Lights Posted October 29, 2006 Posted October 29, 2006 Or even have an attractive member of the opposite sex pass by and strike up a friendly, flirty conversation? After all these years, I still haven't learned anything about how it's done. I hate the way I'm still stuck fighting for scraps of a dating life that more properly belongs in the 1950s. How do I finish off this nastiness and have my social life join me in the third millennium?
Author Lights Posted October 29, 2006 Author Posted October 29, 2006 Have you considered a "themed" T-shirt? I'm not really sure what you mean by that, but I might have done something like that. It had no effect. (Urban legend has it that people may strike up a conversation based on a t-shirt one's intended interlocutor might be wearing--some call it a "conversation prop", but it never has worked for me. I've commented on t-shirts that other people were wearing, but it's never happened to me, except once where it was with other men who responded when a conversation already started and we were wearing t-shirts about similar kinds of music.)
DanielMadr Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 Or even have an attractive member of the opposite sex pass by and strike up a friendly, flirty conversation? After all these years, I still haven't learned anything about how it's done. I hate the way I'm still stuck fighting for scraps of a dating life that more properly belongs in the 1950s. How do I finish off this nastiness and have my social life join me in the third millennium? Im affraid it is more about sexappeal (nice friendly smile basically) and lot of luck....brave ones are dying pretty early the rest you see on streets they are mainly puzzies. To prevent it, marry a strong hero type guy - good example to your son. And please dont try to infect him with "just be nice to women and they will love you" type of thing
Walk Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 To prevent it, marry a strong hero type guy Daniel.. Man. She hasn't even gotten the hero type to talk to her yet. How the heck is she gonna marry him???? Well.. I'm no longer "looking", but in order for me to attract guys I have to talk to them first... I'm not exactly a stunner in the looks department (not that I'm ugly, just not model material) and most guys will pass me up if that's all they've got to go on. So I talk. You're post sounded intelligent and a bit humorous, so use that to your advantage. I guess I look at it the same way I do as trying to get new friends. If you never talk to new people, then you won't meet anyone new. In order for me to get new friends, I have to put myself out there, strike up conversations, etc. If I wait for them to talk to me.. then I hardly ever meet people. Plus.. I think the older we get, the less apt people are to strike up conversations with strangers. We tend to believe that age means "in a relationship", so instead of potentially being rejected, we just avoid trying. There may be non-verbal signs you are giving that are saying "don't talk to me". Things you aren't aware of... so to counteract those, you may have to take the leap and strike up the convo first. Or ask a friend to tell your their impression of your body language the next time you are out in public. Then try to modify it is more open and inviting. That's about all I have right now... Maybe you could explain a little more indepth what is hampering you. Is it topics to come up with? Or how to keep conversation light and flirty? Or how to get past the convo and into dating? OH, last thought.. you really want a guy to just come up and start talking.. wear provocative clothes. Men love sex. They have a hard time resisting temptation. hahaha Downside.. all you get are the horn dogs with little to no class. Or perv's.
DanielMadr Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 Daniel.. Man. She hasn't even gotten the hero type to talk to her yet. How the heck is she gonna marry him???? Well.. I'm no longer "looking", but in order for me to attract guys I have to talk to them first... I'm not exactly a stunner in the looks department (not that I'm ugly, just not model material) and most guys will pass me up if that's all they've got to go on. So I talk. You're post sounded intelligent and a bit humorous, so use that to your advantage. I guess I look at it the same way I do as trying to get new friends. If you never talk to new people, then you won't meet anyone new. In order for me to get new friends, I have to put myself out there, strike up conversations, etc. If I wait for them to talk to me.. then I hardly ever meet people. Plus.. I think the older we get, the less apt people are to strike up conversations with strangers. We tend to believe that age means "in a relationship", so instead of potentially being rejected, we just avoid trying. There may be non-verbal signs you are giving that are saying "don't talk to me". Things you aren't aware of... so to counteract those, you may have to take the leap and strike up the convo first. Or ask a friend to tell your their impression of your body language the next time you are out in public. Then try to modify it is more open and inviting. That's about all I have right now... Maybe you could explain a little more indepth what is hampering you. Is it topics to come up with? Or how to keep conversation light and flirty? Or how to get past the convo and into dating? OH, last thought.. you really want a guy to just come up and start talking.. wear provocative clothes. Men love sex. They have a hard time resisting temptation. hahaha Downside.. all you get are the horn dogs with little to no class. Or perv's. Question is how to recognize the MAN. Real MEN tend to be more silent, no-peacocking type of guys, confident on battlefield - nervous at party type. Younger(inexperienced) women/girls cant tell the difference. I dont say its your fault girls - it is not always easy to repair/fine-tune the wuss-radar. I agree with your advice Walk. Id like to add..... it takes some acting skills - no slouching, eye contact, smile and back it up by your easy-going, positive mindset. You dont have to die being introvert. Balance is everything. Social skills you must learn (Im not trying to imitate StarWars cr*p...I be foreigner). Men love sex.....uhuh....almost so much as girls do Men can control the urge But its always nice to see some skin, decolt. To seduce man I would recommend some kind of sensual touching - stroke his upper arm or back - it is a strong signal.
Kamille Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 You've been receiving good advice here. I myself am learning to be more approachable and here is what I am learning: humans love to talk. Especially men. They like to engage in flirty conversations with nice easy-going woman. So look at it this way: by taking Walk's advice and sparking up humourous conversations you are actually adding a little spark to their day. The trick is to smile and be confortable. Men have insecurity radars. Which also means they are incredibly attracted to secure girls. Well most of them anyways and like DanierMadr said, you want to attract a real Man, not a wuss. So forget about wanting them to ask you out. You have to engage in flirty conversations for the sheer pleasure of them. Oooh, and a friend told me about this trick: To seduce man I would recommend some kind of sensual touching - stroke his upper arm or back - it is a strong signal. Believe me, it works! I don't think of myself as a looker myself, but I can see them melting when I touch them casually on the upper arm...
Author Lights Posted October 31, 2006 Author Posted October 31, 2006 Im affraid it is more about sexappeal (nice friendly smile basically) and lot of luck....brave ones are dying pretty early the rest you see on streets they are mainly puzzies. To prevent it, marry a strong hero type guy - good example to your son. And please dont try to infect him with "just be nice to women and they will love you" type of thing I can understand that sex appeal matters to a point. Hell if I know what to do about it, though. I don't know where marriage came up here; I'm purely asking about flirting and dating. Incidentally, I have no intention of marrying any guy of any kind. I am a straight man. There may be non-verbal signs you are giving that are saying "don't talk to me". Things you aren't aware of... so to counteract those, you may have to take the leap and strike up the convo first. Or ask a friend to tell your their impression of your body language the next time you are out in public. Then try to modify it is more open and inviting.[/QUOTe] This is possible, but I'm not sure what or how or why. Most of my friends view me as normal, and don't think of me as saying "don't talk to me". I have encountered a few exceptions from other sources though; two of them said I sometimes look very threatening just standing or walking around, and another said that I look normal but have a bit of a guard up when out in public, which he considers to be a good thing. I do not know what it is I might be doing that lends itself to either description. I've tried "opening up" my body language (smile or attempt to smile, consciously keeping hands open, attempt body language mirroring if I am able to be conscious of it at the time), but it's only rarely had any effect, and never one that lent itself to me being approached. I'm mainly asking because I'm the only person ever to attempting to make a conversation as anything remotely potentially flirting-related goes. I've yet to ever hear even so much as a "hey, how's it going? :)" or "I don't think I met you. I'm Jenn...". This isn't the kind of experience I'm that interested in--in these modern times, I'd hope that I'd get chatted up and asked out sometimes too. But no, I'm stuck with a 1950s dating life instead of a 2000s one, and year after year I often seem to be thanklessly and singlehandedly fighting through a battle to get even a response to a friendly hi. The trick is to smile and be confortable. I'd certainly believe that. But I do find it tough to automatically become comfortable though, or to immediately be happy enough to smile (if I'm previously not at the time) when the occasion occurs that I notice someone. Well most of them anyways and like DanierMadr said, you want to attract a real Man, not a wuss. So forget about wanting them to ask you out.[/Quote] No, I actually don't plan on attracting any men at all. I just seek to have a full, highly modern dating life that doesn't have half of it destroyed before I even say a word.
Kamille Posted October 31, 2006 Posted October 31, 2006 sorry! wow i guess we're all stuck in the last century. it doesn't change the content of what i posted. but now i get a new perspective. I've approached men, but in not so foward ways as what you describe. Do you notice girls making random comments about what may seem like irrelevant stuff to you? I know that's what I do. I don't really approach in a very foward way (I would never do the "hi my name is Kamille" thing. Although i guess i could try next time.) Make sure you don't discount unfoward approaches as meaningless. Funny because I actually had one random interaction at the video store tonight. Cute, non-threatening, guy to the left, I mumbled something like so many movies so little time and we just chatted about nothing for about two minutes. it made me feel good and he seemed to enjoy it. it was flirting on my part, even though I'll probably never see the guy again.
Author Lights Posted October 31, 2006 Author Posted October 31, 2006 I've approached men, but in not so foward ways as what you describe. Do you notice girls making random comments about what may seem like irrelevant stuff to you? I know that's what I do. I don't really approach in a very foward way (I would never do the "hi my name is Kamille" thing. Although i guess i could try next time.) Make sure you don't discount unfoward approaches as meaningless. I understand. True, even in my own case, I don't do "Hi, my name is Lights" that often unless I'm feeling particularly sociable at the time and I suspect the interaction is reasonably slow-moving (it's pretty brutal to be left completing one's introduction as they pass right by in faster situations). Those were only examples of possible initial sentences, though--the point I was trying to make was that attempts at striking up conversations with me just weren't happening in the first place, and I had no idea what'd been causing that. Funny because I actually had one random interaction at the video store tonight. Cute, non-threatening, guy to the left, I mumbled something like so many movies so little time and we just chatted about nothing for about two minutes. it made me feel good and he seemed to enjoy it. it was flirting on my part, even though I'll probably never see the guy again. That's great too--that too can start a fun conversation. If only I knew how to arrange that in my life. To answer your original question, no, girls haven't yet ever commented to me in the manner you described.
Flyin in Clouds Posted October 31, 2006 Posted October 31, 2006 ....but in order for me to attract guys I have to talk to them first... Truth be told guys are chicken and the one's that will start a conversations usually get blown off as "jerks" whether they're jerks or not. If I wait for them to talk to me.. then I hardly ever meet people. As someone explained it to me once, If I was going to wait for some hot sexy blond to knock on my door... I'd be lonely for a long time. As it turned out I "bumbed" into her in the hall way... it was an accident of course... :lmao: OH, last thought.. you really want a guy to just come up and start talking.. wear provocative clothes. Men love sex. They have a hard time resisting temptation. hahaha Downside.. all you get are the horn dogs with little to no class. Or perv's. What's wrong with "horn dogs". Got something against sex? And frankly I'd be looking for a female perv... they go by a different name though... If you wear sexy cloths and talk to a guy you are interested in... if you're a woman...
Guest Posted October 31, 2006 Posted October 31, 2006 You've been receiving good advice here. I myself am learning to be more approachable and here is what I am learning: humans love to talk. Especially men. They like to engage in flirty conversations with nice easy-going woman. So look at it this way: by taking Walk's advice and sparking up humourous conversations you are actually adding a little spark to their day. The trick is to smile and be comfortable. Men have insecurity radars. Which also means they are incredibly attracted to secure girls. Well most of them anyways and like DanierMadr said, you want to attract a real Man, not a wuss. So forget about wanting them to ask you out. You have to engage in flirty conversations for the sheer pleasure of them. Oooh, and a friend told me about this trick: Believe me, it works! I don't think of myself as a looker myself, but I can see them melting when I touch them casually on the upper arm... For me I was first seduced by her use of language. How humour, and smarts, and range came so easy. Next was her voice. How the words sounded coming from her. Next was how her whole body showed me that she we interested and engaged in the conversation. It was so sexy.
confusedgeek Posted October 31, 2006 Posted October 31, 2006 This is an interesting post I saw here. It is a bit late for me, and I couldnt go to sleep, so, I thought I'd post. "What does it take to get asked out on a date? Or even have an attractive member of the opposite sex pass by and strike up a friendly, flirty conversation?" Truth to be told, it never happened to me yet. I can't remember when any girl asked me to go out with her these past 28 years, at least, in person. I have a long distance relationship right now, and she asked in a subtle way of going out on a date. Granted, I haven't met her yet, but I will in 30 days. So, it's not quite a "real" asked out on a date thing. To me, its a 50% get asked out on a date. I hope to make it a reality in 30 days though =) I think it is pretty darn hard to get asked out by a girl. Unless the guy looks really good in the woman's eye, its not going to happen. I think a guy has to do something special to get a girl to ask him out, like get hit by a car or save the girl's dog from being run over by a car. The couples I see walking down the street tend to look good together. I have yet to see a handsome guy flirt with an ugly girl. Or a beautiful woman flirt with an ugly guy. I would want to know the secret of that ugly guy, really =) Getting into a flirty conversation real person to real person, I can't say it happened to me. I figure it takes a lot of practice to do this one. Talking to people correctly requires a bit of skill. Talking to people with flirty skills requires huge skill. Thats my opinion though. I don't think im qualified to answer this question seriously. If it's a girl, and she dresses up sexier than normal, I don't she would have any problems finding guys talking to her. If it's a guy, yeah, thats a tough question. I don't have an answer for it yet. - ConfusedGeek
Guest Posted October 31, 2006 Posted October 31, 2006 I can understand that sex appeal matters to a point. Hell if I know what to do about it, though. I don't know where marriage came up here; I'm purely asking about flirting and dating. Incidentally, I have no intention of marrying any guy of any kind. I am a straight man. This is possible, but I'm not sure what or how or why. Most of my friends view me as normal, and don't think of me as saying "don't talk to me". I have encountered a few exceptions from other sources though; two of them said I sometimes look very threatening just standing or walking around, and another said that I look normal but have a bit of a guard up when out in public, which he considers to be a good thing. I do not know what it is I might be doing that lends itself to either description. I've tried "opening up" my body language (smile or attempt to smile, consciously keeping hands open, attempt body language mirroring if I am able to be conscious of it at the time), but it's only rarely had any effect, and never one that lent itself to me being approached. I'm mainly asking because I'm the only person ever to attempting to make a conversation as anything remotely potentially flirting-related goes. I've yet to ever hear even so much as a "hey, how's it going? :)" or "I don't think I met you. I'm Jenn...". This isn't the kind of experience I'm that interested in--in these modern times, I'd hope that I'd get chatted up and asked out sometimes too. But no, I'm stuck with a 1950s dating life instead of a 2000s one, and year after year I often seem to be thanklessly and singlehandedly fighting through a battle to get even a response to a friendly hi. I'd certainly believe that. But I do find it tough to automatically become comfortable though, or to immediately be happy enough to smile (if I'm previously not at the time) when the occasion occurs that I notice someone. No, I actually don't plan on attracting any men at all. I just seek to have a full, highly modern dating life that doesn't have half of it destroyed before I even say a word. I am sorry if that sounded strong..i wish you were here because then this would be easier. I don't want to rush - what i am saying is talking in regards to certain topics but u want to teach me new dating skills so i will follow yer lead
DanielMadr Posted October 31, 2006 Posted October 31, 2006 Incidentally, I have no intention of marrying any guy of any kind. I am a straight man. OMG. Then forget about strange girls asking you out. Even if you look like movie hero, there is little to no chance. They will send you subtle hints but thats it. Stop whinning, get some balls and go get it champ. I thought you are a girl....thats says pretty everything.
dgiirl Posted October 31, 2006 Posted October 31, 2006 Lights, as you know, I think it's really hard to strike up a conversation with a stranger. The BEST i've been able to do was the other day, I smiled at a guy passing me, and he mirrored my exact smile. I've had guys smile at me, but this one mirrored the exact way I did. Unfortunately, we were passing each other going in opposite directions. Do you have anything else going for you? Do you have any hobbies that gets you out and socializing? What about taking a dance class? I should take my own advice, but I think it's easier to meet people in a non-threatening environment. It's easier to meet people if you are doing the same activity week after week. It gives people a little bit of security knowing that other's have seen the two of you talk so if things get weird, atleast they'll find your body lol
Kamille Posted October 31, 2006 Posted October 31, 2006 yes, dgirl is right. I started slowly on my path to being approached-approaching members of the opposite sex. The first step : Notice that women are checking you out. Walk about with a life-is-great smile on your face and notice the glances that come your way. Do this until you start realizing that, yes, women are checking you out. (It took me like a few weeks to notice that men were checking me out, honestly). You will naturally graduate too: A little flirty eye contact, an inviting smile. That is, you'll feel more confortable about yourself in these situations, you'll see it as fun, and so you'll invite conversation by casting a flirty glance her way. Now if anyone has any idea what step three is, I'd like to know. And if I stumble upon it, I'll let you know. Good luck Lights!
Author Lights Posted November 1, 2006 Author Posted November 1, 2006 I guess I look at it the same way I do as trying to get new friends. If you never talk to new people, then you won't meet anyone new. In order for me to get new friends, I have to put myself out there, strike up conversations, etc. If I wait for them to talk to me.. then I hardly ever meet people. I know; I do that all the time. The fact that it's only going one way is what's irritating me. As someone explained it to me once, If I was going to wait for some hot sexy blond to knock on my door... I'd be lonely for a long time. As it turned out I "bumbed" into her in the hall way... it was an accident of course... Actually, I've witnessed other people knock on other people's doors, but that was many years ago, in a college dorm, so it's long irrelevant to me. Infuriatingly, nothing of that sort involving people of either gender happened in my direction until my third year, and that person was someone I strongly disliked until later on (turns out that he was just graceless at that point in his development, and not really a bad guy at all), even though I actively tried to meet new people in many locations. Even in your case though, you encountered someone. I do not plan on relying on one method over the other; I just plan on having both in my life. I think it is pretty darn hard to get asked out by a girl. Quite possibly. It's painful to witness though, when I've seen other men before being approached (in one case, he was almost right next to me! I was shocked and thinking "What the hell? And I don't count?!"), men getting asked for their phone numbers, or even asked out to lunch. Lights, as you know, I think it's really hard to strike up a conversation with a stranger. I know. But I do have, and do employ, the ability to take actions associated with striking up a conversation with a stranger. Whether or not it actually works, of course, is another matter; even the finest conversationalist will run up against the simple fact that it takes two to tango and many to have a mosh pit. I just don't know what's preventing others who do have that capability from passing by and saying hi or as Kamille pointed out, commenting on something nearby. Do you have anything else going for you? Do you have any hobbies that gets you out and socializing? What about taking a dance class? I should take my own advice, but I think it's easier to meet people in a non-threatening environment. It's easier to meet people if you are doing the same activity week after week. It gives people a little bit of security knowing that other's have seen the two of you talk so if things get weird, atleast they'll find your body lol Most of my hobbies are solitary or are set in situations which don't lend themselves to socializing. I've made the mistake of dance classes before (the results weren't pretty!), but my experiences may not be everyone else's--did you find them to be fun? I'm not sure what you mean by a non-threatening environment, though--what kinds of locations would that mean? yes, dgirl is right. I started slowly on my path to being approached-approaching members of the opposite sex. The first step : Notice that women are checking you out. Walk about with a life-is-great smile on your face and notice the glances that come your way. Do this until you start realizing that, yes, women are checking you out. (It took me like a few weeks to notice that men were checking me out, honestly). You will naturally graduate too: A little flirty eye contact, an inviting smile. That is, you'll feel more confortable about yourself in these situations, you'll see it as fun, and so you'll invite conversation by casting a flirty glance her way. Now if anyone has any idea what step three is, I'd like to know. And if I stumble upon it, I'll let you know. Good luck Lights! All right. One thing is that I'm not really good at simply assuming a mood or look at a given time; you mentioned having a life-is-great smile on my face, which I may occasionally feel happy enough to be able to do, but I don't really know how to just assume it in other circumstances. I'll have to see how this works. Good luck to you too
dgiirl Posted November 1, 2006 Posted November 1, 2006 Most of my hobbies are solitary or are set in situations which don't lend themselves to socializing. I've made the mistake of dance classes before (the results weren't pretty!), but my experiences may not be everyone else's--did you find them to be fun? I'm not sure what you mean by a non-threatening environment, though--what kinds of locations would that mean? No i havent tried dance classes just yet, hence i need to follow my own advice. But I've had friends join and they had a great experience with it. It also depends on each city. They all have their cliques, some more friendlier than others. However, by non-threatening, I mean if I join a class or something, and I see the guy week after week in the class, I start to get to know him a little and it becomes non-threatening. I'd be more willing to talk to him. Not only have I seen him for a few times, but others have seen him too. However, if I'm standing in the line at the bank, my gaurd would be more up.
jerbear Posted November 1, 2006 Posted November 1, 2006 I have asked a girl I've meet the 1st time after checking to make sure she has no rings on her. Ask if she is single and go from there. The problem with some dance classes is that as a group in a univ environment it is more social than dance. Now for 1 on 1 dance instruction the best are studios. So no candidates in big groups.
Author Lights Posted November 1, 2006 Author Posted November 1, 2006 I have asked a girl I've meet the 1st time after checking to make sure she has no rings on her. Ask if she is single and go from there. The problem with some dance classes is that as a group in a univ environment it is more social than dance. Now for 1 on 1 dance instruction the best are studios. So no candidates in big groups. Hi Jerbear, Are you sure this post is in the right thread? This thread was about how to get approached and asked out, not how to find out if someone is single when conversation has already started.
JohnM Posted November 1, 2006 Posted November 1, 2006 Well, I'd kill for some girls to come talk to me. If you want it that bad then you could try starting up some conversations, I'd do it myself but I just wouldn't know where to start and I'm just too plain shy to do so lol. Part of the problem is that alot of guys find it hard to approach women.
Kamille Posted November 2, 2006 Posted November 2, 2006 Lights, I have to say this whole discussion has been really beneficial to me. For the last two days I have been a lot less scared to smile and check out men in public, realizing how hard it is for you guys. Not all of them respond but most do with a smile of aknowledgement. I am realizing the trick is to be selective in who I will approach and, simply put, if they already have a smile on their face or look relaxed, they will most likely respond back with a friendly smile. I laughed when I checked out this really hot guy who was frowning and, well, he just kept frowning and passed me by. So 1) approach approachable people 2) don't take it personnally. The key for me is to view the whole thing as fun. and humoristic. I also noticed that people will respond more at different times of the day. Daytime, forget it unless the person looks very very approachable. Evening, go for it. It might be easier for women because maybe we're not perceived as threats. So never come on too strong. Light and casual. Perhaps you live in a city or you hang out at some spots where you keep running into the same people... But to get back to the life-is-great smile thing: You don't always have to walk around with a huge smile on your face. But those moment when you feel it - even if it's only once in awhile - do it. It works. And it actually made me change my perspective on myself and how I relate to other people.
dgiirl Posted November 2, 2006 Posted November 2, 2006 I laughed when I checked out this really hot guy who was frowning and, well, he just kept frowning and passed me by. So 1) approach approachable people 2) don't take it personnally. The key for me is to view the whole thing as fun. and humoristic. lol Kamille, I do the same thing. I'll be walking in the stores, listening to the music, maybe even singing along, enjoying the moment, and then there will be this really hot guy walk past. Unfortunately, he'd be so damn serious and "cool", it'd make me laugh internally. Try to smile, try to be relaxed, and dont take things so serious.
jerbear Posted November 2, 2006 Posted November 2, 2006 Hi Jerbear, Are you sure this post is in the right thread? This thread was about how to get approached and asked out, not how to find out if someone is single when conversation has already started. Yes. Ties in to prior portions of this thread on dance lessons. Groups vs. individualized lessons and quality of lessons. Also if you wear rings, wear them on the correct finger.
Recommended Posts