Author D-Lish Posted January 2, 2007 Author Share Posted January 2, 2007 okay, crap. I just e-mailed him back- and we're going to meet for dinner tomorrow night. Now, hmm. What to wear? lol. I'm sweating. Then again, that could just be the McDonald's I ate this afternoon. Yuck. Just closure- I'm finally going to get my closure. But don't think I'm not going to get all hottied up... because I am. Wish me luck! D Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 I've heard it said on this forum that closure is over rated. I don't buy that. I think it's very important. I completely agree with this. Some of us need to know the answers, no matter what they are. Be careful D-Lish but do what feels right. Good luck!! My fingers are crossed for you, no matter what way it turns out. Link to post Share on other sites
My Fair Katie Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 But don't think I'm not going to get all hottied up... because I am. LOL, definitely get hottied up. Just be sure to wear dorky, unsexy panties to help keep your pants on, you know, just in case. Link to post Share on other sites
mav100 Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 Good luck, stay strong, and keep us updated! Link to post Share on other sites
Cub Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 Hey, say what you need to say to him and hear what you need to hear then GTFO! He's not worth the effort Link to post Share on other sites
stanchain Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 You have given me wonderful advice on every thread of mine so I hope what I say helps a lil bit. NC.... most of us on here do it in order to get the other person to notice what they lost and to hopefully come back one day. Well not saying this is what he is doing.. but what if it is. I agree dont have any expectations about what he wants or doesnt want. But I feel you should at least go to see if reconciltion is possible. I know that if in a month melissa wanted to sit down at dinner or something I would go.. not because I think it is going to bring us back together.. but because I would want to hear what she has to say if anything. JUST NO EXPECTATIONS!!!! and thank you for your support Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted January 2, 2007 Author Share Posted January 2, 2007 LOL, definitely get hottied up. Just be sure to wear dorky, unsexy panties to help keep your pants on, you know, just in case. lol. I'll wear the granny panties- and I've elected not to shave my legs either. That trick works too! Of course, now I can't sleep. Too much turmoil running through my head at the moment. Thanks everyone for your support! D Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 lol. I'll wear the granny panties- and I've elected not to shave my legs either. That trick works too! Of course, now I can't sleep. Too much turmoil running through my head at the moment. Thanks everyone for your support! D D-Lish I can sense you are getting your hopes up. I don't want to crush them but do be prepared if he gives you closure. And if he says he wants to try again, you have to start from scratch. You can't pick up where you left off or that is where you'll end up again. Protect your heart and your feelings. This guy treated you like crap and you really need to remind yourself that he is going to respect you or you will be the one to walk. Have strong boundaries with him. It takes a strong person to do so but without mutual respect there can be no love. Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted January 2, 2007 Author Share Posted January 2, 2007 You have given me wonderful advice on every thread of mine so I hope what I say helps a lil bit. NC.... most of us on here do it in order to get the other person to notice what they lost and to hopefully come back one day. Well not saying this is what he is doing.. but what if it is. I agree dont have any expectations about what he wants or doesnt want. But I feel you should at least go to see if reconciltion is possible. I know that if in a month melissa wanted to sit down at dinner or something I would go.. not because I think it is going to bring us back together.. but because I would want to hear what she has to say if anything. JUST NO EXPECTATIONS!!!! and thank you for your support Thanks SC, I truly don't have expectations. In my situation, I really do know that as much as I love him, he's not the right person for me. It's taken me a long time to seperate my heart from my head. But I have come to terms with this reality. What I really wanted all this time was to have a little positive closure. My very first post here, I posted how much of a terrible person I was. He made me believe this when he dumped me, and I've walked around with that baggage since then. I wanted a little forgiveness too- I truly wasn't perfect, and I really had been overly stressed and unusually irritable the last couple months of our relationship. That was due to circumstances, and I feel bad about leaning on him so much in the last couple months. I'm just going to try and put a positive end to this. I think a positive interaction will do wonder's for my ability to move forward. Love him still? Of course. But I recognize we're not compatible and can't fulfill each other's needs. argh, I gotta get some sleep. D Link to post Share on other sites
stanchain Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 Thanks SC, I truly don't have expectations. In my situation, I really do know that as much as I love him, he's not the right person for me. It's taken me a long time to seperate my heart from my head. But I have come to terms with this reality. What I really wanted all this time was to have a little positive closure. My very first post here, I posted how much of a terrible person I was. He made me believe this when he dumped me, and I've walked around with that baggage since then. I wanted a little forgiveness too- I truly wasn't perfect, and I really had been overly stressed and unusually irritable the last couple months of our relationship. That was due to circumstances, and I feel bad about leaning on him so much in the last couple months. I'm just going to try and put a positive end to this. I think a positive interaction will do wonder's for my ability to move forward. Love him still? Of course. But I recognize we're not compatible and can't fulfill each other's needs. argh, I gotta get some sleep. D Ya know I am glad you feel that way, I didnt get good closure either. I mean it was just one of those things. I mean even to this day she talks about how she feels about me. So I can understand the positive closure. I just hope that one day I can get to where you are at and actually be able to see or meet Melis.. without having any expectations. Cause if she walked in the door right now I would think that she wants to talk or works things out. Well I will tell you like everybody has been telling me.. if you need anything we are here Link to post Share on other sites
T-Lady Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 . I'll wear the granny panties- and I've elected not to shave my legs either. That trick works too! That is a great way to stay out of trouble! I know you will make the right decision. Keep your head and your guard up and it will all work out. I can't wait to read the details. Good luck girl! T Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 Hi D. I should really come out of the guest closet and register. Long time lurker. However, know that you have helped people you don't even know. I have followed your story and found your advice to others very mature and helpful. You are a prize. You also helped me realize that I am a prize. You a a good person with a warm heart. This guy is an ....idiot, but this is his problem. I am nervous for you. However this could be an opportunity to show him, remind him what he lost. Perhaps it would be a good idea to write him a heart felt letter, explaining how his actions have made you feel and wishing him well and all that jazz. (Under 2 pages if possible). Then you can be free to keep the dinner light and fun and he will be like ....gosh she is a prize...what was I thinking? If HE brings up relationship stuff then of course you may opt to not give him the letter and explain for yourself what you need to convey. Let him bring it up though. Also you have said that he has a history of cutting you off and not letting you respond. If the relationship stuff doesn't come up at all then you can always give him your thoughts (closure) in the letter as you two part. What helps me on the rare occasion when I see my ex is to find a flaw and concentrate on that flaw when I feel those butterflys. Does he have a lazy eye, balding, blemish, mole.....come on there has to be something. If not imagine one. Of course the biggest flaw is that he was dumb enough to let you go in the first place and that he hurt you. That is a huge flaw, and I don't think they have developed a laser for that yet. I would also end the date first. Give yourself a Cinderella time and leave him wanting more. Have a reason or have a friend call you at such time with an...emergency. Look beautiful, have fun and be great, be smart and protect your heart. Good luck. You are the prize. Link to post Share on other sites
Gala Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 When's the date? And BTW - he asked you to pay for your part of a romantic vacation AFTER you'd gone...and after he'd kicked you to the curb? Ugh. Maybe when you leave for dinner you can also have that big old receipt in your jacket pocket, just as a reminder to yourself... Link to post Share on other sites
Sand&Water Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 RE: The dinner [i.e. meeting] is definitely a good thing. You need this contact. You should [~need] sit down with him and talk. You will benefit, and learn a great deal from the experience. There are a handful of revelations to encounter during this critical time in your life. Ultimately, in the end, you will understand where you stand in this mess. Good Luck. Sand&Water Link to post Share on other sites
sweetscarlet Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 That is so great D-Lish. You'll have to give me pointers on how you did it! Let us know how it goes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted January 2, 2007 Author Share Posted January 2, 2007 Hi Guys, We're meeting up tonight for dinner. At 6pm. It's crazy, I couldn't sleep last night. I was up until 4am, tossing and turning. I do need the closure though. I'm looking forward to getting that. I'll be posting tonight for sure when I get home. I really don't think he wants a reconciliation. I think he wants to put a friendly close on things as well. I didn't post this- but about 6 weeks ago I sent him a merry x-mas, thinking of you and your family, wishing you the best e-mail. Well, he didn't respond to that. SO, in a drunken stupor one night about a month ago I sent him a text that simply read "You're really mean". It's surprising how I had sent sweet, innocuous messages, all to no avail.... but it's the "you're mean" text that gets his attention. I regretted sending that text- but I had resolved that it was my closure. Not very mature of me. So, thanks for your words of encouragement and continued support. I'll post tonight. D Link to post Share on other sites
notmakingsense Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 Good luck D, we'll all be thinking about you! Link to post Share on other sites
sweetscarlet Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 Hi Guys, I really don't think he wants a reconciliation. I think he wants to put a friendly close on things as well. I didn't post this- but about 6 weeks ago I sent him a merry x-mas, thinking of you and your family, wishing you the best e-mail. Well, he didn't respond to that. SO, in a drunken stupor one night about a month ago I sent him a text that simply read "You're really mean". It's surprising how I had sent sweet, innocuous messages, all to no avail.... but it's the "you're mean" text that gets his attention. D-Lish, this is the same kind of stuff that happened with me. All the niceness in the world didn't get a response but when I did the opposite it did. Only my situation isn't like yours and now I'm stuck not knowing what to do. I'll need your advice when you get back! Good luck to you tonight. Link to post Share on other sites
sweetscarlet Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 Also, I'm really glad you mentioned that you did that, because you had me thinking that niceness would work and I'm really doubting that it does. Link to post Share on other sites
miss snoopy Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 Wow D Lish - just as I was thinking of taking a break from LS to further my healing, I stumbled on this. I'm sure you know we're all genuinely rooting for you, hoping it turns out well and you don't get hurt in the process. I know my break-up and the aftermath is really similar to yours and I know if my ex made contact, there's no way I'd turn down the opportunity for closure, so glad you're going for it. Whatever the outcome, it will be a lesson learned. We wait for your news with bated breath! Link to post Share on other sites
fjk82 Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 Hey D! Ive been following your story and Ill be honest. Follow your heart. If I were you and in your situation damn right I would go, lol. I would go..Listen to what he has to say and go from there. Please keep us all informed and I wish you the best in luck with whatever you deicde to do concerning the situation. Wish I could be in your shoes with my X!! So go for it girl! Link to post Share on other sites
gonetildecember Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 D, Just wanted to say good luck for tonight Just remember to practice all of the great advice that you've given to others and you'll be fine. I hope you get out of it what you were looking for. GTD. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 D, I have read all of your posts from the very beginning and have found your story to be very much like mine. You are stunningly beautiful and I didn't think that things like that happened to girls that look like you. We both live in the same city which has also interested me. How honest you have been with us and patient when helping us with solving our problems when you are going through the exact same thing yourself. I honestly think that if you wanted to begin a second career you should consider councilling considering how sensitive you have been with all of us. When I read this post my heart just stopped. I felt like this exact same thing was happening to me. I am excited for you but I believe that you are right to be on your guard. My brothers often said that if an ex ever comes back to you it should be on your terms. I think that you are wise to be seeing this dinner as getting closure. I'm not sure that I would ever be strong enough to get closure from an ex and hear everything that they had to say. I love your 'granny panty' remark seeing as you own a lingere boutique I'm sure that that would be a true shock! Good luck tonight. As you can see the response to your post is overwhelming. Everyone has truly gotten to know you and fallen in love with you here. Please share what happens (if it isn't too personal). Link to post Share on other sites
Author D-Lish Posted January 3, 2007 Author Share Posted January 3, 2007 Well... I just got in from dinner. I had it all mapped out- what I was going to say, how I would act. And guess what? I just went with the flow and had a really nice time. Do I have any answers? Not really. I got to his place at 6. I came in and pet his cat- we chatted like old friends. It was confortable and positive. His body language was open, he smiled a lot, we joked and laughed. The conversation never hit a lull, nor did it at any time seem awkward. Talked about x-mas, our families, I petted his cat. Then we went to dinner at swiss chalet- our old haunting ground. A casual restaurant. Again, good conversation, open body language- he looked me in the eyes and smiled lots. He laughed at all my jokes. I laughed at his. I made the decision not to discuss the relationship at all. I made a joke about saving money on x-mas presents because I didn't have a boyfriend. he laughed and chimed in that he was SINGLE too over x-mas and also saved money. ah-hah...he's single still. When I dropped him off- I just pulled up in front of his door and made no move or gesture about coming in. I didn't want to push anything or ruin the good evening. It just didn't seem appropriate to bring up the relationship tonight. So I said- "you know, I'm glad we could do this" and he said "me too". I told him I was surprised he contacted me- and he replied that he realized that he couldn't be a jackass forever. The only mention of anything remotely heavy was when I said "It was difficult to break up and have not have anything to do with you" and he replied "it was really hard for me too". That's it.... that was the only time things got awkward for a millisecond. The one thing he did mention was that his brother and two best friend's got engaged over x-mas... and that he was the last one left. I left that one alone. So, all in all- it was a positive evening. I told him that if he came into town to get his haircut (we have the same hairdresser who's salon is right behind my store) to come by and we'd do coffee. He agreed that would be nice. He hasn't had a haircut since we broke up! Anyhow, he looked great. I just decided not to bring up the relationship. It wasn't the right time. I don't know where things will lead- or if we'll have contact again. I don't know if I should wait a couple days and send him an e-mail saying thanks, I had fun, good to see you...or wait for him to contact me. I'm leaning toward sending him a short e-mail in a few days and leaving the door open to get together if he comes into town for a haircut. Yes, the feelings are still there on my end. I'm not sure how he feels. As usual, he's hard to read. I mean, the eye contact and the smiles were there. I acted confident and happy and humorous.... and he was responsive to that. But who knows. he's an enigma. It may be the last time I see or hear from him- I don't know. How to proceed? Leave it at that? If nothing else, I feel better we had a good time together- and if we don't see one another again, at least the last memory both of us have is a positive one. That can be my closure. I'd be content with that. I don't think I took a step backwards tonight. I think I took a step forward, and no matter where that direction leads- he doesn't hate me, and I don't hate him. And although I did feel the pang of missing having him in my life- I'm pretty okay with what transpired. Whether it's a door opening or closing- it's not as bad as it was four months ago. Going in with no expectations was a good way to handle things. Because I feel pleasantly surprised with how well we got along tonight. That is what I'll remember if I never see him again- and that is what will hopefully replace the thoughts he had about me previous to this encounter. I'll chalk that up to a win-win situation for both of us. Two mature adults who used to date, and once loved one another madly.... and we've gone full circle- friends, to lovers- to enemies... and back to friends. Thoughts? And thanks again- I'm overwhelmed by everyone's responses and concern on this forum. I don't know where I'd be if I hadn't found solace in this place. Dee Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 I thought this dinner was about closure ??? It doesn't sound to me that you were/are into getting closure.. You are after another shot with him.. Guess what.. he can be an ******* forever....he hasn't changed.. 6 weeks ago he was ignoring your calls.. I'm glad you went though.. maybe it will help you finally move on.. Link to post Share on other sites
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