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Girl I like says she's "scared"?


Friends and Lovers Progressing into "Friends with benefits" and beyond: When platonic relationships become more intimate.

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Old 30th November 2017, 1:34 PM   #1
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Girl I like says she's "scared"?

We met this summer and have been chatting ever since.

We had a talk over Messenger this evening, after I finished work, and it went like this:

Her: "Yes, but "to be" with someone (in a couple) is different to what we're doing now.... you have to support the other person's character"

Me: "Well,let me discover your character?"

Her: "It's difficult..."

Me: "I like a challenge..."

Her: "And I'm scared of it"


I don't know what to think about that... What does she mean?

Is she telling me she doesn't want to date?


Yeah, so I basically asked her what she meant by "what we're doing now" and she replied "being friends... I don't want to ruin that".

Last edited by Sgthaytham; 30th November 2017 at 1:39 PM..
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Old 30th November 2017, 1:40 PM   #2
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Originally Posted by Sgthaytham View Post
We met this summer and have been chatting ever since.

We had a talk over Messenger this evening, after I finished work, and it went like this:

Her: "Yes, but "to be" with someone (in a couple) is different to what we're doing now.... you have to support the other person's character"

Me: "Well,let me discover your character?"

Her: "It's difficult..."

Me: "I like a challenge..."

Her: "And I'm scared of it"


I don't know what to think about that... What does she mean?

Is she telling me she doesn't want to date?


She is telling you to be careful what you wish for....

If she is scared of her own character, she is giving you fair warning that she does not do well in official relationship situations. I would read it as she is giving you advance warning that she may not be relationship material, but more casual than that. So don't get all entangled with her emotionally, because you will end up being disappointed.
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Old 30th November 2017, 1:44 PM   #3
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Not interested in you romantically would be my opinion. A lady who finds you attractive knows she won't ruin anything by stepping it up. Why? Because she already knows she has you. Back when I was into all that platonic 'getting to know' stuff as a young man, women played that to the hilt. Can't say I blame them. We teach others how to treat us.

'Sorry, I guess we feel differently. Good luck!'

Then a silence sandwich. Continue to ask other women out on dates but without the preamble extended chatting part. Practice that. Accept whatever the answer is with a smile.
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Old 30th November 2017, 1:44 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by Space Ritual View Post
She is telling you to be careful what you wish for....

If she is scared of her own character, she is giving you fair warning that she does not do well in official relationship situations. I would read it as she is giving you advance warning that she may not be relationship material, but more casual than that. So don't get all entangled with her emotionally, because you will end up being disappointed.

You mean FWBs?

I'm not looking for a relationship with her, I'm not even sure I'm ready for one at this point - with anyone.

Seems to me she's just put me in the FZ by saying we're "friends" and that she "doesn't want to ruin it".
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Old 30th November 2017, 1:47 PM   #5
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Not interested in you romantically would be my opinion. A lady who finds you attractive knows she won't ruin anything by stepping it up. Why? Because she already knows she has you. Back when I was into all that platonic 'getting to know' stuff as a young man, women played that to the hilt. Can't say I blame them. We teach others how to treat us.

'Sorry, I guess we feel differently. Good luck!'

Then a silence sandwich. Continue to ask other women out on dates but without the preamble extended chatting part. Practice that. Accept whatever the answer is with a smile.
One can be "romantically interested", but one can be "sexually interested" or "platonically interested" too. Which one is it, do you think?

I've had girls who actually were attracted to me put these walls up, saying that they don't think that I could handle their personalities, etc...
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Old 30th November 2017, 1:53 PM   #6
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Honestly, that kind of chatter should be done face-to-face.
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Old 30th November 2017, 1:53 PM   #7
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Honestly, that kind of chatter should be done face-to-face.
Yeah, you're right, but it just came up when we were texting...
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Old 30th November 2017, 2:04 PM   #8
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Is she telling me she doesn't want to date?


Yeah, so I basically asked her what she meant by "what we're doing now" and she replied "being friends... I don't want to ruin that".
dude you're in the dreaded friend zone...move on to the next girl
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Old 30th November 2017, 2:10 PM   #9
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dude you're in the dreaded friend zone...move on to the next girl
I can see that now. Oh well.
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Old 30th November 2017, 2:16 PM   #10
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When a girl says I'm scared, it is coupled with 1 of 2 actions.....its either 1) I'm scared and lets do this = she likes you. 2) I'm scared, we need to stay friends = she's just not into you.
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Old 30th November 2017, 2:56 PM   #11
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You mean FWBs?

I'm not looking for a relationship with her, I'm not even sure I'm ready for one at this point - with anyone.

Seems to me she's just put me in the FZ by saying we're "friends" and that she "doesn't want to ruin it".
If you're not looking for a relationship with her, then it's good that she sees you as just a friend.

Not sure what the problem is.
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Old 30th November 2017, 3:33 PM   #12
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If you're not looking for a relationship with her, then it's good that she sees you as just a friend.

Not sure what the problem is.

Right, now Iím just plain confused.

I sent a reply saying that it seems like Iíve mistaken how she sees me. She asks ę*what do you mean?*Ľ I tell her that I fancy her, but I didnít understand that she saw me as only a friend. She says ę*youíre mistaken again, you should always go with your first intuition*Ľ

Girls are confusing as hell...
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Old 30th November 2017, 3:36 PM   #13
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Originally Posted by mammasita View Post
When a girl says I'm scared, it is coupled with 1 of 2 actions.....its either 1) I'm scared and lets do this = she likes you. 2) I'm scared, we need to stay friends = she's just not into you.
I sent her a message telling her that I mistook her feelings for me.

She asks if itís about what I think about her.

I tell I made a mistake about how she feels about me, and she says ę*youíre mistaken again*Ľ

I donít know whatís going on anymore.
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Old 30th November 2017, 3:37 PM   #14
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So, what was your 'first intuition'?

TBH, sounds like game playing to me. Up to you if you want to play. To me, she sets up goalposts, then moves them, plays a bit, then moves them again. I'm guessing you're both young, like 20's at most. Glad you have the time!
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Old 30th November 2017, 3:39 PM   #15
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TBH, sounds like game playing to me. Up to you if you want to play. To me, she sets up goalposts, then moves them, plays a bit, then moves them again. I'm guessing you're both young, like 20's at most. Glad you have the time!
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