Was I drugged by my bf or was it just the alcohol?

[tinktronik]

I wonder that myself.. maybe it is HG's boyfriend posting

I've been expecting the same thing.

[tinktronik]

How can it be removed from reality, when its happening in real life? This isn't fiction.

perhaps use the word normality to replace reality.

[Lishy]

Art ... I was friends with a girl whose boyfriend would pee on the floor and make her lick it up, he would lock her in her bedroom for hours on end making her confess to an affair she was not having, he hit her so hard with a tennis racket on her ear that her ear nearly came clean off, he would make her make videos of them having unnatural sex and that is just the tip of the iceberg. She remained with him through fear but never once did she deny the awful situation she was in and she never once said to me "I dont want to worry you"

 

HCG is either really dim or telling a tableau of lies - She has not even confronted the fact that some of us think she is lying!

[Walk]

I love ya Caligirl, but this isn't healthy. No amount of love should be worth getting the silent treatment, pinched til you bruise, controlled, and unexplainable black outs.

 

Sometimes I get the feeling that you're attempting to atone for something. Like you did something you feel is wrong, and so you take these things your bf does and say it's okay. Maybe I'm wrong...

 

I would suggest not drinking until you get checked out by a doctor. Something could be seriously wrong with you health wise if there isn't anything added to your drinks. Your experience wasn't normal. If there's a health reason for this, it could potential be serious. lead to coma, seizures, etc.. At the very least, see your family physician and ask about it, okay?

 

And I'm sticking by my original statement. If you can't tell all the details of a relationship because they'll sound too bad, then they ARE that BAD!!!!!!!!!!!

[HotCaliGirl]

well, Saturday I was concerned he may have drugged and MAYBE done something to me and was getting worried BUT after seeing him again, I truly believe that he could never do that to me. I am now focusing more on figuring out if this is an abusive relationship. All those "lists" you guys post I can relate to so maybe there is something there I won't deny, but even that is embarassing to admit, like most of you if I REALLY think about it I could say "how could she be with him?"

 

That's how I would judge someone else in a similar situation but I guess you never know how you will react until you yourself are in a similar situation, which is why I don't get upset when people post that...I know I would be saying the same thing and maybe worse, but I have learned not to judge others because of the sh** I get myself into...

[portableversion]

another masochistic drama queen bathing in the attention she gets from pontificating about her loser abuser BF.

 

As Shirley Manson of Garbage once said:

 

"WHAT YOU NEED IS WHAT YOU GET"

 

HCG, you obviously need an abuser to love. Just be happy with that! And quit complaining on LS when he treats you like crap.

[Lishy]

Walk (Hi baby I hope all is well with you, PM me and let mw knoe how you are getting on hon)

 

The reason HCG is feeling weird and woozy after taking a drink from this low specimen of man is because HE IS DRUGGING HER!!!!!!!!

 

She is not listening to a word of advice here.

 

I have a huge feeling she is writing this purely for attention! And she is getting plenty!

 

HCG ..... If you wont leave him then at least dont take a damn drink off of him! But that has probably fallen on deaf ears too!!!

[whichwayisup]

In the US if a child is missing they issue an amber alert

 

It's called an Amber alert here in Canada too. Infact we just had one afew days ago...Lucky the 4 year old child was found - Though her kidnapper is still out there from what I know ...

[Pyro]

I agree abuse is not attractive but it is what the abuse represents that is attractive to these women. How else would you explain them not leaving or leaving and then repeated going back for more? There is no chain keeping these women from physically leaving the house. There is no rhyme or reason to this, it's totally irrational.

 

There is a fine line between being abusive and having the dominant character in a relationship. From what i understand, most abusive men will tell the woman that if they leave, then they will be hurt or killed. Thats why some woman stay in an abusive relationship, not because they like it.

[JohnM]

like most of you if I REALLY think about it I could say "how could she be with him?"

 

That's how I would judge someone else in a similar situation but I guess you never know how you will react until you yourself are in a similar situation

 

Maybe you should read the posts again and critically look at the replies you yourself have been giving as if it isn't you whos posting on here. Maybe you can see things from our point of view - views without your feelings involved perhaps?

[nicki]

HCG, what about the idea of snooping?

 

If he is a "good" guy, which we ALL doubt here, then you won't find anything.

 

But, if he is an unsavory character, then you will find out. Are you afraid to find out the truth?

 

Hey, you have the money. Hire the PI. Take the tapes and view them. Set up a camera, or at least get a fake pen or clock that records audio. Go to the Spy Store.

 

DO SOMETHING. ANYTHING. Pleeeaase. I really understand that you want to believe he is a good guy. If he is, then why don't you prove it?

 

If he isn't, then at least you will know. Please protect yourself. Take some action. At least check for the tapes. Can you do that?

 

Please let your sister know your whereabouts at all times. DON'T DRINK ANYTHING. Fake taking sips, if you have to, but don't drink any....

 

I'm more than scared for you. It's like you are looking at a gunman saying he isn't really pointing a gun at you.

[grateful]

well, Saturday I was concerned he may have drugged and MAYBE done something to me and was getting worried BUT after seeing him again, I truly believe that he could never do that to me. I am now focusing more on figuring out if this is an abusive relationship. All those "lists" you guys post I can relate to so maybe there is something there I won't deny, but even that is embarassing to admit, like most of you if I REALLY think about it I could say "how could she be with him?"

 

That's how I would judge someone else in a similar situation but I guess you never know how you will react until you yourself are in a similar situation, which is why I don't get upset when people post that...I know I would be saying the same thing and maybe worse, but I have learned not to judge others because of the sh** I get myself into...

 

Ok, that's a good start - focusing on figuring out if this is abusive.

 

Don't worry about the people who've judged you or written harsh posts. They've never been in your position and don't understand. I've never been in your position, but feel incredibly compassionate towards you because you seem a bit lost. I can relate to that feeling of hovering between am I being paranoid/a hardass/suspicious/etc or am I being a doormat and really having no idea whether I am overreacting or underreacting. Just keep thinking about this, talking to your friends, posting, and above all trust yourself and your instincts. You'll get there. Remember to keep protecting yourself!

[jerbear]

HGC,

 

You are too close to the problem to see the problem.

 

I would suggest taking a vacation with some of your girlfriends to get a different perspective. They might tell you the same thing. Only you can make a decision.

[HotCaliGirl]

the only thing that is irking me on this thread is the comments that I am sharing my experience for attention....let's see I don't tell my friends and family because I CAN'T...i feel comfortable coming here, but if there is hate, then really, I will keep all this to myself, even though you guys have opened my eyes to a lot of things I would never have thought of, even though you think it is so obvious. I just can't explain what I am going through, but I am signing out. I don't want criticism, maybe I should write and think to myself.

[nicki]

HCG, what about the idea of snooping?

 

If he is a "good" guy, which we ALL doubt here, then you won't find anything.

 

But, if he is an unsavory character, then you will find out. Are you afraid to find out the truth?

 

Hey, you have the money. Hire the PI. Take the tapes and view them. Set up a camera, or at least get a fake pen or clock that records audio. Go to the Spy Store.

 

DO SOMETHING. ANYTHING. Pleeeaase. I really understand that you want to believe he is a good guy. If he is, then why don't you prove it?

 

If he isn't, then at least you will know. Please protect yourself. Take some action. At least check for the tapes. Can you do that?

 

Please let your sister know your whereabouts at all times. DON'T DRINK ANYTHING. Fake taking sips, if you have to, but don't drink any....

 

I'm more than scared for you. It's like you are looking at a gunman and saying that he really isn't pointing a gun at you.

[Lishy]

Jeus christ! Dont 'fake taking sips' or 'talk to friends'

 

GET THE HELL OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Re-read your posts and answer as if another poster had written those words - See it how we see it and you will see it so much clearer!

[whichwayisup]

Honey, wake up and smell the coffee. Rely on your sister to help you through this.

 

I don't know what else to tell you, I know you are reading the advice, but it's not sinking in...And what does actually sink in, is being thrown out because you've convinced yourself that he's an OK guy. He isn't OK and neither is your relationship. I can't convince you otherwise, but I hope your sister sticks to you like glue and keeps an eye out. If you ever feel freaked out or scared, GO to her! Day, or night, just GO straight to her house!

 

Keep safe.

[Lishy]

the only thing that is irking me on this thread is the comments that I am sharing my experience for attention....let's see I don't tell my friends and family because I CAN'T...i feel comfortable coming here, but if there is hate, then really, I will keep all this to myself, even though you guys have opened my eyes to a lot of things I would never have thought of, even though you think it is so obvious. I just can't explain what I am going through, but I am signing out. I don't want criticism, maybe I should write and think to myself.

 

Just read what you have posted HCG!

 

Then you may see what we see! Damn girl if this is all true I want to come and get you personally and drag you to my house by the left ear!

 

You CAN talk to family and friends you have NOTHING to be ashamed of - He is the one doing wrong here!

 

Please see it!

 

We are being harsh so you can wake up and smell the roses! But you dont seem to listen to anything we have to say!

[HotCaliGirl]

well my sister lives across the country and would flip if she knew even half the amount I have posted here...but thanks for all the advice, I will keep safe.

[whichwayisup]

I misunderstood, I thought your sister lived close by to you.

 

Then find a friend you can trust and rely on, just incase you need to get away REAL fast.

[nicki]

Lishy, please understand -- she can't simply "get out." It's not psychologically possible for her.

 

She needs someone to physically remove her from the situation. NOW.

 

But, she needs to impose some rules on herself until she is out.

[Lishy]

She would not flip with YOU she would just be so upset that you have been going through this!

 

Can you hear what we are saying? Please answer some questions and comment on advice you have been given!

 

And please get away from this awful man!

[HotCaliGirl]

i have another sister close by but no way ever would i tell her ANY of this, no way... but I am definitely going to think about your comments and read them again, so thank you for the feedback.

[Lishy]

Lishy, please understand -- she can't simply "get out." It's not psychologically possible for her.

 

She needs someone to physically remove her from the situation. NOW.

 

But, she needs to impose some rules on herself until she is out.

 

Honey she CAN just get out, all she needs to do is change her thought pattern. She does not need sympathy right now she needs to hear it from the hip and she needs to get away from this awful, toxic situation.

 

I have dealt with many friends in abusive relationships - Sympathy does not work - Tough love is the way to help her but she has to be willing to listen!

[jerbear]

HGC,

 

Try doing a search on "drink safe"and "date rape drug detector".

Drinksafe, drinkdetector, are some products for instance.

 

There a few products out there that does something like that but require a few minutes for the chemical process to turn the card colors.

 

If you have doubts get a drink from him and when he is away taking a leak or you can store some in your mouth, try the tests.

 

When in doubt test it yourself. I do hope we maybe wrong, since there are tests out there. Try to find out yourself if the drink is spiked. Some resources have been given to you no prove us wrong a few times say 3 out of 5 tests; not a one test.