Why do men cheat 'down'?

[Pink Amulet]

She still has the piggy-tails and bangs right?

[Marcus as the Peanut]

Marcus as the penut , what a name .Your anwser while making sense is not nearly as hillarious as the current topic of conversation .What happened to this thread?It exploded.

 

 

I was trying to highjack this tread to its orginaly pupose;)

[lindya]

Edit. Never mind.

[stoopid_guy]

OK, a man's perspective...

 

If a guy's just wanting to "get some" his standards are not going to be that high, and an insecure woman is more likely to use sex to get a man. (Sad, but true.) For the rest of this post, I'm not talking about these guys and women, but deeper bonds.

 

If a guy has developed a genuine infatuation with an OW and he doesn't want the W to suspect or wants to minimize the affair, he's going to talk the OW down. Every woman has both attractive and un-attractive qualities. He's going to focus on the un-attractive in front of his wife. Real-life example: I developed strong feelings for a co-worker. The co-worker is sweet, easy for me to talk to for several reasons, and has a really cute face. My wife met this lady and afterward said something like "XXX is cute." I responded with something like "Yeah, but that nose stud... and why would she wear so much make-up?" And it's true, I don't care for peircings and don't like make-up, but those are very minor negatives that can easily be offset with positives.

 

Ladies, most mature men are not that concerned with looks, and your perception of another woman is going to be greatly influenced by what you want to see, especially if your man leads you in that direction. I think a lot of times that's why the "trading down" perspective.

[lovernotafighter]

this is exactly what I was thinking stoopid guy.

 

everyone has negative and positive qualities..everyone..when a MM/MW is outed of coarse they are going to down play the positive qualities in the affair partner to the spouse, unless they are completely insensitive.

 

if my MM got found out I'm certain he's say I have a bad work ethic and smoke to much (both pet peeves of his) where as I would say he's okay looking but god I hated his teeth (only because I spent 10 grand on mine this year). I would down play everything because I don't want to hurt my H more than I already have.

 

do I think I cheated down? no,I cheated sideways. did my MM? nope, he did the same.

[Asafan]

I agree with what you guys say, but I think the spirit of the thread meant why do guys with good looking women cheat with skanky fat chicks, and the answer was: Because they can!

[Adunaphel]

I agree with what you guys say, but I think the spirit of the thread meant why do guys with good looking women cheat with skanky fat chicks, and the answer was: Because they can!

 

Problem is, the answer could be recycled and would make sense also if used to answer this other question:

 

why do guys with ugly skanky women cheat with beautiful women?

 

So it's not really an answer.

 

This threads saddens me a little. Not because a guy once cheated on a beautiful woman with me, but because I find some posts evil to ugly people in general. I'm sure they weren't meant as evil (not to ugly people in general, anyway), but...hey. They give me that feeling, but my perception of reality is often very subjective.

[newbby]

this thread saddened me too, because it seemed to be saying that it was ok to treat an ugly or insecure woman like a slut, even donkey punch her, but maybe i just didnt get the humour..

[lindya]

OK, a man's perspective...

Ladies, most mature men are not that concerned with looks, and your perception of another woman is going to be greatly influenced by what you want to see, especially if your man leads you in that direction. I think a lot of times that's why the "trading down" perspective.

 

I think as soon as a partner is talking a great deal about a particular opposite sex acquaintance, then it means that some level of chemistry is developing. I might well agree with the perception a SO expresses about another woman, but I'm also going to be suspicious if he keeps referencing her...regardless of whether the comments are unflattering.

 

I've heard boyfriends comment quite ludicrously on other women's looks. eg, one of my most stunning friends has always been referred to in quite negative terms by guys I've been seeing...(eg "she's nothing special").

 

For someone who's nothing special, she turns one hell of a lot of heads in the street. Guys assume, I guess, that her friends are envious of her - and therefore talk her down. Doesn't change the fact that she's beautiful, though...and doesn't change other women's knowledge of that fact.

 

Alternatively...there are some women who might seem plain in other women's eyes, but who have that special something that attracts guys.

 

Men and women often seem to disagree about what constitutes classy/sexy/pretty. Nonetheless - in real life if a man describes another woman as pretty, even if we think she looks like a wardrobe we'll hold our tongues because we know that any disagreement will only be construed as bitchiness or jealousy.

 

this thread saddened me too, because it seemed to be saying that it was ok to treat an ugly or insecure woman like a slut, even donkey punch her, but maybe i just didnt get the humour..

 

I think it is mainly said in humour, newbby...but I feel the same way. The idea of a woman being assaulted during sex isn't something I can see any humour in. Usually, with humour, I get it. Not in this case.

[stoopid_guy]

Alternatively...there are some women who might seem plain in other women's eyes, but who have that special something that attracts guys.

Or attracts some guys. Our tastes in ladies is quite varied. (Which is a great thing, because ladies are quite varied too!)

[newbby]

I think it is mainly said in humour, newbby...but I feel the same way. The idea of a woman being assaulted during sex isn't something I can see any humour in. Usually, with humour, I get it. Not in this case.

 

thanks lindya, glad i am not the only one.

[Adunaphel]

thanks lindya, glad i am not the only one.

 

Newbby, lindya, it feels great knowing that we are on the same wavelenght here.

[LilMa06]

Hey, I am late to this thread but i just had to comment... as for the donkey punching, my ex told me about this years ago, said he did this to some girl he slept with in Germany, if he had ever done this to me, i'd probably be in jail...although picturing something like that seems kinda funny ( and i needed a good laugh) but this actually happening, uh uh. Some women believe it or not like these sort of things and find them pleasurable...I have aquestion, what about men who Marry down and then realize shortly afterwards that nope this aint what i want, i messed up and cheats on his NEW wife and says "oh well, i married her and have to stick around for awhile cuz' her ego is too fragile to know the truth right now but, this marriage aint gonna last"?

[newbby]

who is the judge on up or down anyway??? some people think that everyone is up because they are down on themselves, and some people consider others down because it makes them feel better.

[Adunaphel]

I have aquestion, what about men who Marry down and then realize shortly afterwards that nope this aint what i want, i messed up and cheats on his NEW wife and says "oh well, i married her and have to stick around for awhile cuz' her ego is too fragile to know the truth right now but, this marriage aint gonna last"?

 

I could think of quite a lot of term to describe such men, and "slimeball" is the most flattering one.

 

If he *has* to stick around for a while (which is bad enough - his wife could certainly do better, too) , he can do it properly and not cheat on her or disrespect her.

[Outcast]

Isn't it just a tad pathetic that people are honestly debating 'up' and 'down' about looks as though that should matter? What if one of those 'up' women gets mutilated in a fire? Does that put her so far 'down' as to be in the ditch?

 

Surely the people in this debate aren't that superficial?

 

Or are we seeing confirmation of the 'beautiful women are beyotches' theory???

[stoopid_guy]

who is the judge on up or down anyway??? some people think that everyone is up because they are down on themselves, and some people consider others down because it makes them feel better.

That could make for an interesting thread all by itself...

 

And why do looks matter at all? Assuming the other person is healthy and "anatomically correct," why do we even care what they look like?

[lindya]

who is the judge on up or down anyway??? some people think that everyone is up because they are down on themselves, and some people consider others down because it makes them feel better.

 

I suppose that in terms of aesthetic "ups and downs" people generally consider how healthy a person looks, whether they're in a normal weight range for their height, if their features are symmetrical, healthy teeth and hair etc

 

Then there's that other element of charisma. A lot of people aren't conventionally attractive, but they have a liveliness and warmth about them that attracts others.

 

Leaving cheating out of the equation for a moment, and just focusing on the situation where you've "lost out" to another woman....I think it's easier to accept if you can understand the reasons. It still hurts, obviously, but if you can look at another woman and think "well yes - I can understand what he sees in her" I think it speeds the acceptance process along.

 

I can see why people would want to argue with that thinking from a moral or intellectual perspective....but those are the gut feelings that kick in with me, before there's time to make a moral or intellectual judgement. When crap happens, I like to be able to identify a reason for it happening. When there's no clear reason, it's just that bit harder to deal with.

[Blind Illusion]

Men aren't the only ones who cheat down. Women are guilty of that too.

 

This could be true. If there is such a thing as "cheating down". Sounds kinda shallow and one dimensional to me, as if looks alone make for relationships, marital or otherwise. But I think Tanbark could have a point. Since it is a gender-free thing, perhaps it is because one cheats to fulfill a need. Not to hook up with Mr or Ms. America.

[Blind Illusion]

who is the judge on up or down anyway??? some people think that everyone is up because they are down on themselves, and some people consider others down because it makes them feel better.

 

Most excellent point that I was trying to make above.

 

Also, what is one making this "down" criteria on anyhow? Physical looks, intellect, emotional and sexual compatibility, friendship, fun, etc etc.

[newbby]

i have been cheated on before, two women, but i was more upset about the most typically attractive of them. maybe the situation was different because my bf was saying he still wanted to be with me, and i found her more of a threat.

[Adunaphel]

Isn't it just a tad pathetic that people are honestly debating 'up' and 'down' about looks as though that should matter? What if one of those 'up' women gets mutilated in a fire? Does that put her so far 'down' as to be in the ditch?

 

Surely the people in this debate aren't that superficial?

 

Or are we seeing confirmation of the 'beautiful women are beyotches' theory???

 

 

Did I already mention that I love your posts, Outcast?

(not only in this thread, in general)

[Outcast]

Thanks, Adunaphel!

 

People too easily forget that all people have hearts. Even the ones that God didn't happen to bless with beauteous visages.

[lindya]

Thanks, Adunaphel!

 

People too easily forget that all people have hearts. Even the ones that God didn't happen to bless with beauteous visages.

 

Agreed. On the other hand, when it comes to having a relationship with someone I don't think there's anything wrong with having certain standards. Some people might go over the top with expectations (that will never be realised) of aesthetic perfection. Yes - that's superficial and unrealistic...and I'm personally turned off by society's obsession with using plastic surgery to achieve some standardised ideal of beauty.

 

On the other hand, let's look at the person who is grossly overweight or underweight, looks dirty and unkempt, has the poor complexion that comes from unhealthy habits - and who bears a perpetual scowling or just plain stupid expression on his/her face.

 

Our eyes do sometimes provide us with important information about a person, and I don't think it's entirely superficial to pay attention to what they tell us.

[Outcast]

On the other hand, let's look at the person who is grossly overweight or underweight, looks dirty and unkempt, has the poor complexion that comes from unhealthy habits - and who bears a perpetual scowling or just plain stupid expression on his/her face.

 

Well, let's look at that.

 

at the person who is grossly overweight

 

How much constitutes 'grossly'? And do you know why that person's overweight? People put on steroids for cancer treatment gain an awful lot of weight and look like hell. I believe Lance Armstrong looked pretty gruesome for a while there.

 

looks dirty and unkempt

How dirty and unkempt? It could be depression, but otherwise where would you live that you would see many people looking dirty and unkempt? The only people I see lookng that way are the street people and yes, I agree, perhaps a homeless person isn't good relationship material but otherwise, how realistic is it to have to worry about regular people you encounter in your daily life looking dirty and unkempt?

 

has the poor complexion that comes from unhealthy habits

There are all sorts of conditions that poor unfortunate people may have that may leave them looking like they pursue 'unhealthy habits' but they in fact don't.

 

and who bears a perpetual scowling or just plain stupid expression on his/her face

 

People don't necessarily know what their faces are doing when they're not paying attention. One girl I once worked with said I had a 'mean face'. I was astonished since I'm not a meanie. I am, however, usually thinking and so must have not paid attention to what the skin on the outer portion of my head was doing. I went before a mirror and practiced looking the way I felt - I made the mouth smile or at least turn up to reflect the fact that I am generally in a very good mood. And now people consider me to be a happy friendly sort. I'm glad the gal said that to me because I had NO idea what my face was doing - after all, I'm behind it

 

Our eyes do sometimes provide us with important information about a person, and I don't think it's entirely superficial to pay attention to what they tell us

.

 

The point of the above is that our eyes may provide us with some information, but we need to be cautious in making assumptions based on that information.

Some of the most heinous serial killers were handsome, well-kept, good-looking men. Nobody would say Scott Peterson looked undesirable. But he killed his wife and unborn son. I watch A&E's crime shows. An awful lot of men who murdered their wives were model-quality gorgeous.

 

I don't necessarily trust what I see until I confirm it further. As Saint-Exupery said, 'what is essential is invisible to the eye'.