clia Posted July 5, 2002 Share Posted July 5, 2002 I need to rant a bit... On Wednesday, my bf of 7 months mentioned that he might head to his hometown for a couple of days over this long weekend, but he still wasn't sure yet. We discussed it a bit, and he seemed (at least IMO) to have decided to go another weekend. That night, he went out with some people he works with, and I went out with my friends. I let him know where we were going to be in case he wanted to meet up with us on his way home, or later in the evening, or whatever. He didn't show up, nor did he call and leave a message, nor did he e-mail me. Nothing. So, I was a little irritated. Yesterday, he e-mailed me first thing in the morning and told me he had intended to meet up with me, but had gone home to change out of his suit and ended up going to sleep. He apologized. I thought fine, whatever, it's the 4th of July. Surely I'll hear from him later in the day, so I didn't respond to the e-mail immediately. I didn't hear from him all day. By around 11 p.m. I was livid. I sent him a short e-mail basically very nicely asking him what the deal was, and that I found it strange that we've been dating for this long, yet we have no plans to hang out this weekend, nor have I heard from him. Today he e-mailed me back (we e-mail a lot because we both have wireless PDAs) and informed me that he was in his hometown and would be back Saturday. He said he thought he told me he was going. He said he was sorry he upset me and apologized. But did he ask me out for Saturday? (Or even Sunday?) Did he attempt to make plans with me? Of course not. So now I'm sitting here wondering if (a) he's lost interest, or (b) if he's really just this stupid. I don't think it's option (a) since we've been getting along swimmingly, and actually had a bit of a relationship talk a couple weeks ago that went well. I certainly don't expect him to check in with me all the time, but I find it absolutely insane that he went away for the weekend when he's been traveling all the time for work lately, and this weekend we finally both had the time to spend some quality time together! "Men are wired differently" is my mantra, but sometimes I am shocked at the thought processes (or lack thereof) that I see. So basically now he's left me in a position that I have to go ahead and make other plans for Saturday, since I have no idea if he even wants to see me or not, considering that he hasn't mentioned it, and I don't want to wait around and possibly end up sitting at home if he doesn't feel like doing anything. And I really would like to see him! Grr....Sometimes I really hate being a girl and analyzing every darn thing so much! Not really looking for any specific advice, just wanted to vent because this certainly isn't worth starting a fight with him over. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted July 6, 2002 Share Posted July 6, 2002 I don't think it's worth starting a fight over either. Fights don't accomplish anything. However, I think you should express to him that you are hurt that he didn't take advantage of this time to spend some of it with you and hurt at his poor communication with you. If you don't express yourself and communicate what bothers you, your courting experience will not be productive. That's what this time is for. Both of you are supposed to be learning about each other. You can't do that if both of you keep your mouths shut. And while we're on the subject of learning, I think you are learning some things about your guy that aren't very nice. Consider yourself vented. Link to post Share on other sites
BeReal Posted July 6, 2002 Share Posted July 6, 2002 I would be annoyed too if my bf left town without telling me. I can understand that he wanted to spend time with his family but maybe he could have invited you to come along. Maybe he really wanted to go home for the 4th but knew you wanted him to stay so he tried to avoid the conflict. People seem to "forget" when they want to. If you want to see him, why don't you ask him if he'd like spend time together this weekend? Then make your plans based on his response. I know you usually give advice to let men make the first move etc. but you've been going out for 7 months now. Isn't it ok to ask him out yet? Link to post Share on other sites
questionaire Posted July 7, 2002 Share Posted July 7, 2002 you should not be upset over this incident i'm sure that you guys have something to do. if you don't go out with him this weekend, you can do that another time. It's not like the end of the world. if he travels a lot because of his work, you can't blame him for this. The guy needs to eat and live. Sometimes, a person needs to have a quiet moment to think and get away. You see. He works and spend time with you every day. He just needs to be alone for a few days. you let him do what he wants to do and he lets you do what you want to do. In the end , everybody is happy if the guy is slow with making plan, why don't you make plan for him? tell him you want to do something this week problem is solved Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted July 7, 2002 Share Posted July 7, 2002 Well, I think it's insensitive that he didn't take the time to at least keep you updated. But the way I look at it....if he doesn't want to spend time with me, fine, I'll go out and have fun too. And if he calls wondering where I'm at, and I tell him I'm out with friends and he wonders why he didn't know, well, maybe he'll get the taste of his own medicine. Maybe it's immature to a degree, but sometimes a guy needs to know that you just aren't going to wait by the phone and hope he'll spend time with you. Make him realize that he still needs to "chase" you...and that you aren't his puppy dog. That's just what I think... Ally Link to post Share on other sites
velvet Posted July 8, 2002 Share Posted July 8, 2002 I think if a man is interested he would always make time. With him out of town all the time gives neither of you time to know each other well. I wouldn't invest allot of feeling into this until he shows more himself. Sounds like it will be a complicated r/s with his disappearing act all the time. I say take it slow and if his trips are going to bother you like this all the time consider dating others. Link to post Share on other sites
questionaire Posted July 8, 2002 Share Posted July 8, 2002 "are guys really this dumb?" i see a "s" after "guy". YOu suggest that all guys are dumb if so, why you date a dumb person? Perhaps, your "questionable intelligence" curiosity takes you there ????? you are certainly on the same path as he is waiting for response..........can't wait to reply.......... Link to post Share on other sites
sunflower Posted July 8, 2002 Share Posted July 8, 2002 Clia, I think it was very inconsiderate on your bf's part, to not call or e-mail you, and you suddenly discover he is out of town, and didn't make plans to spend the weekend together. That would irk me, like crazy, and I would be hurt, so I completely understand your feelings. If you do end up talking to him, the only thing I can say, is talk to him about and then just drop the subject. It's up to him to figure out what he did or didn't do. Some guys might interpret these talks as "telling them what to do...and I know guys hate that, but sometimes we have to either accept things the way they are, or just leave it, or walk away from it, so to speak. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted July 8, 2002 Share Posted July 8, 2002 I like Ally's dog reference posted above ... when it comes to boyfriends (or husbands, for that matter), you're best off training them to "behave" properly, instead of just knowing what to do. Not ALL guys, mind you, but most. Explain to him that while you understand his desire/need to go visit his hometown and/or go someplace, you would appreciate it if he kept you abreast of his plans so you can adjust yours accordingly. Once he sees that it's not about him going someplace, but about not bothering to tell you that he's gone, he'll be more considerate. However, like a puppy, you might just have to whack him with a rolled up paper more than once to get your point across, lol .... Link to post Share on other sites
Author clia Posted July 8, 2002 Author Share Posted July 8, 2002 Thanks for your comments everyone. We've talked and all is fine. Questionaire, my title was met as a semi-joke. Of course I don't think all guys are dumb, nor do I think he is dumb. And I find it rather rude of you to start questioning my intelligence, especially when you don't even know how to spell your handle correctly. You obviously do not know the whole story, nor how I am, nor how he is, nor how our relationship works. You also assumed a lot of things in your first post. I don't think this is the end of the world, and I never insinuated that. I never said I blamed him for traveling for work. I could care less because I'm usually very busy during the week as well. We don't see each other every day. I could care less what he does with his time and encourage him to travel and see his friends. I'm an extremely independent person, and I do go out and do my own thing. It was just this particular incident that irked me a bit, and I felt like venting about it here. So sue me. Link to post Share on other sites
questionaire Posted July 9, 2002 Share Posted July 9, 2002 Originally posted by clia And I find it rather rude of you to start questioning my intelligence, especially when you don't even know how to spell your handle correctly. You obviously do not know the whole story, nor how I am, nor how he is, nor how our relationship works. So sue me. perhaps, you can tell me where i questioned your intelligence in my post ? if you don't find it, please do not give me your speculation furthermore, i never claim that i know everything about you or your relationship in my post. sue you for what ? about my handle. you really don't know thing well, do you? everybody has a different user name which is unique and special . I do just that and what is wrong with that. i spelled it differently because i like it that way. It makes my handle stands out better. Just because you are upset with your boyfriend, you start to call all guys DUMB ? i have question about your subject line and i want you to answer. You don't have to get so EXCITED about it. you have proved NOTHING but your ILLITERATE by telling everybody my spelling ability and knowledge about your relationship. i don't blame you for not knowing ANYTHING but I will tell you that you know NOTHING. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted July 9, 2002 Share Posted July 9, 2002 Going back and forth bashing each other over semantics serves no purpose on the board and gets nothing accomplished. Let's get back to the business of helping each other solve the problems that brought us here. Link to post Share on other sites
Tippy Posted July 9, 2002 Share Posted July 9, 2002 Let's get back to the business of helping each other solve the problems that brought us here. Tony, are you referring to birth control? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted July 9, 2002 Share Posted July 9, 2002 Absolutely...yes, of course. Excellent birth control techniques could significantly reduce the number of dumb men on the planet. Birth Control solves a lot of problems. But, then again, there are people who aren't sure if they'll go to heaven if they practice it...which then creates other problems. And the Pope is dead set against it except for the rhythm method, which requires that rap music be played during sex. Actually, I can't fully answer your question because I have no answers. I am a man and am therefore very much part of the problem. Link to post Share on other sites
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