I Don't Feel Guilty

[thisgirl]

I am so glad to read that someone else had been struggling the same as I am. While I can't see how you don't feel guilty, in fact I think you do because it is 20 years later and you still are bringing it up, however I know what happened. I am in a similar situation. I am unhappily married, but don't hate my husband. I met someone as friends but we had such a strong connection right away. I did fall in love with him and he with me. We yearn for one another every day. We are soulmates, i know. Thank you for talking about this side of the coin, and thank you for posting a happy ending.

 

To all those who think that you can be soulmates with just anyone, you surely have not met yours yet. When you do it will be overwhelming. The one thing Both my soulmate and I agree on is that we were in too much of a hurry to get on with life, had we shown more patience, we wouldn't even be in this kind of situation. My advice, wait for yours. In the long run it will serve you much better.

[jmargel]

Originally posted by dyermaker

Search for his full name on Google, you will see that he enjoys telling people that he is apathetic towards cheating on his fiance. You'll also find some other things, which will lead you to believe that he's really just a twelve year old who gets off on being a troll.

 

[happy3]

In my psychology class, we've learned that contrary to popular opinion, emotions can be control. You can control who you fall in love with and who you do not. It's not something that just takes over you without you being able to control it.......Mature adults do not allow themselves to be guided by just emotions. They take in what's logical also....

 

HUH?

 

I can see controlling emotions like anger, jealousy, etc. - but love? The day that love is "controlled" and is guided more by the head than the heart is a very bad day. Being a Christian, I am guided by my inner voice - my emotions and instincts - and know the real consequences of living by logic alone. I did that for several years, ended up in the most awful phase in my life and was miserable.

 

The day I decided to listen to my instincts again, and go with what I felt, was the day my life took an entirely new turn - and things are still wonderful today! That inner voice is there to guide us. Ignoring it is foolish.

 

I think the trouble is that people have come to deem feelings like sadness or longing as negative. These are beautiful emotions - true aspects of being real human beings - and, though they are hard to go through sometimes, rejecting them and going into "mind mode" only leaves them there to linger.

 

I, too, have met a married man that I feel is my soul mate. Unless you've met your own, you can NEVER understand the power of that. Trust me. It is somewhat overwhelming.

 

However, because I do believe in God, I will not pursue this person or allow it to head that way. It is HARD, because everything in me wants to, but I know that I just need to go through these emotions and this experience in order to get to the other side.

 

Who knows what waits there? But I know that whatever it is, EVERYTHING HAPPENS EXACTLY AS IT SHOULD. EVERY PERSON YOU MEET HAS BEEN SENT TO TEACH YOU SOMETHING - OR YOU THEM. :-)

 

I don't know about you, but as long as I'm on this earth for X amount of years, I am here to learn and teach. I could share lots of logic with you, but deep down it is the emotion in us that people are truly seeking and relating to.

 

I respect your viewpoint, but I do think there needs to be some clarity here. Controlling emotions is appropriate only when those emotions will cause harm. Experiencing them does not mean that you HAVE to follow through with them though, and it is wiser not to bury them when such an opportunity exists to work them out and become stronger in the end. Me, I ended a tie to someone that was not so good for me (very unemotional person) because I met someone who showed me what I really DO like. I've already learned something. :-)

 

To the original post: I am happy for you that you are happy. I do think things went the way they were supposed to and you found each other for a reason. But given the fact that you did not wait until things ended - or try to encourage this man to at least attempt to try again in his marriage - I do believe you went ahead of your time. There could be future consequences for that.

 

So to anyone thinking that following their heart is the way to go after all, remember that if it is real love, it lasts. There is a lot to be said for waiting for your time - the RIGHT time. Don't taint it with something dark. Either it will come to you eventually or you will find (and clearly see) that it really was not meant to be.

 

The wisest thing to remember is to bring harm to no one, respect everyone, and to FEEL WHAT YOU FEEL. It has a purpose. Find that purpose (or let it come to you) and you won't have to go through it again.

 

Me, I'm enjoying this for what it is at the moment: a crush. It is not love. Though I feel connected to this man, I have not had time to fall in love. It is not lust (that you can turn elsewhere). It is not romance because romance is two sided. It's just very, very sweet to smile THIS way again. His wife is very lucky, I wish them very well, and me, I'm going to enjoy this while it lasts. You feel 17 all over again... :-)

 

To those in my boat: You do the same. :-)

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by happy3

I can see controlling emotions like anger, jealousy, etc. - but love? The day that love is "controlled" and is guided more by the head than the heart is a very bad day. Being a Christian, I am guided by my inner voice - my emotions and instincts - and know the real consequences of living by logic alone. I did that for several years, ended up in the most awful phase in my life and was miserable.

I don't mean to burst your bubble, but the heart is an organ that pumps blood. Love, as an emotion, is just as much part of the head as anger and jealousy. Your belief in the divinity of Christ doesn't make your emotions different--it may affect your perception of these emotions, but it doesn't change the nature of your response.

The day I decided to listen to my instincts again, and go with what I felt, was the day my life took an entirely new turn - and things are still wonderful today! That inner voice is there to guide us. Ignoring it is foolish.

I'm very happy that your life turned out great. Truthfully, there are plenty who follow their inner voice, and it leads them to unhealthy delusion. Therein lies the trouble with applying personal success to the whole of humanity.

I think the trouble is that people have come to deem feelings like sadness or longing as negative. These are beautiful emotions - true aspects of being real human beings - and, though they are hard to go through sometimes, rejecting them and going into "mind mode" only leaves them there to linger.

It's not that they're negative, it's that they are handled in a negative way. I'm proud that you're so in touch with your emotions that you can use sadness to better yourself, but you're naive if you think that everyone is in the same situation you are--and is afforded the oppurtunity that you have to be so understanding. For many people, sadness is not a beautiful thing.

I, too, have met a married man that I feel is my soul mate. Unless you've met your own, you can NEVER understand the power of that. Trust me. It is somewhat overwhelming.

I have met an available person that I feel the same way about. My guess is that you glorify this man because you don't have to deal with his imperfections. No human is perfect, and if you perceive them as so, you will get hurt.

However, because I do believe in God, I will not pursue this person or allow it to head that way. It is HARD, because everything in me wants to, but I know that I just need to go through these emotions and this experience in order to get to the other side.

I'm overjoyed that your religious beliefs have steered you away from delusion.

EVERYTHING HAPPENS EXACTLY AS IT SHOULD. EVERY PERSON YOU MEET HAS BEEN SENT TO TEACH YOU SOMETHING - OR YOU THEM. :-)

Read Candide, by Voltaire. "We must cultivate our gardens."

 

I understand and respect your opinions on emotion, but I think that you miss a key point about emotion--that they DO need to be controlled. Uncontrolled emotions can worsen symptoms of depression, delude people into accepting unhealthy situations, deprive people of the control they need over their mind.

[happy3]

"I'm very happy that your life turned out great. Truthfully, there are plenty who follow their inner voice, and it leads them to unhealthy delusion. Therein lies the trouble with applying personal success to the whole of humanity....."

 

I do not believe the inner voice deludes us. Our thoughts springing from them do.

 

"It's not that they're negative, it's that they are handled in a negative way. I'm proud that you're so in touch with your emotions that you can use sadness to better yourself, but you're naive if you think that everyone is in the same situation you are--and is afforded the oppurtunity that you have to be so understanding. For many people, sadness is not a beautiful thing."

 

I wasn't talking about depression - which is also a brain thing (chemical) - but just the everyday garden variety.

 

"I have met an available person that I feel the same way about. My guess is that you glorify this man because you don't have to deal with his imperfections. No human is perfect, and if you perceive them as so, you will get hurt."

 

What makes you assume I a) glorify him or b) assume he is perfect? I said neither. I just said I feel connected to him somehow.

 

"I'm overjoyed that your religious beliefs have steered you away from delusion."

 

Me too. :-) And they come from that inner voice.

 

"Read Candide, by Voltaire. "We must cultivate our gardens."

 

I loved Candide.

 

"I understand and respect your opinions on emotion, but I think that you miss a key point about emotion--that they DO need to be controlled. Uncontrolled emotions can worsen symptoms of depression, delude people into accepting unhealthy situations, deprive people of the control they need over their mind."

 

If someone is sad most of the time, that is a sign of depression and it is not in any way average. I should clarify that. Depression requires medication, just as diabetes requires insulin. As for accepting unhealthy situations, I highly doubt anyone FEELS they should stay in one. Usually the inner voice says "get away from this, it does not feel right" and the head justifies staying.

 

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I respect them.

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by happy3

I do not believe the inner voice deludes us. Our thoughts springing from them do.

 

I don't hear voices. I would agree that thoughts springing from any perception of the "heart" delude us, and if you think that all of humanity is capable of extrapolating such a clear mental path from this inner voice alone, you're trippin' man. The thing is, sometimes the inner voice of which you speak (I only assume) steers people in the wrong direction. You sound pretty healthy, but it's naive to think that there isn't a world of difference between you and those who are unhealthy.

 

I suppose you think all of humanity was given this inner voice, and some just mishear it. You may be right, I'm not one to argue with God, but a whole crap load of good that does us. How can we trust that our interpretations of the voice are correct?

 

Additionally, you don't have to be "sad" to be depressed--I only said it worsened the chemical symtpoms of depression. Sadness is not good for many people, even healthy people--there are some emotions that one cannot conquer without time.

 

I'm happy that your faith has allowed you to understand yourself, but I don't think it's applicable to everyone.

 

As for accepting unhealthy situations, I highly doubt anyone FEELS they should stay in one.

It's highly common.

 

Usually the inner voice says "get away from this, it does not feel right" and the head justifies staying.

This is kind of getting on my nerves, arguing metaphysics--The inner voice, is in your head. No other organ except for the brain is capable of cognitive proccesses--nor do these proccesses occur in a vaccum of one single part of the brain. Where does your inner voice come from?

[happy3]

I do believe that we all have an inner voice. Some call it the kingdom of Heaven within. Some call it The One. Some name it as the Universe. To me these are all the same. It's a place of love and wisdom and peace that lives deep, deep within us. Only when we've worked through the layers of emotions (in other words, accepted and gone through them) do we feel from this deeper place. It is WONDERFUL.

 

I do not "hear" voices, as you perceive. I just kinda go with what feels right moment by moment. As I said, I've been happier for it. Where you could say "yeah, but what if you're a hostile murderer?" but to me (and I can speak only for me) that would NOT feel right. It's hard to explain I guess....

 

My original point was that part of meeting someone sometimes includes feelings of bliss (to be enjoyed), sadness (to be accepted and not necessarily deemed as negative but natural) and intrige (which to me is the fun part). The secondary point was that we don't have to assume we should act on these feelings. Don't you think that people have a choice of what level they want to experience something?

 

For me, I have limits and so experiencing these feelings without acting on them is what feels right. I just think people forget that option.

 

I will admit I was wrong to say that it was just from our feelings that we learn though. We DO have to use logic in order to question things and also to censor some of these emotions. I avoid an affair not just because I FEEL it's wrong, but also because I KNOW better.

 

I do hope you reach your inner voice someday. You sound very negative about it and very disbelieving that there is such a thing. There really is.

 

When I was going through what people call "negative" emotions before I could not handle it and so I kinda "lived from my head" for a long time. Part of choosing to live from my soul instead included accepting that there would be feelings I would have to face instead of avoid. That has made a world of difference in my life.

 

Because I feel so much peace, a temporarily angry or sad feeling can be viewed in a much calmer, more accepting, way. It's an old expression but "being true to yourself" works. Our true selves are content. Now I see that anger is what lives on the other side of fear, for example. So instead of me coming from "I'm going to fight this person or event that is making me angry!" I now ask, "What is it that is scaring me here and getting my defenses up?" The former reaction only leads to more problems where the latter actually gets answers to the issue.

 

I know this all sounds so "new age" and trite in some ways. If I could make it sound more impressive or hip or deep I would, indeed, try to impress you with an explanation. But the truth is, our very basic selves live in a very complicated society and the real answers are not that hip, but simple.

 

I don't know if you get around kids much, but watch the little ones sometime if you do. You will soon understand what I am saying then. They live from within. The expections and directions of the world have not affected them so much yet. As we grow up it is our minds that get altered by information that sometimes goes against what we feel. Society says you have to do this and be that from a very young age and people tend to focus on those goals as they learn the consequences of saying "no" out loud (non-acceptance, being labeled as "different" and that, of course, being a bad thing in an insecure society. We "sell out" because we don't know any better. And we lose touch with who we really are.

 

I now have a child and in her short seven years she has taught me (and untaught me) so many lessons. I will teach her how to make her way in this world, but I will always tell her to stay in touch with who she really is and that it's okay to feel things that are somewhat uncomfortable (new) like sadness or fear now and then. I will, of course, always encourage her to enjoy the good feelings within her. So much of that is based on our perception of things. My rugrat said she hates Tommy for hitting her in the arm. We talk. Now she likes Tommy just fine but REALLY dislikes his behavior! :-)

 

As long as she keeps coming from where she is currently coming from (getting wiser along the way, of course) this kid will keep doing great things.

 

Watch children. They're good reminders. :-)

 

But this is WAY off the point of the thread. I just don't believe that love is something you should control with your brain. Though you need to control your actions (where you choose to take it), why on earth would one not want to feel it too?

[dyermaker]

Originally posted by happy3

Don't you think that people have a choice of what level they want to experience something?

Yes, of course--For the most part, we agree.

For me, I have limits and so experiencing these feelings without acting on them is what feels right. I just think people forget that option.

For some people the option is not as lucid.

I do hope you reach your inner voice someday. You sound very negative about it and very disbelieving that there is such a thing. There really is.

I feel that God speaks to me through other people, but that's really irrelevant. The point I was making is that your inner voice is part of your BRAIN, and is therefore a THOUGHT--it's only that you internally give that thought more strength because you perceive it as divine.

 

You don't think that you control love with your brain--with WHAT do you perceive it?

[happy3]

Originally posted by dyermaker

Yes, of course--For the most part, we agree.

 

Bells are ringing and sunshine is spreading throughout the land...Wait! Is that a rainbow over there? LOL! :-)

 

For some people the option is not as lucid.

 

True.

 

I feel that God speaks to me through other people, but that's really irrelevant. The point I was making is that your inner voice is part of your BRAIN, and is therefore a THOUGHT--it's only that you internally give that thought more strength because you perceive it as divine.

 

Yeah, but which is the source? Is it the brain that thinks these emotions are real and so says they are or do these emotions come from another place (the core of you) and your brain is just the translator?... :-)

 

You don't think that you control love with your brain--with WHAT do you perceive it?

 

Your soul. You don't "think" you are in love (logic(. You just "know" (gut instinct).

 

BTW: For clarification, I am not in love with this married man. It can't evolve to that. Sure, I feel the same love for him I feel for everyone (we're all just humans with flaws and beauty and, depending on who's looking, beautiful flaws) so I wish his marriage well. But what has been most striking is the immediate sense of connection. Had I been looking I would assume I was projecting that. For whatever reason, our paths keep crossing even when I try to avoid him and now I have (for real, no choice) to see him on a regular basis. Things that make you go "hmmm.."

 

Then weird things happen, like a song that pops in my head everytime I see him being played in a club I was at that would NEVER play an old song of that style. Yet there it was. Or completing each other's sentences. Or me knowing he's there before I even look up. Or him noticing (and commenting on) unusual similarities between us..

 

It's all odd. But intriguing. Just have to stay behind the lines.

 

This man is just a bright spark who is apparently going to be in my world for quite some time. I do not think it is meant to go anywhere (he's happily married I believe - and here's me praying he'll stay happy there) but I do think that it's nice to know that these connections can and do happen. Time will reveal the purpose and I trust in that.

 

So yes, the brain is involved. To me, the soul is the real source of the message....