homeless people are so sketchy I do not trust any of them with watching over my baby.


I'll see what I can do. I'll see if I can contact my folks who in turn will contact my friends. I just feel super dirty about all of this, and ashamed. My ex never showed any controlling behavior, and all of this has left me feeling like this is all my fault.
Cryingandlost is offline  
Old 23rd October 2018, 8:21 PM   #18
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 9,782
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cryingandlost View Post
I just don't know how I could patch things up with him. I feel like if I was to contact him with that restraining order in place, he'd have me criminally charged.

My ex never showed any controlling behavior, and all of this has left me feeling like this is all my fault.
But, it is your fault. I’m not saying this to be unkind, but you had a drunken threesome and tried to pass off the unplanned pregnancy as your husband’s child. That’s not acceptable behavior in any marriage.

That said, what he has done to you in return is cruel. I would reconsider any thought of reconciliation with him - how could you ever trust this man again when he has treated you so cruelly. What he has done is not acceptable behavior in any marriage.

Best to contact your family and friends. Focus on your future, you have some decisions to make for yourself and your child. I wish you well.
__________________
If they love you, you will know. If they don't, you will wonder all the time if they do...
BaileyB is offline  
Old 23rd October 2018, 8:22 PM   #19
Established Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 744
It is ur fault. Remember that. u made that choice to hurt someone you love. You made the choice to keep the baby and tried to lie about it.

To be honest, I dont personally feel the need to be kind to those that are cruel to me. Maybe ur ex is just like me in that regard. Live by the golden rule and you will never have that issue.

U wounded him real bad. Ur ex and that innocent baby are the victims. He might have been cruel but hurt people hurt people. And the idea of sweet revenge served cold can be pretty tempting.

Dont look for him. Get the other couple to help out and stop focusing on ur ex. Maybe it would be good option to give up the baby to the other couple and u can visit it in ur own like u originally planned.

Last edited by HiCrunchy; 23rd October 2018 at 8:26 PM..
HiCrunchy is offline  
Old 24th October 2018, 3:07 AM   #20
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New York, New York
Posts: 226
I feel for you. I really do. You sound sorry and apologetic about what happened. BUT, your EX unfortunately has every right to do what he did. He actually sounds like a sweet guy that just was unfortunately put in a difficult spot. He has every right to do what he has done. No offense, but at the end of the day- you cheated on him and now are having a baby that is not his. As a guy who is similar to the way you have described him, I would feel heartbroken.

This is a sad story. Iím sorry you let this happen. Please just leave that poor man alone, let him move on. You need to contact the man who got you pregnant and your friend, try to make your way back there and raise the child. Use any and all resources available.
thr1986 is offline  
Old 24th October 2018, 7:50 AM   #21
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 621
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cryingandlost View Post
and my friend was very apologetic before we cut ties. She felt that she was well passed that point and truly did want her marriage to be monogamous, and the assumed real father said he couldn't remember anything and was totally blacked out.



Boooooooolllsheeeeeeet!!

They had this set up from the get go.

They shoot! They score!!!!
doyathinkso is offline  
Old 24th October 2018, 7:56 AM   #22
Established Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: upstate New York
Posts: 1,289
For some reason this situation really touches me. I suppose it's because I'm a 'hopeless romantic'.

OP, I'm a guy. So my thoughts are coming from my 'feminine side' and who knows how ridiculous they are. But I'd want 'him' to know .... I'd write something like the next paragraph and try to find a way to get it to him ...

I know I did you wrong and I'm sorry. You deserved so much better from me. I'll always be sorry and mourn our lost relationship for the rest of my life ... because in spite of my terrible foolish mistakes, the first just stupid, the second in panic, I love you and probably always will. What you did to me and my child was cruel. But I understand your anger and forgive you for your cruelty. I wrote this because I wanted the closure of thinking you'll know how I still feel. I wish you happiness.

nospam tears up and will recover his stoic man-card from beside the keyboard after breakfast
nospam99 is offline  
Old 24th October 2018, 7:59 AM   #23
Established Member
 
d0nnivain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Northeastern USA
Posts: 34,682
Quote:
Originally Posted by thr1986 View Post
. BUT, your EX unfortunately has every right to do what he did. He actually sounds like a sweet guy that just was unfortunately put in a difficult spot. He has every right to do what he has done.

What?!!!!

Her EX had every right to feel hurt & betrayed. His decision to lie to her, to tell her he wanted to keep the baby & raise the baby if she would relocate with him, only for him to change the locks, cancel her cell phone & sell her car while he was in labor, leaving her stranded was calculated & cruel.

She exhibited poor judgment & complete lack of foresight to relocate with some man having no resources of her own, no bank account, no credit card, not even enough money to get home. However, he knew this and used it to hurt her.

Had he just dumped her where there were, I'd agree with you. But the level of manipulation he exhibited to "teach her a lesson" was unconscionable, especially because he left the baby in such a vulnerable place. If they stayed where they were & he left, at least she & the baby would have her parents support.

This guy may have been betrayed but he's far from a "nice guy." A nice guy would have just dumped her not set her up to be stranded.
d0nnivain is offline  
Old 24th October 2018, 8:05 AM   #24
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 18,130
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cryingandlost View Post
{snip}
I'll see what I can do. I'll see if I can contact my folks who in turn will contact my friends. I just feel super dirty about all of this, and ashamed. My ex never showed any controlling behavior, and all of this has left me feeling like this is all my fault.
I don't mean to be disrespectful, but now is not the time to focus on your ex. Securing a life for you and your baby should take up all of your thoughts and time. There is no reason to contact your ex because he is gone and more than likely won't be back. Have you talked to social services about getting financial assistance? Yes contact your family and move back to them even if it's temporary. Yes you are responsible for your choices and now you need to put on your big girl panties and handle it.

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 24th October 2018 at 7:10 PM..
stillafool is offline  
Old 24th October 2018, 8:44 AM   #25
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 9,782
Quote:
Originally Posted by doyathinkso View Post
Boooooooolllsheeeeeeet!!

They had this set up from the get go.

They shoot! They score!!!!
Absolutely.
BaileyB is offline  
Old 24th October 2018, 8:46 AM   #26
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 9,782
Quote:
Originally Posted by d0nnivain View Post
What?!!!!

Her EX had every right to feel hurt & betrayed. His decision to lie to her, to tell her he wanted to keep the baby & raise the baby if she would relocate with him, only for him to change the locks, cancel her cell phone & sell her car while he was in labor, leaving her stranded was calculated & cruel.

The level of manipulation he exhibited to "teach her a lesson" was unconscionable, especially because he left the baby in such a vulnerable place.

This guy may have been betrayed but he's far from a "nice guy." A nice guy would have just dumped her not set her up to be stranded.
Absolutely.
BaileyB is offline  
Old 24th October 2018, 8:54 AM   #27
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 9,782
Quote:
Originally Posted by doyathinkso View Post
Boooooooolllsheeeeeeet!!

They had this set up from the get go.

They shoot! They score!!!!
Sorry, I should say... You are very naive OP if you don't believe that this was set-up by your friend and her husband.

If I was you, I would be going after them for child support. It is the natural consequence for their very poor choices. Perhaps then, they won't be so smug.
BaileyB is offline  
Old 24th October 2018, 8:57 AM   #28
Established Member
 
bathtub-row's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 5,008
Youíve got a snowballís chance in hell of getting your ex bf back. Not trying to be mean but you need to regroup and deal with the fallout from this mess. Your life is eternally changed. You can only make the best if it and do better going forward, but youíre being incredibly unrealistic if you think your ex would even consider taking you back. Think snowball in a fiery hell.
bathtub-row is offline  
Old 24th October 2018, 9:15 AM   #29
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 18,130
Quote:
Originally Posted by BaileyB View Post
Sorry, I should say... You are very naive OP if you don't believe that this was set-up by your friend and her husband.

If I was you, I would be going after them for child support. It is the natural consequence for their very poor choices. Perhaps then, they won't be so smug.
A set-up to what? To get a baby? OP, stated she was a little tipsy, as normal while being there. She is not a minor but a grown woman who made the choice to stay and engage.

Last edited by stillafool; 24th October 2018 at 9:17 AM..
stillafool is offline  
Old 24th October 2018, 6:47 PM   #30
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 9,782
Quote:
Originally Posted by stillafool View Post
A set-up to what? To get a baby? OP, stated she was a little tipsy, as normal while being there. She is not a minor but a grown woman who made the choice to stay and engage.
Oh, I don't disagree.

I wouldn't say they set her up to get her pregnant. But, I think the wine was flowing and they have admittedly done this before... it's not a stretch to imagine that this couple did not think this was a possibility. Threesomes with friends don't usually happen by accident... at least, not for me.

Last edited by BaileyB; 24th October 2018 at 6:53 PM.. Reason: Spelling
BaileyB is offline  
 

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Being a Dumpee can be a Win-Win Situtaion Jaded15 Breaks and Breaking Up 5 16th September 2015 3:18 PM
Can I win him back after I made him think I could be Nutty!?? njruns Dating 9 7th December 2011 4:50 PM
I cheated on my husband of 3 years, how can i win him back?! black_days Infidelity 15 24th November 2009 5:51 PM
My fiance thinks I cheated on him, I have Not ever cheated on him help! goneinsane Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy 4 8th September 2004 9:11 AM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 9:05 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2018 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.