Walk Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 :lmao: running errands...... he stopped at the same big box store where the paint is to stop in and get a tool rental list for something he wanted to do ........this was 3 days ago..... :lmao: big tools fun varoomm varooommmmm ...... paint suck..... no care paint... F wife she want paint..... me want tool...... varoooom varoooom...... :lmao: me leave tool info on counter..... wife see, wife get me tool..... varoooom varooooom..... :lmao: OMG! I nearly choked on my beer.
Walk Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 I get what you're saying a4a. I was trying to think of possible explainations or reasons.. I forgot you were running more than just a farm, and volunteer work. I hope you weren't offended. My brain is fried from translating....... please explain what you mean.....sorry not getting this. This part.. Probaby very different for your situation. But my bf said he was sick of the way things were. Said if things continued he'd be gone. Then asked me what he was doing wrong in the relationship. I clamed up. If I had said he does X, Y, and Z which piss me off, then he thinks I'm shifting blame to him. If I say nothing. Then he's justified in thinking he's completely right. I can't answer without either casting me into evil villian role (as in he's right, I'm wrong). Or him thinking I'm throwing excuses out to shift blame onto him. Then he brought up the fact that since I didn't bring up any problems I have with him, that it was proof that he does everything right. And proceed to use that against me for the remainder of the argument about how I don't do enough, or I don't try hard enough. Yet he's spot on. Which thoroughly pissed me off. Because he's NOT spot on. So I'm probably reading far more into what you wrote then what actually happened. Just disregard what I said. I don't agree with you asking him after saying you would leave him... but I do think some men need to be clunked in the head with reality before they'll start thinking. I just didn't like it when it happened to me.
Guest Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 And you are 100 % sure, that his mind is NOT elsewhere because of someone else? So while you are at your job and he is at his sitting there twidling his thumbs he has no one esle to take up his time? Or peeks an interest in him? You think it is coming from him being purely lazy or depressed maybe? The thought of another has never entered your mind for why he might not care?
Author a4a Posted September 7, 2006 Author Posted September 7, 2006 OMG! I nearly choked on my beer. what is worse is I converse with him at times like this so he gets how I feel........ :lmao: If you were a fly on the wall here you would laugh at our "fights". Now this stooooopid manual is rotting my brain.
JamesM Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 It comes down to two highly mismatched individuals, or a partner who quit the marriage and doesn't know how to say it without causing an explosion.
Walk Posted September 8, 2006 Posted September 8, 2006 It comes down to two highly mismatched individuals, or a partner who quit the marriage and doesn't know how to say it without causing an explosion. I think he believes he signed away his balls when he signed the marriage certificate. a4a is losing respect for him like a damn with a massive hole in it. Unless he finds his cajones again, and fast... me thinks its not going to be long before the whole village is flooded. Maybe she could pay to have those surgically reattached? j/k.
Author a4a Posted September 8, 2006 Author Posted September 8, 2006 JFC...... ya know I asked him again if he was afraid to express any discontent....... he again said no. Believe me he does express what he is not happy with when it comes to my actions. Last night I asked if he would like to go some place with me on a short weekend vacation..... he said he really has no desire to go to that location. So yes he is able to express himself. And I am not sure how most marriages or relationships go..... there is no coldness between us. There is no him in one room and me in the other unless there is a task. He does not even want me going away for a weekend without him.......so if that means he has left the M he has a funny way of showing it. He states he has gotten lazy about things. Think about it people I do everything for him. He has simply taken advantage of it. If your spouse made you dinner every night would you not just kinda expect dinner on the table out of habit? If your spouse pays the bills...... well you just expect they will continue....... if your spouse mows the lawn...... you just assume that this is the norm and how it goes. The list I gave is accurate plus more that I do. H does not have to lift a finger when he comes home.....come home eat watch tv. He does not even have to ask for sex..... I ask him....or freely give it to him, including BJs........ he has also gotten used to that. He does not have to work for it, nor did I ever make him work for anything I do for him. I do his taxes, I take care of everything. He drops the ball..... I pick it up without discussion or him asking. The show must go on. But that needs to be a 2 way street. It used to be. Quite honestly I am the go to person for at least 5 people/friends and at least 4 organizations on a reg. basis. I am the one they come to when the shyte hits the fan. I am tough and I can handle it. Which is true, but I need breathing room in my personal life. A fine example is a org needed some equipment..... they asked, I delivered in less then 3 hours.... bing bang boom. To them it was a big ordeal..... to me it was just a matter of figuring out how to do it and to execute the action. This was something that they had been dicking around with for at least 2 months. Fine example of this as well is my org. skills..... I can whip together a vol. team and materials in a matter of 1 day and build a public park....... I am not special, I focus, and just do it. It does not matter if it is equipment needed, organization needed, tracking horses for 2 days that escaped, catching a wild pig in a neighborhood....they call me...... I have never dealt with a lion at large but I am guessing they would call me to deal with that too. And that is ok..... but at least say or show me through action that you appreciate it from time to time. Hell I have friends/men that ask me to fix broken things in their house..... like install a new sink and faucet in their kitchen. People come to me to ask how to do things..... build a barn, put in a central vac, train a horse, dog, how to transport an ostrich, and any other odd ball thing under the sun. I right now still handle all of my X's finances..... because I know how, to me it is simple. When something needs to be done people come to me. Emails calls are all from people wanting me to fix their problems. I don't mind but I just need a little something for myself. I don't expect a return from them, but I do expect my H to at least appreciate me and show it. He said he indeed has failed in this area. Being aware of my desires and my needs is the way I want him to show appreciation. Think about the things your spouse just does for you. Do you really show them enough appreciation for those things? If you have one spouse that continues to provide and feels they are not being appreciated.... this is what happens.........remember my H is the one who never says "thank you".... so obviously he just expects it? I do not expect any great feat but things like not getting a b-day gift is a serious slap in the face, very hurtful in my view. Maybe your Spouse does not do as much as I do, or you do not do anything like my H does for me...... but that is all relative to the specific R. Your norm may not be the norm for everyone else. There is gas here now and the paint. So I can mow the lawn (which he likes neat and tidy), and paint our bedroom..... which he is a house proud kinda guy...... so even my desires actually end up pleasing him many times. My H used to be just like me. Fix and figure out anything, but I guess he has now found it easier to have me in the lead 100% of the time. I need to be able to just relax a little, I need him to appreciate what I do for him. He simply has not shown me appreciation in a manner that I desire. And Guest.... no he is not cheating. He is quite honorable and would not do so......the only thing he may cheat on me with is his wood ( ) and fiddling around with that in his woodshop building something....that is his mistress wood working and building things. Although he also really likes driving the bobcat.... gets off on that too...... I am thinking of renting him a bulldozer just so he can have fun out at my farm instead of hiring it done.
JackJack Posted September 8, 2006 Posted September 8, 2006 And I am not sure how most marriages or relationships go..... there is no coldness between us. There is no him in one room and me in the other unless there is a task. He does not even want me going away for a weekend without him.......so if that means he has left the M he has a funny way of showing it. People can be together physically in body, but that doesn't mean that mentally or emotionally they are "together" in the marriage. For example, people can sleep in the same bed together, but emotionally be miles apart. "He drops a ball, I pick it up without discussion. I do everything for him and he has simply taken advantage of me." Then stop doing everything for him. Even parents have to let their kids grow up by not doing things for them all the time. "H does not have to lift a finger when he comes home." Lucky him, personally he needs to lift a finger. Hes spoiled. If you enjoy spoiling him thats fine, but then you don't have a right to whine about when he does nothing. "My H used to be just like me." Theres nothing wrong with that, BUT I think you are wanting him to be too much like you. And it just might not work that way for him anymore. People are different and individuals. "and no he is not cheating on me. He is quite honorable and would not do so." I don't think he is either. However please don't exemt yourself from you thinking that wont/can't happen to you.
bella_girl Posted September 8, 2006 Posted September 8, 2006 ok i skipped along to end and missed most of the thread so shoot me if someone else has said this... Perhaps top of your list you need: You plan/organise stuff for me/us without me asking... This seems to be one of the main thing that annoys you, having to always organise, initiate, activate etc etc and even give him suggestions as what to do starts to annoy you because you wonder why he couldn't think of that himself so everything seems to hang on that. Also maybe you need time frame like if you said 'organise dinner' when - in the next 12months? 1month, every month, once every 6 years etc what works for you... as then it's something tangible.
Author a4a Posted September 8, 2006 Author Posted September 8, 2006 Jack I am dealing with a man that had no role model for a relationship. Until he was about 17 years old. his statement. He has only had 4 relationships. He never bothered to even date for 4 years before we met and were friends. So he is not used to doing for others, only used to doing for himself. As for him cheating...... nope.... won't happen. As for me cheating..... nope will never happen. If you knew him and me you could bet your own life on that. The man says he is head over heels in love, he says he has gotten very slack and lazy. He said he did not have the skills to show me his appreciation in a way that I would like (thus wanted a list written)..... he said this. He will not divorce me. He does not want out. He has nothing to lose if we did divorce, nothing..... I do not want one thing from him, not a dime. Like I said before this is like making a mole hill into a mountain. Hell my M isn't even as bad as what others seem to be making it into here. I keep saying closed chapter... then a person pops up... IS HE CHEATING... HE COULD BE.. YOU ARE NOT EXEMPT.... :lmao: But yeah he is just lying to me.... it is all lies. And I should just disregard what he says it is all lies.... yep. He fears me......so he lies... :lmao: Next thing someone is going to pop up and try to convince me he is beating me too? Or maybe he has a secret drug addiction? He is having a torrid love affair with the goat? :lmao: I am telling it the way it is here. It is not that complicated. Spoiled, got used to it, lack of appreciation in a manner in which I desire. And my desires are my desires.... if I wanted him to knit me a sweater because that would mean the world to me.... then that is what I want. Not a damn thing wrong with that. If he wants me to dress up like little bo peep and blow him.... hey that is our standards for our relationship. May not be your cup of tea but it is ours. I am starting to wonder how many M's the people are just tolerating their spouse instead of really work on it..... ah it's ok, I could be happier but I am willing to settle for what I got........ not me and he is not either. Well good enough is not what we want. We discussed this together. Neither of us want to just be kinda happy. It is not just me that has high expectations.. we both do. But to us it is not high expectations but the norm for us. The problem is that I did not put my foot down or demand anything from him for far too long. And you cannot expect a person to just freely give if they really lack the know how to do so..... the problem is I made him aware but I did not tell him that I was so damn serious about it. I gave him the freedom to do it his way... to learn it on his own. It simply did not pan out. Now I am tired of waiting. Feel hurt, built up some resentment, and I simply come here to vent and to laugh. I spend more time validating my desires here to strangers than I do in my M. My H agrees that my desires are not out of line......... but I guess he is lying. He cowers in the corner and pees himself when I get within 3 feet of him too..... :lmao: Yep he just wants to suck down beers and wank to porn and screw the neighbor He is just like every man in the world..... and all I want to do is shop for shoes and have him buy me expensive jewelry. Just like every 'normal' person Holy smokes..... this is not even about my M or what we want it is about people telling me what I should want and that I should settle for less. Somebody release the stingray and kill this thread too....... :lmao: JFC I posted this for a list of ideas or sources that he asked for as we both looked and could not find anything but cheesy ass ideas. Or things like expensive trips which he cannot afford right now...... he asked if I could find him a simple source.... a guide. In turn I end up being told I am a bitch and demand too much from him, and he is a cheating scared shytless liar. wtf? :lmao: Or we need to follow the roles of the bible regarding marriage :lmao: oh and we are just not compatible..... because we are in the middle of trying to resolve an issue..... that is a big pussy attitude that will lead to nothing. And Bella that is what is on the list for him to org/ plan and initiate things for us...... a timeline is not a bad idea.. .. thank you. I believe I will tell him I would very much love it if he could plan a date night for us this following weekend.
JackJack Posted September 8, 2006 Posted September 8, 2006 He has only had 4 relationships. He never bothered to even date for 4 years before we met and were friends. So he is not used to doing for others, only used to doing for himself. Well then maybe you have figured out the problem, or a good part of it. I wish you luck in whatever happens.
ddw5195 Posted September 18, 2006 Posted September 18, 2006 This seemed to go down well in another thread where was spiderman when I signed up for the marrage thing?
Author a4a Posted September 18, 2006 Author Posted September 18, 2006 man I thought this thread got killed by the stingray???? Update...... I am now screwing his best friend. I just keep H around to do the dishes and to mop the floor.
JackJack Posted September 18, 2006 Posted September 18, 2006 man I thought this thread got killed by the stingray???? Update...... I am now screwing his best friend. I just keep H around to do the dishes and to mop the floor. The dishes and mopping I can see, but the screwing of his friend, I think you're lying.
basscatcher Posted September 18, 2006 Posted September 18, 2006 man I thought this thread got killed by the stingray???? Update...... I am now screwing his best friend. I just keep H around to do the dishes and to mop the floor. Controversy!! (where's Prince when we need him to chime in with his lyric?)
Author a4a Posted September 18, 2006 Author Posted September 18, 2006 The dishes and mopping I can see, but the screwing of his friend, I think you're lying. Why is that....... he likes me. He also enjoys spending gads of money on me :D Win Win situation He sends my H out on sites and we meet up for some very very hot monkey lovin'.
JackJack Posted September 18, 2006 Posted September 18, 2006 Why is that....... he likes me. He also enjoys spending gads of money on me :D Win Win situation He sends my H out on sites and we meet up for some very very hot monkey lovin'. I refuse to beleive you are having a bang session with your H's friend. After all the posts you have made and seem to be adament about you NOT cheating. I want pictures then, proof please. Nevermind, I don't know what your hubby looks like so wouldn't know if it was him or your hubbys friend anyway.
Author a4a Posted September 18, 2006 Author Posted September 18, 2006 I refuse to beleive you are having a bang session with your H's friend. After all the posts you have made and seem to be adament about you NOT cheating. I want pictures then, proof please. Nevermind, I don't know what your hubby looks like so wouldn't know if it was him or your hubbys friend anyway. He treats me quite well. Silly me did not realize it was real for some time. All the gifts, money, calls....... silly silly me. So got my cake and a sugar daddy to boot(y call)
Moose Posted September 19, 2006 Posted September 19, 2006 Are you being serious? I see that you're posting everywhere now that you're screwing your husband's best friend now.....just want to know, are you serious?
2sunny Posted September 19, 2006 Posted September 19, 2006 He treats me quite well. Silly me did not realize it was real for some time. All the gifts, money, calls....... silly silly me. So got my cake and a sugar daddy to boot(y call) maybe hubby's best friend is Tudor????? he he :lmao:
hotgurl Posted September 19, 2006 Posted September 19, 2006 maybe hubby's best friend is Tudor????? he he :lmao: Now that's a good combo. a4a would get donkey slapped and Tudor would get a fork in both his heads. a4a are you serious? I don't believe you.
2sunny Posted September 19, 2006 Posted September 19, 2006 hg - your avi reminds me of Mr. Bill from SNL back in the 80's :lmao:
hotgurl Posted September 19, 2006 Posted September 19, 2006 hg - your avi reminds me of Mr. Bill from SNL back in the 80's :lmao: I got inspired by a4a and whipped it up. How do you liek my photoshop skills?
2sunny Posted September 19, 2006 Posted September 19, 2006 I got inspired by a4a and whipped it up. How do you liek my photoshop skills? i liek them just fine :lmao: you are way better than me with it actually - and i do LIKE it...
Author a4a Posted September 19, 2006 Author Posted September 19, 2006 The world is goin' Tater Crazy! and I sit back just watching this new fad while I blow snot bubbles out my nose. Just got off the phone with a famous author.... training her dog... perhaps I should ask her if we could collaborate on a coffee table book about Taters? Didn't that work for Kramer? hummmmm The Tater knows...... only the Tater knows.
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