my wife says she doesn't love me anymore

[Lonesome Dove]

Johnny,

 

I appreciate your candid story, but be grateful that your wife has been upfront with you about her feelings. I would kill for my wife to be candid to me.

 

All the symptoms are there that my wife doesn't love me anymore. There is no sex, hardly any kissing or hugs, and absolutely no empathy.

 

It feels awful. I am not perfect, but I am a fairly good-looking man with a decent career, great education, and love for my wife. I do everything for my wife love requires me to do without any reciprocity whatsoever.

 

I am so frustrated because I don't know what I am doing wrong. When this started, I thought I could get through it, but now it is absolutely killing me. She never wants to discuss the matter.

 

However, I would much rather her come out and tell me that she didn't want me anymore. At least I would know where I stand. I don't know if she is waiting for me to leave her or what at this point.

 

Fact is I love her and I know I love her because I get ZERO affection in my life and I still come home at night. I still empathize with my wife and try to work through things. I am still fighting for this marriage.

 

On the other hand, if she would just be intimate with me once between now and Christmas, I would be ecstatic.

 

It is tearing me apart with anger and depression. I am a young guy who has followed all the rules and done everything you'd think a good guy would do, and I spend almost my entire life nursing a broken heart.

 

How can anyone have no concern or empathy for someone they supposedly love?

 

Sometimes I think the word "evil" is derrived from Eve.

[Chris777]

If it weren't so sad , I would almost make a joke.

The Shocking thing is its true, you are like the 5th or 6th guy I have heard tell my life story. No joke it is like my life has become an urban legend

with only minor details changed to embelish it, or upgrade it.

 

Happened to me in 97, She was divorced with 3 kids already and we had one together. We were married 2 years, I was doing everything working (night shift) and taking the kids to school. Then she dropped the I don't love you anymore, and I dont want to be married anymore bomb.

I bought into it, and played along thinking she would come to her senses, sooner or later. Her doctors did say she was depressed, and even Bipolar, after she went out and bought a car, She also wanted to buy our house from me.

Then she moved a boyfriend in like a month later. I had all the bills, and our daughter, Had to move back in with my parents, Luckily I got pseudo custody

(legaly joint, but I am physical guardian, and for all intents and purposes I have full custody) I was also able to take the money made whe n I sold our house to pay off most of the marrage debt. Though I barely kept it out of foreclosure. I say contest it if you don't want it. I wish I had, yes she has dissapeared, and I havent heard from her in like 9 months, But at least I could have told our daughter that I tried everything I could to keep the marrage together. When Instead I caved to her wishes. But I was in your financial boat too, and I agree wholeheartedly your 1st priority is absolutely your daughters, to heck with the house, sure if you can afford to keeep it its great

And I don't know if you have family to fall back on like I did thankfully. But you can always get another house. Worry about them girls I made the mistake of bringing our daughter to the final paper signing, and my lawyer goofed and did not change joint into full custody, well the ex was already unusually and unjustly hostile toward me, and I did not want to start a fight in front of our daughter, so I let it slide.

 

M yex was all Pissed and hateful toward me for no reason, yet she told me her 1st huby verbaly and sexually abused her, and her current BF raped her last year, and guess who she is back with? I finally put my foot down and told her that my daughter was not going to be a round a rapist.But she could visit our daughter as long as he stayed home and away. She of course told her 1st hubby that I said she couldn't visit at all when she was visiting their kids.

And Its been since like jan or feb since I have spoken with her, She did leave a message for our daughter on her birthday but thats it.

Its so bizzare the initial similarities. one of my co workers son went through it too, he ended up having to give his ex custody plus pay alimony so she could go clubbing and sit at home.

As for finding a lawyer its near impossible I did not find out mine was a moron until too late. Maby you should go that route, if you cant find a good lawyer weed out the really crappy ones first.

But seriously look for the best you can for your kids, especially if your wife is as unstable as mine.

I will pray for your situation

I know it stinks, especially for the children, its been almost 10 years, and When I hear stuff like this, it reminds me of why I am not even dating right now. Coincidence, conspiracy, something in the water, its bad when the women go looking for a beating, and ditch their kids to do it.

But I am the bad guy, for being concerned. Look after your kids,

[JohnnyG]

thanks all for the kind words and advice..it's helped big time

 

in the past 2 days that I've joined these forums and read through some posts (including this one) it's it's helped me boost my spirits and I already feel better than I have in a long while.. it's still very hard to accept that it's over between my wife and I.. but I have to think positive for my girls & I.

I just hope it doesn't get ugly for them before everything is said and done..

 

I wish I would have found this site many months ago.. I would have changed (or done diffrently) my hehaviours, some of the things I've said to her.. and be more patient (not send emotional letters/ pretty much begging/ making her cry/etc)

 

the world isn't what it used to be.. where marriage meant it was for life.. it was a bound.. and people devoted themselves to each other.. they would try and work things out.. not leave/quit without trying.. family & love was everything.. now people just want to give up.. and sick lawyers at each other.. and get all the money they can get... it's very sad the world we live in now... when I was young my parents had some extremly hard times raising 4 children and barely having enough money for anything (we were poor)... but they stuck it out and made it work.. it was hard as hell.. but the thing I remember the most.. is that family&love was #1.. and nothing else matters.. and that's why I'm the type of person I am now.. I know I am a loving caring father/husband.. and I thank my parents for that.. (and I tell them that)

 

it's too bad that's not how most people see the life/marriage now.

 

hopefully things will get better eventually for my girls and I (and maybe perhaps my wife too).. everybody deserves to be happy. (she obviously wasn't anymore)

 

-JG