anna13 Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 Do it January 15th. Otherwise they'll always remember Christmas as the time the family broke up. Which sucks. I agree with that , why announce that one new years day , you dont want to do that on any holiday that is for sure .not thanksgiving , not valentines day not new years day ... of course no time is a good time but maybe doing that on a non holiday celebrated or not would be better. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 Do it January 15th. yea but then the kids will associated it with the Martin Luther King holiday Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 Okay, here is another thought for you. How will YOU fit into the relationship with the kids? When I read how you met from an internet website, I wonder what you will do now that you have each other. At the time of your first post, you actually said that you didn't see how this would turn out good...even if she got divorced and you two were together. I am afraid you are in for a bumpy ride. And also, the fact that she cheated on her husband should make you a bit wary...you are hoping to be her next husband. When the going gets tough, where will she go? Will you someday be considered the "cold, unfeeling husband" that causes some other guy to feel sorry for her? Please go back, read your original thread...and the responses given to you at that time. I doubt things have changed that much. Here is a quote from you a month ago...where did this path lead you? Finding this board, writing down my situation, and hearing everyone's advice has really started to move the wheels in my brain. It's funny, but today for the first time I got ANGRY. Honestly, I'm not entirely sure why, but I guess I'm beginning to see that I'm being used. My MW should know that she's playing with my heart. It sucks, it really sucks. I'm not going to lie and say that I'm going to break this off tomorrow. But I will say that reading a lot of the posts on this board has started to make me see things in a different light. This is going to take time for me to work things out, but I think I'm finally traveling down the right path. To your question...I have to agree with the others. The advice I would tell her if I were you is...please wait until after the New Year. If it has waited this long, it can wait a week or two longer. The ones who will be hurt the most here are the children. As Gunny said, divorce hurts children for the rest of their lives. Although you so innocently said that a bad relationship will affect their ability to form relationships...which is true...if they had stayed together and worked it out, then the children would have an excellent role mode for their future relationships. Now they will have divorced parents and a mother (and father?) who cheated during her marriage. These are factors for you to consider. You are now entering into their lives for either a short time or long time. You will be dealing with the fallout. So, advice is: Wait with announcement, but I am guessing that advice is too late. Decide if another relationship is the best thing now...get some counseling for better relationships in the future. Get some counseling for the children. Build a strong friendship with the ex husband for the children. And stick to future commitments when made. Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 ratingsguy, I am curious...did she tell her kids today? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 However, I don't think it's my place to say anything, especially since they're not my kids. All I can do is hope for the best. But they WILL be in your life soon enough, too, so I do believe that mentioning to her to wait until mid-January would be best to tell them. Why ruin the holiday and New Years for them? Unless, as a family they will spend the rest of the holidays with their kids, comforting them and answering questions to help them cope better before they head off to school again. TAKE THINGS SLOW...I can't remember if they all plan on moving into your place right away or if I'm now mixing you up with another poster...Sorry RG. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 The kids are teens so they should be able to take it, after the initial shock that is. If both parents make them realize that they are still loved and will get the best from two worlds instead of one, they will come around. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 If both parents make them realize that they are still loved and will get the best from two worlds instead of one, they will come around. Good luck. thats such a crock of **** TBF... you know their lives will never be the same. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 thats such a crock of **** TBF... you know their lives will never be the same. Never the same but potentially better, considering that it was a dysfunctional family. It really depends on the maturity level of the adults. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 The kids are teens so they should be able to take it, SHOULD being the operative word here. I think both parents SHOULD expect their kids to be upset and hurt. I think both parents SHOULD expect their kids to act out in some way, and I think that family therapy could help ALL of them learn to handle the changes. IT isn't easy no matter what age you are when parents split up. It still does damage, and can make insecurities appear too. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 SHOULD being the operative word here. I think both parents SHOULD expect their kids to be upset and hurt. I think both parents SHOULD expect their kids to act out in some way, and I think that family therapy could help ALL of them learn to handle the changes. IT isn't easy no matter what age you are when parents split up. It still does damage, and can make insecurities appear too. Better the family continue in honest relationships rather than have the wife continue cheating, while they hold the family together with shoe strings. Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 I wonder how ratingsguy and the ex MW will do in their new relationship once the dust settles. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 I wonder how ratingsguy and the ex MW will do in their new relationship once the dust settles. My only concern is ending a marriage, dealing with the kids reactions etc, sorting out the house issues, money etc., and then jumping into another relationship and a new life so quickly. Maybe I'm wrong, but it would be more fair to the kids and to RG too if they dated for a while before jumping in so fast. Is the MW moving into his place with her kids? Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 My only concern is ending a marriage, dealing with the kids reactions etc, sorting out the house issues, money etc., and then jumping into another relationship and a new life so quickly. Maybe I'm wrong, but it would be more fair to the kids and to RG too if they dated for a while before jumping in so fast. Is the MW moving into his place with her kids? Not meaning to speak for him, but if I remember correctly, she has her home, the husband has the former home first, then they switch places. RG has his own place, but expects to stay over at one of her houses occasionally. That is what he posted before...not sure that is how it is going to be. The H has no idea that RG is in the picture at this point...or that the wife has had an affair. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 Thanks James for clearing that up for me. I think I'm mixing him up with Oyster. The H has no idea that RG is in the picture at this point...or that the wife has had an affair Then this is going to be a harder transition for the kids. Not only do they have to deal with divorce of their parents, but a new man in the picture. I don't know what else to say, except this situation isn't going to be easy. RG, I hope you and the MW take it SLOW, don't rush things. Link to post Share on other sites
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