disconcertainly Posted April 17, 2005 Share Posted April 17, 2005 Originally posted by SoFlyAngel my guy asked me and i dont care what anyone says we are getting married..we have been together for 5 years and b cuz of home situations we have to YOU SHOULD NEVER GET MARRIED B/C OF HOME SITUIATONS!!! I REPEAT NEVER!! I made that mistake when I was 18 almost 19 and I will regret it for the rest of my life! I have lived and learned from my mistake and I dont want you to go down the same road I did. Everything was great at the start of marriage but I sooned learned it was the idea of marriage that I LIKED not being married. My marriage ended up with my in an abusive situation...worse than my home! Just please don't do it. You are to young. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted April 17, 2005 Share Posted April 17, 2005 Only Google could revive a three-year-old thread!!! Link to post Share on other sites
tokyo Posted April 17, 2005 Share Posted April 17, 2005 Oh my god! Do people ever read the dates of the threads????? With the support of the whole LS team this thread will also make it to 2006. Link to post Share on other sites
disconcertainly Posted April 17, 2005 Share Posted April 17, 2005 Originally posted by kooky Oh my god! Do people ever read the dates of the threads????? With the support of the whole LS team this thread will also make it to 2006. Regardless of the dates on the thread..... People can always find help...even with THREE YEAR OLD THREADS! Peoples past experiences will always help others regardless of the dates recent or old! And just so u know I did see the dates! I just know that people go through the same things year after year. People are always looking for advice! Just wanted to chime in with my 0.02. =) Link to post Share on other sites
GirlDown Posted April 17, 2005 Share Posted April 17, 2005 i was with the same guy from age 14 to 22. we broke up. end up story. Link to post Share on other sites
dasads6690 Posted April 23, 2005 Share Posted April 23, 2005 Unless he pushes the issue of getting married.How are you going to be happy, knowing he didn't willingly at the moment get married. It needs to be a two way thing,marriage is a very serious commitment. Das. Link to post Share on other sites
tokyo Posted April 23, 2005 Share Posted April 23, 2005 Originally posted by disconcertainly Regardless of the dates on the thread..... People can always find help...even with THREE YEAR OLD THREADS! Peoples past experiences will always help others regardless of the dates recent or old! And just so u know I did see the dates! I just know that people go through the same things year after year. People are always looking for advice! Just wanted to chime in with my 0.02. =) But please, doesn't it make more sense to give your 2 cents to people who indeed have a problem? There are a lot of people out there whose thread nobody answers and here you are, beating a dead horse even though there are just the remains of a skeleton. Go and help people with recent problems, but don't drag on old ones. I understand if the topic was general and people want to state their opinion, but sorry, this here is nonsense. The purpose of this thread was to help the original poster and I highly doubt that she is still interested in getting answers. And sometimes people do not want to see their old problems pop up all the time, because either they are solved already or because there are still memories linked to them which might be hurtful or at least unpleasant. Link to post Share on other sites
dasads6690 Posted April 23, 2005 Share Posted April 23, 2005 Oooooops you are so right. I just rushed it & didn't look at date. Das. Link to post Share on other sites
BrotherAaron Posted May 3, 2005 Share Posted May 3, 2005 Personally... I'd like an update. Did the original poster ever get married? If so, did she have kids? Is she divorced? How about the naive teenager? Did she make it safely and independent into adulthood. Sorry for keeping this thread going, I just find it amusing. Link to post Share on other sites
motz Posted May 13, 2005 Share Posted May 13, 2005 You don't- unless he wants to as well. Link to post Share on other sites
curls Posted June 1, 2005 Share Posted June 1, 2005 OK first off age has nothing to do with love. when you go to the church they do not ask for id. So no you are not to young to get married second off i know how you feel about the whole thing.... People these days take marriage to lightly it is a bonding of two people so in love they cant stand it before god and your family. it has nothing to do with money and all of that. I rather be poor and in love then rich and unhappy.... but you do have to think to your self he the one.. and no you cant make a guy marry you..... like he cant make you hate your best friend... marriage is something that you do together as like a team.. you are in it for the long run, but if you are just wanting to get married because you want the whole wedding thing then that is the wrong reason. Trust me the whole big beautiful dress and flowers are a great thing and all but you want to do the walking down the isle thing to the one you really love not just because you just want to get married, but that is my intake on it Link to post Share on other sites
BlueVelvet Posted June 2, 2005 Share Posted June 2, 2005 Ok I've been with my bf for three years now. I am 28 and he is almost 29. We do not live together. I want kids, he says he doesn't. Then sometimes he says "when I have a kid" or "if I had a kid, I would teach it x". Anyway last summer we got into a huge fight when someone at a dinner party asked when we were getting married in front of everyone, and my bf got flustered and blurted out "Never, because she wants kids and I don't"...Of course this upset me greatly. Then when we got home and we were fighting he said maybe we will have kids, but he did not like that the person put him on the spot. So what do I do? He has not asked me to marry him. I don't know if I can sabotage my chance of having kids and stay with him for another 3 years. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueVelvet Posted June 3, 2005 Share Posted June 3, 2005 Ok I've been with my bf for three years now. I am 28 and he is almost 29. We do not live together. I want kids, he says he doesn't. Then sometimes he says "when I have a kid" or "if I had a kid, I would teach it x". Anyway last summer we got into a huge fight when someone at a dinner party asked when we were getting married in front of everyone, and my bf got flustered and blurted out "Never, because she wants kids and I don't"...Of course this upset me greatly. Then when we got home and we were fighting he said maybe we will have kids, but he did not like that the person put him on the spot. So what do I do? He has not asked me to marry him. I don't know if I can sabotage my chance of having kids and stay with him for another 3 years. Link to post Share on other sites
MJTig Posted June 6, 2005 Share Posted June 6, 2005 You need to sit down with him and get everything laid on the table because he is giving you mixed messages, and you are not trying to change his mind or anything necessarily but need to know what he is thinking. That way you can make an informed decision on what you want to do next. That's your right. if he doens;t want kids, period and you do, period.... you fo from there. But he needs to be clear about it. Link to post Share on other sites
chubachoop Posted June 9, 2005 Share Posted June 9, 2005 If couples actually communicated maybe theyd know why one of them doesnt want to get married!! What is it with people who wanna know how to push someone into marriage or wanna know why there boyfriend wont marry them?? Ive not been with my boyfriend long but we both know we wanna be together forever. I dont wanna get married yet though coz i dont feel old enough. he dont know if he ever wants to get married, hes not sure he agrees with it. If by the time im 33 he still hasnt married me (im 26 now) Ill probably rather than force him, evaluate whether i should continue the relationship. I know this post is old and i know the original poster is either married or not but who wants to recall there romantic proposal to there mates and have it go something like " yeah it was so sweet, i got him really drunk, threatened to leave him, faked a pregnancy, basically forced him into marriage. Wow im so happy and i feel so special." Pah! Link to post Share on other sites
organge Posted June 10, 2005 Share Posted June 10, 2005 to chubachoops - are you sure that at 33 you will find someone in time to be able to have kids? i'd give 6months to a year to get over your existing relationship; 6 - 12 months to find someone. then date around 12 - 18 to proposal; then another 6 - 12 months to wedding.. that takes you to be around 37 - 38 I'd say you should start moving on the topic when you are 28 - 29 the latest if you ever want to have kids. and even then you almost have no breathing time - in case the next relationship doesnot work.. Link to post Share on other sites
Grinning Maniac Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 That last post was kinda creepy in how you thought ahead so methodically. As if it's some secret plot that you have to get in on and you're counting the seconds. Marriage. Feh. What a waste of time. The divorce rate is sky high these days and I really dont feel like taking a gamble. Ironically I cherish the idea of marriage...yet other people are so careless and selfish w/ romantic relationships these days that it really holds no appeal to me in its current form. I'd like the freedom to leave a bad situation easily without losing half my stuff. Besides, if you love someone you don't need some ceremony and a ring to prove it. Marriage wont make your love any stronger and neither will getting knocked up. I'm sorry but it seems like women have the marriage thing all wrong. Am I wrong in feeling like a lot of you broads go after marriage like you have something to prove? As if a ring or a couple of crotch-rats prove you "win" in life? What's the point of marriage anymore? If you love each other shouldn't that be enough? Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 What's the point of marriage anymore? I guess to me it's the functional equivalent of shouting from the rooftops that you think your beloved is someone so great that you want to be together for all your existence. It's like taking the oath of citizenship or donning the team colours - tells the world that you're part of a unit and celebrates that fact. It's also one of the most vivid displays of trust anyone can participate in. Sadly, the world's become a place of distrust and so people fear trusting others to that extent. Sure, there are people one ought not trust but those who are trustworthy get tarred with the same brush and so people refrain from entering fully into relationships with one another. They keep something back 'just in case'. If you love each other shouldn't that be enough? No. You need much more than that. Link to post Share on other sites
Grinning Maniac Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 Oh Moi... When I say "love each other isnt that enough", I don't mean yay we have fluffy feelings for each other and have dated for 2 months...LETS GET MARRIED. Nuh-uh. I mean you're old enough to know yourself and what you want in a partner, you're in a stable position in your life, you have a minimal amount of emotional baggage, you're not marrying to meet some sort of imaginary "deadline" or "checklist"....etc, etc. I didnt mention those things because IMO they're a given. Pre-requisite to even thinking of making that leap. Unless you were referring to something else? I do agree with you about the lack of trust though. It's a little sad. Marriage wouldn't bother me so much if not for all legal nightmares that divorce seems to entail. As I said, the idea of two people loving each other enough to "merge" is heartwarming. But somewhere the idea's gotten twisted and warped into something that makes my hair stand on end in a bad way. My daddy hits me and I must flee...lets get married. All my friends are getting married...lets get married. Weddings look great on TV...lets get married. For some reason I get the feeling that people do it just because it's standard. As if like is some grand RPG and they've "leveled up" enough so HEY...time to get hitched. Eh. *shrugs and sleeps* Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 When I say "love each other isnt that enough", I don't mean yay we have fluffy feelings for each other and have dated for 2 months...LETS GET MARRIED I do agree with you about the lack of trust though. It's a little sad. Marriage wouldn't bother me so much if not for all legal nightmares that divorce seems to entail. As I said, the idea of two people loving each other enough to "merge" is heartwarming. But somewhere the idea's gotten twisted and warped into something that makes my hair stand on end in a bad way. Yeah it's sad. You already mistrust the gal in your life before she's even got there. For some reason I get the feeling that people do it just because it's standard Sure. Lots of people do it for the wrong reasons. Which is why I think if people want to stop the numbers of divorces, they need to make it MUCH harder to marry rather than much harder to divorce. You know - be proactive. And you can't life life afraid. You just try to be *real* careful (get a prenup ), take it slow, and heed 'warning signs'. And pray like crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
organge Posted June 13, 2005 Share Posted June 13, 2005 Grinning maniac Well, well – you are saying my post is creepy and methodical… agree – yes it is. Actually, I believe that in life you never know what works. For example my brother married at the age of 17, because his girlfriend of one month got pregnant. Now, 25 years later they are still happily married and have 2 beautiful kids. But it is human nature to weight the odds. And according to your posts you are as methodical as me – just in opposite direction. You say When I say "love each other isnt that enough", I don't mean yay we have fluffy feelings for each other and have dated for 2 months...LETS GET MARRIED. Well – and why not – if you are not methodical why not get married then? If you love her – you said that love should be enough and you are the one who is not methodical… - because it would be going against odds. The same for that girl – if the boy doesn’t want kids/marry her and she wants that then staying with him after age of 28 would be going against odds having children ever.. just simple as that And if the marriage does not matter – why not get married then? Why resist if it is unimportant? Link to post Share on other sites
HoneyWheat Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 Originally posted by BlueVelvet Ok I've been with my bf for three years now. I am 28 and he is almost 29. We do not live together. I want kids, he says he doesn't. Then sometimes he says "when I have a kid" or "if I had a kid, I would teach it x". Anyway last summer we got into a huge fight when someone at a dinner party asked when we were getting married in front of everyone, and my bf got flustered and blurted out "Never, because she wants kids and I don't"...Of course this upset me greatly. Then when we got home and we were fighting he said maybe we will have kids, but he did not like that the person put him on the spot. So what do I do? He has not asked me to marry him. I don't know if I can sabotage my chance of having kids and stay with him for another 3 years. hi bluevelvet He doesn't want kids. he's only saying he wants kids to keep you around. No doubt you two are shacking up and are on the pill he's a selfish s-o-b he doesn't want kids....he just wants to give you HOPE when he says...'maybe' i agree that it must have been upsetting to be put on the spot...did he answer the question????? yes even though he was pissed and his public announcement was and you need to pay attention because now he's made it public NO KIDS nada zip zilch dump him but make sure you cheat on him first because this isn't going anywhere....and if you don't cheat he'll persuade you to stay with some other lie of his designed to keep you under his thumb he's got WAY too much control of where you are going in life take it away from him...and don't ask his permission happy cheating and do it with gusto (make sure he doesn't find out) ps: he's cheating you out of mr. right so don't feel bad Link to post Share on other sites
HoneyWheat Posted June 14, 2005 Share Posted June 14, 2005 ok don't cheat but if that's what will help you get out of the situation do it oh you can always reassure yourself that this isn't cheating because your not even married.. dig? or you can let him know that you just want to be friends or that you want to get out of this here pseudo commitment but you don't mind dating him every once in awhile...but i recommend a clean break if you can't handle that then do the cheating...i know that's what i'd do and let;s call it what it is psuedo-cheating Link to post Share on other sites
Humbledog Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 Originally posted by Sweetheart My advice.. ....a road trip to Vegas...and plenty of liquor. Marriage normally comes out of that mix. I swear I was gonna post this exact thing.... as I scrolled and read ... Funny!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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