Crying after abuse

[cryinginside]

I sure hope someone out there is reading this. I hope someone can help. I am at my wit's end. I feel like just giving up. I was with my kids dad for 6 years he was extremlly abusive. I left him after he put me in the hospital on my birthday and my daughter watched. After being on my own for awhile i met this "great" guy. He bought me flowers, took my kids to the park, if i wasn't feeling well he let me lay down and he watched the kids. We were engaged within a month.. i know it was too soon but i thought life was great. Then he would get mood swings, throw stuff around. I found out he was clinicly bipolar he would never stay on his meds. There were times he held me our kitchen with a butcher knife to me. Did i leave of course not? I did move out though. We stayed together one minute i was his angel the next i was a freakin slutty b*tch. Several times he threatened to beat my butt or kill me. Finally one day i had had enough and just quit taking his calls. Two days later i was in bed with him, later that day wouldn't i wouldn't let him use my car he told me to leave before he did somthing stupid. I then quit taking his calls all together. He hates me now and i hurt so much. I saw him today he called and said that he was going to have someone beat my butt. (not his exact words) AND i still miss him. I want to be in his arms...i can't help it. I remember the good times. and i am sitting here crying so someone please help

[Outcast]

Forget the good times. You know they are only half the story and, worst of all, they NEVER last. Instead, write down EVERY bad thing he has said to you or done to you and read it EVERY day. What you have to do to save yourself is to remember the bad times. And stay away from him.

 

I think you're hoping a nice guy will 'rescue' you and you really hoped this one was it. He's not. Unfortunately, you aren't very good at choosing men and will probably need counselling to break your pattern of picking the troublesome ones.

[Touche]

I sure hope someone out there is reading this. I hope someone can help. I am at my wit's end. I feel like just giving up. I was with my kids dad for 6 years he was extremlly abusive. I left him after he put me in the hospital on my birthday and my daughter watched. After being on my own for awhile i met this "great" guy. He bought me flowers, took my kids to the park, if i wasn't feeling well he let me lay down and he watched the kids. We were engaged within a month.. i know it was too soon but i thought life was great. Then he would get mood swings, throw stuff around. I found out he was clinicly bipolar he would never stay on his meds. There were times he held me our kitchen with a butcher knife to me. Did i leave of course not? I did move out though. We stayed together one minute i was his angel the next i was a freakin slutty b*tch. Several times he threatened to beat my butt or kill me. Finally one day i had had enough and just quit taking his calls. Two days later i was in bed with him, later that day wouldn't i wouldn't let him use my car he told me to leave before he did somthing stupid. I then quit taking his calls all together. He hates me now and i hurt so much. I saw him today he called and said that he was going to have someone beat my butt. (not his exact words) AND i still miss him. I want to be in his arms...i can't help it. I remember the good times. and i am sitting here crying so someone please help

 

Why would you miss someone who would call you a slutty bitch? Not to mention all the rest. If you go back to someone like that then there's something wrong with you. Is this what you want your kids to see? They'll think it's ok to act like that. Please stay away from him. He sounds dangerous. Don't you think you deserve a normal man?

 

Don't cry. Be strong. You don't deserve that kind of treatment. NO ONE does. Post on here instead of calling him. There are great people on here who can help. PLEASE stay away from this abuser.

[Craig]

cryinginside, you are a survivor/victim of domestic violence and what you are going through is very common amongst people that get into abusive relationships. It is really, really hard because there is this good and attractive side to the abuser and then there is the bad and ugly side as well. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

 

What you are going through, what you've been through is textbook stuff, it's that common.

 

On average a woman will leave her abuser 7 times before finally leaving for good.

 

Knowledge is going to be your friend in your recovery from feeling this bad. The very best things you can do are to Google "domestic violence"--learning as much as you can about it AND call your local domestic violence center and make an appointment to talk to a counselor or advocate. Trust me on this that you will feel tremendous relief after that first meeting. At the center you can get counseling and other resources to assist your recovery. All for free if you can't afford to pay, but you have to make the call.

 

You asked for help. It's here in this message now the rest is up to you.

 

Be strong, be brave and best wishes,

 

Craig

[cryinginside]

thank you everyone. I know that i deserve better then him. He was such a lowlife but when i get thinking about how good he was in the beginning that is what makes me sad. He is bipolar he just won't take medicine so ithink if i try harder it will work.

I feel like i am so alone but i know i am not.

As for the local domestic violence place that is about a joke. They give me papers about the wheel of abuse and thats about it. They dont' understand what i am going through. I keep thinking it could have been worse maybe i should work it out.

[Touche]

If you try harder it will only get WORSE! Don't you know that? I don't understand how you could want to be with someone like this. I don't care how great he was at the beginning! He's sick and won't help himself.

 

Yes, it can be lonely now without him but it's better than being with someone who is so unstable and abusive. There's NOTHING you can do to make it better with these people.

 

Trust me, I lived with one. SO glad I left and ended it. And it was VERY hard but I did it and so can you.

[Craig]

As for the local domestic violence place that is about a joke. They give me papers about the wheel of abuse and thats about it. They dont' understand what i am going through.

I'm sorry that you had that experience with them. Try them again, say you want counseling. Maybe you got the wrong person to talk to. It happens.

 

In any case you're here and you have support here.

 

There isn't anything you can do, you can't fix him, he is broken and is going to stay broken. The best thing you can do is have no contact with him and if he makes any threats to you at all call the police and file a report, explaining he is bipolar and takes meds for it.

[cryinginside]

see he just called again and i couldn't find myself capable to hang up til the end. i don't know what is wrong with me. I Hate myself right now.

[Touche]

I'm not sure I understand. You spoke to him? What do you mean you couldn't hang up?

 

Next time don't even bother answering the phone. You should have told him that it's over. Don't hate yourself. You're stronger than you think. You can do this! You have to do it. You'll have so much more respect for yourself.

[cryinginside]

I just felt like i wanted to hear what he said. At times in the conversation he would be nice then he would start telling me i play too many games. After about 10 minutes i asked why he called he said to tell me he got a new phone (rubbing it in or something) then to say he just wanted to tell me i play too many games, i was like good you b*tched now goodbye and hung up...he hasn't called back.

 

He did say he would drive by to see if i was at home or if i went out. I am so confused right now. I feel like i miss him so much. UGH

[Outcast]

when i get thinking about how good he was in the beginning that is what makes me sad.

 

Everybody is good in the beginning. That's because in the beginning people only show you their good sides so you'll fall for that part. But someone who has a very bad side is not someone you should have in your life. Think of 'the beginning' like an ad. The thing you buy may be nothing like the ad said it was - the ad is just a temptation to get you to buy. What you see now is the way it will always be. 'The beginning' was an illusion because you did not reallyknow him.

 

if i try harder it will work

 

There is NOTHING, I repeat NOTHING you can do to make this work. He's got big problems and, I hate to break this to you, but you are not God. Only godlike powers could bring about the kind of miracle you want.

 

I keep thinking it could have been worse maybe i should work it out.

 

There is nothing YOU can do. And it absolutely positively will get worse.

 

I feel like i miss him so much.

 

You miss company. You miss the guy you THOUGH he was. You miss the fake good guy you first met but that guy wasn't real. This bipolar abuser is the real man. You need to make yourself understand that the man 'in the beginning' was a fake.

[Craig]

I just felt like i wanted to hear what he said. At times in the conversation he would be nice then he would start telling me i play too many games. After about 10 minutes i asked why he called he said to tell me he got a new phone (rubbing it in or something) then to say he just wanted to tell me i play too many games, i was like good you b*tched now goodbye and hung up...he hasn't called back.

 

He did say he would drive by to see if i was at home or if i went out. I am so confused right now. I feel like i miss him so much. UGH

This is where you need to be strong, start the no contact and stick to no contact.

 

WTF is he doing driving by your house??? Is he going to be your stalker next? Tell him no contact, it's over, done finished, don't drive by your house, don't stalk you.

 

You miss the good him but the good him comes with the bad him and the bad him isn't going to go away. Ever.

[Becoming]

Crying--

 

You CAN do this. The question is do you really want to? Then get yourself the help you'll need because change is the hardest thing there is to do. BUT YOU ARE WORTH THE WORK!

 

We all want to believe the Prince Charming BS we're fed as little girls. Seems two princes have come now, Snow White, and they turned out to be that witch with a poison apple! Even that ditzy Snow White has enough sense to run from the wicked. AND SO DO YOU!

 

Google domestic violence and teach yourself. You really do seem to have this need to be rescued by everyone else doing things for you. Figure out what it is YOU want and then devise a plan to go after it, calling on others, like LS here, to help you. But we can only help. You are the only one who can actually change your situation through your choices.

 

Is a slit throat from a butcher knife one of the things you want in your future? Then go no contact. Period.

 

It sounds like you're really lonely, hungry for loving relationships. Surround yourself with good folks to help you through this time. Find a support group to help you understand all these classic emotions of a domestic abuse victim and for the sake of your children, if not for yourself, learn how YOU can break the cycle of abuse by refusing to allow these kinds of folks into your life in the first place.

 

I don't mean to sound harsh. But you really need to wake up. This ain't no fairy tale with a happy ending. It's just life, life that we choose by the countless small decisions we make day in and day out. Please choose life, not death.

[cryinginside]

Well its been a few days since i spoke with him and i feel great. I know i will probably have more ups and downs but with everyones help on here i feel like i can control my destiny and that is not what i want. He can say what he wants about me but i know i am nothing he says. I am getting my life back, I spent the weekend camping with my kids, i enrolled in school again. I just feel good.

[Touche]

Oh WOW! That is SO great. I'm so happy for you. I knew you were really strong. Now, don't weaken. It may happen sometimes when you get lonely. Just come on here and your LS buddies will help you through it, ok?

 

You should be VERY proud of yourself. Believe me, I know how hard it can be. Keep it up!

 

Hugs,

Your LS buddy Touche'

[Love Hurts]

That's what happens when they go off meds.

 

When they stop meds the brain after so many days goes into shock.

Go to bi-polar disorder and read about what happens.

 

They have racey thought processing.......... so much to say on the topic.

You need to do your research.

 

Violence is common, especially if he drinks which also turns his expensive meds into a mere sugar pill... useless.

 

He is so loving when he is controlled, other times a maniac.

You miss the loving normal stage the true man.

But you can not denie the other guy exists...

That other guy... well you shouldn't be afraid to meet the Devil, you already have.

 

Is he worth the mental stress............... and agrivation of who is coming through the door tonight? He should care about himself enough to do the right thing. He knows he is capble of huring you.

If he has no self-regard

how much regard has he for you or anyone else for that matter?

 

Crazy world .......... some are faithful with meds and have a seemingly fruitful life ... some like the rush they get for a time when they stop taking meds.

Seriously do your homework, there are countless sites explaining the different types of Bi-polar.

 

ok, homework... that in inself is a wake up call.

Also consider what you are putting your children through.

I think they have been terrorized enough as byproducts of abuse.

Take time to get your head out of the sand.

See the light of day.

There are some great grounded guys out there and you can have a conversation with them. Thats a plus.

 

Good luck

[cryinginside]

Well it has been several days and i haven't heard from him. BUt out of nowhere right now i am starting to miss him. Wonder what he is doing. I know that that is not right but i can't seem to help it. Ugh what is wrong with me? I finally start getting things right and then i have to go and think about him and miss him.Any advice?

[Outcast]

Of course you miss him. You miss anyone that you've spent a lot of time with. You've left jobs and missed the people you left. Doesn't mean you should live with them. You may miss the good things but there are still the bad things and you CANNOT have only the good - the bad comes with it.

 

So never mind about missing him. Eventually that will go away. It will be uncomfortable for a while but not nearly as bad as being hurt or killed by your own spouse. You WILL get over this. Hang tight!

[cryinginside]

I'm trying to keep reminding myself that if i didn't get away i am sure it would have gotten worse and my kids deserve better then that. I was never raised around abuse and i don't want them to either. It just is so hard sometimes. I don't even know why i care what he has been doing. But yet i think about it.

[Outcast]

Really, it's just habit. It's what you do when someone's in your life. It will end. Don't think about him; instead make plans for a great future for you and for your children. You are absolutely correct that they deserve much better. As do you!

[Becoming]

GOOD FOR YOU! You're doing all the right things--admitting you need help getting through the wondering, the missing-him, the lonely times--and getting some support.

 

It helps me to have something planned that I'm going to do to make life better to make it through the tough times. Like play a game with the kids after work or take a walk--it doesn't have to be anything earth-shattering, but something that's positive for you and the life you want to make. Invite someone over for dinner to help you through the loneliness.

[cryinginside]

Now i am getting really confused. I was doing good for those few days but now i feel like i'm getting worse. I keep thinking that maybe if he got on his meds and got a job he kept we could work. He left me a text message last night saying he loves me and misses me and hopes i feel the same way. I haven't text him back yet but i really am feeling the need to. What is wrong with me? ONe day i can point out all the bad and feel so good about how things are going. Then he says something like that and i feel as if things could maybe work. I think i am hopeless.

[Becoming]

You're not hopeless. You're just normal. All of this is quite normal.

 

What do you want running your life? The emotions of the moment or a higher consciousness that aims for a common good that also includes the needs of you and those you are called to protect (children and YOURSELF!)?

 

Yes, we all keep hoping that things can be better, but we can't control the other person's choices and behavior, and he has made dangerous choices that are a path of death metaphorically and perhaps literally.

 

It really does come down to whether YOU want to choose life or death. Sure, he has great qualities, but what path is he walking on--the path of life or death? And is it one you really want to walk with him?

 

You're worth LIFE! And so are innocent children. Find something to fill up the loneliness and get off your addiction to him.

[Touche]

And just because he says he loves you, it doesn't mean it's meant to be. Let another man who treats you right, love you. But love yourself first.

[cryinginside]

Thank you for replying guys. You don't know how much it means to know you guys care. i just wish he would quit calling and quit text messaging me. At first i replied in text and asked WHy he keeps calling me after all that stuff he said. At first he was moody now he won't quit calling or texting. I wish he would stop so i could move on.