westernxer Posted May 6, 2006 Share Posted May 6, 2006 maybe she really couldn't have her stuff ready in time. I'd like to know what stuff she's referring to... hair, makeup, frame of mind? Whatever. I've played this game, it's been played on me, and it's all hogwash. When you rationalize your motives (and her excuses), that's when you know it's time to move one. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted May 6, 2006 Share Posted May 6, 2006 I'd like to know what stuff she's referring to... hair, makeup, frame of mind? she has to get the BF out of the way Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted May 6, 2006 Share Posted May 6, 2006 she has to get the BF out of the way Oh yeah. LLLOOOOLLLL!!! Link to post Share on other sites
freckles3131 Posted May 6, 2006 Share Posted May 6, 2006 RE: "all the people that have hung on your advice do one of a few things: a.) Vent on you- similar to the way a band sells out, people think its not you and you are deserting them B.) Root for you and your advice and wish you the best C.) attack you - usually due to their own frustrations." I do not fit any of the above. I am on my second chance and it's going very well. So, I would naturally have a tendency to be "supportive" to him.......HOWEVER, like I said in my original post....FROM A GENERAL STANDPOINT/OBSERVATION....all LS connection/history aside.....as if I was hearing/reading this from anyone.....there are too many red flags. Having come as far as I have, I would know better than to open pandoras box at this time and under the circumstances he describes (i.e she is with someone/bummed about her b-day etc.....) Esp. since it's obvious the feelings are there.....I believe to have a HEALTHY second chance the other party needs to be "in a good place" internally as well, and it appears if she is willing to hang out with her EX and contact him etc...while in a current relationship, she obviously seems not mature/healthy/self-aware enough for HIM.......(for his "supposed healed" state.....) Personally, if this was ANYONE I would say the same thing to them, it isn't "time" yet..... I am not a "devout" Caliguy follower. I am not "bitter" I am not being intentionally negative, like I said...I am all for 2nd chances....BUT, this is starting off on the wrong foot. Link to post Share on other sites
TeaCooler Posted May 6, 2006 Share Posted May 6, 2006 well, i don't know that i agree that if you believe that someone doesn't have their s*** together, whether it's their stuff or their mind, tha it's "romanticizing." my point is that i think it's pointless to speculate what might have happened or not happened or what she's thinking, because it might be anything at all...which includes what you and alphamale say. i'm not discounting that either. Link to post Share on other sites
freckles3131 Posted May 6, 2006 Share Posted May 6, 2006 When you rationalize your motives (and her excuses), that's when you know it's time to move one. Amen. This reeks of someone in week 3 of the healing process not for someone that has "come as far as he has" Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted May 6, 2006 Share Posted May 6, 2006 my point is that i think it's pointless to speculate what might have happened or not happened or what she's thinking, because it might be anything at all...which includes what you and alphamale say. i'm not discounting that either. I agree with you, it is pointless to speculate. However, my instincts tell me anything that isn't a yes means no. Lack of emotional involvement plays a big part in this. CaliGuy's been through a lot lately, so I'm sure it makes things more complicated. I feel for him, though. It's tough when you're not completely over someone, then have to experience the loss of someone who's gone for good. Considering all this, he's handled himself well. It's not like he's knocking at her door, crying and such. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 6, 2006 Share Posted May 6, 2006 Considering all this, he's handled himself well. I would not agree with that. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted May 6, 2006 Share Posted May 6, 2006 I would not agree with that. Compared to ConfusedinOC is what I meant. Remember him? Link to post Share on other sites
witabix Posted May 6, 2006 Share Posted May 6, 2006 Hi CG, hope you are doing ok. Just read through this thread. Pretty surprised I must say man. I am always on edge when exes are in the picture. Looking from her current bf's perspective I would be pretty unsure of this situation. You surprise me with your actions here, agreeing to meet up with an ex who has a bf. How happy would you be if the tabels were turned? I reckon you would be unhappy, just my opinion. Maybe you really need to ask what your motives truly are? What is your payback for rekindling this painful situation? I remember the angst in your previous posts. I got the feeling you were really hurt back then. Please be careful CG. For your own sake primarily, but also for the sake of this other guy. He has feelings too, are you sure you want to cast a shadow on HIS life? I know that those shadows can get pretty dark and cold. I will never stand in another one. Link to post Share on other sites
luvtoto Posted May 6, 2006 Share Posted May 6, 2006 It's not like he's knocking at her door *He* called her. He broke down and called her. He didn't just run into her casually. This whole thread would be more understandable if Cali was the one contacted initially. He can't play 'the game' with her, if he broke NC. It's like..."Hey, you, (whistle) look over here! See how much I've changed?" Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 6, 2006 Share Posted May 6, 2006 *He* called her. He broke down and called her. He didn't just run into her casually. This whole thread would be more understandable if Cali was the one contacted initially. He can't play 'the game' with her, if he broke NC. Yes LUVTOTO....CaliGuy basically broke all 13 tenets of his Guide to Second Chances. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CaliGuy Posted May 6, 2006 Author Share Posted May 6, 2006 Keep the speculation coming. At least I am entertained I'm wondering if I should keep the updates coming. It's like you all can peer into my life and yet a few of you choose to piss on things. How immature. Try to have a good day, folks. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted May 6, 2006 Share Posted May 6, 2006 *He* called her. He broke down and called her. He didn't just run into her casually. This whole thread would be more understandable if Cali was the one contacted initially. He can't play 'the game' with her, if he broke NC. It's like..."Hey, you, (whistle) look over here! See how much I've changed?" I see your point... like watching a band sell out for mainstream success, even though they promised not to do so. I haven't read his other threads (due to my long absence). Maybe this is why I'm more sympathetic, or else it's just because I don't believe in relationship guides of any sort. Either you're in or you're not. If you're not, then deal with it and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CaliGuy Posted May 6, 2006 Author Share Posted May 6, 2006 *He* called her. He broke down and called her. He didn't just run into her casually. This whole thread would be more understandable if Cali was the one contacted initially. He can't play 'the game' with her, if he broke NC. It's like..."Hey, you, (whistle) look over here! See how much I've changed?" Technically luvtoto, she broke NC several times over the last 5 months. And Alpha, don't you have a dog to kick or a lollipop to steal from a little kid or something? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted May 6, 2006 Share Posted May 6, 2006 I'm wondering if I should keep the updates coming. most definitely CG....you have some of the most interesting threads on LS. I love posting on them. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted May 6, 2006 Share Posted May 6, 2006 I've read your history from time to time, Caliguy, and you seem like a genuine person both with how you've treated your ex and how you've helped others on this site. I sincerely hope that things work out for you and your ex. Hopefully now she will realize what a wonderful, caring person that she has lost. Link to post Share on other sites
luvtoto Posted May 6, 2006 Share Posted May 6, 2006 Yes LUVTOTO....CaliGuy basically broke all 13 tenets of his Guide to Second Chances. Well, I have only glanced at the Guide. But, I distinctly remember that if dumper contact the dumpee that's fine, but not the other way around. Why did he explain him contacting her as broke down and called? That statement confuses me. And, he labeled his thread as 'don't believe in second chances?' but, yet, he has no expectations?? oh come on. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted May 6, 2006 Share Posted May 6, 2006 Technically luvtoto, she broke NC several times over the last 5 months. That's when you should stick it to her. I love it when they give you the upper hand. Link to post Share on other sites
luvtoto Posted May 6, 2006 Share Posted May 6, 2006 Technically luvtoto, she broke NC several times over the last 5 months. Yea...and throughout that time you vented on LS about how angry you were for the way she treated you. I distinctly remember a "screw her!" remark a few times in your posts. Where did those feelings go? Link to post Share on other sites
freckles3131 Posted May 6, 2006 Share Posted May 6, 2006 And, he labeled his thread as 'don't believe in second chances?' but, yet, he has no expectations?? oh come on. Excellent point. If he was as far as he says he is in his "journey" he wouldn't have said, "Don't believe in Second chances?" Like, he is already looking at this as a "second chance" and they haven't even gone out yet, nor has she ended her current relationship......... So this is a "Second Chance" already?? That sounds like someone that is not as strong or "ready" as they profess, I fear. And THAT is a huge problem....if you are already "chomping at the bit"...........not good. I fear he might not be able to "conduct himself" the way he professes one should in this situation....Yes, he is 75% better than he was in the beginning of this whole thing...BUT, that 25% of him is still in need of more time...I feel. Oh well, let the chips fall where they may. But............why take that first step in the first place... when you KNOW what you KNOW....and all that you have LEARNED about yourself and her...... Link to post Share on other sites
freckles3131 Posted May 6, 2006 Share Posted May 6, 2006 A girl that is willing to contact her ex/go out with said ex while in a current relationship.......that doesn't sound like a HEALTHY prospect to begin with...history aside.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author CaliGuy Posted May 6, 2006 Author Share Posted May 6, 2006 Just let the situation play out for crying out loud. Those whom are supportive, thanks. Those who are naysayers, thanks too. See you later Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted May 6, 2006 Share Posted May 6, 2006 A girl that is willing to contact her ex/go out with said ex while in a current relationship.......that doesn't sound like a HEALTHY prospect to begin with...history aside.... Red flag if I were the boyfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
radiation7740 Posted May 6, 2006 Share Posted May 6, 2006 I noticed that caliguy joined LS on the same date dreamguy made his last post. Then both of them didn't come back to LS until december 2005. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts