PollyPocket Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 I have been told I am basically not wanted on the OW/OM forum. That I should be directed here. I can not believe the gall that some of these OW have. Basically throwing in my face and other BS's that our husbands are in love with you. It makes me sick. I sit here day in and day out reading these posts. My husband is one of those men. He loves someone else. He loves her. I go home take care of my two children and act like everything is okay. Why do I do this ? Because my children believe everything is okay. I refuse to take the rug out from beneath them. I need to give them sometime. Then he can leave go be with her. But he will not ruin my children. We made that decision together. I know my marriage has been dead a long time. We have faced leaving eachother before. But because of certain circumstances we didnt. I know he has cheated before. Granted I never had the proof but the day I got it. I showed it to him. Sex is one thing I can deal with him just getting his needs met. Thats one thing to deal with. But hearing he loves her. She loves him. I read these posts about the romance. BLAH BLAH BLAH.... Again I must stop and get sick some more. :sick: If he makes you feel so wonderful why are you B**hing and moaning? Gee is it that you see the real A**h**e that we their W's see? Well , I guess I should stay on this forum so those evil OW's out there wont feel threatened and offended by my posts. As for the post about me getting IC. I dont need that. I need people to help me and understand where I am coming from. Isnt that why everyone else came to this place in the beginning.
erika2610 Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 Polly, nobody said you weren't wanted in the OW forum. All people were trying to say is that maybe you'd be better off here. Obvisouly, reading that forum brings you more pain, and from what I have read, you found out about the A not that long ago. You're going through alot of emotions right now I'm sure, to say the least. The OW forum tends to get very heated, seeing as the OW and BS both post there. You will get more of the support you are looking for here in this forum. Of course everybody's allowed to post in the OW forum, but why put yourself through more pain right now?
IfWishesWereHorses Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 Polly, It is incredibly difficult to fathom how an OW could possibly be in love with the monster you live with. Reading there only adds to your pain right now. It really is very important right now that you focus on YOU, I know, that seems like an incredible task. Coming from someone who left town and didn't even shower or eat for ten days when she found out just sat in a corner and died. I lost 7 pounds that week. I also completely stopped caring for my children - didn't want to see them, talk to them, actually somewhere (not in my rational mind) I blamed them. What you are going through is traumatic and don't let anyone minimize it to you, also don't do it to yourself - please DO seek IC. Feel free to post here whenever you feel the urge. You will see that there are several people here who are incredibly insightful and helpful. Like the OW forum though there posters in the BS forum in many different stages of dealing with the A. There is alot of information on affairs and how to deal with them on Marraigebuilders.com. I really recommend spending some time there and reading through all of the Q and A's regarding infidelity. As for the OW here, some are people who made some bad decisions that affected themselves and other people and come to support others that are going through the same things. When someone gets that in love feeling they become blind to the reality of the situation - this is talked about on marraige builders ( An affair is an addiction. People that have one lose perspective for what is important in life, and are willing to sacrifice their careers, their families, their reputation and financial security just to continue in the relationship) but is also very evident in posts past and then present of the OW who gave up the affair. Unfortunately, there are those who gloat, he loves me and not you. Well, it doesn't take Sigmund Freud to figure out that these women are a few fries short of a happymeal. Ignore them, they won't go away, but they are someone elses problem, not yours (Thank God!). Please concentrate on you, stay healthy and take care of yourself. Consider IC, if for no one other than your children. Don't expect to make sense of this, you can't. Don't expect him to understand nor care about the pain he has caused you (I have a problem with this one) because he can't do that and continue the A - that is just not possible. I'm so very sorry for you, I hope that you have a support system - I did not, that makes things awfully tough. Good Luck to you honey.
Ladyjane14 Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 Erica and IWWH are right. The OW forum is no place for you right now. You're way too raw with an ongoing affair underfoot. You're no more ready to hear their side of the infidelity question than some of them are ready to hear yours. Lord knows, sometimes even when a person is far removed from the situation, it's hard not to say TOO MUCH. But we have to remember that the spirit of that particular forum is not being served when it becomes a battleground. Anyway, I'm short on time today... so I'm just going to point you to some recent threads and check back in later. Hopefully, you'll have had alot more input by then. I'm not too sure where you're at in all this mess, so take what you need and leave the rest. Here's a couple with a little bit of 'start-up' info as well as links to other threads and book references: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t106880/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t105990/
Romeo Must Die Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 Hello Miss Polly, good to see you are still around. It's okay to vent, it's even healthy for you to get it out, but you have to begin to (try to) understand that these specific OW did not betray you. They are not her. She may likely never show her ugly head around here and if she does God help her then. Simply, reserve your anger for the ones who deserve it the most, your WS and his OW. Loveshack is like one big city in which we all reside, and we all walk amongst the killers and theives, as we do family and all our friends of all walks of life. If you do want to approach someone from the other side, keep it general. We lose sight of the post if it turns into a battlefeild, but these are sensitive subjects, and it can (and does) happen. You didnt do what everybody else has done before you ever came along. When that happens, I will usually try to turn it around into something positive otherwise I will respectfully back off the thread. I am a BS and we are sterotyped as bitter and aggressive bitches. WE must have done something wrong or our husbands would not have strayed. Wrong! WE live and learn through our mistakes and others. Affairs are not about you it is about the individual who chooses that life for themselves. We didnt choose it otherwise we would be banging anyone we pleased to suit ourselves. I have a sarcastic streak (which has nothing to do with being a BS it's just my personality) and you can either love me (or hate me) for it, but I also poke as much fun at myself as I do others so I can show I am human afterall and not a beastie. The OW does have a heart and it does break as easily as yours and mine, but when we can be direct (without directing it at them) then we can come to an understanding & perhaps even help each other. This affair didn't just happen to you. It is not a novel concept either, nor will it end tomorrow. People have been having affairs since time began. You cant change the world, but you can change how you effect people and what you did to become a better person can have a postive effect on others. I dont like people that have affairs, I think it is wrong on so many levels but that is understood. I dont have to stand on a soapbox and preach Jesus to people. You know, there are also those people that feel I have no place in the world because I did the *gasp* unthinkable and I forgave a cheater and trusted him with my heart again. So be it. We're all misfits living in an imperfect world. I think it would help to start out by telling your story, how the affair happened and what was going on. Reach out. Be as free as you like (we are rather annonymous here) but we are all just people with funny usernames. You might find a friend or two that understand you and you might pick up an enemy or two along the lines but you do belong. You do have something to share, just like everybody else and you are welcome and wanted here. *group hug everybody*
Mz. Pixie Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 Erica and IWWH are right. The OW forum is no place for you right now. You're way too raw with an ongoing affair underfoot. You're no more ready to hear their side of the infidelity question than some of them are ready to hear yours. LJ Is right as usual. They are not in the mood to hear anyone say how awful they are anymore than you want them to say things like "Nah nah nah, he loves me" and take no responsibility for the affairs they have had. Some OW do not actually know that the MM is married and they break it off when they find out. It's probably better for you to stay here and post where people understand more where you're coming from. It won't trigger you so much and you'll get more support.
riobikini Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 Polly, where I come from we have this very simple corny-sounding saying about beating a dead horse: if it's dead, bury it -beating it won't bring it back and all that swinging just winds up exhausting you -and you may need the energy to plow *your own* field for awhile. If your marriage is over -let it die a graceful death you -and the kids- can accept. And get on with your life -if you do, you won't have time to read what's being said in those confusing, heated forums you've been wasting your time in. Use that time to make a plan that benefits you and your kids -and get busy creating a life apart from all that. You "belong" more on the *inside track* of your very own life -than a virtual reality forum (so do they). All said in kindness -and no more than I would have said to my own friend or family. Take care. -Rio
lorr Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 Polly I remember reading your previous thread. Riobikini is so right. Your marriage is over and better to start a new life with the children, rather than coming home and pretending that everything is ok.Your children will sense that their is an atmosphere within their surroundings and will also pick up that something isn't right.Better for you and your husband to sit down with the children by being honest and explaining that things are not working out.As I've said before there are many single parents who manage and cope extremely well. If your husband says he loves her and wants to be with her, then be gracious enough to show him the door.
Moose Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 *group hug everybody*<<<<< Moose gets as close as he can to lorr and rio...... Polly, I know you're in this for you kids, and that's very noble of you......however, you may want to think about this further......How old are they right now?
Author PollyPocket Posted January 11, 2007 Author Posted January 11, 2007 I am 36. I have been with him since I was 18. We met he was 20. I got pregnant after a few months and we got married. Thought it was the right thing to do. Pregnancy did not end well. We had another child a year later and another 3 years later. We discussed divorcing after having the childern but tried to make it work so the children would have two parents. I believe he started cheating about a year or so after that like I said before. But I never had proof and from what I have gathered he wasnt in a relationship until he met HER. He has defend her on many occasions I dont even bring her up much anymore. Because of that. He has told me to leave her alone. My children are very happy. And are extermely close with him. My greatest fear and the Biggest reason I have not told HIM to leave. Is my son. I know that he would leave our home and move in with his father. I cannot handle that. I would much rather deal with that when he is already leaving for college. <<<<< Moose gets as close as he can to lorr and rio...... Polly, I know you're in this for you kids, and that's very noble of you......however, you may want to think about this further......How old are they right now?
NearlyThere Posted January 11, 2007 Posted January 11, 2007 I have been told I am basically not wanted on the OW/OM forum. That I should be directed here. I can not believe the gall that some of these OW have. Basically throwing in my face and other BS's that our husbands are in love with you. It makes me sick. I sit here day in and day out reading these posts. My husband is one of those men. He loves someone else. He loves her. I go home take care of my two children and act like everything is okay. Why do I do this ? Because my children believe everything is okay. I refuse to take the rug out from beneath them. I need to give them sometime. Then he can leave go be with her. But he will not ruin my children. We made that decision together. I know my marriage has been dead a long time. We have faced leaving eachother before. But because of certain circumstances we didnt. I know he has cheated before. Granted I never had the proof but the day I got it. I showed it to him. Sex is one thing I can deal with him just getting his needs met. Thats one thing to deal with. But hearing he loves her. She loves him. I read these posts about the romance. BLAH BLAH BLAH.... Again I must stop and get sick some more. :sick: If he makes you feel so wonderful why are you B**hing and moaning? Gee is it that you see the real A**h**e that we their W's see? Well , I guess I should stay on this forum so those evil OW's out there wont feel threatened and offended by my posts. As for the post about me getting IC. I dont need that. I need people to help me and understand where I am coming from. Isnt that why everyone else came to this place in the beginning. Not one person on the OW forum said you were not wanted, including me, we just said this one would be a better place to get the advice you wanted, here is my reply to your "blanket" thread. Polly - I said this before when you posted on this forum, you really are posting in the wrong place, you need to be on the infidelity forum and I dont mean that in a nasty or mean way. Post away on the OW/OM forum by all means, however most people on here will remember you calling them sick last time, so how much help you will get is debatable, so to move on, I have read alot of posts on the infidelity forum and there are some very good points about how you can empower yourself and feel better no matter what the outcome of your sitch. You sound like you have either just given up or dont know what to do next, you need to decide what YOU want to do. If you want to save your M, then get yourself an action plan together, fight dirty if you have to, pull out all the stops, do whatever it takes. But please do something, dont let him walk all over you, its not good for your self-esteem. On the other hand, if you want to get a D or you think he might pull a blinder and ask for one, be the equivalent of a boy scout, "be prepared". Ask people either on Infidelity or Separation/Divorce how to do this, how to be ready for D-day albeit, yours or his. Make sure you are not robbed blind and/or have evidence of the infidelity if/when it comes to it. I have seen the threads but a bit short of time to find all the links to show you, not that I dont want to. Take a look at these threads they might give you some food for thought. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t106880/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t105990/ And despite the fact that I am an OW, I do wish you all the best. As to the blanket itself, you have no way of knowing for sure but I would go for the kool-aid, I dont know what it is being in the UK, but it sounds like a good plan. Strangely enough these are the same 2 threads as LJ has chosen as well. I will now go back to where I belong, cos I know for sure I'm not welcome on here.
Sup Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 Have you thought of kicking your husband to the curb? You deserve better than this, contact a good Lawyer and find out about your rights, and leave this dirtbag. It's not good that your children are still in a home where all of this is going on.
Wantingtogetitright Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 if you are in this for the children you are doing it wrong. You may not argue in front of them, you may be totally civil around them etc etc but you are not loving around them. Children should see their parents love each other and that is why they are together. You are setting an example that married people/parents do not show affection, do not hug or kiss each other. They will grow up to think this is normal in a marriage and then have problems in their own lives down the track. Would they not be better seeing their parents as happy individuals who found it better to live apart than together as opposed to two individuals, not happy etc etc. You get what I am saying. Get him out of the house as soon as possible, let them adjust etc etc. Even if you son does decide he wants to go with his father, will his father take him with him. You can betcha bottom dollar one of the big attractions of being with this OW is that it is just them, they are only there for each other and he has no responsibilities etc etc.
noforgiveness Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 Polly maybe you need to examine how you really feel about your husband. You say the marriage is dead and has been for a long time and yet you are hurt he has someone else. Maybe it really isn't dead? Maybe you still feel something and just can't let go. Have you asked your husband if you can start going out also? This isn't healthy. You need love too. You can separate without destroying the kids as long as you keep it civil. Think of yourself. What happens when the kids go off to college? Think how alone you'll feel. Now is the time to d something while you still have your kids for support. Polly i can not imagine your son would leave you when he hears that the separation is because daddy has a girlfriend. He'll be there to support you and hopefully he'll be ok with his dads running around on you. Your kids are old enough to understand daddy loves someone else.
Author PollyPocket Posted January 12, 2007 Author Posted January 12, 2007 No. Really I have known the marriage is dead. No question is that. What am I holding on is my family my kids. You might find that hard to understand. No, asking him to go isnt an option. He works evening hours ( we are not together much at all ) and we are complete opposites in nature. What he enjoys I find no enjoyment. When we do go out it is to take the children out to dinner. We attend our children sporting events but mostly we go in separate vechiles. He will stay and pick up our son. I go home with our daughter. As for my son leaving with him. That is a given he and I dont mesh well. They are very close and he would leave shortly after his father and live with him. You have asked me to examine how I really feel about my husband. I have I met him and got pregnant. We married. Been through a terrible happening. Had two more children. We live separate lives. When I am home , he is at work. When he is here on his days off he is with the kids. We are not intimate. He falls asleep on the sofa. He has cheated on me before. He is a very physical person. I am not. Lets just face it. Who knows our husbands better then themselves we do. You know if he loves you or not. You know why he is home. Polly maybe you need to examine how you really feel about your husband. You say the marriage is dead and has been for a long time and yet you are hurt he has someone else. Maybe it really isn't dead? Maybe you still feel something and just can't let go. Have you asked your husband if you can start going out also? This isn't healthy. You need love too. You can separate without destroying the kids as long as you keep it civil. Think of yourself. What happens when the kids go off to college? Think how alone you'll feel. Now is the time to d something while you still have your kids for support. Polly i can not imagine your son would leave you when he hears that the separation is because daddy has a girlfriend. He'll be there to support you and hopefully he'll be ok with his dads running around on you. Your kids are old enough to understand daddy loves someone else.
Romeo Must Die Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 Sometimes people will say that, and talk exactly like that when they are hurting. To distance themselves from pain. To protect themselves. They say they cant do this because of the kids. It's so painful. But lets face it, it hurts (and why do I always call affairs "it" like "it" was a disease) and it is humiliating and I wouldn't wanna fu*ck WS either if WS were fu*cking some other broad and bringing their dirty blankets home to my house and acting self-ritious about it in my face. For anyone who has been through that, we remember the WS when he is what some people call the fog, the selfish mode that is like living with a robot, alien, stranger, dick*weed. It didn't just happen to you, Polly. It has happened to alot of us. I have to wonder to myself why my FWS brought her to my home, not only once but twice. The bitch thought she was moving in here like she was the Queen of Sheeba and it did not even occur to WS at all that this was really, really wrong. !!! Just read alot, like you have been doing and keep posting. There are so many depths and levels to every little thing and you have to talk about it so you aren't carrying all that weight alone.
lorr Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 You and your husband are not doing yourselves and the children any favours by clinging on, when the marriage is already dead.Although I sympathise with your story, I feel that both of you are being quite selfish.It seems that it is just excuse after excuse, and I'm sure your children know a hell of alot more than whats going on. Hypothetically speaking if your husband was being physically and mentally abusive and your children witnessed this behaviour directed at you, would you still be with him?I very much doubt it. I'm sure you would either kick him out or take the children with you to start afresh. I know you don't want to hear this again, but maybe its time that you kicked him to the curb once and for all.
Author PollyPocket Posted January 12, 2007 Author Posted January 12, 2007 Funny you mention about being in the house. I have no clue if she has ever been in my house. Or should I say I have no proof. I do have a feeling she has been. I know she has been in his truck. Awhile back someone mentioned that they thought they saw his truck but that someone else was driving it. I never said anything about it to him. When I asked the person to describe who was driving they said an attractive female.(NICE COMMENT) Have I ever mentioned he doesnt allow anyone to drive that truck. I asked years ago to use it. And the excuse was I wasnt experienced enough to drive a big truck. You mentioned the blanket. Everytime I see that blanket I get ill. Along with a few other things that I have seen around the house. Sometimes people will say that, and talk exactly like that when they are hurting. To distance themselves from pain. To protect themselves. They say they cant do this because of the kids. It's so painful. But lets face it, it hurts (and why do I always call affairs "it" like "it" was a disease) and it is humiliating and I wouldn't wanna fu*ck WS either if WS were fu*cking some other broad and bringing their dirty blankets home to my house and acting self-ritious about it in my face. For anyone who has been through that, we remember the WS when he is what some people call the fog, the selfish mode that is like living with a robot, alien, stranger, dick*weed. It didn't just happen to you, Polly. It has happened to alot of us. I have to wonder to myself why my FWS brought her to my home, not only once but twice. The bitch thought she was moving in here like she was the Queen of Sheeba and it did not even occur to WS at all that this was really, really wrong. !!! Just read alot, like you have been doing and keep posting. There are so many depths and levels to every little thing and you have to talk about it so you aren't carrying all that weight alone.
Author PollyPocket Posted January 12, 2007 Author Posted January 12, 2007 I am being selfish? I am mother. He is a good father. I will never deny him that. No my kids dont see anything. We are civil with one another. You and your husband are not doing yourselves and the children any favours by clinging on, when the marriage is already dead.Although I sympathise with your story, I feel that both of you are being quite selfish.It seems that it is just excuse after excuse, and I'm sure your children know a hell of alot more than whats going on. Hypothetically speaking if your husband was being physically and mentally abusive and your children witnessed this behaviour directed at you, would you still be with him?I very much doubt it. I'm sure you would either kick him out or take the children with you to start afresh. I know you don't want to hear this again, but maybe its time that you kicked him to the curb once and for all.
riobikini Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 Polly, in a recent thread begun by RoosterDar, some of the issues of staying in a marriage for the sake of children were discussed. These posts I'm referring to were written by Scrivdog, who was in circumstances wherein he desperately sought a solution for his dilemma. Although the main topic of the thread dealt with other issues, the posts by Scrivdog and his respondents might be good reading for you regarding your own dilemma in your decision to remain in your marriage for the sake of your children. I have posted the entire thread link below for your convenience. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=105856 Hope it offers some helpful insight for you (and possibly others). -Rio
riobikini Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 re: PollyPocket: "Is this where I belong?" P.S. (Smile) This thread reminds me a little of a book I read to my children when they were very small. It was about a baby duck who, when he was still inside the egg, became separated from his mother. All through the book, he wandered different places asking every creature (and sometimes, inanimate objects), "Are you my mother?" (Smile) Eventually, he did find his mother (to the happy satisfaction of my children) -and, Polly, likewise, I'm sure that as many helpful people there are in LS, that you with find your "place", as well. But remember: and as I have stated before, the number one place you belong is in your own life creating and looking after matters in the best interest of you and your children. All LS should be is a sounding board for many opinions to reflect on and a place you can use as a respite from the daily frustrations and stress you feel with your circumstances. I hope I have given you helpful suggestions that soothe some of the chaf. (Smile) Take care. -Rio
Ladyjane14 Posted January 12, 2007 Posted January 12, 2007 Polly, I've finally had time to catch up on some of your other posts, and.... I'm worried about you. First and foremost.... your husband is a complete dickhead. Let's just not mince words about that. (!!!!) He's wasted over 17 years of your life making you feel like you were a horrible person for accidentally getting pregnant. People get pregnant all the time. It's a by-product of having sex. A person would literally have to be retarded not to understand that. Your husband was just as responsible as you were for making those children and for following through on whatever committments he made after the fact. It's not right to marry someone, waste their God-given time, and treat them like sh*t in perpetuity. You've been buffaloed. Lots of marriages start out with a shared goal like child-rearing and end up being loving, respectful, life-long relationships. Just because you got pregnant BEFORE the marriage vows, doesn't mean that he was absolved from upholding them. You didn't put a gun to his head and MAKE him vow to love, honor, and cherish you. You've said many times that your main priority is your kids. I'm a mom too... and quite the MOTHER BEAR come to that. I'm a bit overly anxious, and quite frankly hypervigilant at times. Literally, I would kill or die without hesitation over my children. So I 'get' where you're coming from on that score. I'm also a huge proponent of marriage and committment. I'm one of the least likely suspects around here to recommend that somebody who's married with kids abandon the marital relationship. But... based on what you've written, I honestly think you need to get out of this thing. I'm going to be direct with you and hope that I don't offend you too much. Forgive me if I'm being too frank or misunderstanding the situation. I would NEVER want to cause even one jot more pain to someone like you, who is already going through sooooo much.... But truly, you're coming off as a very angry and bitter person. I can't blame you a bit. I'd damn sure be angry and bitter right about now too if I was in your shoes. And you know, I think there are times in life when that reaction is actually appropriate. It's okay to give ourselves time to feel our feelings, right? My worry for you though.... is that this particular state of being will become MORE than situational and you'll end up bitter and angry all the time. There's a possibility that eventually the ones you love won't want to spend time with you. Then YOU, who have given your ALL for the people you love the most, will end up alone and lonely. It sounds to me like you've invested 17 years already in this guy, and all the while... NOT having your needs met. Meanwhile back at the ranch... your ass-lick of a husband has apparently been VERY BUSY making sure he gets his. How much more of YOUR life are you willing to waste? This ain't no dress rehearsal. You're a good mom, so you ALREADY know that people need to feel loved and supported. They need to feel like they're important in the lives of the ones the care about. And not just as somebody's mother or somebody's daughter... but rather for the sake of just being themselves. This is a gift that you, yourself, have given daily to others... but somehow you haven't expected to receive it for yourself. That's sad. Because you DESERVED better. You've been willfully undervalued for years by your mate. The guy who was SUPPOSED to be your best friend and have your best interest at heart. And honey, I want you to understand that I really do identify with the impulse to be unselfish... but at the end of the day, YOU are the one who's allowed him to treat you this way. On some level, you must've thought he didn't OWE you more. If I could have my wish for you... I'd wish that you get into some IC (individual counseling) and find ways to REALLY support and cherish your inner spirit. This is something that seems to have gone missing for way too long while you ministered to others and not to yourself. The "marriage model" on display for the kids is one in which Dad is happy-go-lucky because he's GETTING what he needs, and Mom is the perpetual victim who does without. That's not right. Eventually, these kids are going to grow up and have lives of their own. Your job will be done in many ways. Like everyone else, your relationship with your children will transition into friendship. If you're a well-rounded person, with alot to offer as a friend... heck, you'll see those kids damn near every day. If you're a sour person, who's been beaten down by life, they're going to make tracks. For once in your life, Polly... and for the sake of the person you want to be when you're a little old woman... be a good friend to yourself NOW. Do what's best for YOU. I guarantee that eventually, it's going to pay off in spades. :bunny: p.s. One more thing... if it was YOUR daughter going through all this, what advice would you give her? Whatever that advice would be... don't do less for yourself.
cotton_panties Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 Hi I'm new but I have been viewing these threads for a long time. I have been cheated on and used up by my husband and I used the same damn excuses a whole bunch of you use to stay with my husband. and he cheated again..it turns out I was staying for all the wrong reasons just like him. we are staying for the kids. Please!!! what a crock of poop that is...well I learned a lesson, I was treated like crap by my husband and he treated HER like she was made out of gold. so after the second one I kicked his sorry ass out, hey how can I or why should I put up with that over and over. not only that but I have no right to act like a victim if I choose to lay down and take his abuse. that's what it is any way you say it...our husbands made fools out of us and the moment we except it we are no longer a victim. at least that's how I look at my marriage and when I read these pitiful threads of women staying and they are obviously deviated then my wish for them is to grow a spine and quit letting these men walk all over you...when I did that I was a new woman, you come to your senses and understand once a cheater always a cheater. sisters need to stick together
Mz. Pixie Posted January 15, 2007 Posted January 15, 2007 And honey, I want you to understand that I really do identify with the impulse to be unselfish... but at the end of the day, YOU are the one who's allowed him to treat you this way. On some level, you must've thought he didn't OWE you more. I agree with LJ. Being unselfish backfired on me too in a major way. You have shown this turd how to treat you. Because we truly teach people how to treat us. Just because you got pregnant with HIS baby- doesn't mean that he has the right to mistreat you for the rest of your life. He was just as responsible for birth control as you were!!! Isn't 17 years enough to put up with his crap??? I haven't read all of your posts but apparently LJ has and if she's telling you she thinks you should be done then I'd have to say I agree- because she doesn't tell just everyone to get out of their marriage. Serve that asswipe with some papers and then get on with your life. Life is too short to be bitter and angry and taken advantage of your entire life.
cotton_panties Posted January 16, 2007 Posted January 16, 2007 I have been told I am basically not wanted on the OW/OM forum. That I should be directed here. I can not believe the gall that some of these OW have. Basically throwing in my face and other BS's that our husbands are in love with you. It makes me sick. I sit here day in and day out reading these posts. My husband is one of those men. He loves someone else. He loves her. I go home take care of my two children and act like everything is okay. Why do I do this ? Because my children believe everything is okay. I refuse to take the rug out from beneath them. I need to give them sometime. Then he can leave go be with her. But he will not ruin my children. We made that decision together. I know my marriage has been dead a long time. We have faced leaving eachother before. But because of certain circumstances we didnt. I know he has cheated before. Granted I never had the proof but the day I got it. I showed it to him. Sex is one thing I can deal with him just getting his needs met. Thats one thing to deal with. But hearing he loves her. She loves him. I read these posts about the romance. BLAH BLAH BLAH.... Again I must stop and get sick some more. :sick: If he makes you feel so wonderful why are you B**hing and moaning? Gee is it that you see the real A**h**e that we their W's see? Well , I guess I should stay on this forum so those evil OW's out there wont feel threatened and offended by my posts. As for the post about me getting IC. I dont need that. I need people to help me and understand where I am coming from. Isnt that why everyone else came to this place in the beginning. I don't get you women who go on and on about the OW making you sick.you stayed with the slime dog didn't you? hey I'm not trying to rub salt in the wounds here, but I took a stand and grew a back bone 2 years ago when I threw my husbands cheating ass out and I had taken him back the first time and I wanted to throw up everyday. but I realised I am no victim any more once I took him back and he did it again.I am just a sucker and so are all of you that focus your anger at the OW rather then your skuze ball husband that said his vows in front of god to honor you and then had other reason to stay with him. doesn't that sound familiar."I stayed for the kids" yuck! hey the OW might have been part of the tool that destroyed your marriage but she wasn't the one wielding it. think about it while your puking your guts out will you.
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