What does it take to get asked out on a date?

[Lights]

Lights, I have to say this whole discussion has been really beneficial to me.

Glad to have been of help and thanks for your advice so far.

 

So 1) approach approachable people 2) don't take it personnally. The key for me is to view the whole thing as fun. and humoristic.

I know this--in theory, it's applicable to my own approaches, but in practice I don't really get the chance to tell ahead of time who's approachable; oftentimes if I don't take action immediately they're already gone.

 

But as far as viewing it as fun and humorous goes, I have no idea how to do that.

 

The first step : Notice that women are checking you out. Walk about with a life-is-great smile on your face and notice the glances that come your way. Do this until you start realizing that, yes, women are checking you out. (It took me like a few weeks to notice that men were checking me out, honestly).

May I ask what kinds of places you were in when you found yourself being checked out? I'd really like to get this in motion.

 

But to get back to the life-is-great smile thing: You don't always have to walk around with a huge smile on your face. But those moment when you feel it - even if it's only once in awhile - do it. It works. And it actually made me change my perspective on myself and how I relate to other people.

 

Sounds great! If you don't mind my asking, what changed?

 

Also if you wear rings, wear them on the correct finger.

Ok. I don't wear any jewelry at all, so there shouldn't be any problem here.

 

 

If there are any men on this forum who've accomplished what I've posted up about, please chime in--I would like to hear from you.

[clatan]

I hate the way I'm still stuck fighting for scraps of a dating life that more properly belongs in the 1950s.

 

Your post intrigued me, especially the above comment. What do you mean by that? Do you mean that as if to say, you want a good-ol-days relationship and your stuck in the brutal lonenly world of '06? Or do you mean you want an exiting relationship and what little dating you do is boring and formal like the bad old days? Tell me all about the details of your situation?

[Lights]

Your post intrigued me, especially the above comment. What do you mean by that? Do you mean that as if to say, you want a good-ol-days relationship and your stuck in the brutal lonenly world of '06? Or do you mean you want an exiting relationship and what little dating you do is boring and formal like the bad old days? Tell me all about the details of your situation?

 

Neither. I meant that I want to play the field and date around a lot and, given modern-age gender roles, find myself approached, chatted up, and asked out on dates with a frequency commensurate with my own proactivity in doing the same.

 

Things like that may well have been all but unheard of until the final years of the previous millennium. Being a modern and reasonably socially advanced young man, however, I do expect it to happen to me. The question is why it hasn't ever been happening, and what I need to be doing about it to change the situation.

[Kamille]

Hi Lights, so how are you doing?

 

I'm wondering exactly how often you want to be approached or how often you think it should be happening...

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kamille

So 1) approach approachable people 2) don't take it personnally. The key for me is to view the whole thing as fun. and humoristic.

 

I know this--in theory, it's applicable to my own approaches, but in practice I don't really get the chance to tell ahead of time who's approachable; oftentimes if I don't take action immediately they're already gone.

 

But as far as viewing it as fun and humorous goes, I have no idea how to do that.

 

Sounds great! If you don't mind my asking, what changed?

 

My attitude about it is what changed. See before I used to take being approached or not being approached as something personal, but walking about just trying to feel confident and happy - eventually just feeling confident and happy - is what made me see that this whole attraction thing is actually quite hit and miss, and very humoristic. Basically, what is starting to happen is that by seeing the situation as 'fun' and by not making it about my own self-confidence, I almost automatically became more approachable. Think about the people you find approachable or of your friends who do get approached: they probably exude comfort with themselves. In a way, people approach them because they know the situation won't feel awkward.

 

May I ask what kinds of places you were in when you found yourself being checked out? I'd really like to get this in motion.

 

I work a lot and don't go out much (am changing contract so I am hoping this will change in January) but mostly I notice getting checked out just walking about the city where I live, in grocery stores ( a lot), video stores (as mentioned), and of course, when I do make it out, in the eventual bar. There I actually do get approached, but no, I don't usually approach guys... Perhaps because I get the impression they would automatically assume that I'm looking for one thing only.

 

At first though, a friend of mine had to point out to me that I was getting checked out because I simply did not believe it/was unable to see it. Humans are curious about each other.

[blind_otter]

Have you considered a "themed" T-shirt?

 

"quit yer bitchin', you did it in the kitchen" (referring to women who do home perms or home highlights/coloring)

 

"gettin lucky in kentucky" (self explanatory)

 

"I don't like the booze, it dulls the drugs"

 

and

 

"get the **** away from me"

 

have all worked for me, in the past.

 

 

OP -- It's how you feel about yourself that gets you dates. And also that self-esteem governs whether dirtbags or goodguys are attracted to you.

 

Confidence + being mildly attractive + tolerable social skills = dates

[magichands]

"get the **** away from me"

Where have you been all my life, bitch?

[Lights]

Hi Lights, so how are you doing?

 

I'm wondering exactly how often you want to be approached or how often you think it should be happening...

 

Right now, it's not so important at all--at the moment I've had to put nearly all socializing on hold in order to take care of other upcoming issues in my life. In the future though when things cool off, I just seek to have it be commensurate with my own social proactivity; I'd expect more such cases when I'm out and actively meeting people, and less when I'm not so actively social.

 

My attitude about it is what changed. See before I used to take being approached or not being approached as something personal, but walking about just trying to feel confident and happy - eventually just feeling confident and happy - is what made me see that this whole attraction thing is actually quite hit and miss, and very humoristic. Basically, what is starting to happen is that by seeing the situation as 'fun' and by not making it about my own self-confidence, I almost automatically became more approachable. Think about the people you find approachable or of your friends who do get approached: they probably exude comfort with themselves. In a way, people approach them because they know the situation won't feel awkward.

That bit about not making it about one's own self-confidence is the part I'd like to understand. How did you accomplish that? How specifically is it done?

 

I can believe that there's a lot of hit and miss involved, but I can't seem to bring myself to believe that a situation as extreme as my own is purely the result of bad luck, and even if I brush it all off by weakly trying to tell myself "It's their loss!" (so far I haven't ever had a positive result when I've directly told someone "Your loss." after speaking to them and being rejected), I'm still left with nothing. (Unless the situation isn't actually as extreme as it looks and more actually are considering me than I notice, as you mentioned that the first step was to notice women checking me out.)

 

I work a lot and don't go out much (am changing contract so I am hoping this will change in January) but mostly I notice getting checked out just walking about the city where I live, in grocery stores ( a lot), video stores (as mentioned), and of course, when I do make it out, in the eventual bar. There I actually do get approached, but no, I don't usually approach guys... Perhaps because I get the impression they would automatically assume that I'm looking for one thing only.

 

At first though, a friend of mine had to point out to me that I was getting checked out because I simply did not believe it/was unable to see it. Humans are curious about each other.

 

Thank you for your info, Kamille. I guess I'll see how things go.

[Kamille]

That bit about not making it about one's own self-confidence is the part I'd like to understand. How did you accomplish that? How specifically is it done?

 

I can believe that there's a lot of hit and miss involved, but I can't seem to bring myself to believe that a situation as extreme as my own is purely the result of bad luck, and even if I brush it all off by weakly trying to tell myself "It's their loss!" (so far I haven't ever had a positive result when I've directly told someone "Your loss." after speaking to them and being rejected), I'm still left with nothing. .

 

Self-confidence. Though one. See I used to be very insecure about my attractiveness. So much so that for me it kind of became a mathematical equation: self-confidence=being attracive. If I were attractive=i would get asked out. So I made my self-confidence (about dating) depend on how people would respond to me.

 

I think what changed is that I realised self-confidence, even about my attractiveness, comes from elsewhere. It comes from taking pride in my work, in my friendships. It comes from, well the usual bla bla, accepting myself as I am, quirks and all. Actually realising that it's the quirks that make me interesting.

 

I also stopped approaching men with the idea of trying to hit it off with them and rather started approaching men just to chat... I don't know if the difference is clear. It takes the pressure off and allows you to see pretty quick if you share interests or a sense of humor in common. If not, no big loss for anyone, I've just made a new buddy. If yes, I just made a new buddy I'll be looking foward to seeing again...

 

good luck with whatever it is that is upcoming

 

k

[dgiirl]

Kamille, I think you made perfect sense. I think it's more about just being in the moment, appreciating the experience just for the experience alone, rather than hoping for an expected outcome.

 

For instance, when you approach a woman while hoping she'll say yes, you start to focus more inward on your behaviours and trying to act a certain way to achieve the goal of her saying yes. This inward introspection tends to make us more anxious and more careful with our choice of words, giving off a standoffish vibe.

 

However, when you approach a woman with an attitude of let's try this purely for the experience alone, not caring what the outcome will be, you are more focused on the other person and there's less pressure on you to be at your "best". Doing things just for the hell of it. You become more at ease, and tend to be more approachable, and tend to go with the flow. You wont get all self concious or upset if the outcome is not favourable. You wont let the outcome define you as a person.

 

I think people are more at ease when there's nothing expected from them. So if you want women to be at ease around you as stranger, then you need not to expect things from them. If a guy approaches me with the expectation of me saying yes, I'll probably be more on gaurd examing every little thing about him to determine if I want to fulfil that expectation. If a guy approaches me with no expectations, just approaching me for the mere pleasure of having a conversation with me, I'll feel more comfortable.

 

This is just all theory for me. Havent really tried it yet. But I do realize that a lot of guys are attracted to me when I'm not trying to impress them.

[Prise]

It is very rare for a man to be approached “randomly” in a public environment.

 

It does happen, but only in a few select times. In my experience, I’ve only been approached by the opposite gender in public places where I frequent with regularity, such as the bookstore, coffee shop, and the gym. I can only assume the person striking up a chat with me has observed over time seeing me in the same place feeling comfortable enough to approach

 

So, you might start hanging out public places you enjoy at roughly the same time or a particular day during the week? I’ve noticed sometimes people interested in you will “suddenly” coordinate when they visit to coincide with when you visit. You’ll notice this person walking by you more than normal. Try a coffee shop, bookstore, gym or even an evening bar, where unlike everywhere else, women are unusually brazen in their approach.

 

When you’re at these places, try to appear easy going with a light smile. Appear gregarious, friendly, and jovial to everyone especially the staff. This will make you appear more approachable.

 

On the other hand, if you want to look cool and handsome sitting demurely sipping coffee seemingly oblivious to the world around you with a stoic indifference that screams out “I’m one cool dude,” no one will approach you. Well, no one except for the gorgeous “knock out” chick. And, if you have the looks and aura to attract that one, you can ignore everything I had just written and just show up.

 

Best of luck!

[Loserdude]

I'm not really sure what you mean by that, but I might have done something like that. It had no effect. (Urban legend has it that people may strike up a conversation based on a t-shirt one's intended interlocutor might be wearing--some call it a "conversation prop", but it never has worked for me. I've commented on t-shirts that other people were wearing, but it's never happened to me, except once where it was with other men who responded when a conversation already started and we were wearing t-shirts about similar kinds of music.)

S/he was being funny (I thought so). But to your question: Are you male or female, Lights? Makes a difference (although some will squawk upon reading that). Men tend to be socialized to ask, and women tend to be the ones who say "yes" or "no." If you're a guy, don't expect much. Most women are somewhat apprehensive (I will say, when they do, 99% of the time it's, "You want to get a drink?"

[D-Lish]

You don't have to be a movie star or an action hero to get dates if you're a man....

And you don't have to be a super model or a play boy bunny to attract the opposite sex if you're a woman.

 

What people are generally attracted to is confidence. I've dated some so-so looking guys mostly because I was attracted to the way they carried themselves, the fact that they had the balls to approach me or pursue me.

 

Smiling a lot can do wonders. Woman who are sucessful daters know the power of a smile and eye contact.

 

What women can smell from a mile away is desperateness... nobody likes that quality in another person.

 

Put it this way- the more people you approach, the more chances you have of meeting someone. You may talk to 10 girls- and one or two of them will surely respond. That means you have to be confident with being rejected here and there.

 

The fear of rejection can scare us off from approaching people, but if you never make yourself open that possibility, you won't have a good chance at meeting someone.

 

I make a lot of eye contact, and I smile at someone I want to talk to- it almost always works. I've even handed my card out on a few occasions with a little note- You're hot, call me sometime.

 

You can also join an on-line dating forum. You're less apt to feel rejected because you don't know the other person- and there is no physical approaching involved.

 

Good luck,

D

[Kamille]

Simple advice from D the dating expert!

[Lights]

Self-confidence....

I think what changed is that I realised self-confidence, even about my attractiveness, comes from elsewhere. It comes from taking pride in my work, in my friendships. It comes from, well the usual bla bla, accepting myself as I am, quirks and all. Actually realising that it's the quirks that make me interesting.

Congratulations! And thanks for your insight there--I'll see how that part goes for me.

 

I also stopped approaching men with the idea of trying to hit it off with them and rather started approaching men just to chat... I don't know if the difference is clear. It takes the pressure off and allows you to see pretty quick if you share interests or a sense of humor in common. If not, no big loss for anyone, I've just made a new buddy. If yes, I just made a new buddy I'll be looking foward to seeing again...

For instance, when you approach a woman while hoping she'll say yes...However, when you approach a woman with an attitude of let's try this purely for the experience alone, not caring what the outcome will be...

Both of you, Kamille and Dgiirl, have written this and it's quite true and applicable to what I've went through. My only problem is that I can't really do that--I'm stuck with that same problem at a lower level in that instead of approaching someone thinking of hitting it off, it's the same problem except that I'm approaching them thinking of them even talking back to me at all. It's rough when getting them to chat at all is so low-percentage; as a result I don't currently have the luxury of deciding whether or not to chat to get a yes versus chatting to just chat. I can understand that expectation can bring pressure, but I'm left wondering what other choice I have.

 

good luck with whatever it is that is upcoming

 

k

Thanks, Kamille.

 

I make a lot of eye contact, and I smile at someone I want to talk to- it almost always works. I've even handed my card out on a few occasions with a little note- You're hot, call me sometime.

Is there a secret to this? I've found it to be pretty rare to find the opportunity to do eye contact before they or I have already passed by or moved away. I've never in my life had a response of any kind when I've handed anyone a note, nor ever been called even if they have my contact information.

 

It does happen, but only in a few select times. In my experience, I’ve only been approached by the opposite gender in public places where I frequent with regularity, such as the bookstore, coffee shop, and the gym. I can only assume the person striking up a chat with me has observed over time seeing me in the same place feeling comfortable enough to approach

This sounds interesting. Were the people in question also regularly attending at the same times? (i.e. were the people at the gym/coffee shop/etc. the same people you see at the exact same times? Or are you and they more erratic time-wise?)

 

So, you might start hanging out public places you enjoy at roughly the same time or a particular day during the week? I’ve noticed sometimes people interested in you will “suddenly” coordinate when they visit to coincide with when you visit. You’ll notice this person walking by you more than normal. Try a coffee shop, bookstore, gym or even an evening bar, where unlike everywhere else, women are unusually brazen in their approach.

That's strange, then. I've never had any experience remotely like that in any of the locations you've mentioned. No 'brazen' approaches, nothing at all.

 

When you’re at these places, try to appear easy going with a light smile. Appear gregarious, friendly, and jovial to everyone especially the staff. This will make you appear more approachable.

Thanks, Prise. I'll give that a shot.

[Shovelack]

Neither. I meant that I want to play the field and date around a lot and, given modern-age gender roles, find myself approached, chatted up, and asked out on dates with a frequency commensurate with my own proactivity in doing the same.

 

Things like that may well have been all but unheard of until the final years of the previous millennium. Being a modern and reasonably socially advanced young man, however, I do expect it to happen to me. The question is why it hasn't ever been happening, and what I need to be doing about it to change the situation.

 

No offense, but I think your crazy. it has not been happening because your wish is not based in reality. Sorry for sounding a little harsh, but most women (most, not all), find it HUGE to ask a guy out. They are not socialized as we are to pursue a man. If you or any other guy gets asked out, consider it rare and yourself lucky. I can assure you the times that a femald has asked me out was pointless because I was not interested in her. If I was, I would have done the asking before she did it.

 

I think the point of this is simply for your insecurities to get a little coddling.

Enough said.

[D-Lish]

I have to admit, guys are more apt to make the first move~ but women generally give off signals that they are open for approach. ie: eye contact, smiles, stance.

 

Lights, to me it sounds like you are lacking in confidence, and as I previously stated~ people can sense that, they read that and don't find it attractive. The "poor me" syndrome is something that permeates every level of your life and interactions with others.

 

A confident person doesn't sit back and wait for something to come to them, they go after it. You don't need to be overly aggressive, because that too is a turn off.

 

As for handing my note to men I find attractive, well- I agree, most of them seemed shocked. But about 50% of the people I have done this with have called me. I assume the others are in relationships or simply don't find me attractive.... and I don't worry about that.

 

A simple "wow, you're really pretty" is an effective line.

 

I was out to dinner with a female friend the other night and at the end of dinner the waitress came over and said our dinner had been bought for us. So a table of men had picked up our tab. of course we went over and said thanks and struck up a conversation. I was really impressed by that. You see, doing things like this may not necessarily get you a date, but it's also a way of networking. Maybe you find people that might not be single or interested- but if you make a good impression, they might have single friends! My girlfriend is going out with one of those guys that bought us dinner last week....and guess what? he told her he has a close friend that wasn't there that evening that I may be interested in.

 

Do you get what I'm saying? It's about taking risks and recognizing opportunities. It's also about not being afraid to take risks and creating opportunities.

 

Stop being so focused on why you don't get approached, and start doing the approaching. If you see someone smile at you in a restaurant, pick up their tab.... Ask people you work with if they have single friends. Especially attached female co workers... they love orchestrating set ups.

Network!!

 

Opportunities are evrywhere.

Oh, and smile lots, keep your arms uncrossed (it screams "I'm unapproachable), and NEVER have a conversation with a woman's breasts... (most of us don't like that) .

 

D

[Lights]

Lights, to me it sounds like you are lacking in confidence, and as I previously stated~ people can sense that, they read that and don't find it attractive. The "poor me" syndrome is something that permeates every level of your life and interactions with others.

Yep, that sounds about right. As far as that goes, however, Kamille posted farther up regarding confidence coming from elsewhere--I'm currently working towards that.

 

A confident person doesn't sit back and wait for something to come to them, they go after it. You don't need to be overly aggressive, because that too is a turn off.

That's nice, and nowhere have I written that I sat back and waited at all. I do, and have always done, my share and then some of approaching. I posted the question because I am sick of having half my dating life destroyed outright before I make even one faux pas, so I'm asking advice on that half of my dating life here. I also prefer a more modern dating life. My own social proactivity is not in question.

 

As for handing my note to men I find attractive, well- I agree, most of them seemed shocked. But about 50% of the people I have done this with have called me.

Either you have amazing luck, or else there's something else involved. That method's got me 0% instead of 50% if implemented merely as you stated. Would you mind explaining a bit what else was involved in handing them the note?

 

A simple "wow, you're really pretty" is an effective line.

Thanks, D-Lish. I'll try that some time.

[D-Lish]

I do, and have always done, my share and then some of approaching. I posted the question because I am sick of having half my dating life destroyed outright before I make even one faux pas,

 

I don't quite understand what you mean by having half your dating life destroyed before making one faux pas... Can you elaborate?

 

 

Either you have amazing luck, or else there's something else involved. That method's got me 0% instead of 50% if implemented merely as you stated. Would you mind explaining a bit what else was involved in handing them the note?

 

I smile at someone, or I've noticed someone smiles at me, and if they smile back... that gives me the signal that they are open to being approached. I walk over, say "hello, I think you're hot, why don't you call me sometime". Then I hand them my number. That's it. Sometimes I stick around and chat a bit, sometimes I don't. Then I'll walk away and look back over my shoulder and smile at them as I'm leaving.

 

I'm in my 30's now~ so I am much more confident than I was in say my 20's. I'm also not hung up on rejection. I have a nothing ventured, nothing gained attitude. Rejection only affects me if I've fallen for someone and they end the relationship. I could care less if someone I don't know doesn't want to go out with me.

[Prise]

Were the people in question also regularly attending at the same times? (i.e. were the people at the gym/coffee shop/etc. the same people you see at the exact same times? Or are you and they more erratic time-wise?)

 

There appears to be a natural progression of a series of sequential events leading to the approach. I assume they’re (those who do eventually approach) “regulars” at the establishments I frequent, but can’t be certain. What I mean is there is no way to ascertain if the person has become a regular at the place in question based on increasing the odds of running into you.

 

If you frequent a place with regularity, from a force of habit, there will be certain times when you’re more likely to be there. Some people like working out in the morning, some in the evenings. Some have coffee at a certain time, or browse a bookstore on a certain day. Initially, if you frequent a place with regularity, you’ll randomly run into certain people whom you’re interested in, and equally people who like you. After some time, you’ll begin to run into certain people with some regularity. At some point, those interested in you will start showing up at the same time you do.

 

For example, let’s say on Monday mornings, you always frequent the gym at around 9 a.m. After a while, you start noticing the same girl who shows up at around the same time every single Monday. Not only that, but she makes it a point to workout near you, walk by where you are even though it’s out of the way, and eyes you occasionally. If this happens, the odds are she’s on the precipice of asking you out.

 

In my view, your odds of being approached are highly influenced be several factors. One, the predictability of where you will be at certain places, ie coffee shop at 10 am, gym at 4 pm, and bookstore on Saturdays. Second, irrespective of whether or not we notice, women do observe us when we’re not aware of it. The odds of approach increase if we naturally appear amicable and non-threatening to everyone. Finally, the better looking one is, the higher the odds of an approach, especially since for most women, making the approach is a huge dislocation of change from their time honored practice “always wait for the man to approach” philosophy.

[Xhie]

Where do you live?

 

It makes a difference if you are in a big city, small town, or a suburb outside of Tampa. Be realistic about what could happen in your environment.

 

You don’t talk to people enough, and before you start repeating yourself again that you want hot women coming up to you and asking you out, listen for a minute.

 

Make it a point to talk to 5 women every day.

 

Example: You’re sitting in a coffee shop (find your local borders if that’s all you have, often times that even works better). Find a woman there that is by her self, hell for now ignore any rings she might have, it doesn’t matter. Go up to her and say one of the following or something similar:

 

"That’s a great book! It'll give you a few tears, really worth the read"

 

"Heh cool shirt, I saw them when they were playing here last week"

 

"Is that a Tablet? COOL! I've been meaning to buy one, what do you think of yours?"

 

She will come back with one of several things:

"Thanks"

You can leave now.

 

"That show was awesome! Vince Smith did an awesome job on guitar"

Now talk about Vince Smith.

 

"I like it a lot, the stylus is my only complaint"

You ask her how, and your off.

 

Do this 5 times a day, most of them will come back with "Thanks", it doesn’t matter, the ones that actually talk to you will build your self confidence to where you actually do begin to fell comfortable in social situations without making them about yourself. The change will happen naturally, but you need to help it along.

 

One more thing: After you get rejected you will never see the woman again, what does it matter if she thinks you’re an idiot? Go up there and say anything, no matter how stupid it is.

[Prise]

She will come back with one of several things:

"Thanks"

You can leave now.

 

This is probably single best advice I've ever read!

[Lights]

Where do you live?

 

It makes a difference if you are in a big city, small town, or a suburb outside of Tampa. Be realistic about what could happen in your environment.

Hi Xhie, I'm currently in a suburban area outside a major city. (Not being a Floridian, I don't know anything about Tampa. Your profile location describes it as a "forsaken suburban wasteland"?) In future months I may end up moving to a major city. What would be realistic to expect in these environments?

 

Example: You’re sitting in a coffee shop...

Thanks, but this isn't anything I haven't known and used for many years. I am quite capable of making conversation, but as I pointed out earlier, it takes two to tango and several to have a mosh pit. I'll have to make a correction though; the vast majority will simply ignore one outright, not respond with "Thanks.". None of this necessarily raises one's confidence.

 

"Heh cool shirt, I saw them when they were playing here last week"

Interestingly, MagicHands also wrote a post suggesting the use of a themed t-shirt. Commenting on other people's shirts or on items they have in hand is something I've done for a long time, but it's never actually happened that someone did the same to me regarding something I was wearing or carrying. What would I do to elicit such actions from nearby women, and not be the one and only person around ever taking such actions?

 

I smile at someone, or I've noticed someone smiles at me, and if they smile back... that gives me the signal that they are open to being approached. I walk over, say "hello, I think you're hot, why don't you call me sometime". Then I hand them my number. That's it. Sometimes I stick around and chat a bit, sometimes I don't. Then I'll walk away and look back over my shoulder and smile at them as I'm leaving.

I see. In the past when I'd used this approach I hadn't waited and spent time smiling and checking if they smiled back (mainly because situations moved too quickly and if I spent time attempting things like smiles or eye contact, they'd already have moved past or away). If I find a situation that's slow-moving enough that this is possible, I'll definitely try this again if it's as high-percentage as you describe. Thanks, D-Lish.

[Xhie]

I just had to come back to this thread.

 

I don't really know how to ask this, some people have said I have a problem with wording things "nicely" so please don't take offense.

 

You sound intellectual, and not shy at all. Those two things alone should be enough to get you action. Buy they are not. So... my question to you is this: Is there something really wrong with you that your not telling us about?

 

Erm... wrong is a bad word I guess... Different, is there something really different about you?

 

Do you weigh 350 - 500 pounds? Have bad facial scaring? Some sort of skin disease? Really high pitched voice? Or just annoying voice in general? Gum disease that causes really really bad breath or any other cause of bad breath? Do you bathe less times a week then most people would like?

 

I'm really not trying to be mean or rude or anything, its just really puzzling me as to why women are not talking to you. There has to be something else to it. Let us help you deal with whatever that other thing is.

 

Now, maybe you don't know what it is, maybe you just read my post and it all sounds like stupid crazy talk to you, in that case my advice to you is this: Ask the women what they don't like about you, most will ... slowly back away... but some will actually tell you. Probably the mean ones, and they will do it in a mean way but I think at this point it is really something you need to hear.

 

Sort of like, when you go out for job interviews and you don't get hired its ok to call the company and ask why they didn't hire you, in the at same spirit of things.

 

Let us know how it goes and good luck to you.

 

/hugs

[Trialbyfire]

Looks like I'm late to the party too. Attracting men is about your confidence in yourself. How you carry yourself and what you wear and how you wear it. You don't need to wear revealing clothing to get their attention.

 

I'm not model material and am considered intellectual. I wear glasses most of the time and yet it never seems to stop guys from chatting me up in the elevators daily or pursuing me. Men help me out of the blue for no reason at all. I was even recently chased in my little import by a guy driving a Cobra for a good 5 miles looking for my name and number. Why? Lord knows because again, I'm not model material. I don't wear revealing clothing and don't sleep around. I don't wear a lot of makeup, actually, hardly any. If anything, I wear pants far more than skirts. If you knew the number of men that I've actually slept with, most of you would laugh, although I've dated a lot.

 

Just be confident and they will come knocking. Never freeze up when they start a conversation and don't ever be afraid to look them in the eye.

[magichands]

I was even recently chased in my little import by a guy driving a Cobra for a good 5 miles looking for my name and number.

That's one confident driving style you have there.

 

Before you said that, I thought it was your perfume.