Can I Turn This Around?

[Ally Boo]

I just got out...again. LOL

[Andee73]

Not sure what you mean. I called and left a message in a normal tone that I have things to drop off that the girls paid for and you have some things of my, so if you would be so kind as to call me so we can make arrangements, I would appreciate it. Still no call.

That was last night. I guess this is the work of a player. As he warned, he can manipulate and doesn't want to do that to me-obviously after 7 days, if it was just about us he would have called. Someone else must be preoccupying his time. It is not fair to not even have the courtesy to return a call or my belongings. I really believed he was so genuinely into me....I guess he is a good con artist.

[Andee73]

Well, I got a return phone call last night. He was real nice and we were just small talking and he said oh, so the orders came in? I said, yes and since he has my cd and glasses and I have Mike's sneakers, that I wanted to make arrangements. He said not a problem, we will work something out. Then went on to ask how I was etc. I acted normal and happy. It ended with he will call me Saturday but it muffled and I couldn't hear if he said this or next Sat. I didn't want to question him so I agreed and he said we would take it from there. Well I decided today the ball needed to be in my court so I l/m that I should have told him yesterday that his cell was muffled and I didnt' hear if he said this or next sat. but I am busy next week so it would be better for me to meet sooner than next week because I don't want them to have to wait for their order any longer. If nothing is convenient for you you can leave my # with LIsa. It is really hard to tell what is going through his head. He didn't give me a definite date and get on with it initially. I am glad he returned my call from the night before about making the arrangements but I can't make heads or tails so it was time for me to take control and stop worrying about asking questions because this is strictly business. If he meant the following Sat. though, he is putting off seeing me for some reason-either someone else in his life or he doesn't want to cut ties yet, or doesn't want to deal with havin g to cut ties yet.

I don't know.

[Ally Boo]

He isn't analyzing everything you said to him. He's obviously not worried about any of it. Maybe you should consider doing the same. How fair is it to you for him to go about his business, and you to make yourself miserable wondering what he is thinking or doing or meaning.

 

He's happy so leave him alone and you be happy. Trust me, if he wanted to be with you, you'd know it.

[Andee73]

Question is,is he buying time by not giving me a date for the arrangements because he is unsure or doesn't want to cut ties or has he made his decision because he hasn't actually made any plans to see me?

 

If all of the sudden he doesn't want to be with me, it leads me to think there is someone else for it to happen that fast. If he really wanted to be with me, I doubt he would run just because I questioned him-not even like I did it often and I never nagged or told him what to do. It puzzles me.

[Ally Boo]

It may puzzle you, but only he knows the answer. And personally, it sounds to me like he's just wanting his stuff...not trying to rekindle anything.

[Andee73]

But it isn't his stuff,it's his roomate's girlfriend's. I guess I will find out when he calls back because if he wanted to be with me he would make plans. It really hurts but I am glad I took charge and told him that next week isn't good for me it etc. Why let it be in his court, ya know? This jerk rushed things and now can't even be man enough to tell me straight out what the deal is-break it off, give space, etc.

[Andee73]

Well, last Tuesday I took the bull by the horn and decided I wasn't going to let him call the shots any more. I didn' t hear back from him about the stuff so I called him at work. He was very nice but I was very straight to the point and told him I wanted to get these orders to the girls because as my customers it wouldn't be fair to make them wait. I left a message and I didn't hear from you. I would like to do so today, tomorrow, or Thurs. He paused and was like, "oh". He said whenever. Do you want to tonight? So we made arrangements. He was going to come to my house so as not to inconvenience me but didn't mind if I went there. Since I was going to be in his area, I decided to go there. Of course when I got there, his friend,Dave whom he told me before was a bit jealous when I came into the picture was there and he didn't even say hello when I did. I was invited in to sit down, he was kind and friendly but looked in his face like something was bothering him-kind of sad. He was his sweet self. I showed him what I had and gave him a copy of the camping pictures, we chatted briefly then I decided after 15 mins. it was time for me to go. I went to the door and he kissed me on the cheek but didn't say a word. Finally, I was my kind self might I add but I matter of fact told him I was quite disappointed that he wasn't blunt with me. He could have told me straight out-I deserve that out of respect-I would as I always said rather the cold hard truth and am strong enough to handle that and would rather that. He said he had nothing to say. He said there was no one else though and by his body language I do believe it and by my gut. As much as I thought there was. I said I thought he was different. He said he was sorry. I said I thought we had something special-what happened? He said he had nothing to say. He said it's what he told me. I said he didn't really tell me though. He said he would call later, glancing back at his friend, and I was like yeah, like you have said before? That's alright. You don't want to talk. I will leave it. I said I hope we can be friends, you have my number. He said definitely and I walked away with out turning back and without emotion. I was proud of my self. I just wonder if there is any hope he will realize what

he lost in me? I wonder if he will miss me like he used to or ever call even if just as a friend. I would rather that than nothing because I really don't think he is doing this on purpose. It really looks as if he is struggling with something-almost like he wanted to say more but couldn't.

 

It could be he can't get beyond the infatuation stage which moved really fast and/or had feelings that scared him or got confused.

 

Then I also tend to wonder if there is a sexuality issue since he had quite a few feminine ways that he did things and since Dave is so jealous...I know some guys have feminine ways of doing things and it doesn't mean he is bi or anything but going over the amount and unconcious ways he did these things, makes me think it isn't far fetched with him and his friend. I wish I could tell.

 

ALso, just maybe his friend influenced him to go back to the single life and hanging with him.

 

I don't know. I wish I could at least have a friendship with him. He isn't a bad person. I don't know how though when I don't even run into him since we don't live in the same area. I really miss him .

[butterflyz]

you've analyzed it from every angle. and you'll never know. only he will. yes, if they get smitten quickly, usually they fizzle out when it starts developing.

 

the best is to forget about him and don't bother being friends because you still feeling something and a little voice inside of you is dying to know why he did what he did. and you'd like it if he realized he made a mistake.

 

some guys do return, mine always have. but they are not doing it because they realize they made a mistake, rather, they do it because they didn't make the decision to leave, i did. or they don't like it they lost control, or whatever, but it is not because they loved me, cared about me, or realized they made a mistake. guys just don't give a damn about whose heart they break, they just do it and know that there is always more out there.

[just_a_girl]

Andee73,

 

It sounds like thats the only answers you are going to get from him.

 

I know how much it hurts that he seemed soo keen and then suddenly seemed to change his mind. I just recently had the same problem. Only difference was that the guy ended up persuing another relationship straight after me and is still with her months later.

 

Feel free to read my posts and respond to mine also:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=18025&perpage=15&pagenumber=1

 

 

I know that they are quite different outcomes of my relationship than this one you had, however i have learnt that the best thing to do is walk away. If he wants to keep in touch he will, if not then there is nothing you can do about it. I pushed at my guy to stay friends with me after everything that happened, but instead it just caused me more heartache.

 

I am pretty certain that you just want to stay friends with him so that he can see that great side of you that he once saw before ... or so that maybe the relationship can go back to what it was. Sure that is possible, but if that is what he wants then he will make the decision to stay friends and keep in touch with you. If you don't hear from him ever again then there isn't much you can do about it.

 

Maybe give it a few months and email him saying, 'hi, how are you doing... long time no talk'. Just a thought. But in the mean time you have to find ways to occupy your time. It doesn't sound like he will come back. I truelly know how much it hurts, especially not knowing his real reasons for not continuing with the relationship.

 

Just take time to heal now. Your heart needs time to heal. Mine is still healing months later. Just be glad you dont see him around regularly, it makes it easier not to think about him. I still see my ex around every so often (and with his new g/f also) and it always brings back all the memories and pain. Obviously he doesn't want to remember the good things which i just can't seem to forget.

 

 

Best wishes and goodluck. :-)

[Andee73]

Unfortunately he doesn't have email so the only contact if not to run into him out is by phone. I have prayed every night for closure and for communication between us. I think I have come to the outcome. A friend of mine actually made a lot of sense. It really is what he said and he was being quite honest. I see it mirrored in her relationship. I now understand the manipulation he was talking about-just as with her, her boyfriend would not even talk to her for a whole month and then suddenly come back and want to get back together saying he would change-he didn't like to be questioned and wanted no responsibility in answering to anyone and wanted to do as he pleased-not communicating which provoked her just as in my case to ask questions then making it sound like her fault-as with me, that she asked too many questions. He wasn't responsible for his actions that hurt her. He wanted the relationship when HE wanted it. She said he is trying to avoid hurting me because he sees how he is and I should run the other way now. SHe said he obviously cares by not putting me through this and doesn't mean I am too weak to deal with him by what he said but knows I wouldn't put up with it because I ask questions and have a need to know and understand and communicate. Something he can't do as well as can't make decisions. She said he probably didn't want to break it off because he couldn't make a decision as to what he wanted.

That is exactly how her b/f is. He can't make plans in advance-just like mine couldn't ....it is exact. I feel greatful he was looking out for me but I still miss him and if all I could have would be friendship, I really would just have that.

[Andee73]

If anything I was the one who officially broke it off by taking the initiative to push to exchange things and I walked away-I left it open saying I hope we can be friends-you have my number and he said definitely but I don't know if he meant it. I think I took it into my hands to do something.

[just_a_girl]

Thats exactly the point, you left it in his hands.

 

Sure you may have put the end to it in some way or another, however if he really wants to be with you he would do something about it.

 

You know you still want to be with him and work it out no matter what, and i gather you have told him this.

 

It is he who now is left with what to do and if this is the way he wants to leave it there is nothing you can do.

 

 

If he wants you he will return, if not just move on.

[Andee73]

Well, the hurt is still brewing in me. I haven't run into him and found out through someone that I work with at the bar that knows him, he doesn't hang out there. He only goes there to do promos for the gym. I was so embarrassed because Halloween as I left the club one of the guys that works there saw me crying in my car and asked me what was wrong. After a few drinks, I talk too much. I briefly told him and that's how I found out he knows him from going to his gym. He said he wouldnt' say anything to him-he was trying to cheer me up. I was so embarrassed I showed I was weak.

 

Well, turns out I decided to take up an offer to go on a date. It was a regular at the bar. I figured maybe this is what I need. Well we were talking about our last relationships and what do you know, he goes to the gym too and knows him!! Now it's a matter of do I let him casually mentioned he met a girl he is now dating and let my name come up-would that make my ex mad at all? Would it make him want me more? Or, would he never want me back again at all? Not that I think he would show it if it did upset him....This guy is willing to only if I want him to. Part of me says, what do I have to lose? Sometimes guys want what they can't have and it will show I moved on and he missed out. I don 't know if he will think of it that way or not though.

[Ally Boo]

Just LET GO!!!!!!

[butterflyz]

let this guy go. if you date someone else, do it because you really like the person. don't use this guy to get the other one jealous. how would you like it if it happened to you?

 

i am sorry you are in pain (men have a great way of actualizing that in us), but i think it best that you take some time for you and settle down and be alone for a bit. this way if you date, you'll know it is for the right reasons.

[Andee73]

Oh, I definitely wouldn't date this person to get back at him. I am interested. I am not that kind of person. However, it's just really convenient. I was just wondering if it would get my ex to thinking.

[Ally Boo]

You don't need to worry about what he would think, girl. Just let it go. Stop thinking so much.

[Andee73]

Well the clincher happened. The chances of this happening in a million years are so slim!! I don' tlive anywhere near him-almost an hour away. Last night I went on my first date with this new guy to the movies. What do you know we run into my ex who is on a double date!!! If there was a video camera to see the faces on the three of us!! He said my ex looked pale as a ghost!!

I was speechless with my heart in my throat. My ex was like, "small world!" ( how would i ever know anyone no less date anyone he knows?!!). I muttered and turned my head"you're not freakin' kidding!". He shook hands with my date and said what's up and so forth since they know each other then turned to me and kissed me on the cheek and asked how I was. I tried mustering up a smile among my shock and said fine. They asked what movie we were seeing and they were seeing the same one!! Yes, the same room!!! They sat ahead in the middle while I opted to sit in the back on the side. At the end of the movie, we left first and my date said he thought my ex was trying to get to me because he and his date were all over each other. How mature!! With all the good looking people he work s with, this girl was nothing!! Imean, she looked bummed out, hair up any old way, very little makeup, jeans, glasses, he had his glasses on which he doesn't do on the first few dates until he is comfortable. This obviously wasnt a first date. I couldn't tell they were together outside because she was chummy with the other girl, not clinging to him at all. Not until they sat down. SHe must live near him because it was so close to the time he got off work to meet up. He really acted kind of goofy too. What are the chances!! That was so meant to happen. I didn't have to make it happen after all. It felt good he saw me with my date and it didn't make me really that upset seeing him with someone else because I guess I sort of expected it. Yet, it still hurts. I felt stronger though.

[Ally Boo]

That was freaky! I'm glad you got some resolution!

[Andee73]

I also tend to wonder if it was a set up, though. Like I wonder if my date told him when we were going to the movies or knew when my ex was going.

[Ally Boo]

If he got "white as a ghost" I seriously doubt it.

[Andee73]

True-but I didn't actually see his reaction right away because I looked away. He seemed surprised but it could have been an act.

[Ally Boo]

You think too much LOL