Teacher's Pet Posted September 18, 2006 Share Posted September 18, 2006 It's been 12 weeks since my breakup, and 11 weeks since I joined LS. That first week, I had no where to turn. My friends really didn't know what to do for me, and my best friend is friends with my ex, so I really had to deal with it alone. I remember being at work that week, snapping at people, being short with customers, and just being an all-around ass. At any given moment of any day that week, the wrong word would have sent me into a crying fit, right at my desk. I was barely strong enough to hold in my feelings until I got home, where I could curl up in my bed and cry myself to sleep. My girlfriend, my lover, my fiance, was gone for good. I lived like this for a week. My therapist was really unable to help me. (Note that I was seeing a therapist BEFORE the breakup, because I wanted to improve myself, FOR myself!) I didn't want a therapist to lecture me on my own feelings. I needed contact. Warm, human contact. I found LS while searching on Yahoo for "relationship advice". I checked it out, and was hooked immediately. While checking out the posts in "Coping", I saw a few posts from a really nice gal from New Jersey. Reading her story, I knew she was going through some of the same issues in her situation that I was. I contacted her in the hopes of making a new friend, someone who could relate to what was going on in my head and my heart. We chatted on Yahoo for the better part of the afternoon, only to be interrupted by my ex-girlfriend calling me to have it out "once and for all" on the phone. When I saw who was calling, I excused myself to take the call. This had to have been 20 of the most painful minutes of my life. The call ended with my ex saying "NEVER CONTACT ME AGAIN". I was devastated, confused, angry, and sad all at once. What did I do? I went back to the computer, and she was still there. I told her what happened, and we talked, and I felt a little better about my situation. She told me that the best thing for me was to immediately cease contact (I've been NC since that phone call, thank you!) and start doing things for myself. She even encouraged me to go out and just start meeting people, advice which, to this day, has helped me to no end. The next week, I was still feeling really down, so she invited me to come join her and her friends for the fireworks down in Central Jersey. I was really in no mood to go out, but she convinced me that I had to stop feeling sorry for myself and just get out and have fun, because at the time, she was hurting too, and just needed to be out with people. We met, and became fast friends. The woman in question? Ariawoman (Jennifer). She's been my "rock" for all this time, keeping me on the right path, even kicking my ass at times when I start to get too sentimental or whiny over B (my ex). A few weeks later, Jennifer and I were chatting, and we were commenting on a certain post that was getting a LOT of attention. The post was both funny, yet kind of sad at the same time. We had both posted replies to it, and not too long later, we invited the poster into our nightly Yahoo chats. She was also going through a lot of mixed feelings and uncertainty, something Jenn and I both knew all too well about. The three of us became a very tight-knit little "group", and even, to this day, have "secret nicknames" for each other. I can proudly say NO ONE on LS knows what they mean, and we will probably keep it that way! LOL To this day, we keep teasing Mollyanna (I dont recall her ever using her real name on here, so I won't now) about her infamous "OMG what have I done?" post. Over the last few weeks, each of us have had new developments in our own situations. Some good, some not so good, some horrible. We would share in detail with each other what was going on, even sometimes admitting things we don't want to, like me, for instance, still being in love with an abusive ex-girlfriend. Any time I mention that I had feelings for her, I had 2 very caring, very honest women to answer to. And they set me straight, time and time again. I will never forget going out 2 weeks ago with my "pee girls" and while everyone was just dancing around watching a band perform, I was sending Yahoo messages via phone to Mollyanna. Obviously, she and Jenn were chatting, because suddenly Jenn chimed in "Why are you talking to HER when you are OUT with women?" I had to chuckle. They were coaching me on "flirting" via phone, WHILE I was out, even coaxing me to dance! How many guys can say they have "girl-friends" (note the spelling!) that will do that for them? The night ended up with me peeing with 4 cute drunk girls behind a bush outside a club, so it wasn't so bad. Well, as fortune would have it, Mollyanna's job has her, on occasion, travel to NYC. We all knew what that meant. Party! There is no way on earth that the 3 of us could be within a short drive of each other and NOT get together. So tonight, we did. It was so great seeing Jenn again (writing this post is kinda weird, by the way, since for once, I'm writing about people who will actually READ it lol).....she looked fantastic tonight, I must say. And I even got to meet the "infamous" D, who is a great guy, and I must admit....they look good together. They showed up outside the club a few minutes after I did, so we patiently waited for Mollyanna....She pulled up in a cab, and we were both so excited to meet our "DS". She's just as you'd imagine her. Bright-eyed, gorgeous, and just a complete and total sweetheart. We all hugged like we were already old friends just "catching up". We had a great dinner at "Second On Second" a Thai restaurant/karaoke lounge on NYC's Lower East Side, during which, I admit, I haven't laughed so much in a long time. Much, MUCH needed laughter. We ate, drank, and yes, talked about "issues", the whole time giggling like kids. I even showed them my infamous "breakup message" which is STILL stored on my cell phone, along with MANY sexual propositions made by my ex the 48-72 hours prior to our breakup. Right there, they saw my situation was all too real, but hell, we (as people in my profession would say) "found the funny" in it. Then the real fun began. Karaoke. Let me just tell you this. Jennifer has some set of pipes on her! Holy crap! She had always told us how she sang in bands once upon a time, but....WOW...... She tore up the place with not only her voice, but her stage presence. Take it from me, I'm a professional entertainer! She "worked the room", even sang to EVERYONE at the bar. Thoroughly entertaining. We even got Mollyanna to sing a few songs. She came off as a little shy about it, but she has a really nice voice as well! And yeah, I sang a couple of ditties. Being the showman/comedian I am, I just HAD to sing Adam Sandler's "At A Medium Pace" (if you don't know the song, Google it!). I proudly dedicated to my ex as "the song I sang to her the first night we slept together", and closed it out with "this one's for you, Bitch!" At that very moment, I felt so much better. Then of course, as I've posted previously when discussing how music affects relationships, SOMEONE at the bar had to sing "our song"....I Believe In You And Me. I have NEVER heard anyone sing that at karaoke, which I think was a sign that I still have SOME healing to do. That was to be our wedding song. The girls probably didn't notice, but when that song came on, I started getting a little choked up, but I held it together pretty nicely. At least no one sang any Bon Jovi, or they'd STILL be giving me tissues. It started getting late, and of course, we all have work in the morning. I encouraged Mollyanna to quit her job right then and there so she could hang out a little longer, but she has an early start in the morning, so we called it a night. Jenn and I hugged her, and she left in a cab, and the rest of us took the subway back to the NJ Transit trains, and took our separate ways home. Tonight was a very special night for me. I got to spend quality time with 2 women who I have considered to be "my rock" through my whole ordeal, and I'm just glad I've been able to be there for both of them, too. We've really hung on to each other a lot the last several weeks, and I know we're all the better for it. I also learned a lesson tonight. Just about all of us on this "side" of LS are here because we lost a loved one. But, and I learned this especially tonight, while we may have lost a loved one, we haven't lost the ability TO love. All this time since my breakup, I've been crying over a woman who didn't truly love me, and wondering if I'll ever love again. Tonight, I realized that there is more to love than "romantic love". There is the kind of love between people who truly care about each other, want to look out for each other's well-being, and be there in times of need. That's what love really is. And guess what? I've found it. Twice. That "other" love, the kind that comes with deep kisses and multiple orgasms, well, it's out there. I truly found "that love" twice in my life, and I know the third time WILL be the charm for me. Until then, at least I know love exists in my heart, it just took an angelic-voiced Jersey girl, and a sweet, wonderful Floridian to remind me of that. I never thought I'd say it, but I really have found my "BFF's". I know you two are reading this, so let me just say this..... I love you both so much. You have no idea how much your friendship has meant to me, and done FOR me all this time. I would gladly go to the ends of the earth for you guys. You are my "rock", and have helped me keep my sanity through some of the saddest moments of my life. I will ALWAYS be there for the two of you. You have given me more self-confidence, and shown more love for me than the woman who's finger I was DAYS away from putting a ring on and "consumating" our engagement. To the rest of you guys.....take a lesson from me. Celebrate your friendships as often as you can. Lovers come and go, true friends are forever and will always be there for you. Just remember, even if you aren't with a LOVER, you aren't without LOVE. Best wishes to all, and HUGE hugs and kisses to my DS and my FW -tp SB (who is now formally requesting a new definition for his initials!) Link to post Share on other sites
TheSilentType Posted September 18, 2006 Share Posted September 18, 2006 Oh wow...how interesting that you actually know people from here....what a wonderful and small world for you..... Celebrate your friendships as often as you can...true friends are forever and will always be there for you Exactly. I think from now on I'll invest more time making good friends than pursuing love. I have two good friends from school, and I only realized what good friends they really were when they helped me out when I was feeling really low. I'm going to spend my next year really solidifying these friendships....something I have not really ever made the effort before to do. At the same time, I'm going to discard the rest of my "friends"....no explanation....no nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted September 18, 2006 Share Posted September 18, 2006 Well, That sounded like a pretty awesome get together. Glad to hear you guys had such a great time, Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
Author Teacher's Pet Posted September 19, 2006 Author Share Posted September 19, 2006 Well, That sounded like a pretty awesome get together. Glad to hear you guys had such a great time, Ariadne We had a great time. I truly am blessed to have such amazing friends. -tp Link to post Share on other sites
Mollyanna Posted September 19, 2006 Share Posted September 19, 2006 OMG. lol yes I said that again. At least this post is not full of drama, but yes full of plenty of tears. I am crying, have been crying through reading TP's entire post. Had to stop and re-read some because they got blurry. I don't even know what to say. I am so overcome by emotion. Tonight was my D and I's 6 month anniversary of our first date. I have been upset for the last couple of hours because I just realized that. I was prepared to grab another candy bar and a beer out of the overly priced convenience center they put in my room to torture me and make me fat. The box of tissues were already in position and I was preparing to cry myself to sleep. But now I have happy tears because TP you just made me feel like I am somebody, somebody worth loving. And as I sit here and await the silence of D not texting me back to confirm he got the text message I wrote saying "today is the 6th month anniversary of our first date", I know I will be OK. not just today, but I will be OK because there are people in this world who appreciate me for something more than a good romp or for the ego boost I give them by hanging on their every word, tearing my dignity to shreads for even just a smile in return. The smiles of TP and Jen as I pulled up in that cab...people who only know me through writing - they lit up my spirit. I know I am going to make it now. I know I have already been to the rock bottom and I only have room to go up from there. Thank you for being so kind and sweet you guys. Thanks for showing me your hearts and reminded me there are good people in the world for me to surround myself with. Damn maybe I need all those tissues after all.... Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted September 19, 2006 Share Posted September 19, 2006 Wow...I'm overcome with emotion. That's so great that you three found each other at this time in your lives. Amazing. I hope your friendship continues to blossom and you can pull and push each other through this stormy time. You're three very special people. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Teacher's Pet Posted September 19, 2006 Author Share Posted September 19, 2006 But now I have happy tears because TP you just made me feel like I am somebody, somebody worth loving. Sweetie, You don't need me to make you feel that way. You ARE that way. And any guy that tells you that you aren't, or treats you like you aren't, isn't worth one of your tears, or that gorgeous smile..... The smiles of TP and Jen as I pulled up in that cab...people who only know me through writing - they lit up my spirit. I know I am going to make it now. I know I have already been to the rock bottom and I only have room to go up from there. The three of us have all hit rock bottom the last couple of months. We each have our own stories, our own problems, our own pain. What else do we have? Each other. And I vow to make sure that it stays like that. Thank you for being so kind and sweet you guys. Thanks for showing me your hearts and reminded me there are good people in the world for me to surround myself with. Thank you for being you. Thank you for constantly reminding me that I can do better than an emotionally abusive nymphomaniac. I really sat up last night in bed with a clear head and looking forward, not backwards, like I have for all too long. Damn maybe I need all those tissues after all.... You can have mine. I'm done crying over her. Tomorrow makes 3 months of crying for me, and I'm through. Never again. Not after last night. What I had just wasn't worth all those tears. What I have with you guys, is worth so much more. Love you. -tp P.S. No one else can read this, right? I wouldn't want people to think I'm such a mush! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Teacher's Pet Posted September 19, 2006 Author Share Posted September 19, 2006 The box of tissues were already in position and I was preparing to cry myself to sleep. It shows on LS that you are logged on.....so..... If you are still up and you can't sleep.... Call me. -tp Link to post Share on other sites
fabulousgal Posted September 19, 2006 Share Posted September 19, 2006 Im in NJ too! This thread is very Sweet. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Teacher's Pet Posted September 19, 2006 Author Share Posted September 19, 2006 Im in NJ too! What part? I'm in Bergen County. -tp Dirty Jersey Boy Link to post Share on other sites
silentcharon Posted September 19, 2006 Share Posted September 19, 2006 Wow, that is soo awesome, I wish I could meet up with someone. There should be a LS get together! Link to post Share on other sites
fabulousgal Posted September 20, 2006 Share Posted September 20, 2006 Parsippany wahoo Link to post Share on other sites
Author Teacher's Pet Posted September 20, 2006 Author Share Posted September 20, 2006 Parsippany wahoo Not far at all from me.... right down Rt 80. -tp Link to post Share on other sites
AriaIncognito Posted September 20, 2006 Share Posted September 20, 2006 She doesn't exactly LIVE in parsippany :-) I go by her hotel often though on my way to work :-) Thanks for the awesome post, Ev. D and I both had a great time Sunday. He seemed to love you LOL. Too bad I can't get him to love me the same way. Grr. I've got our pics uploaded, yay. Even green shirt non-black guy. The pic of D and I came out great...i hope it doesn't become the only picture we ever take together. Time will tell on this one. Might need this support system soon..... I had such a good time. I thought it would be hard or awkward but honestly it wasn't at all. It felt as if we already knew eachother, which was pretty weird considering most of us had never met in person before. Behold the power of the internet. Jennifer Link to post Share on other sites
Author Teacher's Pet Posted September 20, 2006 Author Share Posted September 20, 2006 Thanks for the awesome post, Ev. D and I both had a great time Sunday. He seemed to love you LOL. Too bad I can't get him to love me the same way. Now if I can find a woman that'll love me the way D does! Well, hopefully she'll have less facial hair, and more female genitalia! I wonder if that dark-haired chick with the Daisy Duke's from the club is available...... homina homina homina... she really raised my chopstick! The pic of D and I came out great...i hope it doesn't become the only picture we ever take together. It won't be. Besides, I have one of my own of you two. Time will tell on this one. Might need this support system soon..... And you know with me...you will ALWAYS have that support. I love you!! I had such a good time. I thought it would be hard or awkward but honestly it wasn't at all. It felt as if we already knew eachother, which was pretty weird considering most of us had never met in person before. And after the last several weeks, the "meeting" part was just a formality. I feel so close to the both of you. Getting together was just a way to sneak in some hugs and show off our talents. (Singing talents, people....get yer minds out of my gutter! lol) Behold the power of the internet. Thanks, Al Gore! *chuckles* -tp Link to post Share on other sites
Author Teacher's Pet Posted September 21, 2006 Author Share Posted September 21, 2006 There should be a LS get together! Well, if anyone is interested in some sort of NYC/NJ event, count me in! Heck, we could probably have an event at the place we went to this weekend! Imagine that, a party where most of the people are heartbroken, to some extent..... I smell an orgy! lol Of course, it's a KARAOKE place, so I'm assuming "I Will Survive" would be sung, to the point of nausea. And of COURSE, "Love Shack" Or in my case.... "I Touch Myself"... (did I mention it's been THREE MONTHS?) -tp party animal. wild thing. born-again virgin. Link to post Share on other sites
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