One-Way Love

[Having trouble]

Hi, I've got a little problem. There's this girl that I am very good friends with, and we've been rather close for about a year. We aren't dating or anything, but I am having some rather strong feelings for her. Trouble is, although it's never been brought up, I don't think she feels the same way. Originally, this was OK, I could have my feelings, as long as I didn't act on them. But this has been getting harder, and recently I had a dream about her (the kind you hope and pray were real), and this was the last straw. I need some way to deal with my feelings, but I still want to be friends with her, so I can't tell her what's going on. Any suggestions? Thanks.

[Tony T]

Sorry, friend. I've been there more than just a few times. It's not fun. You have no choice, I mean NONE, except to change your feelings about her pronto or totally stay away from her for a while.

 

You could just let her know that you really enjoy her company and that if she ever decided she'd like to upgrade the friendship, you would be open to that...then just let it go.

 

You could come out and just tell her you are very fond of her and want to upgrade the relationship now. As you said you run a great risk of damaging the friendship if you do this.

 

Whatever you do, don't put yourself through hell by waiting around for her when she has no intentions of ever being romantic with you. That's just plain nuts. You don't want her telling you about all the guys she goes out with, etc. You're just wasting your time.

 

The faster you get a life away from her and spend much less time with her, the more likely her feelings about you may change and become romantic. If you're around her all the time, she can have you as a friend and have a lover as well.

 

Also, I might inform you that your feelings for her will intensify as long as you hang out with her. One day she will get married. If it's not to you, I can guarantee you the time she spends with you will be cut by 99.9 percent or more and you will be forced to go find someone else. And you will be devastated to boot. Why do that to yourself?

 

So resolve this matter now and do what you have to do to find real love that is mutual. Go find romance elsewhere and this girl will be even more comfortable being your friend...if she has no inclination to have a romance with you.

 

You are not being honest with yourself or to her if you're hanging around her hoping she'll fall for you rather than out of genuine friendship. Self-deception is the worst kind and humans are the only animal on the planet that does that.