Talking to Girls

[Joe]

This girl and I have became close, I really like her and she likes me. My biggest problem when talking to girls is keeping a conversation going. I get to where I don't know what to say, and silence happens more often than actual talking.

 

It's like I don't know what to say, what to talk about, my mind goes blank. On the phone I don't say much, face to face I don't say much. I need help, any advice?

 

Joe

[Rachel]

Well, here are my thoughts. It sounds like you are a nice young man who is starting to have more contact with the opposite sex.

 

Women want friendship first and foremost. Talk to her about things that are important to you. If you like to workout, travel, school.

 

Talk about things that excite you: Any upcoming travel you might be doing, baseball, other friends.

 

Treat her like a friend. You dont' need to say a whole lot. Ask her to talk about herself.

 

Women want men who are interested in them.. Ask lots of questions about her... her friends,... school.... her family... like and dislikes... pets..... travel.... books....movies....

 

My best friend is married to a great guy. He is very very quiet. They have been married for 13 years. They are in their mid thirties.

 

She says that when they first started dating, he would call and greet her, then stay silent. She basically would talk and talk and talk.... and look where they are today!!!

 

He's still quiet!

 

Just be yourself. You sound like a terrific guy

[sparkle]

Rachel offered some great suggestions.

 

If you don't know what to say, keep the conversation focused on her. Ask her questions about herself. Many people enjoy talking about themselves..about their hobbies, music, favorite movies, actors, food, books, cars, best friends, family, job, career goals, high school or college days/memories, trips to laces/landmarks/states/countries... etc etc.

 

Good luck!

[Joe]

I appreciate the advice. But you're giving me advice that you would use when you first meet someone. Let me clarify that I've known of her for 5 years, but began getting close within this year and been talking to her for over 6 months now.

 

I know a lot about her, she knows a lot about me. We started out as good friends, but it is becoming more. But like i am with a lot of people, when I become face to face or on the phone I become silent and don't knwo what to talk about.

[yes]

Most people run into this problem in the friends->dating transition ...

 

Try to do stuff with her where u'r both busy w/ something ... i mean - if u take her out for dinner, u gotta talk right - trouble. but if u take her to play pool or bowling - u can talk abotu the game ...! easy. if u take her to a movie, u can discuss the movie afterwards ... etc... get the drift? my guy n i usually go dancing - so we either dance, or talk bout other dancers, - that way there's always something to say... and then naturally, other topics will come up & you start simply updating each other on whats going on in your lives ... that topic is endless b/c life goes on n on n on (the only way its not endless is if u two spend too much time together which u dont wanna do anywya)

 

also, dont worry about talking the whole time. i cant speak for all girls, but i like just sitting in the guy's arms, listening to music, watching other people dance ... w/out talking - can spend hours like that in some club. it's very relaxing... Generally, lots of hugging and touching makes u more at ease ... and you can start talking bout her - as in her hair, etc. Make a funny hairstyle for her, for example

 

oh, another idea is go for drinks (eg to a bar, play pool n drink a LITTLE) ... alcohol relaxes both of you, so u'll be more at ease and talk more, naturally... =)

 

I hope that helped a bit.

 

Best of luck.

I appreciate the advice. But you're giving me advice that you would use when you first meet someone. Let me clarify that I've known of her for 5 years, but began getting close within this year and been talking to her for over 6 months now. I know a lot about her, she knows a lot about me. We started out as good friends, but it is becoming more. But like i am with a lot of people, when I become face to face or on the phone I become silent and don't knwo what to talk about.

[unnamed]

I understand where your coming from Joe. I've always found it difficult to talk with women. I cannot carry on a conversation for more than a minute or two usually, and its difficult.

 

I've been with my girlfriend now for 2 years, and I still do not have anything much to say. I mainly talk about my day, what I did the night before, and what was going on that night. That's pretty much it.

 

I found that, when I first started to get to know her, and I tried to purposely integrate my interests (mainly cars and computers) it really didn't work well. What worked best was when she started asking me about what I liked. That's when talking became easier, and I had more to say.

 

I also noticed you sound very similar to me. Are you embarassed to tell the girl what interests you have?

 

I suppose your best bet is just talking as much as you can about what interests her, and, if she asks what interests you have, don't hold back on telling her. You'll begin to understand more about each other, and that's the key to carrying on a meaningful conversation.