How would you feel in a sexless marriage?

[luvstarved]

OK I will weigh in on this since I have recent and abundant experience in a sexless marriage.

 

I agree with what everyone says about everyone being different. But the important difference is between two people in a marriage. If one partner has a great need (of any sort, for that matter) that the other one refuses to fulfill, then it is a BIG problem. Perhaps some would say that you are responsible for your own happiness. But I see marriage as an attempt at some level of oneness, wherein you each try to fulfill needs for the other...

 

My H and I are working on things. But there is still a part of him that is trying to put forth that sex should not be such a big issue. And some here have said that, too. Making it sound almost like the partner with the great need for sex is somehow shallow or sleazy.

 

Sex did not become a big issue for me just because I wanted non-self-supplied orgasms. Sure, I craved the physical act itself, but it was also very much about intimacy and feeling thoroughly loved and accepted.

 

And I WISHED so many times that I could live without it but there was NO WAY IN HELL I could have continued like that. Even now, I don't know if it will last or if he will gradually try to taper off again. Right now, we're still on a good frequency but he still has unidentified hangups that I have not been able to break through on so I am still confused about a lot of it with the mixed messages he sends.

 

But the bottom line is, no, I would not have continued in a sexless marriage because I personally cannot be happy with no sex in my life. It's not a choice, it's just how it is.

 

The thing is, sex is as important to a marriage as it is to EACH of the two individuals involved. Compatibility is a key, but even the willingness to do something to please your partner that you yourself might not be that into can go a long way.

 

Sometimes a partner "not being that into it" is a total turnoff to the other partner, but I think it is perfectly valid as long as the "not into it" partner is freely, willingly, lovingly giving of themselves. I do plenty for my husband that I don't really like, but I do those things out of love...

[Flyin in Clouds]

 

being sexually inactive shouldn't be a deal-breaker in a healthy relationship,

 

Says you...

 

wait, what do you mean by sexually inactive? For how long?

 

I didn't get married to live like a monk. Sex is definetly part of the deal. Not just mere sex, but "making love". Sex as an expression of love, of desire, of being wanted and needed.

learn to adjust, even if it means self-gratification for those too-horny times and your partner just isn't interested.

If self gratification were sufficent no one would need to be in a relationship. The whole point of sex in a relationship is to do it with the other person. To interact with them on a transendental, spiritual level. Sex becomes more than just sex when it's with the woman I love.

 

The thing is, sex is as important to a marriage as it is to EACH of the two individuals involved. Compatibility is a key, but even the willingness to do something to please your partner that you yourself might not be that into can go a long way.

Yeah, see I'm not that into going to church, buy my wife is so I go with her. So I think she ought to have sex with me even if she not that into it. Fair is fair, right?

 

Bascially people have three choices. Either accept things the way they are and stay, cheat, or get out of the situation.

Sometimes there's a forth choice. Convincing your partner that sex really is important and that needs can't just be ignored. I mean if I put up with church that's worth a whole lot of sex. But maybe that's what you mean by getting out of the situation.

[Scrivdog]

I think it is evolution in action.

 

There is no reason for a woman to desire sex after she has reproduced. Actually, it can be harmful, as late pregnancy can be more prone to complications.

 

So after a woman has the right number of kids (usually 2-3, but every women is different) or hits an age where reproduction is less likely her sex drive shuts down.

 

Man have no reason to ever stop.

 

the whole sexual peak at age 38 for women is a complete myth.

 

So... after a time. Your wife sort of becomes your best friend. but the sex just dries up.

 

If you are really really really dumb you got a divorce.

 

If you are dumb you suffer

 

if you are smart, you accept it as a biological fact and go **** some young women.

[RecordProducer]

the whole sexual peak at age 38 for women is a complete myth.

 

So... after a time. Your wife sort of becomes your best friend. but the sex just dries up.

 

This is the such BS, Scrivdog! The libido vs. age is different for different women or men, but saying that a woman dries out in her 30s or 40s is closing your eyes to your own problem. A man's libido is higher when he is a teenager than when he is 38 and much lower when he is 48 and even lower when he is 58, but to say that HIS libido dries out at 38 or 48 is simply false. So why would a woman's need dry out? There is evidence that women want sex at 40 and 50 and no evidence for YOUR brave statement.

 

Women still want to f*ck at 38 and 48. It doesn't matter if it's less frequently than when they were 28 or 18. But certainly, generally their desire doesn't come down to once a year. I'll let you know when I am 38, but I highly doubt that my desire will dry out.

[luvstarved]

Man that is some rationalization for wanting to go out and f**k younger women!

 

Yeah I have had all the kids I am going to have, so what was my problem with being in a sexless marriage? Jeez, will have to mull that one over.

 

Fact is, if I weren't still and perhaps foolishly dedicated to the notion of true intimacy and fidelity, I'd love to go out and f**k younger men, too!

 

Sex is a gift that humans are supposed to enjoy for a looooong time. If nature wanted it otherwise, then why don't females just go in heat once in a while to take care of the procreation thing?

[RecordProducer]

Man that is some rationalization for wanting to go out and f**k younger women!

 

If the young women only wanted them as much as the old farts love young girls!

[whichwayisup]

I think it is evolution in action.

 

There is no reason for a woman to desire sex after she has reproduced. Actually, it can be harmful, as late pregnancy can be more prone to complications.

 

So after a woman has the right number of kids (usually 2-3, but every women is different) or hits an age where reproduction is less likely her sex drive shuts down.

 

Man have no reason to ever stop.

 

the whole sexual peak at age 38 for women is a complete myth.

 

So... after a time. Your wife sort of becomes your best friend. but the sex just dries up.

 

If you are really really really dumb you got a divorce.

 

If you are dumb you suffer

 

if you are smart, you accept it as a biological fact and go **** some young women.

 

Boy, I love how you are generalizing and speaking for ALL WOMEN in the world.

 

I guess at 38, which is 3 years away for me, I should be scared because my sex life will disappear, and then my husband will cheat on me, because magically in my mind I won't wanna make love with my hubby anymore...Or maybe he'll leave me...

 

Thanks again for sharing those thoughts, letting me know how my life as a woman is going to turn out in 3 years.

[Scrivdog]

Sometimes there's a forth choice. Convincing your partner that sex really is important and that needs can't just be ignored.

 

Is it extra hot knowing that she doesn't really want to have sex?

[carmaenforcer]

RecordProducer, Same here. Look forward to getting there. Still don't know how many posts before I can PM. I'm only at 190, might be a while.

[JackJack]

So... after a time. Your wife sort of becomes your best friend. but the sex just dries up.

 

 

Hmmm? Thats interesting, since I have some friends who are both in there late 40's with 2 sons, one in college, the other high school, and they have been married for 23 years, and he says there sex life is just wonderful. She says the same. He says he gets all the sex he wants from his wife becasue he meets her needs in other areas of the marriage as well. He says he loves sex with his wife and he knows that sex is an important part of marriage, so he makes sure he does his part and she does hers. She doesn't "dry" up because he probably keeps her interested as she probably keeps him interested as well. Guess they were matched pretty well huh? Either that or they both are lying about the sex they get from one another? I some how doubt it. So no not all women "dry" up after a certain point.

[a4a]

I think it is evolution in action.

 

There is no reason for a woman to desire sex after she has reproduced. Actually, it can be harmful, as late pregnancy can be more prone to complications.

 

So after a woman has the right number of kids (usually 2-3, but every women is different) or hits an age where reproduction is less likely her sex drive shuts down.

 

Man have no reason to ever stop.

 

the whole sexual peak at age 38 for women is a complete myth.

 

So... after a time. Your wife sort of becomes your best friend. but the sex just dries up.

 

If you are really really really dumb you got a divorce.

 

If you are dumb you suffer

 

if you are smart, you accept it as a biological fact and go **** some young women.

 

 

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

 

all I can do is laugh at this.......

[a4a]

I some how doubt it. So no not all women "dry" up after a certain point.

 

yes they so do.......just like dairy cows.......they have too many calves and just dry right the hell up....... Then they are only good for hamburger, tough old meat.

[Scrivdog]

So... after a time. Your wife sort of becomes your best friend. but the sex just dries up.

 

 

Hmmm? Thats interesting, since I have some friends who are both in there late 40's with 2 sons, one in college, the other high school, and they have been married for 23 years, and he says there sex life is just wonderful. She says the same. He says he gets all the sex he wants from his wife becasue he meets her needs in other areas of the marriage as well. He says he loves sex with his wife and he knows that sex is an important part of marriage, so he makes sure he does his part and she does hers. She doesn't "dry" up because he probably keeps her interested as she probably keeps him interested as well. Guess they were matched pretty well huh? Either that or they both are lying about the sex they get from one another? I some how doubt it. So no not all women "dry" up after a certain point.

 

Yep. EVERY married guy in the world has been complaining about this since the invention of marriage.

 

And it is the fault of the guy.... every single time for 2 million years....

 

Even if it is, i don;t care.

 

i get to f*ck young women. The sex is amazing. And it is less hassle than kissing my prude wife's ass. or doing the women's work in the off-chance of some mechanical sex.

[burning 4 revenge]

Scrivdog, I don't know where you get the impression that older men have stronger sex drives than older women.

 

I've always heard just the opposite which is why there are many women like Luvstarved and why so many women are now looking for relationships with younger men.

[JackJack]

yes they so do.......just like dairy cows.......they have too many calves and just dry right the hell up....... Then they are only good for hamburger, tough old meat.

 

 

dry up in the sense their bodies change...maybe so...get some KY for that. I was meaning NOT all women "dry" up from being sexual creatures.

[Scrivdog]

Scrivdog, I don't know where you get the impression that older men have stronger sex drives than older women.

 

I've always heard just the opposite which is why there are many women like Luvstarved and why so many women are now looking for relationships with younger men.

That's easily solved. All those ladies have to do is go to the local highschool. Problem solved!

[JackJack]

Yep. EVERY married guy in the world has been complaining about this since the invention of marriage.

 

 

Holy sh*t batman thats amazing! You get your info from where again? Since you are speaking for ALL men and women.

[justagirliegirl]

It is so vey sad reading all your stories and the pain shared here.

 

I was in a sexless marriage.

 

It didn't start out that way. I guess the sex was good the first 5 years or so but then for no reason, he just started turning me down whenever I initiated and he seldom initiated.

 

When it starts out good and then stops you feel cheated and duped in a way!

 

The last 10 years of our marriage we had sex 2x a year. I would make jokes about it to myself laughing to hide the pain.

 

I felt so rejected as a woman.

 

There were plenty of other problems in our marriage.

 

I understand why some people don't want to leave their marriages as if they aren't getting scr*wed in their marriage they certainly get scr*wed during a divorce!

 

After 20 years, I left. That wasn't the only reason but that was part of it.

 

Some time later I met a new man quite a few years younger and finally when we became intimate we f*cked each other silly! Those first few days we had more sex than the last 10 years of my marriage! It was great!

 

So we are still together and we enjoy a good sex life. I feel I have really blossomed in that way.

[JamesM]

About six years ago, my wife still felt that she was sexy and a good libido. Looking back it had slightly declined already. She even commented that forty sounded "young and sexy." When she reached 40, she had very little libido.

 

So if you haven't reached 38 or 40, then let us wait until you do to see if you WILL have your libido. I have learned many times that today's emotion is no guarantee that tomorrow will be the same. In fact it is usually much different.

 

I do believe that many women have good libidos at 40, but I also know that people change quickly. I also know that the longer the marriage, the less enthusiasm one has for sex...unless both work at making it exciting. However, when I read here how much a woman enjoys sex, I check a couple of things...first, are they married and for how long. If they are married with children and have been married at least ten years, then I believe that this libido may be there for awhile.

 

Just my two cents.

[RecordProducer]

Supposedly your spouse is temporarily or permanently incapable to give you sex... how would you feel if they would refuse to even give you a hand job? They certainly wouldn't care about it and would feel it like a huge sacrifice. So who should sacrifice?

 

After 20 years, I left.

Don't you feel that you should've left earlier, that you wasted many years of your life on the wrong man?

[JamesM]

Supposedly your spouse is temporarily or permanently incapable to give you sex... how would you feel if they would refuse to even give you a hand job? They certainly wouldn't care about it and would feel it like a huge sacrifice. So who should sacrifice?

 

Been there. My wife rarely gave me any satisfaction if she had no interest. She felt/feels like it is rape or forced interest. (On a rare occasion that she has...she made it seem very business like and not fun). Truthfully, she really still doesn't. So, if she won't then I am sacrificing...and we are back to a sexless marriage.

[RecordProducer]

Been there. My wife rarely gave me any satisfaction if she had no interest. She felt/feels like it is rape or forced interest. (On a rare occasion that she has...she made it seem very business like and not fun). Truthfully, she really still doesn't. So, if she won't then I am sacrificing...and we are back to a sexless marriage.

But it's HER fault that the marriage is sexless (unless she has stated that you're a bad lover and it's your fault actually, but this is usually not the case) so shouldn't SHE sacrifice being that SHE deprives YOU from sex?

 

Obviously giving someone a HJ is annoying for them as much as it's annoying for you to be sexually starved. But you're starved all the time and they can sacrifice 30 minutes per week. I don't think working out at the gym is easier than massaging someone for 10 minutes 3 times a week.

 

So where does the logic "I won't give you sex, I won't give you oral or hand job and you're not allowed to have sex with someone else" come from? I would really like to know.

 

When it's a temporary thing (like pregnancy), they can still use their hand! I don't see how it can be like a rape when they are pleasing someone they supposedly love. I don't see how they don't feel sorry for the one they supposedly love. I don't see how they can't realize that the deprived one will build resentment and fall out of love eventually. Do they not realize or do they not care?

 

Everything in a relationship is built on LOVE. When you love you can endure things that qualify as "God forbid!" and when you don't love, you can't stand the way they eat or talk or cough.

 

So my next question is: can you fall out of love because your spouse is not your lover anymore?

[JamesM]

So my next question is: can you fall out of love because your spouse is not your lover anymore?

 

That is more difficult for me to answer but I will try...since I am still up and the only one here now. Truthfully, I have never lost feelings for my wife, but I was overwhelmed with anger and depression many times. The anger overshadowed the love...so was it gone or not? Sometimes I think yes and others no.

 

I would have to say yes. A man needs the feeling that he has a lover and for myself I have always wanted it to be her. A man needs to be shown physically that he is "the man." He needs to be able to show his love in the most special way he knows how...sex. And from what I read, a sexual woman needs sex to feel that she is beautiful and wanted. This comes back to then "finding" an affair. The affair brings such new and exciting feelings that they become love even if they are nothing more than a crush.

 

A wife or husband who does not give his or her partner sex...and is fully capable of doing so... is just as guilty of causing the affair as the person who actually commits the affair. Period. Based on that, he or she must keep the sex life going so that the partner stays in love.

[Flyin in Clouds]

... a sex-filled marriage that was a nightmare.

 

 

hmmm... I'm wondering how a sex filled marrige could possibly be a nightmare?:lmao::lmao:

[Flyin in Clouds]

... There is nothing like the satisfaction of seeing the woman that you love writhing in uncontrolled passion.

 

Unless what is causing that uncontolled passion has batteries in it.