johan Posted October 22, 2006 Posted October 22, 2006 That's a broken relationship, girl. Do you have any fun at all when you're together? Seems like you're on eggshells all the time. You said it seems like you're the one who should be pissed, not him. Well, why aren't you?
Touche Posted October 22, 2006 Posted October 22, 2006 I've said it before and will say it again. He's an abuser. He's emotionally abusive and wouldn't at all surprise me if he starts shoving and pushing you, if he hasn't already. All the signs are there. Wish you could see them..oh well.. And why do you always just let him get away with it? Like the ignoring you thing while he stares at another girl. You're LETTING him treat you this way. He should have apologized to you. Really, you should have walked out on him right there and then.
IpAncA Posted October 22, 2006 Posted October 22, 2006 Why do you put up with that? He gets angry and then treats you like crap and then turns around and says he's sorry or just joking. That relationship is not a relationship and he shows signs of an abuser. I hope you can see what he's doing is wrong and you deserve better. Anyone who is treated like that does.
Kittiecat Posted October 23, 2006 Posted October 23, 2006 Yeah, you need to leave this guy ASAP. Do you like feeling this way? Eventually, you're going to start resenting yourself for allowing him to treat you this way. That's a horrible feeling. I've been there. Personally, if some guy who supposedly loved me muttered under his breath "I really can't see us being together forever..." right in front of me I think he'd be wearing the rest of his dinner.
Author lovestruck234 Posted October 23, 2006 Author Posted October 23, 2006 I just don't want to start any arguments.....that's why I keep my mouth shut... He gets really really angry when we argue....like so angry that it's scary... I truly believe SOME of the ways he treats me, he doesn't realise just how bad it is..how much it hurts me. When we're not arguing and on a "good streak", things are GREAT! I do have alot of fun with him, we laugh and do things that crack us up, he is really loving and affectionate (most of the time). Just, things are slowly fading...I was going through my text messages yesterday and looking at the ones that are from far back from him that are all nice and sweet (some a little sexy), but now, I'm lucky to recieve a "I love you" text. I wish I had a boyfriend who bought me flowers and took me to sweet places, gave me kisses all the time, be the first one to say "I love you" instead of the second....I wish I had alot of things....lol a little selfish I know.... I feel as though I need a really good excuse to break up with him though. RIght now, I don't have a good enough excuse.... IF he ever cheats on me, then I will break up with him, that's an excuse, but this isn't.....I don't know. *Sigh* I just don't.
the_alchemyst Posted October 23, 2006 Posted October 23, 2006 You don't need an "excuse" to break up with him, you need a reason, and you have many to chose from. The only "excuses" visible here are the ones you're making in order to stay in this relationship because you "love him and know things will someday be better." But they are NOT getting better, they are getting worse. And honestly, love is not enough, especially when it pales in comparison to the dispair you suffer so often thanks to him and his immature/abusive ways. My bet is that you're going to stay with him, regardless of what he does, for a good long time. Things will continue to be the same, him treating you like sh*t when he feels like it, and you, for the most part, taking it. And so on. This will continue, and you self-esteem is going to dwindle down so low, you're not even going to remember you ever had any. And you know what the kicker will be? That he's probably going to leave you in the end. Do you seriously not hear his suggestions that he wants out? Like all the "murmurs" and such? Come on, girl. But, as I said, that's my bet.
magichands Posted October 23, 2006 Posted October 23, 2006 I feel as though I need a really good excuse to break up with him though. RIght now, I don't have a good enough excuse.... That's true - the last thing you need is to be hit with legal action for improper dismissal. I wonder how he matches up to alphamale's "list" ?
Walk Posted October 23, 2006 Posted October 23, 2006 I know my situation isn't quite the same as yours... and you probably don't want to sit around reading old posts, but I was wondering if you could read a few of my old posts and tell me if they sound at all (in the least little way) like you and Rhy's relationship. At least as far as the sarcasm, the remarks, the threats, the comments about other women.... If you have time, can you just skim through it and see if it even sort of looks similiar? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t86578/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=82224 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t81045/ Not meaning you to read through every one of those.. just thought I'd give some options. But honestly, I've read some of your posts, and I remember how my relationship was back then and it's really disturbing. Seriously disturbing. So maybe, take a look at a couple of my old posts, and correlate to your situaiton (if you can make it through my scattered brain writing). Maybe you can attempt to see your relationship from more of an outsider perspective on things. What would you have told me reading my posts... And then if you see your relationship mirrored in what I wrote (at all) then take your own advice. But you aren't crazy. What he's doing is incredibly hurtful, disrespectful, and undermines your self-confidence and belief in your capabilities. You have to stand up to him. Don't let him intimidate you. Would you leave if he hit you? just wondering. Or did you not mention that because you really don't believe he would hit you? You only said if he cheated.....
Walk Posted October 23, 2006 Posted October 23, 2006 And you know what the kicker will be? That he's probably going to leave you in the end. Do you seriously not hear his suggestions that he wants out? Like all the "murmurs" and such? Come on, girl. I don't agree... I think underneath all of Rhy's BS bravado is a very insecure little boy. I think he'll do anything to keep the upper hand in this relationship. that he wants to keep her off balance and constantly trying to appease him in order to bolster his feelings of not being worthy enough to be with her. I think he wants her because she's a status symbol, she's an honestly good person, and he can intimidate the hell out of her with a couple of words. But the moment she steps up to him, he backs off. He doesnt' call it off. He just backs off. He doesnt' follow through with endign the relationship because he honestly doesnt' want to lose her.. But I think she also makes him realize how unworthy he is, so he says things to make himself feel more "manly". The comments about other women, threats to end the relationship, calling her stupid. He's not attempting to get her to leave.. he's attempting to reassert himself as top dog because he doesn't feel he's worth the crap on her shoe. He's over compensating for what he lacks inside himself. But I think little old Rhy's would rather die then break up with lovestruck. He needs her to bolster his ego by begging him to stay. Needs her to feel less so he can feel bigger. Needs her to be hurt when he pushes her away so that he'll know she really wants his sorry pathetic azz. Because he doesn't trust that anyone would really love him, so he tests it... constantly. If he treats her like crap and she continues to come back... then he feels better inside.. but that feeling fades really quickly, so he has to do it again, and again.. and more.. He has to point prove to her that he doesn't want her so badly.. that she isn't all that, because he's scared to death she'll figure it all out and she'll no longer be his puppet. I think he's deathly scared she'll realize he's not worthy of her, and she'll dump him... And I think that's why he does all this crap. To control her. Keep her near him. Close and off balance so that she won't have the power to ever leave him. At least, that's my non-professional, honest assesment of the situation.
Author lovestruck234 Posted October 23, 2006 Author Posted October 23, 2006 Thanks Walk and Alchemyst.... So I read your threads Walk....so you did end up leaving him? Weren't you hurt? See, I would leave him this afternoon IF I was strong enough, but I'm not... Walk, my mum has said to me what you wrote about him in your last post there. About how surprised I would be that he actually DOES need me just as much as I need him. But I am so scared that if I stand up to him, or walk away during an argument, that he WON'T come running back... And I'll be stuffed there, cos I can't go running back to him... I am so over feeling like this, I WANT SO BADLY to be with him, I love him to death, I would seriously die for this guy...I am just fooling myself that things will change aren't I? I am sitting here now, every day that ONE day when we're older he will change. He will grow up. Mature. It will never happen, will it? I believe he will mature, but he will never change. He won't. And I'm fooling myself.
IpAncA Posted October 23, 2006 Posted October 23, 2006 Sorry to barge in here but...What makes this guy so dam better then anyone else? What is it that this guy does for you?
hugznkisses21 Posted October 23, 2006 Posted October 23, 2006 lovestruck.... I have been following your story - and i know how u feel I was there once - when u know deep in your heart that this isnt the one - i mean how could it be could u see your self living in that pain for the rest of your life - BUT u love him so much u cant leave When i broke up with my ex - i realized i was in love with being with someone - having the security - I dated and i met a guy who loves me for who I am and i am no longer in love with the security but im inlove with him - and how i know that is if he left today i know i could pick up myself and move on - I have lots of love to give. Being with someone for as long as u have and I have - u almost get into a place where this is the way your life has been for so long that u are scared look at it any other way. Be strong! You are smart and Beautiful and u deserve better. It takes time but - step back take time for yourself and figure out what u need to do to be happy - you may think that is being with him but u are very hurt in this relationship and think about marriage with him can u do this every day - u dont need to - there is better out there
magichands Posted October 23, 2006 Posted October 23, 2006 I would seriously die for this guy Maybe you are. Just slowly and metaphorically. I still think you take yourself too seriously. But that's just me.
magichands Posted October 23, 2006 Posted October 23, 2006 Sorry to barge in here but...What makes this guy so dam better then anyone else? What is it that this guy does for you? He's got a huge...ego.
hugznkisses21 Posted October 23, 2006 Posted October 23, 2006 i disagree magichands - i know that feeling - but its probably u speaking out of fear of being without him - when it comes down to it - fear is very powerful
magichands Posted October 23, 2006 Posted October 23, 2006 fear is very powerful Fear is an undercooked chicken. You show me a teenage girl, and I'll show you a drama queen. That doesn't make the feelings any less real, but sooner or later someone is going to get sick of the drama. Life should be equal parts comedy and drama. That way you get fun and excitement rolled into one.
hugznkisses21 Posted October 23, 2006 Posted October 23, 2006 i can agree to an extent but if the drama is too much for you no need to respond
Author lovestruck234 Posted October 23, 2006 Author Posted October 23, 2006 I still think you take yourself too seriously. But that's just me. Yeah, it is just you.
Author lovestruck234 Posted October 23, 2006 Author Posted October 23, 2006 Fear is an undercooked chicken. You show me a teenage girl, and I'll show you a drama queen. That doesn't make the feelings any less real, but sooner or later someone is going to get sick of the drama. Life should be equal parts comedy and drama. That way you get fun and excitement rolled into one. Sometimes life doesn't go peachy for some. I know what you think of me Magic, that's your thoughts. Doesn't make my issues any less important. I still have alot to learn, I realise that, but that doesn't make me a drama queen....
Author lovestruck234 Posted October 23, 2006 Author Posted October 23, 2006 lovestruck.... I have been following your story - and i know how u feel I was there once - when u know deep in your heart that this isnt the one - i mean how could it be could u see your self living in that pain for the rest of your life - BUT u love him so much u cant leave When i broke up with my ex - i realized i was in love with being with someone - having the security - I dated and i met a guy who loves me for who I am and i am no longer in love with the security but im inlove with him - and how i know that is if he left today i know i could pick up myself and move on - I have lots of love to give. Being with someone for as long as u have and I have - u almost get into a place where this is the way your life has been for so long that u are scared look at it any other way. Be strong! You are smart and Beautiful and u deserve better. It takes time but - step back take time for yourself and figure out what u need to do to be happy - you may think that is being with him but u are very hurt in this relationship and think about marriage with him can u do this every day - u dont need to - there is better out there Thanks hugznkisses... I wish I could leave him, I wish I could just turn around and walk away... Hmmmmm.....I just need to detach this security issue. I can see what you mean by the love and security thing, it makes sense. Just a matter of breaking that off is the problem...
magichands Posted October 23, 2006 Posted October 23, 2006 , but that doesn't make me a drama queen.... Actually, you may be right. I heard someone say "drama queen" once, but I have no idea what it means. It pisses people off when I call them that, though - and that's what counts.
hugznkisses21 Posted October 23, 2006 Posted October 23, 2006 can u start by taking a break and gathering your thoughts?
the_alchemyst Posted October 23, 2006 Posted October 23, 2006 You have some really good points there, Walk, but I still think the same. I don't believe he loves her, at least, not as he should--the way she loves him. If he did, I'm sure their relationship would be much more harmonious than it is right now. Yes, they are young and everything, but they've also beeing together for about a year or so, if I remember correctly. While a year may not be that long, it is a hell of a long time to be living like this. And I'm sure it wasn't like this in the beginning because it hardly ever is. But all I can see is this heading further down south, and with her sticking to him still because, as she herself said it, she still has the illusion that he will change someday (preferably someday soon) and that all will be fine and well. I doubt this will happen. He only seems to be getting worse. If she were to leave him now, he might snap out of his drama king role. He will realize he lost someone who actually loved him and put up with this stupid sh*t even though he didn't deserve it. If SHE leaves HIM . . . right now . . . she might just prompt some kind of change in him, for the better because he will try to do things differently to get her back. Only if he relents some of the control in the relationship and stops being this controlling and abusive jerk will their relationship be "balanced" or whatever. But the more she stays, the more comfortable he gets in knowing that he has her pretty much in the palm of her hand, and that he can remedy just about anything by saying "Sorry Tess... I didn't mean it." I still don't think he loves her in the same way or even in the "right" way, though. He likes her there because she's his daily ego booster, that's all.
Author lovestruck234 Posted October 23, 2006 Author Posted October 23, 2006 Actually, you may be right. I heard someone say "drama queen" once, but I have no idea what it means. It pisses people off when I call them that, though - and that's what counts. Anyway, whether you think I'm a drama queen or not is irrelevant, it's not really adressing the issue I have. Sorry if it's too much drama for you. As higznkisses said, there really is no need to repsond if you disagree with my posts or think they are dramatized...
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