Yamaha Posted October 4, 2006 Share Posted October 4, 2006 She knows how she has acted towards you so she will try to make it your problem rather than take any blame on herself. I know you would like to believe her and that there is still a chance but she is still not even coming clean and admitting that she has done anything wrong in your marriage. I would ask her if she is really serious and wants to talk about things then set up a time and tell each other how you really feel. How she responds to this will tell you if your marriage has even a small chance. If she blows you off and doesn't want to talk or if she starts blaming you and gets snippy and says "whatever you want" then file for divorce and don't blame yourself. She was/is not interested enough in your marriage to try and save it. Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted October 4, 2006 Share Posted October 4, 2006 Does this girl have a poor relationship with her dad? Or even grow up in a home where the Dad wasn't around? Just curious... Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 5, 2006 Share Posted October 5, 2006 She's calling your bluff, trying to put it all on you. That's pure bullcrap!!! She refuses to take responsibility for what she's done and she's out to make YOU the bad guy, so she can sit by saying you'd rather be with friends than her...Yeah, sure... I feel for you because no matter what you do, it's going to be wrong in her eyes. She's picking away at you until you throw in the towel. Well, if she wants out - LET her go and see how long it takes for to realize she made a HUGE mistake. Link to post Share on other sites
Author didimakeamistake Posted October 6, 2006 Author Share Posted October 6, 2006 Does this girl have a poor relationship with her dad? Or even grow up in a home where the Dad wasn't around? Just curious... i guess you could say that. her dad was around, but i don't think he was really there emotionally. her parents are divorced since she was 12 or 13 i believe - her mom slept with the neighbor. her mom is a bit of a "train wreck" now...my wife has said more than once that she hates her mom...but yet she's also said her mom is one of the only people she feels comfortable talking to. so go figure. so i would say yes, while she was growing up, her relationship with her father wasn't great...even when i first met her it wasn't great...her dad has changed a lot in the 5 years that i've known him, so i think the relationship is improving. Link to post Share on other sites
carmaenforcer Posted October 6, 2006 Share Posted October 6, 2006 tanbark813's first comment was straight truth brother. Preach on brother. I went through a similar situation with my ex right before the girl I'm with now and I dealt with it by getting myself a friend (girl) that made her uncomfortable. I hung with, texted, etc. and when she told me it bothered her I told her "oh yeah, TUFF ****, DEAL!!!" Like you I didn't have hard evidence that she was cheating on me. Just a bunch of shady crap, with half thought out excuses that I was expected to accept. Her going out with one particular guy "friend" till 3-4 in the morning always on line chatting with this guy. It is scary to do what you know needs doing but it needs to be done. What did it for me, pushed me over the edge to where I stopped being mister "NICE" guy, was her leaving me to free herself up for when this one other guy came into town. He never came, I don't think she actually cheated on me during this break, but she hurt me one too many times and the next person hurt would be her, by my actions. We ended up breaking up but the relationship was dead long before I did anything to it. I moved on with another girl but similar, if not worse situation came with the new girl as well, so I went back to the old "How to be a real man" hand book and stopped taking crap, eventually. It might not be easy to (to quote tanbark813) "MAN UP" but you really need to demand respect or you will only keep getting disrespected. Good luck man. Link to post Share on other sites
MrDarcy Posted October 7, 2006 Share Posted October 7, 2006 This is more or less my wife in a nutshell: we never get anything resolved because she likes to just stop talking. and she's really good at that. i have tried too many times to count over the course of our relationship to have real, adult conversations with her about our relationship...it always winds up with her turning her back to me and not saying a word. Is this something all women do or just a certain "breed"? Tanbark, why do you ask about her dad? My wife also had a bad relationship with her dad, (Cheating on her mom, drinking, leaving when she was young.) and she has a lot in common with the OP's wife. Does having a bad relationship with their dad cause a certain behaviour in women? Damn these treacherous women! Link to post Share on other sites
Rooster_DAR Posted October 7, 2006 Share Posted October 7, 2006 May be coincidence, but my recent EX g/f had problems when she was a child also. Makes me wonder if there is some significance to all of this. Regards, Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted October 7, 2006 Share Posted October 7, 2006 Tanbark, why do you ask about her dad? My wife also had a bad relationship with her dad, (Cheating on her mom, drinking, leaving when she was young.) and she has a lot in common with the OP's wife. Does having a bad relationship with their dad cause a certain behaviour in women? It's been my experience that the worse a girl's relationship with her dad is/was, the harder it is for her to interact with men in a healthy way. The kind of behavior of the OP's wife shows in regard to basically throwing tantrums or just shutting him out is typical of a woman with a poor father-daughter relationship. The girl who actually prompted me to come to this site for advice years ago never really had a father. He left her family when she was young and was a drug dealer. She showed a lot of the same kind of behavior as the OP's wife and it was probably the most dramatic relationship I've ever been in (although it was also one of the most passionate). "So, how is your relationship with your dad?" is now one of the first questions I ask a girl I'm just starting to date. Link to post Share on other sites
Author didimakeamistake Posted October 7, 2006 Author Share Posted October 7, 2006 thanks all for your comments. tanbark, interesting theory you've got there - certainly seems to make perfect sense. so here's what i'm dealing with now...my wife and i talked a couple days ago. she would not talk to me face-to-face, despite the fact that we were both home for the day from work. i took the day off just to talk to her because i attempted again to talk to her the night before, and she took off and went for a drive. so we wound up talking on IM...i think this is ridiculous, but i had to talk however i could. we went back and forth as usual. she said some awful things to me. i basically told her that i cannot accept her explanations for everything. she continued to say that she didn't do anything wrong, and that he is just a friend...a very good friend. i brought up the "i love you and i miss you" text msg again - she said she would call him right then and tell him the same thing again. she does love him and miss him. she even listed the reasons why. so i told her to go marry him then. i was angry. she continues to maintain that she does not want to marry him and she wants to be with me. but i just cannot accept her explanations. i can't help but think she's lying to me, after all that i've seen and all that's been hidden from me. so she basically said - either accept what she's told me, or leave. i told her i have as much right to be in the house as she does, and i'm not going anywhere. she said fine - then we will live in hell. i tried to continue talking with her some more after she paused to make lunch for her daughter, but she never came back online. and i didn't try to go downstairs to get her to talk...she was with her daughter and i didn't want to cause a scene in front of her daughter. i guess that's me being a pussy again. so i left the house and came to my folks' house (where i am right now as a matter of fact). i had to get out of there. i spent a few hours with my parents, then went and played hockey, then returned home. expected my bedroom door to be locked but it wasn't...but my wife was sleeping in the middle of the bed. nice move! so rather than be a jerk (or a non-pussy i guess) i just went into the basement and slept on the couch. went to work the next day, didn't talk to my wife all day, then went to my buddy's house after work (yesterday) and stayed there til very late...returned home and slept on the couch again. wife was up and around the house doing laundry this morning - passed each other a few times - no words or even a glance. not really sure what her mental state is right now...don't even really care at this point. she is having her cousin overnight tonight, so i'm staying with a friend tonight and will return home tomorrow night. i just can't stand to be there right now. i guess i'm basically just sleeping and showering there for now. i'm not even sure i will be eating my meals there. so that's basically it...things are a bit up in the air right now. i am hoping to speak with a lawyer on monday to find out what my rights are. i am still dealing with feelings of sadness over the thought of losing her, but am trying to be strong in knowing that it's time to stop the hurt. for both of us really. we cannot continue on like this...it's not fair to either of us. i guess sometimes it's just not meant to be... Link to post Share on other sites
Yamaha Posted October 7, 2006 Share Posted October 7, 2006 she said fine - then we will live in hell. No way you should have to live in hell. Talk to your lawyer and see how to remove her from the house. The fact that she can't even talk to you face-to-face tells you she really doesn't want to reconcile. She just thinks you will not go through with it and she is still testing you. I'm sure she is wondering where this side of you is coming from and that you must be talking to someone. Just remember her actions have put the marriage in jeopardy and she is unwilling to come clean to save it. Link to post Share on other sites
Sup Posted October 8, 2006 Share Posted October 8, 2006 It isn't a kissing cousin is it? If you happened to have forgotten something, eyes rolling, you go, retrive it from the house and make sure YOUR stuff is still intact, UM, no NEED to check on anything! HINT! Link to post Share on other sites
Rooster_DAR Posted October 8, 2006 Share Posted October 8, 2006 She is pulling you through the trenches. The fact that she can't talk face to face and she the whole loving this other guy thing is completely wacked. She is definitely bad news. My EX continued to deny any betrayal on her part although I shoved the evidence in her face, they will maintain there secrecy no matter what you throw at them. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author didimakeamistake Posted October 9, 2006 Author Share Posted October 9, 2006 well, after a weekend of basically being apart, my wife decided to talk to me this morning. she acted like nothing ever happened. asked if i was going to be home for dinner, and said that she'll pick me up some soup that i said i wanted to try last week. wtf???? i ignored her the ENTIRE weekend - came home extremely late friday night, slept at a friend's house sat. night, and came home late again last night - slept in the basement when i was there - and now she wants to talk like nothing is the matter? i just don't get it... i am leaving for a business trip tomorrow and not coming back for 3 days...maybe this has something to do with it. Link to post Share on other sites
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