DRDimeMami Posted December 2, 2006 Posted December 2, 2006 I've known this guy I met for almost 2 months now and we've only seen each other once. We get along great, have lots of similar interests, and etc. BUT, I feel as if he is too nice. The first couple of weeks he was already telling me that he loved me. I told him "No, you don't love me. You just like me alot." All he'd say was that I didn't know what he felt. I told him to slow down and take it easy, we just met a couple of weeks ago. He shows me so much attention though. I'm not gonna lie, I like the attention. He tells me I'm beautiful, that he wants to be with me, he texts and calls before, during, and after work. But sometimes, when I don't answer my phone, he'll start calling me a whole mess of times and then he'll text me and say, "I see how it is. I'm not even gonna say anything." So basically he starts jumping into conclusions saying if I don't want to be with him then let him know because he wants somebody thats going to give him importance. I was in the club once and of course I'm dancing and I look at my phone to see that he called and then I had a couple of messages from him saying that he doesn't want to be the cause that I'm not having fun and that if I don't want to be with him then to let him know, yaddi yaddi ya. I told him, ok if thats how you really want it then fine. Just think about what you want. I do like him. I just need him to slow down. I've never gone out with a guy that I knew for such a short period of time. They've all been friends. But I am kind of interested in someone else that wanted to be with me before I ever met this guy. He even told my best friend that he envied her because she got to talk to me all day whenever she wants. He wants to be talking to me 24/7. I asked him if he had a girlfriend would he feel like he needs his space and get tired? He said no he wouldn't get tired. I told him I would because sooner or later we all need some space to miss and to be missed. He said he was lonely and he just wanted somebody to love. Well the point is, should I keep talking to this guy or not? I like him but he kind of freaks me out when hes super nice (which is good to a point I feel). I don't want him being super nice because I feel like I will get tired of it but if he starts acting like an ass then I might miss him being nice. So it goes both ways. I know he has good intentions but I just feel like he is kind of pushing up on me a bit. I just want to get to know him talking and if I'm still interested later on, who knows.. we can get into a relationship. What do ya think about this??? Let me know. Help.
someone2 Posted December 2, 2006 Posted December 2, 2006 guys just tend to lose their mind when they are with a girl they really really like. All their moves become irrational afterwards. That's all
alphamale Posted December 3, 2006 Posted December 3, 2006 please see the thread below DRDM: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t105786/
roxy_1980 Posted December 3, 2006 Posted December 3, 2006 The way that you write this thread, I wouldn't classify him as super nice. I'd classify him as super obsessed. He loves you? After less than two months. Constant e-mails and phone messages. Wanting to talk to you 24/7. Borderline losing it when you don't pick up. Those are control issues. He wants to dominate your life. Now all together LSers, can we say STALKER? Your instinct that he's creepy is right. My advice: RUN!!!!
whichwayisup Posted December 3, 2006 Posted December 3, 2006 No he's not a stalker, he just doesn't know how to handle the emotions of falling for someone. He seems to be just letting his heart take over and jumping in with both feet, eyes closed...Which is bad! He's not thinking at all, and probably thinks of her 24/7. Hmm, when see it written down like that, it does seem stalkerish!! LOL But I doubt he is. Just inexperience, insecure and needs to learn to trust. I say if you like him, be as honest and patient with him as you can. Don't make him feel bad, but gently let him know it's good to miss him once in a while. He may really love you - In the sense he loves how you make him feel. Look at it that way, maybe it won't bug you as much.
DanielMadr Posted December 3, 2006 Posted December 3, 2006 I've known this guy I met for almost 2 months now and we've only seen each other once. We get along great, have lots of similar interests, and etc. BUT, I feel as if he is too nice. The first couple of weeks he was already telling me that he loved me. I told him "No, you don't love me. You just like me alot." All he'd say was that I didn't know what he felt. I told him to slow down and take it easy, we just met a couple of weeks ago. He shows me so much attention though. I'm not gonna lie, I like the attention. He tells me I'm beautiful, that he wants to be with me, he texts and calls before, during, and after work. But sometimes, when I don't answer my phone, he'll start calling me a whole mess of times and then he'll text me and say, "I see how it is. I'm not even gonna say anything." So basically he starts jumping into conclusions saying if I don't want to be with him then let him know because he wants somebody thats going to give him importance. I was in the club once and of course I'm dancing and I look at my phone to see that he called and then I had a couple of messages from him saying that he doesn't want to be the cause that I'm not having fun and that if I don't want to be with him then to let him know, yaddi yaddi ya. I told him, ok if thats how you really want it then fine. Just think about what you want. I do like him. I just need him to slow down. I've never gone out with a guy that I knew for such a short period of time. They've all been friends. But I am kind of interested in someone else that wanted to be with me before I ever met this guy. He even told my best friend that he envied her because she got to talk to me all day whenever she wants. He wants to be talking to me 24/7. I asked him if he had a girlfriend would he feel like he needs his space and get tired? He said no he wouldn't get tired. I told him I would because sooner or later we all need some space to miss and to be missed. He said he was lonely and he just wanted somebody to love. Well the point is, should I keep talking to this guy or not? I like him but he kind of freaks me out when hes super nice (which is good to a point I feel). I don't want him being super nice because I feel like I will get tired of it but if he starts acting like an ass then I might miss him being nice. So it goes both ways. I know he has good intentions but I just feel like he is kind of pushing up on me a bit. I just want to get to know him talking and if I'm still interested later on, who knows.. we can get into a relationship. What do ya think about this??? Let me know. Help. He is in love. We guys fall in love pretty fast. He is probably pretty young or inexperienced. Experienced guys just bit their tongue and lock the phone in time-lock safe;) Meet him and get to know him...if he is OK - job, education, family, friends, integrity, life-values. He is in love with you or he is weirdo. You have to talk to him to decide. If he is in love...he will cool down a little bit, when he is in relationship. If he is weirdo you dont have to worry....he will dump you from the bridge:D
HeadlessZebra Posted December 3, 2006 Posted December 3, 2006 We guys fall in love pretty fast. Really? In everything I've ever read, they said that men take a longer time to fall in love than women because they think more logically. Please explain what you mean. I'm really curious now.
alphamale Posted December 3, 2006 Posted December 3, 2006 Really? In everything I've ever read, they said that men take a longer time to fall in love than women because they think more logically. Please explain what you mean. I'm really curious now. nope....women generally are the last to fall in love and the first to fall out of love in most relationships. Which explains why women leave the man 75% of the time.
DanielMadr Posted December 3, 2006 Posted December 3, 2006 Really? In everything I've ever read, they said that men take a longer time to fall in love than women because they think more logically. Please explain what you mean. I'm really curious now. We fall in love immediately. If she is not major biatch or super wussy....she is OK. Of course there are levels of love but we dont need months to fall in love....hours more likely. Why? Because we dont mind so much about your personality.....we are the "stronger" ones so we can handle you, we are not afraid you will beat us, or rape us and we dont seek the qualities you seek unconsciously. We want pretty(healthy) mother to our children thats all. You need provider. You cant change human brain in thousand years. It is instincts. Our interest level is based on your looks like 70%....you can add 30% by personality....mathematicaly said. You have it opposite I think.
HeadlessZebra Posted December 3, 2006 Posted December 3, 2006 Bizarre. Please elaborate more. What goes through a guy's head when he "falls in love" very quickly?
My Fair Katie Posted December 3, 2006 Posted December 3, 2006 Bizarre. Please elaborate more. What goes through a guy's head when he "falls in love" very quickly? "MMM, willing vagina, must make army of children. *LOVE*." That's my guess anyway. For what it's worth, my better half agrees with AlphaMale and Daniel.
burning 4 revenge Posted December 3, 2006 Posted December 3, 2006 Our interest level is based on your looks like 70%....you can add 30% by personality....mathematicaly said. You have it opposite I think. not this equation again
DanielMadr Posted December 3, 2006 Posted December 3, 2006 Bizarre. Please elaborate more. What goes through a guy's head when he "falls in love" very quickly? 'Love for the first sight' is pretty common phenomea for us. I mean our interest level is based on your looks and aura(sexappeal or charisma or who knows). Interest level can sligtly improve with time and commitment or it can go down if you dont connect with us on emotional level. To be honest guys fall in love pretty quickly or they dont fall in love at all unless of course they have initial interest like 55% (she is not a road kill) and she is extraordinary on the emotional level click. But it is very rare. More common is, that guy goes for her for lack of better options. She gives him comfort, sex etc. and he thinks 'Oh what a hell, she is not that bad and she loves me.'
Poboy Posted December 3, 2006 Posted December 3, 2006 Bizarre. Please elaborate more. What goes through a guy's head when he "falls in love" very quickly? perfect woman for me ... dating ... lot of sex... marrige ... kids ... not so much sex... o BUT guys who fall in love quickly many times dont know what Love is all about
InspectHerGadget Posted December 3, 2006 Posted December 3, 2006 Sounds like he could turn into a real weirdo. Not saying he is or will, but the possibility is there. If you don't like the way he is acting now, end it now!
someone2 Posted December 3, 2006 Posted December 3, 2006 "MMM, willing vagina, must make army of children. *LOVE*." LOL. You guys are butchering it. I hope the girls are not taking this seriously But honestly, we (men) do fall in love much faster. I think it is because men tend to daydream more? We see a quiet and pretty girl, and we start to cast our own imagination into what she is like. 99% of the time we are wrong, though It is just too late
crazy_grl Posted December 3, 2006 Posted December 3, 2006 Your problem isn't that this guy is too nice. What you're complaining about aren't the nice things he does, it's the needy and insecure things. I think all you can really do is tell him again that you like him, but that you want to move things slower. If he's not willing to, then it's not really going to work. Whatever you do though, if you break up with him, DO NOT tell him it's because he's too nice. You'll be doing him a huge disservice. There are tons of examples on this site of guys who hear this and think that girls only want someone who's a total jerk. In reality, the girl just wants a guy who treats her right and also has a spine and self-confidence.
alphamale Posted December 3, 2006 Posted December 3, 2006 What you're complaining about aren't the nice things he does, it's the needy and insecure things. yeah but aren't they all intertwined?? if he wasn't such a nice guy he'd be out scoring with other chicks and lying and calling her once every 10 days and stuff... Whatever you do though, if you break up with him, DO NOT tell him it's because he's too nice. You'll be doing him a huge disservice. I disagree C_G...she'll be doing him a major dis-service if she does not tell him he's too nice. Then he'll make same mistakes with next woman and next woman and next....She needs to tell him to grow some balls and act more masculine and less needy
Pyro Posted December 3, 2006 Posted December 3, 2006 Whatever you do though, if you break up with him, DO NOT tell him it's because he's too nice. You'll be doing him a huge disservice. There are tons of examples on this site of guys who hear this and think that girls only want someone who's a total jerk. In reality, the girl just wants a guy who treats her right and also has a spine and self-confidence. I actually think that it would do him good to hear that he is too nice. Just as long as she explains that women don't want a jerk or a guy that is too nice, but rather a happy medium, but I'm not sure how many people can explain that effectively. Maybe it will help him better prepare for the next woman.
crazy_grl Posted December 3, 2006 Posted December 3, 2006 I guess I wasn't clear enough. I meant not to tell him that he's too nice, because guys get the impression that means women like jerks. She should give him the real reason, which is that he calls too much, demands too much of her time, shows he's insecure by saying things like, "I see how it is. I'm not even gonna say anything.", and shows no confidence by assuming she doesn't want to be with him. Just saying "you're too nice" is more likely to lead him down the path of bitterly hating women for liking jerks instead of leading him to self-improvement. The word "nice" doesn't even need to be mentioned, because it's not even the real problem. People just say "too nice" because it's a simple way to sum things up. "Too smothering" is probably a more accurate way to put it. yeah but aren't they all intertwined?? if he wasn't such a nice guy he'd be out scoring with other chicks and lying and calling her once every 10 days and stuff... If not for the nice things he does, I doubt she'd even be giving him a chance. I think you'd be hard pressed to find a girl who'd even give the time of day to a needy insecure guy who calls 24/7 and talks about how she doesn't want to be with him if he's also insulting and rude to her.
Pyro Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 I guess I wasn't clear enough. I meant not to tell him that he's too nice, because guys get the impression that means women like jerks. She should give him the real reason, which is that he calls too much, demands too much of her time, shows he's insecure by saying things like, "I see how it is. I'm not even gonna say anything.", and shows no confidence by assuming she doesn't want to be with him. Just saying "you're too nice" is more likely to lead him down the path of bitterly hating women for liking jerks instead of leading him to self-improvement. The word "nice" doesn't even need to be mentioned, because it's not even the real problem. People just say "too nice" because it's a simple way to sum things up. "Too smothering" is probably a more accurate way to put it. I see. I agree with this.
lindya Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 I agree with all those who are cautioning against affixing the "nice guy" label to this bloke. When I think of a "nice bloke" I think of someone who seems friendly and well adjusted rather than someone who's clingy and insecure. The latter is all too often a ragbag of hassle and incessant demands for attention. Why has he become obsessively in love with you in such a short space of time? It could be that you genuinely are the most fabulous woman he's ever met....or it could be that he has a frequent tendency to fixate on and idealise women he barely knows. Looking at this... I told him I would because sooner or later we all need some space to miss and to be missed. He said he was lonely and he just wanted somebody to love. ...I'd suggest that the latter is more applicable (not to say you aren't fabulous, but it's important for you to take a very clear headed and objective approach to this situation). Some people carry around a great big bag of unmet needs and unrealistic expectations that they imagine "true love" will meet. They meet someone new, become wildly optimistic that this new person will "save" them....then it all crumbles and they have to look for a new love object to provide the next fix. Is that a path you can imagine this particular guy going down?
alphamale Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 Some people carry around a great big bag of unmet needs and unrealistic expectations that they imagine "true love" will meet. yeah, i have to actually use one plastic bag within another to hold all my unmet needs. they are so heavy. somtime i look quite foolish carrying this thing around all over the place.
lindya Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 yeah, i have to actually use one plastic bag within another to hold all my unmet needs. they are so heavy. somtime i look quite foolish carrying this thing around all over the place. It's not too late to write to Santa asking for a suitcase with wheels.
alphamale Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 It's not too late to write to Santa asking for a suitcase with wheels. unfortuantely father christmas does not come since we are not christian any other ideas?
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