He said "we need time apart"?

[prubinos]

You need to shill out for a bit. It seems to me like you are overwhelming him and if you don't stop, you will end up pushing him away even further. What you need to do is pretend like you don't care. If time is what he needs, give it to him. Go out with your friends. Make him see that you don't need him around you all the time and that your world does not revolve around him. If you do this right then he will start liking you even more. Now if this is something that you can't do then he is going to end up just feeling sorry for and eventually you'll be heartbroken.

[soft heart]

So my boyfriend sent me one text message and he called me today I was so worried he will not call me but he did. We talked about his holidays, my job, his job, my new house. The conversation was calm, which I am happy about. I did not mention anything about us, our relationship, our argument before he left, I did not question his feelings and I did not suggest our next meeting. I thanked him for the phone call and wished him a nice weekend.

 

The conversation was calm but I felt like he is closed up. I felt that we both were a little nervous, especially he sounded a little uneasy. I want to take it easy as he told me that he feels fed up with his job and he is feeling tired after coming back from his trip.

 

I want to see him but I want him to suggest it. I am worried that he will not? But I am happy he called. What do you think?

[nicki]

You did great with the phone call! Stay strong.

 

Just remember, don't try to get comfort from the person causing you pain. Friends and family are for that. Call them, not him.

 

If I were you, I would wait until he calls YOU. And don't answer his call right away. Maybe let the next one go to voice mail and call him back later.

 

Please don't give the impression that you are waiting for him and that nothing else is going on your life.

 

It's good to be honest about how you feel. Tell him you love him and will give him all the space in the world. Tell him that you agree with him.

 

If it hurts and you miss him, tell him that, too -- if HE asks you. Don't offer that up. And don't ask him if he misses you.

 

Show him that you will continue on with your life regardless of the situation.

 

Next time he calls, speak briefly. Tell him him you were just on your way out. Don't tell him where. Make him ask you where if he wants to know. Then get off the phone and leave. Even if you are just going to the bookstore. Just leave. It will make you feel more powerful.

 

If it were me, I'd probably plan a little trip of my own out of town. Let him see that you do things, too. Tell him that he gave you the idea himself. And how wonderful and excited you are to go.

 

Basically, be unavailable to him. Let HIM worry that you might enjoy your time away from him and not want to get back with HIM.....and that might really happen anyway.

 

And when he asks to get together - which he will -I would not say yes immediately. Tell him that you would love to, but you already have plans for that time.

 

Make him work a bit to get you back. If you do stay with him, tell him that you need closeness and communication to be with him. If he can't give that to you, then YOU don't want to be with him.

 

The poster was right who said that someone who cares about you will go out of their way to make you feel secure.

 

They will care about your pain and be gentle, even if they are telling you they need space. They will most definitely give you a general time frame so you won't worry.

 

In other words, they won't want to leave you hanging because they are worried about losing you for good.

 

Stay strong. Stay busy. Stay in contact with your friends and family. See how YOU feel about him. Write down your insights as they come.

 

Big hug.

[soft heart]

Hello everyone,

 

my boyfriend called me on Monday again but as I did not expect him to call, I had 4 missed calls from him and he sent a text afer that telling me he was trying to call. I was talking to my housemates so I then told him I was sorry I missed his call and if he was ok. He said that I shouldn't worry that it wasn't important and that he wanted to talk to me but it was ok. So we spoke the next day as I told him I would happy if we call each other and he told me how stressed he is with looking for a new job, he has to find a job soon as his flat agreement runs out in 3 months. I told him that I wish I could help him but he said there isn't a lot I can do. I did not ask him anything about us or about his feelings. But I couldn't help telling him that it's been long since we met each other and it would be nice to see each other. He asked me "when" and I said that I am just saying that it would be nice to see each other, he said it would but he did not seem to be up for planning anything now. Also he said that we met in the end of August so it's not so long.. I guess for him as he was on holidays the month went really fast.

 

Anyway, he called me today just to thank me for something I sent him and we had a short chat. It was a missed call for him and he said "you never answer the phone". He sounded a little annoyed. But still nothing about us meeting each other. He is talking about his job situation a lot and when I said to him he sounded stressed, he replied in a little defensive way "Yes I am". I sometimes find it really hard at that moment to find the right words and I probably make a mistake by telling him things like "don't worry too much, I am sure you will find something soon".

 

I am just worried that he does not seem to have the need to meet me? But I think I should probably leave it up to him? But I worry he might never suggest any meeting for us?