a bit of a family/religious problem

[regularasguest]

I am a regular on here but today I'm posting as a guest.

 

I am having a bit if a problem that I really don't know how to handle.

 

I'm a 21 yr old female who still lives with my mother, she has some health problems and needs my help.

 

OK now for the problem...

 

All my life my mother has told me and my brothers that we can choose our own religion, that we don't have to be her family's religion (which is Catholic). One of my brothers was Buddist for quite a while and is now reading the Satanist bible, which I take that meaning he is looking into being a Satanist. The other brother is an Atheist. Well recently I told my mom that I want to convert to Judaism. She is throwing a fit over this decision I made.

 

I was reading on different religions this past year and when I read about the Jewish religion, I felt more of a connection with this more so then any other religion.

 

When I told my mom that Judaism is more of deeds then a religion and its more of living an ethical life she comes back at me saying that I don't know how to live an ethical life and saying that I cant follow the 10 Christian Commandments so how can I follow 613 Jewish Commandments?!?!?

 

I don't know why she is so angry with me over a life decision I have made.

[Tony T]

It really makes no sense why she has not made such a big deal of your brothers but is making a big stink about you.

 

It is probably her Catholic upbringing. Catholics and Jews have always been at odds, even though Catholics worship the King of the Jews. Your mother was raised in the era when Catholics truly believed they were the chosen religion and were the ONLY ones that would enter the gates of heaven.

 

At any rate, I don't think you should be concerned about anybody elses opinion but your own. You are the one responsible for your own spiritual path and you need to choose the one that fits your specific needs and criteria.

 

Yes, it would be nice if your mom supported you in your decision but your life is yours and she'll get over it once she sees that all will be well. Perhaps, in time, her prejudice will be reduced to the level she may realize even Jews have a good crack at the Pearly Gates.

 

Myself, I chose the Frisbyterian Religion. We believe that when you die, your soul gets tossed up towards heaven but usually gets stuck on somebody's roof.

 

Be Happy, be Jewish, or be whatever you want to be.

 

Truthfully, my own spiritual path is of my own creation. Ultimately, every man everywhere in the world in on the road to ordination. Every man has to work out his salvation and destiny in his own way and all we can do for each is to be kind, generous and patient.

[quankanne]

If, as a staunch Catholic, you mom is making a big deal over your desire to know more about the Jewish faith so you can convert but NOT doing the same about your brother's choices (esp. the Satanist), I think she's just using that as an excuse. Because anyone who has thought it over can see that Christianity springs from Judaism, and that those are two of the three religious beliefs that tout monotheism (only one God).

 

Are you sure it's not her way of showing disapproval of you, in general? not to stir up any poop, but I've seen my sister do the same thing, completely ignore whatever her son does but goes ballistic over the decision my niece makes. And I think it has a lot to do with latent hostility she feels toward my niece. Maybe I'm being paranoid here, but I'm hoping that's not the case with you.

 

Faith and spirituality are a very personal thing, and what works for one person may not necessarily be good for another. What you share with God is yours alone, and don't let anyone sway you into thinking otherwise. Even if that means conversion. I wish you the best in your journey, and remember -- your faith is between you and God.

 

BTW Tony, I think the Babtists are the ones who have adopted the mindset that no one gets into heaven except them! At least, this is what I've seen living in the Bible Belt ...

[Ally Boo]

In the Baptist churches that I've been a part of, they haven't thought that if you aren't one of them (or us) you won't go to heaven. The general consensus is that if you don't believe that Jesus died for your sins, you won't.

 

I'm not as closeminded as many Baptists are. In fact, I've stayed away from churches in general for the past several years, just trying to form my own opinions about religion.

 

The main problem I see, and I"m sure its like this in every church...is that there are always hipocrites. If I were to go to a Baptist church right now, I WOULD be one...bc I drink at least twice a week, and they don't believe in that. So, I just don't go. I think that churches and religions serve their purpose in many ways. But right now, if I'm going to make a real connection with spirituality, I have to do it on my own.

 

I'm proud of you for doing that and finding the religion that best suits you. Maybe your mom hopes that your brothers are just doing that out of rebellion, and in their heart, they really don't denounce Christianity. But when you become a Jew, you don't believe that Jesus is the Messiah...and that could be her problem. You aren't making a radical religious decision (as far as one that could seem like a phase), and you are "denouncing" the Catholic belief in the Mother Mary and Jesus...and that may be where her concern lies.

 

That's just my take on it...

[quankanne]

I guess I must be one of those poor unfortunate people who keeps running into Protestants who like to tell me that I'm hell-bound precisely BECAUSE I am Catholic ... unless it's the horns and tail I don't bother to hide?

 

still, I think it boils down to you and your very private, personal relationship with your Creator. Whether or not you participate in that relationship with him -- or how you express it -- is your business alone.

[HokeyReligions]

Coming from a family of various religious beliefs I want to interject something from my own history. This may be similar in a way as to how you mom feels.

 

Many true believers in a Christian God (no matter what organized religion they practice) have a belief based on children going back to the religion they were raised with. Satanist, Athiests, Wiccan, etc. are views as fads or cults and not respeced as a belief and not thought of as a true threat. Many Christians hold out the hope that once a child (Child being anyone around 28ish or less in my family ) has investigated these "cults" and got past their rebellion, they will come back to the original faith. It does happen all the time. But Judaism is an established religion that poses a real threat to the soul of a Christian, and many see it as much more difficult to "get out of" as they see other beliefs. With Satanists or Athiests the entire belief system is changed. It's like believing in the King James Bible and then suddenly saying the Illiad is the true religion and faith. Many Christians just see it as false and a passing fad. Judaism, on the other hand, is the same God and following that faith may seem like a deliberate blashphemy, rather than a youthful error in judgement.

 

Your mother may be scared and worried sick about your soul, where she didn't or doesn't feel that the souls of those others in your family is in jeopardy.

 

Does that make any sense?

 

Anyway, it may help if you talk to your mother more and ask her why she is so against it and reassure her that you have not made a decision yet and that you can always change your mind later. It might be good to tell her that at least you are searching for God and not forsaking him.

[regularasguest]

Thanks to all who replied....

 

I have tried to talk to my mother about this but every time I bring it up she gets pissed and walks off. She has seen me reading more books on the Jewish religion and she rolls her eyes.

 

I have tried to make the point to her that at least I have a belief in G-D and I am trying to get back in to some sort of organized religion.

 

Both of my brothers stopped going to church when I was 9 and I stopped going when I was in my teens. She knew I was doing some soul searching and looking for something that fit me.

 

My mom never really raised us as Catholics but she was raised that way by her parents and they were very strict. Thats the reason she said we can choose our own religion. She tells me that my grandma's last wish was to see one of her grandkids married in a Catholic church and my mom said I was the only one who could do it since I was the only religious one, so that might be the source of her anger, that Ill never get married in a Catholic church.

 

I don't know..... Ill try again tonight to talk with her and Ill post on here on the outcome.

[regularasguest]

This is for HokeyReligions... you posted that I should tell my mom that I "haven't made the decision and that I could always change my mind later"..... WEEELLLL.... see the thing is, I have already started the conversion process so I guess I have made the full decision. Granted I COULD change my mind later, I know I won't.

[HokeyReligions]

I'm sorry it's so difficult for you -- religious faith is so personal and even if someone doesn't agree, they should respect your decision and not be angry.

 

Maybe you should just not do anything and when reading or doing faith-based activities, try to do/read away from where she can see or hear you. That way its not right in her face.

 

You said she is also having some health problems and those could be a major contributor to her behavior right now. When we have health problems they can overshadow and amlify our actions, reactions, and thought processes in every aspect of our life. If she is taking medications those can also have an effect on behavior.

 

I hope that her health problems will soon be past and that she, and you, will feel better.

[katybird]

I don't know if you should bother to tell your mother this or not, but the ten commandments ARE Jewish. Those 600+ other things are a bunch of rules about what to do with mildewed blankets, etc.

 

Some people are antisemetic. They may have been taught that the Jews killed Christ or something. The thought of their child becoming one of "them" is unbearable.

 

Just do what you want to do without involving your mom. Just drop the subject and don't let an argument happen. She may never accept it, but that's no reason for you to not become Jewish.

 

(PS: I hope you're a girl, or that if you're a boy, you were circumcised at birth. I know a guy who converted in his twenties and, um, OUCH!)

 

My parents also left my religion pretty much up to me, although took me to Presbyterian church as a child.

 

I ended up becoming a Catholic this past Easter.

[katybird]

Originally posted by regularasguest

 

My mom never really raised us as Catholics but she was raised that way by her parents and they were very strict. Thats the reason she said we can choose our own religion. She tells me that my grandma's last wish was to see one of her grandkids married in a Catholic church and my mom said I was the only one who could do it since I was the only religious one, so that might be the source of her anger, that Ill never get married in a Catholic church.

 

Well, there's still hope. If you marry a Catholic, you can still be married in a Catholic church (and even have a rabbi participate!) Assuming your female, your children will all be Jewish, too!

[Ally Boo]

The 10 Commandments are Jewish. Jesus was Jewish...really, the only thing different about Christianity and Judism that I know of, is the fact that Christ was sacrificed as the ultimate sacrifice..therefore no more of those animal and blood sacrifices you read about in the Old Testament. Of course, there are others...but really, both of them go hand in hand. So the only reason your mother is upset is bc she just doesn't have all the information. Maybe your Rabbi can help you talk to her about this.