rkman Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 For the record, the advice I gave is not neccessarily the correct advice, it's what I as a man who has been through it, knows what I myself would need if it were to happen again. And yes, if I had one of those girls come back and appologize a couple months later, I'd probably have given them a shot at rebuilding any trust and firendship. I know it may seem I went a little off topic with the other crap, but it's jsut to get you to think outside the box a little. Link to post Share on other sites
KittenMoon Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 For the record, the advice I gave is not neccessarily the correct advice, it's what I as a man who has been through it, knows what I myself would need if it were to happen again. And yes, if I had one of those girls come back and appologize a couple months later, I'd probably have given them a shot at rebuilding any trust and firendship. I know it may seem I went a little off topic with the other crap, but it's jsut to get you to think outside the box a little. And I was simply trying to speak as someone who could relate to the OP's situation- and choose the other path. (Which still lead to bad results...) As to thinking outside the box- sometimes I feel this can convolute the situation- sometimes thinking inside te box, using only the most important details, can keep a difficult situation from becoming over emotional and spiraling out of control. Link to post Share on other sites
rkman Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 I still don't see how gender plays into this at all, aside from the simple circumstance that the OP is female, and the hurt party is male. Switch it around, I have the same feelings. But then again, I know many people put more stock into gender differences than I do. It's more about taking less sympathy so soon, and more . I don't believe they are near the critical point. They are both just coasting on a plateau, I could be wrong, it's just my experience. I'm not sure why you say this- if they are able to stay within the relationship and work to heal it, it should be done together, not apart. Only if there are deeper underlying issues do I think they would need to seperate, but the OP has not given us that much info. Because I know exactly his type, I was that type am partially still, just more aware now. He is stuck in a state, and needs to get out of the situation before he is expected to be able to look at himself and the whole picture. I guess they are long distance though so that will defintely help, but maybe just telling him that she wants him to think about all of this for a week or so, just so he has him time. Link to post Share on other sites
rkman Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 And I was simply trying to speak as someone who could relate to the OP's situation- and choose the other path. (Which still lead to bad results...) As to thinking outside the box- sometimes I feel this can convolute the situation- sometimes thinking inside te box, using only the most important details, can keep a difficult situation from becoming over emotional and spiraling out of control. lol I guess as myself, I tend to think outside the box, but I don't really have trouble struggling to maintain focus on the issue. Expand and then retract into the box, like a couple of whirls of a yo-yo I totally understand your personal relation to the situation, I can see that. I come from the other side of your relation though, at the same time as I'm sympathetic to both of your understandings, it all boils down to understanding what we need versus what we want and where commitment fits into all of this. This would be retracting all of the information of the situation and relating it back to the core issues. Also, I don't only view these forums as a method of giving advice but using the situations and everyone's point of vew to establish a better understanding of myself, others and how it all meshes. To me, we gave her advice and continue that advice by backing it up with why we gave that advice. The better she understand us, the better she can understand the advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Reyna08 Posted July 7, 2006 Author Share Posted July 7, 2006 I want to thank everyone for your time, advice and straight forwardness. I appreciate it all. I talked to my boyfriend last night and we are going to sit down and talk this weekend and see what he wants to do. I told him due to my carelessness, I'm not the one to say anything, it's in his hands. I clearly understand what I did was wrong and I hate myself for it. He says he is willing to forgive me and he wants to work it out and I will give him all the time in the world to do so if that's what he wants. It helps that we only see eachother on the weekend. It gives him more time to think things over. Well, I can only hope for the best. I definitely learned from my mistake and this has definitely been an experience I will learn from. Thanks again!!! Link to post Share on other sites
rkman Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 I want to thank everyone for your time, advice and straight forwardness. I appreciate it all. I talked to my boyfriend last night and we are going to sit down and talk this weekend and see what he wants to do. I told him due to my carelessness, I'm not the one to say anything, it's in his hands. I clearly understand what I did was wrong and I hate myself for it. He says he is willing to forgive me and he wants to work it out and I will give him all the time in the world to do so if that's what he wants. It helps that we only see eachother on the weekend. It gives him more time to think things over. Well, I can only hope for the best. I definitely learned from my mistake and this has definitely been an experience I will learn from. Thanks again!!! Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts