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Do I tell him how I feel, or keep my peace?


Friends and Lovers Progressing into "Friends with benefits" and beyond: When platonic relationships become more intimate.

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Old 19th January 2018, 9:02 PM   #16
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Originally Posted by Scarlett.O'hara View Post
If a guy isn't initiating anything romantic or sexual with you
*cringe* no...there is more than enough sexual going on at other times, I just don't want to TMI the internet.
In my mind, it's not uncommon for men to stick around for sex or the hope of sex or even the hope of dirty pictures, at least until something better or more accessible comes along. It's more uncommon for them to want to stay on the phone with you for hours when they're NOT getting anything out of it sexually.

Last edited by Cam1; 19th January 2018 at 9:17 PM..
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Old 19th January 2018, 10:31 PM   #17
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Pilots are kind of notorious for cheating. Opportunity is just everywhere and they're on the road and all that. So be careful.
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Old 25th January 2018, 11:27 AM   #18
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You know, I think I'm actually kind of tired of this. We basically talk all day every day for the last several months and then yesterday, I didn't hear from him at all. Had a hell of a bad day yesterday for a multitude of reasons, and it would have been cool if someone I thought was one of my closest friends (..and then some), had been there. But he wasn't. I knew ahead of time he had another date with the same girl last night, and so naturally didn't hear from him all night either.

This morning he's like, "I was actually busy and then I had a date and slept over there, still no sex."

I get it now. My companionship apparently is only needed when he is bored and has nothing better going on. And the sexual side of things? I'm just a cheap watered down substitute until he actually gets SEX again. And then I'll be out the window anyways.

I'm glad I'm figuring this out now. His birthday is next week and I'm such a fool I had almost made and sent him baked goods for it!
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Old 26th February 2018, 12:27 PM   #19
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Updated update

Update a month later: He stopped seeing the girl he was casually seeing. I've actually started going on the occasional date (which I don't feel that thrilled with or have time for in my opinion), which he knows about. He made mention a few weeks ago again about wanting to come visit.

Then he actually did. He's been here for the last 5 days. Feelings have been said both ways. I told him sex wouldn't be happening. He was very respectful of all my rules and boundaries. But then yesterday morning I caved. I was worried he wouldn't like me as much after sex, but that didn't happen.

I'm relocating in the next 6 months for school to one of 4 places. He voiced how he hopes I get in one particular school, because he can live there and be based there. Quote "I could live there for a couple years."

I really like him. I didn't ask what this is or if anything is going to transpire, because I was afraid to.
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Old 2nd March 2018, 2:38 PM   #20
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Do I tell him how I feel, or keep my peace?

I have this friend I've mentioned in a thread before: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/tran...eelings-2.html
We've talked every day for the last 5 months. I didn't want to like him, but I do. And he likes me too. We tell each other everything. We both casually date other people, except right now he's not seeing anyone, and I've started very causally seeing someone and gone on 2-3 dates with. We both know about the other person seeing people.

He came to visit last week for 5 days. I really enjoyed being with him. I swore to myself we wouldn't have sex. And then we did on the last day. And I don't feel bad about it. But I'm also scared. I'm scared because I like him, and I'm scared to ask if he sees something here too.

Meanwhile the guy I've casually gone on tinder dates with is rallying to see me, and I'm brushing him off while i'm figuring this out. I don't feel it's fair to him. I've told him I can't see him this week (I'm truly too busy with work, a grad school interview, and homework for a class I'm taking and the final is next week). His response was to offer to feed my dogs while I was out of town for my interview, then offer to bring me food for a study break, or ask if i wanted to have dinner and netflix with him to destress from homework. Like he's trying so hard.

I don't know what to do. I want to ask my friend what's going on here, and what his thoughts are, but I'm also really afraid that in the process I'm about to lose my friend, and things will never be the same again.
In my own life, I'm at a crossroads and relocating for graduate school in the next 6 months. He made comment while he was here, about him moving to one of the places I'm about to get in. Quote "I could live there for 2 years." He's an airline pilot, though, so living anywhere really isn't an issue like it would be in normal LDRs.

I'm 26, he's 30, and I'm really struggling here. I need advice on if I should say something, or just shut up and hope that it will pass and I'll get over it.

Last edited by Cam1; 2nd March 2018 at 2:41 PM..
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Old 2nd March 2018, 2:45 PM   #21
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End things with Tinder guy. Not fair to him to keep dragging things along while you figure stuff out.

I would say something if I were you, then again, I'm a guy. I guess what I'm saying is if I were in his position, I would want the woman to say something. Who knows, maybe you both are feeling the same thing...sure sounds like that could be the case.

Best of luck and let us know how things turn out.
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Old 2nd March 2018, 4:06 PM   #22
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We had this conversation before....call him out on it, ask him what he wants or what this is...FWB? or is he certain that he wants a commitment. don't be passive and lay hints, just be direct with him.
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Old 2nd March 2018, 4:19 PM   #23
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Originally Posted by smackie9 View Post
We had this conversation before....call him out on it, ask him what he wants or what this is...FWB? or is he certain that he wants a commitment. don't be passive and lay hints, just be direct with him.
I want to, but i'm also afraid I'm going to hear "Well i like you, but x y and z..." and lose my friend too.
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Old 2nd March 2018, 4:43 PM   #24
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I want to, but i'm also afraid I'm going to hear "Well i like you, but x y and z..." and lose my friend too.
The way I see it, you have two options here:

1. Continue stringing tinder guy along and live in the gray zone about how your friend feels about you

or

2. Be direct and hear x,y and z. good or bad

either way, you caught feelings for this guy so unless he says he wants to be in a relationship, it will most likely be difficult to maintain a friendship if he doesnt want a relationship.

might as well go for it!!
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Old 2nd March 2018, 4:44 PM   #25
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Given that you have feelings for him and you've slept with him, he's no longer a friend anyway. A Friend is someone who is a great mate and where there is no romantic feelings.

The two of you will never be simple friends again, so there's no sense pretending that it can happen. Talk with him and find out one way or another: Either date him or move on in your life without him
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Old 2nd March 2018, 4:46 PM   #26
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I want to, but i'm also afraid I'm going to hear "Well i like you, but x y and z..." and lose my friend too.
The word "but." Hmm. It's funny because if you add a second T to it, it becomes one of my favorite things. Sadly, the single T version means this: "Everything I just said in this sentence prior to this word I am now saying doesn't matter..."
  • "I love you but I'm not in love with you."
  • "I like you but I'm not sure a LDR is right.."
  • "I would wear a condom but...."

You get the idea. If he says "but" it means no. And it is likely to remain that way.
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Old 2nd March 2018, 5:16 PM   #27
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Originally Posted by Cam1 View Post
I want to, but i'm also afraid I'm going to hear "Well i like you, but x y and z..." and lose my friend too.
I wouldnt worry too much about losing a 'friend'. If it doesnt work out and you stay friends, when you do find someone serious, they will become your best friend. Same thing when he finds a serious girl, you wont be such good friends anymore.
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Old 2nd March 2018, 5:25 PM   #28
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I wouldnt worry too much about losing a 'friend'. If it doesnt work out and you stay friends, when you do find someone serious, they will become your best friend. Same thing when he finds a serious girl, you wont be such good friends anymore.
This^

When you find a wonderful man, the new wonderful man will be your best friend and you won't need this other bloke's friendship.
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Old 2nd March 2018, 5:32 PM   #29
 
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I want to, but i'm also afraid I'm going to hear "Well i like you, but x y and z..." and lose my friend too.
It's understandable, but if it's the truth you need to know. If the opposite is true you need to know. Put your fear aside and get on with it. And I would think "I like you, but..." is really not the worst case. What would be worse is for him to give you nothing to go on either way. I'd recommend you consider that a "no" as well. By this time he should have figured out what he wants. To be honest you should already know.
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Old 3rd March 2018, 2:31 PM   #30
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I told him last night I have feelings, and it feels weird to go on a date with men from OLD while I have these.
He responded with he likes me too, and that he's been considering putting me on his airline benefits, so I can come visit him.

That's not really decisive, but I know you can only put so many people on those benefits so that's a big deal.

Also the guy from tinder/bumble called me last night, for no reason, after I told him I would be staying in to study. Then this morning he called me again, to ask if I could get dinner tonight. After I've told him I'm literally not doing ANYTHING this weekend except preparing for my finals. It felt almost disrespectful. Get the vibes hes just desperately hoping to get sex.
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