Sand&Water Posted May 5, 2006 Posted May 5, 2006 I've recently found myself stuck, possibly between a rock and a wall. So, once again I'm back for some feedback. Just a few weeks ago, I had posted about my situation with a graduate student. All other details can be found in this thread: "One Chance" http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t84768/. Simply put, I sent him an e-mail asking if he'd like to get together sometime. I want to ask: Generally After How many days should I be receiving a response? 3 days? 1 week? Any thoughts/suggestions/feedback? Thank You.
MadDog Posted May 5, 2006 Posted May 5, 2006 I read your original post and I kinda laughed not because I'm mean but because you, as a girl, don't realize that guys have to go through the process of asking out girls all the time. Now I hope you appreciate the effort when a guy makes the effort to ask you out whether you're interested or not. Anyway, he could respond at any minute or might not respond at all. That's the problem with e-mail, texts, etc. You don't get immediate feedback. If you grow tired of waiting for a response, you can always ask him in person if you got his e-mail. It's possible he's been too busy to check as well. Good luck to you.
erika2610 Posted May 5, 2006 Posted May 5, 2006 MadDog.. you laughed because you're mean and you know it Sand&Water.. how long ago did you email him? I'd give him at least 3-5 days. Maybe he just hasn't checked his email.
Author Sand&Water Posted May 5, 2006 Author Posted May 5, 2006 MadDog and erika2610 I can say, most definately I empathize with guys that fall into that category. However, I can't say the same for the inconsiderate, half-brained, jerks out there. I know in the end, I'm A Winner! It's his loss, not mine. I sent him an e-mail about 4 days ago. I understand his circumstances, and that he is probably, most likely, busy. It just seems odd, that someone like him wouldn't try to send a brief, one sentence, reply... saying whether he is interested or not. This is a huge indication of his immaturity. I'm just baffled. How long is too long, until I can declare that it's a lost cause? Why would a mature, full-grown man, decide not to reply at all?
phyrespryte Posted May 5, 2006 Posted May 5, 2006 MadDog and erika2610 I'm just baffled. How long is too long, until I can declare that it's a lost cause? Why would a mature, full-grown man, decide not to reply at all? The bad thing about email is you never know if they've received it or not. Unless you did this through something like myspace or had a read request thing sent to you. I've done the email thing also and it was hell. If you see him just ask in person. It'll save you a lot of stress. Or you could just give up. But I think it's too soon for that.
Author Sand&Water Posted May 6, 2006 Author Posted May 6, 2006 I don't want to give up right now, not until I'm at my last straw. And, of course when there is no light at the end of the tunnel. The frustrating part, is that I can't ask him in person. E-mail contact is my only venue. Once Again: How long is too long, until I can declare that it's a lost cause?
obsession Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 I am a girl. I give it one week's time (max). I figured even if one is extremely busy during the weekdays, he/she could still manage to shoot a short/quick email or write back on the weekends. That's how I do it. If I don't respond within a week, my interest level is probably not that high to begin with. If I am interested, I would be damn sure to respond well within the week. A while back, I was totally crushing on this guy friend of mine. This went on for a bit, but I recently decided to give up on him altogether since he's a lost cause. Maybe he IS busy. Follow up once or twice, but if he's making it way too hard to get together, it may be better to move on.
phyrespryte Posted May 7, 2006 Posted May 7, 2006 I don't want to give up right now, not until I'm at my last straw. And, of course when there is no light at the end of the tunnel. The frustrating part, is that I can't ask him in person. E-mail contact is my only venue. Once Again: How long is too long, until I can declare that it's a lost cause? Is the reason you can't ask him in person is because he's a teacher? Or because you won't be able to see him for awhile? If you won't be seeing him for awhile...then I would send another email. Let him know that you're not sure if he received your first email. Restate what you wanted to to do. And let him know that yes or no you'd like to hear his answer. Then forget about it and move on. If you ever do see him before you get a response then you might want to ask why you haven't gotten a response.
summergirl Posted May 7, 2006 Posted May 7, 2006 I just had a similar situation. I found my crush on a friends-networking site, I sent him a message. In my email I didnt ask him out or anything, I asked him if he still rembered me and told him from our profiles I thought we had some same interest. I sent it on Monday, and I saw him online on Tuesday. But no reply. I waited and waited, I began to lose hope and tried to forget the whole idea and move on, maybe he won't ever reply or my message was lame. But on Saturday night while I checked my email, there you go, his reply was in my inbox. It was 8 paragraphs long, he said he couldn't respond fast because he was out of town for work, he wished me happy birthday, he told me to call him and gave me his number, and he invited me over coffee! I dont know how long you should wait for a reply. But when you get tired of waiting, just forget the idea and move on, maybe he's not interested. Could you tell me why you can't contact him other than via email? I would just talk to him regulary and build a connection and make him easier to ask me out, or just ask him out directly face to face. I'm not suggesting to send him another email though, it won't work and you might regret it later. Unless you're very sure that the technoly error is the reason he doesnt receive your email.
Author Sand&Water Posted May 9, 2006 Author Posted May 9, 2006 I don't understand why a guy would not reply back. There are cruel people out there, in the world. It's been exactly 8 days since I sent him an e-mail. I have not heard from him; no response at all. The reason why I can't meet up with him is because I don't know where I can find him. All I have is his e-mail. He might be roaming around somewhere in the city, or perhaps he's off at a conference, or perhaps he flew back home for a few days. There could be a thousand reasons why he hasn't answered. I'm not sure. So, obviously I can't go looking for him all over the place. That's would be creepy. Plus, I haven't received any error notification saying that my e-mail was never delivered to the recepient. So, he must of got it. Last thing for me to do, is to send a second e-mail? I'm not sure. I think it's too late by now. Or someone wants to convince me otherwise? Pretty much a lost cause. Don't you think?
whichwayisup Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 If he doesn't reply back, it means he has no balls. DO NOT EMAIL HIM AGAIN. He knows you've emailed, and if by chance something has happened and he hasn't checked his email - He'll reply. And if he doesn't, it means he isn't into you - Sorry to say this, but it's that plain and simple. All you can do is keep busy and see what happens. It all depends on how much you like this guy and how much effort you want to put out there. If you want to wait another week, go for it. But, honestly I think the writing is on the wall..........If he was SO into you, he would have contacted you already. Men who want women will move heaven and earth to contact them and be with them. Not hide and ignore emails.
Author Sand&Water Posted May 10, 2006 Author Posted May 10, 2006 If he doesn't reply back, it means he has no balls. DO NOT EMAIL HIM AGAIN. He knows you've emailed, and if by chance something has happened and he hasn't checked his email - He'll reply. And if he doesn't, it means he isn't into you - Sorry to say this, but it's that plain and simple. All you can do is keep busy and see what happens. It all depends on how much you like this guy and how much effort you want to put out there. If you want to wait another week, go for it. But, honestly I think the writing is on the wall..........If he was SO into you, he would have contacted you already. Men who want women will move heaven and earth to contact them and be with them. Not hide and ignore emails. Thanks for your input, WWIU. Everything you've said in your post is true. And I know it - which only strengthens my feminine and independent qualities. I'm not the type of person, to bash guys for apparently not answering my e-mail(s) or for showing their true nature in the 'not interested' department. I'm just disappointed in the way he handled this. Anyways, it's his loss. Besides, there are other guys waiting in line ! No one in a hurry !
phyrespryte Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 Thanks for your input, WWIU. Everything you've said in your post is true. And I know it - which only strengthens my feminine and independent qualities. I'm not the type of person, to bash guys for apparently not answering my e-mail(s) or for showing their true nature in the 'not interested' department. I'm just disappointed in the way he handled this. Anyways, it's his loss. Besides, there are other guys waiting in line ! No one in a hurry ! Or perhaps that's just what you wanted to hear. I had a similar email situation like yours. I never got a response. I sent him a 2nd email to a different address and got a response immediately. Turns out that he never used the first address. Did everything in the end work out beautifully? Not really. But I still think the 2nd email was worth it. When it boils down to it. I think the only thing stopping you from sending a 2nd email is pride. Or maybe it's fear? And I don't think that you should let those things stop you. I'd rather know for sure than always wonder...what if? Either way it doesn't really matter. You understand the situation better than I do. You do what works for you.
Author Sand&Water Posted May 11, 2006 Author Posted May 11, 2006 Or perhaps that's just what you wanted to hear. I had a similar email situation like yours. I never got a response. I sent him a 2nd email to a different address and got a response immediately. Turns out that he never used the first address. Did everything in the end work out beautifully? Not really. But I still think the 2nd email was worth it. When it boils down to it. I think the only thing stopping you from sending a 2nd email is pride. Or maybe it's fear? And I don't think that you should let those things stop you. I'd rather know for sure than always wonder...what if? Either way it doesn't really matter. You understand the situation better than I do. You do what works for you. Thank you, for your response. If that's what I wanted to hear, then I would have left long ago. I'm at a dead end here. If there was another passage to him, then surely I would've gone for it. I have one e-mail that belongs to him. There is, however, another way I could e-mail him but I'm not sure he checks his other account anymore. I don't know what I want to do. This is my first attempt to ask out a guy. It has always been the other around. I'll have to think about it - the second e-mail thing. Do you accept PMs, phyrespryte?
phyrespryte Posted May 14, 2006 Posted May 14, 2006 I've never used the PM thing. But I suppose it works? In regards to your situation...I'm not sure what you should do either. I guess to me it seems like sending that second email isn't really anything. At the worst he says no and you never see him again. Or he never responds and you never see him again. Either way it's nothing negative to you. If anything it's more for you than for him. You know? Like I guess peace of mind. Well at least that's how it was for me. I overanalyze things and needed that 2nd email to make it clear to me that there was no hope. Except he responded and then things got all stupid. But then he's not from this country and I have a feeling that he really doesn't get the whole dating thing. Whatever. I got my one date and I'm not so stressed.
jerbear Posted May 14, 2006 Posted May 14, 2006 Hi Sand & Water, I remember now; I posted to your original thread. Lost a few brain cells to alcohol tonight. Went to a friend's graduate graduation party. Anyway, I do not know about your school and his academic situation. This is the week of commencement, finals, moving in, etc... Getting grades posted, papers graded, and his own stuff together is not easy. I would suggest a second email then move on. 8 days is a little to long in my book.
Author Sand&Water Posted May 15, 2006 Author Posted May 15, 2006 I would suggest a second email then move on. 8 days is a little to long in my book. Thanks, Jerbear. That's my thoughts. 8 days is way too long. I do want some peace of mind. I get the feeling, though, that I may never know why he hasn't replied to my e-mail. Perhaps he doesn't want to be bothered with a student asking him out, so he simply ignores the request. The catch to this, is that it's been 2 weeks since I last sent him an e-mail. It'd look odd if I sent him a second e-mail now. I think it's too late. Plus, it'd be rude right? But I suppose there is no harm in sending one out, for the sake of contentment. It means a lot to me, when I'm content with a certain issue/incident. Should I send another e-mail at the same e-mail address, or the other account (that is, if he still checks it)?
jerbear Posted May 15, 2006 Posted May 15, 2006 Thanks, Jerbear. That's my thoughts. 8 days is way too long. I do want some peace of mind. I get the feeling, though, that I may never know why he hasn't replied to my e-mail. Perhaps he doesn't want to be bothered with a student asking him out, so he simply ignores the request. The catch to this, is that it's been 2 weeks since I last sent him an e-mail. It'd look odd if I sent him a second e-mail now. I think it's too late. Plus, it'd be rude right? But I suppose there is no harm in sending one out, for the sake of contentment. It means a lot to me, when I'm content with a certain issue/incident. Should I send another e-mail at the same e-mail address, or the other account (that is, if he still checks it)? 2nd email to deal with contention and what-ifs? This may have been a busy week, he might not check his school email, he might have deleted as spam, etc... If it helps your contention issues, send the 2nd email with carbon copy (CC) to the first. So what if it is rude or late? To me, the 2nd email with CC may sound somewhat rude but at the end of the day, it gets rid of the the "what if" factor.
Author Sand&Water Posted May 15, 2006 Author Posted May 15, 2006 2nd email to deal with contention and what-ifs? This may have been a busy week, he might not check his school email, he might have deleted as spam, etc... If it helps your contention issues, send the 2nd email with carbon copy (CC) to the first. So what if it is rude or late? To me, the 2nd email with CC may sound somewhat rude but at the end of the day, it gets rid of the the "what if" factor. I understand his circumstances, and everything you've listed is possible in this day and age. I know what to do now. But, I didn't save my original e-mail. So I can't send a carbon copy, with the second e-mail. What do I do? I don't remember much of my original e-mail. What would I say in it? I want to meet up for drinks, and specifically say that if he doesn't want to go, he should reply with a 'No'. ??
phyrespryte Posted May 15, 2006 Posted May 15, 2006 Hey insert name, I'm not sure if you received my first email or not, since I never got a reply. I haven't had a chance to see you in awhile and missed talking to you. So I was wondering if you'd like to get together for drinks one night? If you can or you can't...let me know. insert your name I think that would work with some embellishments and grammar corrections. Keep it brief and to the point, but kind of light. I wonder if the "missed talking to you" might be a bit too much. You decide if that seems all wishy washy.
Author Sand&Water Posted May 15, 2006 Author Posted May 15, 2006 Hey insert name, I'm not sure if you received my first email or not, since I never got a reply. I haven't had a chance to see you in awhile and missed talking to you. So I was wondering if you'd like to get together for drinks one night? If you can or you can't...let me know. insert your name I think that would work with some embellishments and grammar corrections. Keep it brief and to the point, but kind of light. I wonder if the "missed talking to you" might be a bit too much. You decide if that seems all wishy washy. Thanks for coming up with a second e-mail template. It's great help! With the use of your sample template, I'll construct some kind of e-mail that best encompasses situation. I think a general 'no thanks' response from him would be cool. At least I know, he has read my e-mail and exists on the other line!
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