from email

[Bill]

My current girlfriend and I get along very well. Her parents are extremely careful of her. She has never even been allowed in a car with me. Her parents don't know much about me.

 

I've been dating this girl about 2 months now.

 

Her mom emailed me... just to ask if I would like to send something to my girlfriend's hotel when she is away at the pageant she has. In the email she said things like

I know you and I don't

associate much but I do know how much you mean to Michelle. So I am just

trying to relax and let you two decide whether or not you are meant to be.

Personally I don't want her to be hurt again so you better not piss her off

this is why I am so strick I love her she's like my big baby and I don't

want her to move out nor do I want her to have a boyfriend but I am trying

to respect her decisions its just hard.

 

Now, I emailed her back about sending something and I asked her if she would like to know any information about me. I was telling her that I like her daughter a lot and all.

 

I got this back...

 

Anyhow I really don't want you to explain to me who you are or how

you are because I really don't care. I feel Michelle and yourself are still

to young to even think that you love each other or if you even wanna be

with each other.

You say you care about her, well thats good. You say you will treat

her great, thats also good, but I really don't care because I take this

relationship just like any other. There is no special treatment given

anywhere.

 

that's just part of the message.

 

I am only posting this because I was going to reply, but i'm sure you know how I like to argue, and I'm just not going to jeapordize my chances with this girl.

 

I do know what love is. I am VERY aware what it is, but this girl's mom believes that both her daughter and I don't. Does anyone disagree or agree with this?

 

I need help on what to do... I am NOT leaving this girl. I love this girl so much, I'd never do that. Any time I can see her, I'm there.

 

** I'm like getting so upset thinking that this mother wants us to break up... I JUST KNOW this girl is the one... you have to believe me.

[Tony T]

The more email you exchange with this lady, the more you will piss her off. She is trying very hard to upset you.

 

Don't respond anymore and just forget this exchange. In my opinion, the woman is a bit nutty and needs professional help.

 

When you respond to fools you go down to their level and become a fool yourself.

 

When you get down with the dogs, you get up with fleas. Don't write this woman again...you'll never win. It's not something you want to do. There is no good purpose to be served by doing so.

[Bill]

Thanks Tony... for a second there, I thought I was the one who was going crazy. It does seem weird that this girl is an adult and her mom treats her like this.

 

I replied back, but only to ask about the original thing (about sending something to my girlfriend). I just asked how I would go about sending something to the hotel, as in who would I send it through.

 

I didn't see that she was trying hard to upset me, but I guess she is. This REALLY upsets me now, but I am going to tell my girlfriend asap tomorrow morning about this, it's just that she is sleeping right now (it's way too late). Yes, I agree, this would be the worst person to argue with.

[Tony T]

It is not a good idea to talk to your girlfriend about her mother. Blood is thicker than water and your girl will not appreciate you demeaning her mother in any way.

 

If you absolutely must, just state factually that you got these emails and what they contained and say no more. Don't even have a dicussion because you will be tempted to make comments you will regret.

 

One day, you will have the ability to say nothing at all...which in this case would be the best thing to do. You just don't want to appear to be causing problems between mama and daughter because in a three way battle, YOU will ALWAYS be the loser in that scenario.

[BeReal]

I agree with Tony. Don't say much to the mother. Just be polite and don't get off track. I would think twice about involving your gf too. Her mother hasn't done anything but voice her misguided concern. Your gf probably is aware of her mother's feelings. If her mothers starts to really get involved, then you need to talk to your gf about it but remember that she loves her mother.

 

Her mother is over protective and to see her daughter getting serious with someone freaks her out. She does not want to hear how good you will be etc. because it just scares her more by showing her how serious you are. Continue to be good and go about your ways just don't talk to her mother about your relationship. Hopefully her mother will get used to this and relax.

[Bill]

Well, I spoke to my girlfriend. I basically just gave her some of sentences from the email.

 

She was.. well, to say the least, mad at her mom for saying that. She said "I told you they were like that". And she did before. She had warned me that they were very odd. I can now see how odd they really are.

 

My parents don't have ANY control over what I do. I'm basically on my own. If all goes well, in less than 2 years, when I get my house, she is going to move in with me. She even has a calendar in her room, that has how many days left till she can move in with me. I've already squared away the money situation, it's just a situation of time right now. I will be finished college in May '04, and will start working soon thereafter (or sooner, as it's looking). I then plan to buy a house asap with my money I have saved.

 

My parents already know my plans, and they are fine with it. They support me 100%.

 

This girl is the only girl that I have ever trusted. Her brother and sisters and the rest of the family like me, and they are normal.

 

The aunt was sitting talking with the mom the one day, and we overheard. "Can't you see they are in love? Just leave them be". It just seemed like the parents were the only ones who were weird with everything.

 

I'm not going anywhere, so they will have to accept this. I know that I will not give up, and I trust her not to give up either.