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relnship anxiety stuff


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i'm back with the same question. i've been thinking about what causes me to feel crappy and anxious, and it has zeroed down into one thing:


i am worried that my partner has more fun with other people than with me.


the reason that would bother me is b/c i always prefer him to my friends. while i do spend time with my friends and have fun and everything, i have more fun with him.


i know - a relnship cant be healthy unless u spend time apart with your friends, etc - true - it's cool with me - but i dont understand why i get that anxious feeling whenever i see that my guy went out with his buddies on a night that i stayed home ... is it pure selfishness??


why does this bother me? how can i control it? does it make any sense?


And another lil issue: when he contacts me, he often starts off by sayin smth like he's bored, got nothing to do, etc. he's a pretty busy guy, actually ... well- my reaction is sometimes - am i an anti-boredom weapon or smth? like he does everythin else first, then calls me when he's bored... I know that most likely he just says that, he's always got something to do rlly...


Any comment on this?



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You are in total control of your feelings. For me, well, I go out of my way not to make myself feel bad. I think you ought to do the same unless you have some masochistic tendencies.


If you really love your guy, you will want him to enjoy himself with his friends. If you love yourself and have any kind of life at all, you'll want to enjoy some time doing other things with other people or by yourself. Spending all your time with your guy can burn out a relationship awfully fast. As a matter of fact, if you want your relationship to last at all, you better get used to the idea that the time you spend apart is just as important as the time you spend together.


If you don't learn to love yourself and be alone or with people other than your guy, your relationship is doomed because you MUST love yourself before others can truly love you.


When you see your guy enjoying himself with his friends, REJOICE. This takes a lot of pressure off of you so you don't have to be entertaining him 24/7 and it frees up time for both of you to enrich your lives through interaction with others.


This may not make any sense to you now because you're still in that fireworks, lovey dovey stage of your togetherness...which is wonderful. But in years to come, you will relish the time your guy is with his friends and you can do the things you want and need to do.


Print my answer out for when that time comes.

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