Joe Posted December 9, 2001 Share Posted December 9, 2001 Alright I was with this girl for like a year and a half. We broke up cause I went to basic training and ait which was like a half of year. She kissed other guys and we broke up and stuff like that now we are trying the friend thing and it seems like she is trying to move back with me. I am wondering if I should go with it or not. I mean I do still love her but I am not sure what I should do cause I am not sure if it will happen again.. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted December 9, 2001 Share Posted December 9, 2001 Do whatever your heart says. But remember if you're active duty in the military, you could get shipped out to a distant duty station anytime in which case I'm sure she'll pull the same crap again. Women like the attention of men who are right there, in person. It doesn't really sound like she is very dedicated to you at this time. Why don't you see her but not take it all that seriously? Just have a good time. Link to post Share on other sites
Joe Posted December 9, 2001 Share Posted December 9, 2001 Do whatever your heart says. But remember if you're active duty in the military, you could get shipped out to a distant duty station anytime in which case I'm sure she'll pull the same crap again. Women like the attention of men who are right there, in person. It doesn't really sound like she is very dedicated to you at this time. Why don't you see her but not take it all that seriously? Just have a good time. Link to post Share on other sites
Joe Posted December 9, 2001 Share Posted December 9, 2001 But see just seeing her is going to be hard because she was like the only true love I had in my life and I am going to want things to be the way they were. She is pissed at me right now because I have just gotten to that point where I can see other people and then she pops her head back into my life calling me out of the blue wanting to know how I feel about her and all this stuff it seems to me like she wants me back but I don't want to look weak. It is just something about her I just can't seem to stop loving no matter how hard I try I just need to hear her voice and I can talk to her for hours. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted December 10, 2001 Share Posted December 10, 2001 It's too bad she doesn't feel the same way about you and you do about her.' She hurt you once and she can surely do it again...and the identical same way. As song as you know what your risks are, knock yourself out!!! Link to post Share on other sites
tkgirl Posted December 10, 2001 Share Posted December 10, 2001 Alright I was with this girl for like a year and a half. We broke up cause I went to basic training and ait which was like a half of year. She kissed other guys and we broke up and stuff like that now we are trying the friend thing and it seems like she is trying to move back with me. I am wondering if I should go with it or not. I mean I do still love her but I am not sure what I should do cause I am not sure if it will happen again.. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted December 10, 2001 Share Posted December 10, 2001 Speaking as someone who was supportive of a long-distance boyfriend with an overseas job which put him in dangerous places on a regular basis, I can tell you that your ex girlfriend does not sound like the sort of person who could handle that kind of relationship. It takes 1) being happy with yourself and happy being by yourself, which you most often will be, 2) being patient, sympathetic and not always keeping score about the sacrifices you've made, etc., and 3) self-control, maturity and being secure & stable. Doesn't sound like your ex has many of these qualities -- and therefore it seems very unlikely that getting back together with her would yield happy results for you. If you feel vulnerable with her then cut the remaining ties. It really doesn't sound like she's too concerned with your best interests, she just wants to have you remaining in orbit around her. People who have genuine concern for others, whether as friends or as lovers, are careful to not muck around with their hearts. And why would you want to be in touch with someone who lacked genuine concern for your well-being? It'll be tough at first, sure, but if you recognize that given your circumstances there is no way this woman can be a healthy part of your life then you'll know you're doing the right thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Elvis Posted December 10, 2001 Share Posted December 10, 2001 Thank you very much! Link to post Share on other sites
Helping brother Posted December 10, 2001 Share Posted December 10, 2001 Joe , Do what you think is right, are you willing to forgive and forget? It's a tough thing to do, but it has to be forgiven, before you can make any progress in the realtionship. Are you from Boston by any chance? Alright I was with this girl for like a year and a half. We broke up cause I went to basic training and ait which was like a half of year. She kissed other guys and we broke up and stuff like that now we are trying the friend thing and it seems like she is trying to move back with me. I am wondering if I should go with it or not. I mean I do still love her but I am not sure what I should do cause I am not sure if it will happen again.. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
worm Posted December 10, 2001 Share Posted December 10, 2001 I am currently in a relationship that has had many ups and downs. He joined the service in July and we broke up and got back together in october...He was scared...Now from october to now he has talked of marriage and me moving with him when he leaves where he is now to go to California...All of a sudden he says it wont work and he is pushing me away... Saying that it would be too hard and it cant work with him being out to sea for 6 months . blah blah ....I remind you we have a rocky past....But in his presence he acts so happy with me...Together for three yrs. I love him very much and I am so confused...Does the service really make a young man that scared? Do relationships really end because of the choices to join the service.....What do u think? He is acting distant , not calling and pushing me away...we live 12 hrs apart... Any advice for a heart broken 21 yr old who loves her service man dearly..... Speaking as someone who was supportive of a long-distance boyfriend with an overseas job which put him in dangerous places on a regular basis, I can tell you that your ex girlfriend does not sound like the sort of person who could handle that kind of relationship. It takes 1) being happy with yourself and happy being by yourself, which you most often will be, 2) being patient, sympathetic and not always keeping score about the sacrifices you've made, etc., and 3) self-control, maturity and being secure & stable. Doesn't sound like your ex has many of these qualities -- and therefore it seems very unlikely that getting back together with her would yield happy results for you. If you feel vulnerable with her then cut the remaining ties. It really doesn't sound like she's too concerned with your best interests, she just wants to have you remaining in orbit around her. People who have genuine concern for others, whether as friends or as lovers, are careful to not muck around with their hearts. And why would you want to be in touch with someone who lacked genuine concern for your well-being? It'll be tough at first, sure, but if you recognize that given your circumstances there is no way this woman can be a healthy part of your life then you'll know you're doing the right thing. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted December 10, 2001 Share Posted December 10, 2001 hi! it sounds to me like he's right ... 12 hrs apart, 6 months away at service ... it's just too much, esp. considering a rocky past. If i were u, i'd get over him, and then find a nice guy who lives no more than half n hr away from you... it's going to go much smoother, probably ... and then when he's done with service in however many years - u never know, he might come back for u ... but don't count on it.. That's my view ... Best of luck I am currently in a relationship that has had many ups and downs. He joined the service in July and we broke up and got back together in october...He was scared...Now from october to now he has talked of marriage and me moving with him when he leaves where he is now to go to California...All of a sudden he says it wont work and he is pushing me away... Saying that it would be too hard and it cant work with him being out to sea for 6 months . blah blah ....I remind you we have a rocky past....But in his presence he acts so happy with me...Together for three yrs. I love him very much and I am so confused...Does the service really make a young man that scared? Do relationships really end because of the choices to join the service.....What do u think? He is acting distant , not calling and pushing me away...we live 12 hrs apart... Any advice for a heart broken 21 yr old who loves her service man dearly..... Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted December 11, 2001 Share Posted December 11, 2001 I've never dated anyone in the military so I can't comment on how much one changes upon entering. But if your man's as young as you are then I think that change just naturally comes with the territory. But if one or the other of you is not committed to doing the long distance thing then I think it's pretty much a given that it's not going to work. It sounds like your man isn't committed to the idea. No matter how much you love him, if he's not into the relationship enough to deal with the 12-hour distance then there's nothing you can do. Sorry ... Link to post Share on other sites
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