puddleofmud Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 FF: I know that you have become angry w/ me and I took no offense. I, as have many others, have taken your well-being to heart and wished so very much to help and to heal your hurt. You will not like what I have to say now, either, but here goes: I agree with BH: you have no intention of getting out of this, as a matter of fact I feel manipulated and that you are manipulating this board so as not to find answers about getting OUT of this affair, but staying within the affair AND the attention it draws to you. YOU, just as your OM seem to know what to say get what you want. You are not concerned in the least with NO CONTACT but rather how to use it to your advantage and you LIKE that MM is not happy with it. Your questions about his reactions are more about how that attends to your agenda--keeping MM interested. If you wish to be the OW then do so--many here do as well and I have no ill feelings towards them but I do not feel comfortable in a high school equivalent of "how to get in to a guys pants and control him at the same time while looking like the good girl/ better person". PLEASE--if you want to continue the affair then just do it! If you don't then don't.
GreenEyedLady Posted December 28, 2006 Posted December 28, 2006 Just like I know MM would never leave his wife for me. So where does that leave me? It leaves me to deal with my marriage and try to fix it or to the painful conclusion of getting out of my marriage and moving on. I am electing right now to work on it. Am I sure how, NOT really. But waiting around for a MM who has broken so many promises is simply doing me no good. I am not even sure why I am seeking closure from him? Since you have not had a good long priod of NC, I think it's time to just DO IT! Cause I do know that NC helps. AP Look how far you have come!!! You are so living up to your quote!!!
forbidden fruit Posted December 29, 2006 Posted December 29, 2006 POM-You don't know anything about me. Your allegatios are completely fase who made you the judge and the jury about my personal affairs. You ahve no idea what I have been through in my life. No I am not using the boards or anyone on these boards for that matter. I am looking at all avenues because like most people have never had a affair before so the feelings and actions are all new to me. I do not know if my mm has either so it is all a work in process for me and just so you know one of the most painful I have ever been and I have been through alot. So get off your soap box. Just so you all know I am in NC right now and I am sure that makes all you naysayers happy, but right now all I feel is sad. I might break this NC but I am only human and for right now I feel very strongly about it. I gave him a deadline to make this right by me and judging from the past I am sure he will let me down so I am NC and he knows it. What is hard for me is that fact this NC will be for real , but he is making that choice and I am making the choice to take back my power from him.
bonehead Posted December 29, 2006 Posted December 29, 2006 SO do you want to come up with a plan or not?
forbidden fruit Posted December 29, 2006 Posted December 29, 2006 Yes that would be great as long as it is more than one sentence-thanks!!
Author Meaplus3 Posted December 29, 2006 Author Posted December 29, 2006 Yes that would be great as long as it is more than one sentence-thanks!! OK! I know he is in your neighborhood just like mine and that makes it difficult. Can you see his home from your's? If you can stop looking! Believe me, I used to wake up every morning and look out my bedroom window to see if I could catch a glimpse of him, well I don't do that anymore! So if you can stop looking, change your schedule if possible, keep busy, avoid him and NC via phone, email, text, NONE! It' hard but possible. I am doing it now for 16 day's and counting! action take it! AP
puddleofmud Posted December 29, 2006 Posted December 29, 2006 Ok, with that said how do you now wish us to support you? I shall do so with all my heart for you as long as you are honest about what you want. If this should be no contact--you will have support for NC as readily as I am able If you wish to continue the affair--you will have my support as readily as I am available. If you are confused and in the middle--you will have my support as readily as I am available. If you are mad at me then be angry w/ me as that is what I am here for. Not one of us is in familiar territory and all are very frustrated and hurt. PLEASE do communicate with bone-head about a plan for NC. He is truly trying to help as we all have been. If you want the help and advice given the please be more respectful about it. Otherwise just do what you want as you certainly don't need our permission or blessing as you are YOU and your life is yours...
bonehead Posted December 29, 2006 Posted December 29, 2006 Yes that would be great as long as it is more than one sentence-thanks!! First of all, are you going to stick to it? Im not going to be an a*s about it, its something you will be involved in planning, but if you have no intentions to stick to it Im not going to waste my time.
BenThereDunThat Posted December 29, 2006 Posted December 29, 2006 Hey Puddle, you sure are a sweetheart! I know, Pure...don't you just love her??!!
pureinheart Posted December 29, 2006 Posted December 29, 2006 I know, Pure...don't you just love her??!! Very much so
pureinheart Posted December 29, 2006 Posted December 29, 2006 First of all, are you going to stick to it? Im not going to be an a*s about it, its something you will be involved in planning, but if you have no intentions to stick to it Im not going to waste my time. Hey FF....fire fighters are excellent planners, I know, almost married one. They are detailed to a fault and look for all possiblities in investigations...the how's, why's, what's, who's (there's one more but can't remember it) ...oh the when's....anyway they ask all of the right questions and get to core issues....that is why BH doesn't need to say much....
bonehead Posted December 29, 2006 Posted December 29, 2006 Hey FF....fire fighters are excellent planners, I know, almost married one. They are detailed to a fault and look for all possiblities in investigations...the how's, why's, what's, who's (there's one more but can't remember it) ...oh the when's....anyway they ask all of the right questions and get to core issues....that is why BH doesn't need to say much.... I also work emergency management. I PLAN for a living
forbidden fruit Posted December 29, 2006 Posted December 29, 2006 well this is interesting because my mm is is same line of work as BH .Maybe that is why I can never follow through with NC. I know he is not smarter than me but he seems to always know what to say to get me to do what he wants. So bh let's beat him at his own game. I am ready for NC. Remeber he lives close
bonehead Posted December 29, 2006 Posted December 29, 2006 Ok, your first step is to identify what are your problem areas? 1)He lives close 2) the kids play togeather 3) he knows your buttons Any others?
forbidden fruit Posted December 29, 2006 Posted December 29, 2006 There are so many He comes over whenever I do NC He calls incessentantly when he is not in control. He knows where i will be after I p/u kids from school. He can see me come and go all day long He knows who comes over my house He can see me playing with the kids outside>
bonehead Posted December 29, 2006 Posted December 29, 2006 There are so many He comes over whenever I do NC He calls incessentantly when he is not in control. He knows where i will be after I p/u kids from school. He can see me come and go all day long He knows who comes over my house He can see me playing with the kids outside> Ok, 1 and 2 can be taken care of with a restraining order. I know its extreme, but thats what it will take for him to get the idea. 3 and 4. Change your patterns and routines 5 Oh well, his problem not yours 6 Same answer
forbidden fruit Posted December 29, 2006 Posted December 29, 2006 I think the restraining order sounds a little harsh plus I canno tell my h so that is most likely not going to happen. Everything else is okay and I have done them before so it is just sticking to it. Any other ideas for not seeing him. He cannot take not talking to me if he sees me. At first he will avoid me because he is such a coward he has no idea what to do and then it will him I am serious and that is when I get full court pressure. Remeber the longest we have gone is a week. He will probably be worried about what to tell his W and that is when he will really get desperate. I need something more.
bonehead Posted December 29, 2006 Posted December 29, 2006 I think the restraining order sounds a little harsh plus I canno tell my h so that is most likely not going to happen. Everything else is okay and I have done them before so it is just sticking to it. Any other ideas for not seeing him. He cannot take not talking to me if he sees me. At first he will avoid me because he is such a coward he has no idea what to do and then it will him I am serious and that is when I get full court pressure. Remeber the longest we have gone is a week. He will probably be worried about what to tell his W and that is when he will really get desperate. I need something more. Ok so no restraining order. this is STILL doable. But you need to come up with reasons to do it, not to NOT do it. YOU need to decide that YOU HAVE to stick to it, until then its a lost cause
forbidden fruit Posted December 29, 2006 Posted December 29, 2006 I have more reasons to do it then not to do it so that is why i am coming to you. I need the best you have got. He will try to talk to me via the kids. He knows I am a nice person and he knows I have a hard time staying angry. He does not take me seriously because I always give in and he always thinks it because of the sex.
bonehead Posted December 29, 2006 Posted December 29, 2006 I have more reasons to do it then not to do it so that is why i am coming to you. I need the best you have got. He will try to talk to me via the kids. He knows I am a nice person and he knows I have a hard time staying angry. He does not take me seriously because I always give in and he always thinks it because of the sex. ok. give me a little time and i will post something for you to REALLY think about
pureinheart Posted December 29, 2006 Posted December 29, 2006 I have more reasons to do it then not to do it so that is why i am coming to you. I need the best you have got. He will try to talk to me via the kids. He knows I am a nice person and he knows I have a hard time staying angry. He does not take me seriously because I always give in and he always thinks it because of the sex. I had priddy much the same problem...ex-MM didn't take me seriously either....you might have to play hard ball with him....he's crossing your boundries. People used me for a door mat for a long time because they knew they could.... He sounds much like ex-MM....he breaks you down because he can....turn the tables.....
forbidden fruit Posted December 30, 2006 Posted December 30, 2006 Yes, the suspense is killing me. The longer I am away from him the more I know I can do this.
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