yes Posted June 6, 2002 Share Posted June 6, 2002 hi... situation: going out of town for a weekend ... it's going to be 3 couples. the other two are steady. me and my guy will have been seeing each other for about month n a half by the time of the trip. me n my guy are getting difft bedrooms, - i asked for that, and he said no problem. however, i'm sure he'll try to sleep with me while we're there. i'm also sure he wont force me. i'm also sure it'll be hard for me to resist him, so I gotta decide in advance what i'm gonna do. another detail is that my guy is going out of town for two months a week after our trip. he planned this trip before we stated dating, and he cannot cancel, though he says he really wishes he could. so my questions are... am i right thinking that 1.5 months is too early to sleep w/ him? especially in the light of his two-months trip? how do I reject sex nicely?... i dont want him to feel hurt or unwanted, i simply would like to just date him for a while longer before moving south. thanks in advance for your advice, -yes Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted June 6, 2002 Share Posted June 6, 2002 sounds like your mind is made up that it IS too early to sleep with him, and that's cool -- just remember that it's your body, and you're in control of it, not someone else. If you don't feel comfortable with what might be considered a quick fling (because of his upcoming, long-term trip), it's better to be safe (and wait) than to be sorry (doing something you will later regret). LOL, I don't think a person who is in the mood is going to think about how nice you are as you turn them down, they're more concerned with pleasing the surge of hormones in their body is experiencing (guilty as charged!). But, if you're able to discuss this kind of stuff without being in a tricky spot (say, while you're snuggling or necking or kissing), and if he's really into you, he'll probably appreciate your honesty. Especially if he understands that you're not rejecting him, but would rather wait awhile so you can build up your relationship some more. Link to post Share on other sites
jimthzz Posted June 6, 2002 Share Posted June 6, 2002 If he really wants you, he will wait. BTW, why are you going on a trip that will be so full of temptation if you are not ready for sex with this guy? I mean, why tempt fate? BTW II, whether you sleep with him or not, he will want more sexual release far sooner than that 2 month period is over. so don't think you sleeping with him will "tide him over". I'm not saying he'll go looking for a sex partner during that time, but he will need release. Just make him wait for you for when you are ready! Link to post Share on other sites
Bill Posted June 7, 2002 Share Posted June 7, 2002 I see everyone has a different idea of too soon. *thinking* Link to post Share on other sites
Author yes Posted June 7, 2002 Author Share Posted June 7, 2002 the trip wasn't supposed to be 3 couples, it was supposed to be like 10 people, some single, some not... but it boiled down to just 6 people ... i don't wanna not go just cuz of that... i'm sure it'll be fun... i dont think ill have too much trouble with him sex-wise... ill try to mention it to him before we even get there that im not ready... thanks for your reply! -yes Link to post Share on other sites
velvet Posted June 7, 2002 Share Posted June 7, 2002 Since your having separate bedrooms and because the majority of your friends backed out of the trip does not mean that your going on a holiday special with him. You are going to brake loose enjoy your freedom during your vacation to whatever you please and you still get the pleasure of his company while hes there. Don't look at him as if he were a boyfriend on this trip. Let him know that things will not be serious or intimate btw you two until he gets back from his two month trip. I suppose you could give him a little sneak preview of what may come after his long trip. But I wouldn't do anything to get real close or make him feel too close to you yet. Why have sex with someone when the person is getting ready to leave for two months and could ultimately have sex with someone else, than come back to you. Thats kind of nasty! When you go on your vacation have fun with your friends and also be the loaner. Roam about, have your fun, don't be dependent upon this guy to have fun. Just treat him as you would any friend with maybe a little excessive flirting. Link to post Share on other sites
BeReal Posted June 7, 2002 Share Posted June 7, 2002 Do not do anything you don't feel ready for. I would have thought the comment about getting separate rooms would have sent him a message. I think you should talk to him as soon as possible. Let him know that there will be no sex and don't sound wishy washy. If it goes poorly either of you can still back out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yes Posted June 13, 2002 Author Share Posted June 13, 2002 thanks a lot for all your replies. i have happily cancelled going to the cottage... decided not to temp myself for no good reason. i'll see how things go with him when he's back from his trip. my reasoning was that ... if i sleep w/ him, i'll feel crappy when he's gone on his long trip. if i dont, it will be quite artificial & the weekend wont be much fun. so I just bailed out... Now i'm verrry curious to see if he'll still go or stay and spend his last weekend in town with me... i think this one will be a MAJOR indicator. -yes Link to post Share on other sites
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