Can men and women be "just friends"?

[After Party]

I also wonder about this, yes I think u can be friends if there was no attraction with one another but when there was it is so much harder, I 2 would love to know the answer.

[Aloros]

I think it's easy for men and women to be just friends, depending on the dynamic. Most of my friends are guys. I'm kind of a tomboy/nerd, so I mostly just get treated as one of the guys. I've started friendships where there was some definite sexual tension, but I ended up breaking those off because it made me uncomfortable.

[Mazellan]

I am a guy and I have lots of female friends. Some I would have liked a relationship with originally but it didn't happen, and there is a bit of residual sexual tension, but I keep it hidden.

 

Others that I have never had any romantic feelings toward there is no sexual tension. I get along well with their partners. We talk about relationships, they ask me about guys. Get the male perspective.

 

To me it is entirely natural. I am best friends with my ex (of 23 years), after we split 18 months ago. It seems a waste to lose someone you care for, just because they won't have sex with you.

[a4a]

Sure they can be friends.

 

My H has had a female friend for over 20 years....... zero interest in her.

 

Not to be mean or nasty but the reality of it is : If a female is not all that attractive I think men find it much easier not to have sexual tension involved in the friendship. duh!

 

I have lots of gay men that I am or were great friends with

[Moai]

I think it's far too complicated for men and women to be "true" friends. Acquaintences, yes, friends...I just don't think so. People like to think that they've evolved past their basic instinctual desire for sex, but when it comes down to it, we're all at the mercy of biology. Who wants to constantly suppress their sexual feelings for a "friend?" It sounds pretty tiresome to me.

 

It is. It is neverending torture that only subsides when the object of affection is removed from the situation.

 

I also think a lot of male/female friendships are based on some form of ego stroking. Yes, I think it is sort of an ego boost for a woman to have male friends, and vice versa, but nobody likes to admit it. A lot of times that platonic friendship is a "break glass in case of emergency" situation (I got that from Chris Rock, btw.)

 

Yep. That's why, in my experience, female friends don't like it when the male shows interest in another woman. Of course, he should be totally accepting of her interest in other men.

 

And call me old fashioned...but I will never understand a man wanting to be friends with a woman (at least without the intention of getting into her pants). I suppose in my old fashioned mind men are supposed to have only male friends with whom they bond over sporting events, etc. There is absolutely no talking about feelings. So for a man to be friends with a woman, to sit around and talk about feelings, just seems abnormal to me. Again, I know I am in the minority, but I just had to share (I am a woman, after all, and we're the ones who do all the sharing ).

 

Men do sit around and talk about feelings, but not the same way. Talking about feelings with a woman makes her your girlfriend. Sharing feelings like that creates intimacy, and when men feel that sense of intimacy they feel the urge to show it, i.e. have sex. Men usually demonstrate how they feel rather than verbalize it.

 

Also - I think that once you are in a seriously relationship with someone it is time to cool off your platonic male/female friendships. Again, I'm sure I'm in the minority here, but by keeping that special friend around, doing things together, just the two of you, and confiding your deepest, darkest secrets...well, you will do nothing but upset your significant other.

 

Anyway...that's my 2 cents.

 

Again, totally correct IMO.

 

Romantic relationships are approached from opposite sides, but the are equal. When a woman has her emotional needs met, she "rewards" (for lack of a better term) her SO with sex.

 

When a man is getting sex, he "rewards" her with emotional support.

 

In a "just friends" situation, most of the time the woman is getting everything she needs and the man is getting nothing. Certainly there are times when the woman wants the man and he doesn't want her, but I would say that happens when the man doesn't find her physically attractive.

[starlet]

Well, one of my best friends is a guy (a lot of my best friends are men, but they are gay ) but one of my very best friends is a straight guy and we talk almost everyday about pretty much everything. Of course, we only BECAME friends like that because we spent a long time sleeping with each other, first. We kinda already got it out of the way, in a sense.

 

So, I think I"m torn about the men/women friends issue. Because I think taht even in the best scenarios you always kinda wonder what if - because the rest of the relationship is usually very good - what would it be like if i coudl just date that guy?

[BruiserKC]

Men and women can be just friends...it takes some work but it can be done and they can be very rewarding friendships. Yes it can take a little bit of elbow grease but all relationships and friendships are that way.

 

Three of my closest friends are women...I also happen to be happily married and have two kids. My wife knows my friends and has socialized with them...both with me and on her own. I don't hide anything from my wife, she is the most important woman in my life and my three friends encourage me to be the best husband and father possible. I've met their SO's so they know who I am, and in the case of two of them our children have played together.

 

Yes, I have guy friends...we do all the things that guys do together like drink beer, watch sports, play poker all night long, etc. But with my female friends, sometimes I want to talk about things other than sports and quoting the Cat Game from Super Troopers. My female friends can provide that outlet...I can talk to them about 95% of what's going on, with the remaining part being just for me and my wife alone.

 

They are my sisters...I never had a sister growing up, my house was full of brothers. They also offer the female perspective of a relationship and I apply that to my marriage and make it stronger.

 

I love my friends very much...they are good people and there's no shot at me wanting anything else from them. I'm proof it can work and men and women can be good friends.

[Yamaha]

I also happen to be happily married and have two kids.

 

Yes. It's much easier to have opposite sex friends if you are married. There is that barrier that you will not cross ( if your happily married ). I think it is much harder for single people to have opposite sex friends ( unless you have been friends for a long time ). After all, you meet a nice person and become friends and you wonder if it would work in a relationship ( if you have attaction ). I do think you can repress your feelings if the friendship is that important to you but I can't do it and I don't understand the motivation of these people. To me it would be torchure but to each their own.

[Craig]

I do think you can repress your feelings if the friendship is that important to you but I can't do it and I don't understand the motivation of these people. To me it would be torture but to each their own.

Yamaha, IMHO, it isn't repressing feelings but of not allowing those feelings to even start. And that is accomplished by pre-determining what you will do if and when those very natural, very normal feelings start. If you feed those feelings of romantic attraction they will grow and at some point take over your better judgment. However if you squash those feelings when they are little, itty bitty, micro-feelings, then no challenges can arise.

[The passing cloud]

Mark my word there is nothing called friendship between men & women .Why cause we all now how it will end !if you are surching for friendship among the opposite sex then why not your husband/wife .?

[Pyro]

Mark my word there is nothing called friendship between men & women .Why cause we all now how it will end !if you are surching for friendship among the opposite sex then why not your husband/wife .?

 

So how will it end?

 

My GF is my best friend, but I also have female friends. Its all good. There are no complications whatsoever.

[alphamale]

My GF is my best friend, but I also have female friends. Its all good. There are no complications whatsoever.

yeah...wait until you're married and try to have female "friends"...then we will find your testicles in the garbage can

[Pyro]

yeah...wait until you're married and try to have female "friends"...then we will find your testicles in the garbage can

 

You'd be quite surprised just how laid back that my GF is about me having female friends. She should be though. I introduce her to all of them and it is strictly just a friendship with them. Not to say that I plan on marrying this one, but I am just saying that she is proof that there are some woman out there that I know that if I were to marry them, they shouldn't have a problem with my female friends. As long as you stick to friendship and friendship only with your female friends, then there is no problem.

[Guest]

Truth for Men #1: When the testicles take control there is no way to become "just friends".

 

Truth for Men #2: The waiting game is always on, even after being told there is no chance.

[Aloros]

I think men and women can be just friends. I'm a bit of a tomboy, so I tend to get along better with men just because we have more similar interests. Most of my friends are men, and there are absolutely no romantic feelings there whatsoever. If I sense there are romantic feelings, I tend to break off the friendship pretty quickly. It makes me uncomfortable.

 

My boyfriend has many female friends, and I have no problem with that at all. He's a very honest guy (and a terrible liar!) and I trust him. I don't mind when he hangs out with his female friends since I do the same with my male friends and we both know THERE IS NOTHING GOING ON.

 

Maybe things are more complicated when you are single. I wouldn't know.

[Yamaha]

If I sense there are romantic feelings, I tend to break off the friendship pretty quickly.

 

Do you tell these men of your b/f up front? It you do then I understand why you would dump them if they try romance on you. If you don't then you are just selfish about your true intentions. Your intentions are friendship but his might/probably be romance. If you don't get it out in the open from the beginning then the friendship will end.

 

If a guy knows he has no chance then he might be willing to be just a friend if he likes your personality but if he thinks he has a chance then the friendship will end ( eventually ).

[BruiserKC]

Men and women being friends when married/in a relationship can be a bit trickier. It was important for my wife to be OK with things...otherwise no way in hell she was going to let me hang out with them. Also in the case of my female friends' boyfriends (husband for one) if they weren't OK with things it wouldn't be cool on their end either.

 

Being honest at the start makes things easier really...all feelings are out in the open and from there someone can decide where to go with it. I know that I did ask myself at one point with all three of them..."If circumstances were to ever change or we had met under different circumstances would I ever consider having more than friendship with them?" The answer for all three is "No".

 

And my cojones are still attached to my body...no Lorena Bobbitt action here. And no...I don't have to take them out of the jar on the fridge.

[Love Hurts]

The best male friends are the ones that have dealt with those issues with you .............. all negative responses to his images of what can be and still remain in your company.

 

That is a good friend. True till the end.

Nature can take over ..... and when it leads no where.....

If he still lingers as a friend................ what more could you ask for?

 

 

Would your male friend do this...?

A male friend will go out on the town with you as chaperaone so you are not the picture of free female in a club... yet free to mingle and talk to any males you find of intrest.

That is a friend.

 

A great male friend is virtually sexless, not male not female... just friend.

That matters to the heart.

(yes you know you have a male friend, yet when it comes to friend you are not considering sex)

 

Females can have male friends........... friends which can be true... and more reliable than a sister or a family member.

 

I have one.......... I thank God he is alive................. weeks can go by...

yet when I call him........... we talk like we just saw each other yesterday.

I am blessed. I love my male friend.

 

I personally have a brother and sisters......... I grew up with both.

To this day, I spill my emotions of life to my brother and he laughs at me.

Children,,, males and female growing up together rely on one another, go out together. Count on one another for certain things.

 

In life should there be a rule that if you have a male friend,,, there must be a sexual component working there. Male and female were meshed together in the playpen............ It is natural to have male/female friendships no sex attached.

 

You could have a girlfriend that wants more............... friends are sexless.

[superfreak]

I find that one thing generally tends to help when becoming friends with a member of the opposite sex, and that's establishing boundaries right up front.

 

Of course, this is assuming that the potential pal actually has the capacity to understand, respect, and reciprocate boundary systems. I mean, not necessarily a "clinical" understanding of it, or even in a Dr. Phil kind of way... I mean, they don't have to be able to talk about their boundaries over dinner but it's apparent that they have some of their own. Then it is much more likely that they will be able to respect yours (this also infers that you, too, have the ability to do this).

 

I enjoy, when meeting a man for the first time that I am interested in platonically (meaning: I think he's great but I'd never in a million years want to do the dirty with him ), I generally say right up front: "If you're expecting something more than friends, it's not gonna work." Of course it could potentially develop into something romantic later on down the line, but why encumber that kind of relationship by being afraid that every little move you make might be perceived as "suggestive"? So... Just set up the rules at the beginning.

[Tim'sAngel]

I enjoy, when meeting a man for the first time that I am interested in platonically (meaning: I think he's great but I'd never in a million years want to do the dirty with him ), I generally say right up front: "If you're expecting something more than friends, it's not gonna work." Of course it could potentially develop into something romantic later on down the line, but why encumber that kind of relationship by being afraid that every little move you make might be perceived as "suggestive"? So... Just set up the rules at the beginning.

 

See, IMO, this happens anyways, whether or not boundaries have been set up, or at least to me it has. It seems in most cases, again IMO, that when I am friends with a man, no matter how unnatractive I am to him or he seems to be to me, he will still end up making some kind of suggestive comment or somewhere along the line he will either through action or words make me wonder what it would be like to take it further, whether sexually or romantically. I just can't consider that "just friends"