How important are a man's looks to Women?

[suchislife]

I don't know any women who go on looks. They care about how they feel with the person - an emotional and intellectual connection. my friends range in age from 29 to 57.

 

I would say any extreme would probably not make a good impression but that goes for personality as well.

 

I'm trying to be diplomatic here, but the truth is - insightful women don't care about looks. They just don't.

 

Art Critic said it best.

 

I've known some very attractive people and that's what they've coasted on for years. It never occured to them that they might have to develop their EQ or IQ.

[VinaAmez]

I don't know any women who go on looks. They care about how they feel with the person - an emotional and intellectual connection. my friends range in age from 29 to 57.

 

This must be an age thing. Most of my friends (females) go on looks first and the rest second. Oh sorry...their ages go from 20 to 26.

 

We could be walking around in the mall and I'll point out someone who I think is good looking and one of my friends would disagree. And trust me they would never consider dating them. Even in college it was like that.

 

That or I have really shallow friends. Nice huh...

[sb129]

What if Adonis was reasonably intelligent and articulate? Would you even look at his intelligent, articulate and humorious friend if you thought Adonis might be be interested in you?

 

Its usually the guys who make me laugh that I find more attractive. So if Adonis's mate was the funnier, smarter one, sure I would look at him.

 

I have dated a range of men, including a thin redhead. Am open to finding out who they are first for sure.

[dropdeadlegs]

Its usually the guys who make me laugh that I find more attractive. So if Adonis's mate was the funnier, smarter one, sure I would look at him.

 

I have dated a range of men, including a thin redhead. Am open to finding out who they are first for sure.

Me too. Laughter is important, I just didn't realize it until fairly recently.

 

My current BF is a former thin redhead. He has a bit more meat on his bones these days (he's 43) and I admit that 20 years ago I probably wouldn't have found him attractive. But we didn't meet 20 years ago, we met about 10 years ago. We didn't end up together until a little over 2 years ago. His laughter and fun nature caught my eye years ago, even though he was pretty much skinny and very much a redhead then. I now think he is the most attractive man in the world, both physically and emotionally. And we connect on every level.

 

I agree that 20 years ago I was too shallow to consider him, but who really knows? I just know and care about the fact that he is perfect for me now. His family accepts me as family and I accept them as family. There is no legality to our relationship and for some reason that makes it more "real" to me.

 

That is too cool.

[Marielle]

Appearance is VERY important for woman:

Good appearance doesn t mean he has to meet beauty standarts like men expect from women) it means dressing code (each one her taste) cleanness, the way he carries himself, and manly traits.

 

That being said, women do care about appearance combined to personality and hi self esteem. The guy can be "ugly" but with a great personality , intelligent, succesful, funny and those are the ones that attract women...not the brat pitt kind of look-players.

 

That's why you see so many beautiful woman with less attractive guys, but manly, and sexy!!!!

mmmmm

[suchislife]

It's not an "age" thing. It's a "maturity" thing.

[IWalkAlone]

I'd pay attention to the man who made ME feel beautiful and sexy, who had eyes for ME, who made ME feel special, who paid attention to ME.

 

Exactly, when a good looking person pays attention to us and wants us, it makes us feel more attractive, sexy and special than when a less attractive person with the same personality gives us the same attention.

 

Yes, if a good looking person is obnoxious or has some other fatal personality flaw, we're not interested (well some of us aren't). But when when a good looking person is reasonably intelligent, has a sense of humor and is not displaying any disagreeable personality flaws, they will usually be chosen over average or less-than-average appearabce people with similar personalities.

 

This goes for women as well as men.

[Kamille]

I actually spent a good twenty minutes last night thinking about this. First of all, I really believe that definitions of what is attractive varies greatly for everybody. Take my friend J and I. She has a tendency to go for the pretty boys, the ones who are hip, care about fashion and generally own two spinning tables.

 

I am totally attracted to 'granola'-ish outdoorsy men... especially the kind who wears a pair of glasses. But Iwalkalone is right. I do have physical standards that seem to do it for me. For instance, I just realized that I never dated anyone who was overweight... Perhaps because I'm a bit of a health nut and I instinctively assume that the extra pounds mean this person does not share some of my own health habits (talking 30 pounds + over average weight here, I have dated guys with bellies and lloooove handles).

 

My friend J. is the kind of woman who has on two seperate occasion been picked out by somewhat famous bands to go join them backstage at concerts.

That would never happen to me.

 

Yet I can't imagine any of my exes going out with her for more then a date or two and vice-versa. (I would never last - or be interested - in more then two days with the guys she dated).

 

And she's a wonderful person. And so am I. (I hate the conflation that says goodlooking people are shallow!)

 

We are just different people interested in different things and therefore we tend to attract different people. She always gets hit on in bar, I rarely do. But then again, the guys I'm attracted too are not really the kind to hit on girls in bars unless they feel a very strong intellectual connection.

 

So, to sum up, to each his and her own. Definitions of 'good looks' vary. Fortunately.

[IWalkAlone]

Thanks for piping in Kammile!

 

Yes, people's definition of "attractive" does vary. For example, some guys go nuts over asian girls. I don't. I also prefer curves over ultra-thin. I'd pick a cute Lane Byant model over Paris Hilton.

 

Still there is general consensus on what is good looking for men and women. If you polled men on whether they'd pick Angelina Jolie or Rosie O'Donnell, or women on whether they's prefer George Clooney or Steve Buscemi, well all know how they'd come out.

 

There's also truth to what several here say about getting to know someone's personality. Once you get to know someone, looks can become less important.

 

But in the real world of single people, it is often difficult to spend enough time with new people outside you workplace and social circle to become that familiar with their personalities. Instead, you meet people at parties or other events, where you have just minutes or at the most hours to make a good impression. And if the person's interest isn't triggered enough for a phone number exchange, people go home and you may not have an opportunity to talk to the person again. If you see someone you like at the mall or in the produce section, you may have even less time. Even if you're taking night classes, people tend to go home right after class and the opportunity to get to know classmates may be limited.

 

That is why attractive people (female and male) have such an advantage. It is true that attraction based on personality is more important for the success of a relationship, but that takes longer to develop, whereas attraction based on appearance can develop very quickly. So when the window to get someone's attention is short, if there's not a quickly developed physical attraction, the slower develping personality attraction never has a chance to start.

 

Your post in the other thread inspired me to start this one because my expereince is different. Over the years, I've wondered why some guys seem to meet women, get dates & girlfriends easily while it was so difficult for me.

 

Is it because they have a better sense of humor than me? No, in some cases they have less of of sense of humor.

 

Are they better conversationalists? No, in some cases, they are less articulate.

 

Are they less afraid to approch women? No. Some of them often have women appoach them, something which rarely happens with me.

 

Are they more confident? That's a nebulous concept. There are people who just appear more confident that others. I believe the perception of confidence is influenced by attractiveness.

 

Am I too much of a "nice guy?" I actually believe that "Nice" is not a factor. There are lots nice guys that do well with girls. It's because a-holes can do well too that some guys think it has something to do with "nice."

 

Do they have more money? No.

 

Do they have better clothes/hygene? No.

 

What it comes down to in my observation is that men who fit the hot face/bod stereotypes attract women more quickly and easily than men who are thinner than average, heavier than average, or just have a "dorky" appearance, regardless of other personality factors.

 

So when I see messages from women saying "looks don't matter to us - it's just personality and how he treats us," I just don't believe it.

[VinaAmez]

It's not an "age" thing. It's a "maturity" thing.

What does being mature have to do with it?

 

Sure people look for other things besides only looks BUT I still think that both inner and outer things go together.

[Star Gazer]

I have to disgree. Years of people watching convinces me that a man's looks are just as important to women as a woman's looks are to men. Here's my reasons:

 

 

Nope, not even.

 

Yes, we talk about Brad Pitt. We check out "hot guys" at parties, because you can't see a personality from across the room. A person's looks - male or female - are important ONLY SO MUCH as that very very very initial eye contact/meeting/etc. are concerned.

 

After that, I believe for MOST WOMEN a guy's looks are only a minor portion of what makes them attracted. As for men, she's gotta be hot and STAY hot in order for them to be attracted.

 

Men are VISUAL creatures. Women are EMOTIONAL.

[Pyro]

Looks can only get you to a certain point. Your personality/who you are is what will get you farther in the long run.

 

If I see an attractive woman, depending on if I am feeling shy or not, will go and talk to her. From that point on, its up to her personality to keep me interested and keep things going. If she is all looks and has no personality to go with it, then that is where I stop showing interest in her and move on.

 

She could have the looks of Jennifer Aniston, but if she doesn't have a good personality, then her looks mean nothing to me.

[Sand&Water]

RE:

 

Wildfire erupting in this thread. What's with all the hype?

 

Years of people watching convinces me that a man's looks are just as important to women as a woman's looks are to men.

 

Oh dear. No. You are looking through the wrong end of the binoculars.

 

Take a step into your local grocery store. What do you notice?

 

Men gagging everywhere at the sight of a gorgeous woman -constantly comparing each woman that walks through the door. Men do this, within confined chit-chatter, all the time.

 

A man's looks is only a small portion [variable], as apposed to personality in the equation. You are, forcefully, trying to match apples and eggs. There is much more to a man than just hair, eyes, and a pair of hands.

 

The feature that makes good looking and less good looking men unattractive is the grudge they hold against themselves -and other men. Women can sense this 3 Thousand Miles Away [ -or at least I can].

 

Free yourself.

 

Sand&Water

[monkey00]

The attraction thing does have to do with one's level of maturity, one's taste matures as one grows more mature.

 

Attraction is to each their own as several others already mentioned, so it's debatable. Things that can equate to attraction for a woman are possibly a man's wealth, power, intellect, maturity, personality, and looks - none in any specific order or combination.

 

Likely a major factor in influencing attraction to a woman depends on what life stages she is in. You can claim some people are shallow, but in the end its within our instincts to desire what's best for our offspring and what we believe we're attracted to in a mate.

 

Looks play an important role initially, we've evolved since the dawn of time to be able to tell when a woman is fertile, when our meat is cooked or raw, the color of blood as danger/warning. It's a no brainer the majority of people have preconceived notions about one's status in society based solely on his physical appearance.

 

A healthy physical appearance (for men) which would include an ectomorphic body, perhaps a strong jawline, his teeth, the size of his hands/arms, his attire (which strongly reveals his grooming habits and his ability/inability to take care of himself (or at least about his appearance when out amongst people). At the very least, the guy with an athletic body would reveal he knows how to take care of himself and health.

 

Back on the looks topic, i know numerous girls attracted to the intellectual/nerdy guy. Perhaps it's not so much about the nerd aspect, but moreso about the intellectual/wisdom stimulation.

 

Not all guys go for looks in a girl. I myself find average girls with personality more attractive than an 8/9. Or perhaps the reason is because the hot girls i encounter lack personality or take longer to open up.

 

Little do people realize that body language plays a massive subconscious role in attraction. In the end, male or female are often always found more attractive/friendly if they smile versus if they do not.

[Green]

HAHAHAH what a debate over the obviouse. Yes girls like attractive guys, heck the only women who really argued other wise were in their 40's now. I'm 22 and very good looking, and when I go pick girls up at clubs, bars, or just out on the town I barely say anything, so I doubt its my personalty winning them over. I mean if you just start dancing with a girl at a club and she pushes you away but dances with some other guy she doesnt know, dancing skills aside thats pretty much all looks

[Teacher's Pet]

I like some meat on the bones, even if that meat isn't necessarily well toned.

 

*makes puppy dog eyes*

 

I would, however, entertain a hot steamy night of sexual fantasy:D

 

*wags tail*

 

-tp

chubby puppy.

[suchislife]

When you are mature, you know that it's an inner/outer thing.

[MySugaree]

Looks do matter: Both men and women are visual. The more interesting question is what male physical traits do women prefer and for what reason.

 

If she wants a date and quickie sex, women prefer their short-term men to possess masculine facial features like prominent brow ridges and large jaws. Think Brad Pitt.

 

If its a long-term relationship she's after, then she prefers her long term partner to have more feminine facial features: a rounder face, fuller lips. Think Heath Ledger.

 

The masculine face implies good sex. On the down side, the "Pitt" guys are also viewed as aggressive and more likely to cheat. Hence, the limited short term investment.

 

The feminine face implies a willingness to be faithful and to raise and care for children over the long haul.Hence, the "Ledger" guys are viewed as long term investment material.

 

So male looks--at least as to facial preferences--do matter to women.

 

The above findings are based on research conducted at the University of Michigan's School of Public Health involving 850 male and female undergraduates.

[IWalkAlone]

Thanks Monkee and Sugaree for your intelligent posts.

[RecordProducer]

1) Many, many, times I have heard women discuss which guys they think are hot.

Discussing and doing are two different things. The last time I've discussed hot guys was when I was 15. When I was on dating sites, I've had guys who would approach me without reading my profile, only basing their approach on my pictures. I have NEVER judged someone as hot only because his picture was cute. If I didn't like the contents of his profile, he was a big NO. On the other hand, if somebody's picture was not attarctive to me, I wouldn't care about his essays either. So the question is not whether looks are or aren't important, it's rather how essential they are to us. And the answer is different for different women. Or otherwise all hot women would only date hot men. But that's not the case.

 

Almost always they are guys with athletic physiques and/or faces that are eaither ruggedly handsone (George Clooney) or have the large-eyed babyiss look to them (like Brad Pitt).

Actors are not a good example. They show up in movies acting like heroes, sweet, kind, gentle, smart... women fall in love in the whole "package" although it's not who they are in real life. But they "look" good when they talk, smile, kiss, rescue lives, and marry prostitutes from Hollywood Boulevard. Besides, they are rich and famous, too. If any of these actors were not famous and passed the street, nobody would even look at them. If Brad Pitt pumped gas, not too many girls would be left breathless at his appearence. I bet 99 out of 100 would still use the self-service.

 

2) In going to parties, bars and other social situations, it is common for guys like the one described above to have women who don't know them start flirting with them. This happens much less often with guys who are overweight, skinny, or have a "dorky" appearance, even when other factors (sense of humor, socialability, money) are equal, and even when the good looking guy has LESS of the other qualities.

Well, of course, we all like our prince wrapped up in a nice, shiny paper. We want to have cute children. Beauty is irresistable and we are aesthetic creatures; we want everything in our lives to look good, from our houses and cars, to our own bodies and the people who surround us. A handsome and smart man will certainly have more options than a non-attractive smart man. I' persoanlly, find extreme beauty threatening and have never dated anyone who was very handsome by the usual standards. I've always dated guys who were "not bad" but I found them very cute, people that would never attact a lot of attention solely with their looks. Let's say on the cruel 1-10 scale, they'd be somewhere between 5 and 7.

 

But to say that women don't pay a lot of attention to a man's appearance is like saying that men don't care to watch football on TV. There are exceptions to everything, but it's not the rule.

The rule is certainly NOT that men watch football. My father, my ex-husband, and my husband don't watch or care about sports. But there are certain groups that prefer football. For example, a guy who comes from a blue-collar family and works as a mechanic is more likely (not claiming it's a rule) to love football than a computer nerd or a scientist. It's simply because this type of entertainment is closer to (or farther from) their scope of interest. A person who loves to read Hemingway is more likely to be well educated than the person who loves to play video games for 5 hours every day.

 

Similarly, women who are intellectual are not very likely to rate men's looks highly. Even if looks are important to them, it won't be the most important thing. On the other hand, most men, intellectual or not, will rate women's appearence highly, because it's in their nature to do so and they shouldn't be labeled shallow for something that's not in their control. They can be called shallow if they ONLY care about looks and nothing else, but it's not their attitude that's shallow - it's their whole minds so they don't have the "radar" that detects any depth of mind in the opposite sex. In order to attract or appreciate or even recognize a smart person, you have to be smart yourself.

[RecordProducer]

Looks do matter: Both men and women are visual. The more interesting question is what male physical traits do women prefer and for what reason.

 

If she wants a date and quickie sex, women prefer their short-term men to possess masculine facial features like prominent brow ridges and large jaws. Think Brad Pitt.

 

If its a long-term relationship she's after, then she prefers her long term partner to have more feminine facial features: a rounder face, fuller lips. Think Heath Ledger.

 

The masculine face implies good sex. On the down side, the "Pitt" guys are also viewed as aggressive and more likely to cheat. Hence, the limited short term investment.

 

The feminine face implies a willingness to be faithful and to raise and care for children over the long haul.Hence, the "Ledger" guys are viewed as long term investment material.

 

So male looks--at least as to facial preferences--do matter to women.

 

The above findings are based on research conducted at the University of Michigan's School of Public Health involving 850 male and female undergraduates.

This is the biggest bullsh*t I've ever heard in my life.

[IWalkAlone]

Actors are not a good example. They show up in movies acting like heroes, sweet, kind, gentle, smart... women fall in love in the whole "package" although it's not who they are in real life. But they "look" good when they talk, smile, kiss, rescue lives, and marry prostitutes from Hollywood Boulevard. Besides, they are rich and famous, too. If any of these actors were not famous and passed the street, nobody would even look at them. If Brad Pitt pumped gas, not too many girls would be left breathless at his appearence. I bet 99 out of 100 would still use the self-service.

 

I name actors because they are a common frame of reference. If I said "My friends Mike, Steve and Susan," you have no idea what they look like. So when I refer to George Clooney, Steve Buscemi, Angelina Jolie and Rosie O'Donnell, imagine people who LOOK like those actors, not the actors themselves.

 

So if youhave a guy who looks like Gearge Clooney and makes $50,000 a year, and another guy who looks like Bill Gates but makes only $80,000 a year (I say that because being a billionaire trumps looks), and their personalites, grooming are equivelent, who would women prefer?

 

Now what if you're at a party, and two guys you haven't met before flirt with you. Both appear to be clean and are wearing similar clothes and identical shoes, which look new (I say that because I've read shabby shoes are a turn-off). You don't know much about them, except that one guy looks like Brad Pitt and the other looks like Steve Buscemi. How to you react to each of them?

 

 

Similarly, women who are intellectual are not very likely to rate men's looks highly. Even if looks are important to them, it won't be the most important thing. On the other hand, most men, intellectual or not, will rate women's appearence highly, because it's in their nature to do so and they shouldn't be labeled shallow for something that's not in their control.

 

It's true that appearance is not the most important thing for all women, or all men. And that a strong personality match can offset not having an eye-catching face and body. That's what you sometimes see attractive men with homely women, and attractive women with less-attractive men.

 

But is there any really evidence that appearance is less important to women than to men? That is the point of my thread.

[monkey00]

But is there any really evidence that appearance is less important to women than to men? That is the point of my thread.

 

Are you asking about appearance (groom/attire) or physically attractive?

 

Women usually are more forgiving of a guy's shortcomings if he has other things going for him...ambition, success, wealth, etc. That's probably one of the biggest appeals to a woman is seeing a guy with a dream and doing what he can to get there

[RecordProducer]

I name actors because they are a common frame of reference. If I said "My friends Mike, Steve and Susan," you have no idea what they look like.

Got it.

 

 

So if youhave a guy who looks like Gearge Clooney and makes $50,000 a year, and another guy who looks like Bill Gates but makes only $80,000 a year (I say that because being a billionaire trumps looks), and their personalites, grooming are equivelent, who would women prefer?

I don't think the $30K would make a difference. But it wouldn't make a difference in any case, not just when it comes to looks. The subject is not the importance of money so let's leave that element aside and concentrate on looks vs. other qualities that we value highly.

 

Now what if you're at a party, and two guys you haven't met before flirt with you. Both appear to be clean and are wearing similar clothes and identical shoes, which look new (I say that because I've read shabby shoes are a turn-off). You don't know much about them, except that one guy looks like Brad Pitt and the other looks like Steve Buscemi. How to you react to each of them?

This is like the famous twin question: if you had identical twins, one rich, one dirt poor, whom would you choose?

 

I already answered that if I don't like somebody's looks at all, I won't fall in love with him for sure. But if I am not particularly attracted to an average-looking guy, I could fall for his personality big time. The problem is that men rarely have this big-bang type of personality that sweeps you off your feet. Most of the time (if not all), the guys I have rejected in my life were not attractive as a whole package. My first husband was my friend for a long time and I was totally not attracted to him physically. Later I fell in love with him.

 

 

It's true that appearance is not the most important thing for all women, or all men. And that a strong personality match can offset not having an eye-catching face and body. That's what you sometimes see attractive men with homely women, and attractive women with less-attractive men.

My husband has always dated and married good-looking women. Women just love him, he knows how to conquer them. He is cute, though not super-handsome, but he can sweep any woman off her feet with his charm.

 

He married a woman (his 2nd ex-wife) who had nothing but looks and charm. He knew this. He knew she was way below his intellect, education, manners, etc. But he fell in love with her thin, tall, pretty, sexy blond appearence.

 

His first wife was a mentally ill drug addict, also un-educated. Can you guess that she's very pretty?

 

But is there any really evidence that appearance is less important to women than to men? That is the point of my thread.

I think many examples show that there is a difference. Just like most women don't want to date losers (financially), but most men don't care about this element.

 

I think men put looks in the first place, although it's not the only trait that matters to them. Women put looks on the 7th or 17th place. Most of us.

 

If you want evidence, have two people - a sexy girl and a sexy guy - walk the street. Watch people's reactions. ALL men will stare at the pretty girl. Very few women will turn around after the hot guy or even notice him.

 

Have a sexy (but not too handsome) teacher or manager - all women at his work place will drool over him, because now he has the whole package: success, charm, brains, and... doesn't look so bad.

 

Sadly, I get equal (large) attention from men who have met me a second ago as from men who had the ability to have a long conversation with me. They are all interested in me from the first moment. Of course, they seem attracted to my mind after they get to know me, but even if I were dumb, they would still want to sleep with me (and even marry me in some cases). I, on the other hand, couldn't even have sex with a stupid guy. As a matter of fact the big majority of women don't want one-night stands and FWB's at all. We have all tried them at some point of life for whatever reason (loneliness, sexual needs, false hopes) and didn't like the situation one bit. Isn't that hard evidence that women are generally deeper than men?

[Storyrider]

Initially, looks can be an attention getter. Obviously if a woman looks twice at a man b/c of his appearance then it might lead to a conversation, and if that goes well, a relationship.

 

But many times a woman falls in love with a guy for other reasons, humor, sensitivity, intelligence, and in general just feeling that ethereal "connection". In that case, whatever misgivings she might have about his looks (or anything else for that matter) are stomped down during the high of being in love.

 

The problem comes when the high wears off and the relationship settles in for the long term. Those misgivings may come flooding back and start messing with her mind.

 

So I guess it depends on with how much force those misgivings come back, how big a deal they are to her, and how much she allows them to interfere in the relationship.