Sassy Posted April 22, 2006 Share Posted April 22, 2006 HG sounds like you was drugged as all the posters have said!! Just because you know him doesn't mean he wouldn't do it. Did you ask him did you two have sex? Can't you go to the hospital and see if you was raped. Something doesn't sound right drinking 2 drinks wouldn't do that . I wouldn't drink anymore when around him. Link to post Share on other sites
roxy_1980 Posted April 22, 2006 Share Posted April 22, 2006 Going to the hospital for a rape kit wouldn't work. By now, any semen is long gone and besides he's her boyfriend, it would be very hard to prove. As for any other signs of forced entry, when you're that drugged up there are no signs of entry cause your body is limp and you provide no resistance to the rapist. Link to post Share on other sites
allina Posted April 23, 2006 Share Posted April 23, 2006 So let me guess, you're not going to leave him or really do anything about this. You sound very emotionally unhealthy. I wish you the best, and I hope you can work through this and start to live a safe and happy life. Link to post Share on other sites
TheSwordfish Posted April 23, 2006 Share Posted April 23, 2006 How are things going now? Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted April 23, 2006 Share Posted April 23, 2006 Let's hope she doesn't drink at the wedding. Link to post Share on other sites
Craig Posted April 23, 2006 Share Posted April 23, 2006 Forgive me if I missed your response earlier HCG but were you taking any over the counter drugs like allergy medications or anything else? If you really have a suspicion that your BF may have drugged you then you need to go to the police for your own future peace of mind. Here's why. Even if you dump your BF without knowing if he drugged you or not you will always wonder about it. You will wonder if he's doing that or worse to other girls and not getting caught and it will haunt you. Don't want to go to the police? Well, it's no secret that you have some extra cash so hire a P.I. to help you find out without telling your BF. A good P.I. will know what to do and how to do it. If the first one or two or three don't know how to find out keep looking. I guarantee that there are many P.I.'s that know how to find out. Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted April 23, 2006 Share Posted April 23, 2006 I'm here, no need to worry..thnx though. I'm just confused, I mean it's hard to imagine someone you love to do anything to harm you, but the more I am thinking about everything you guys are saying, it doesn't add up. Plus RP that is too crazy to even think about if he made me sign anything, he's been very curious about my finances lately. Umm, and ex of mine who I kept in touch with suddenly stopped writing & emailing to me without any explanation. I figured she had just moved on. It turned out that in fact she got kidnapped and held in the California desert for about 6 months by a guy she loved. She escaped once but he persuaded the people who found her that she was mentally disturbed and prone to making up stories. Needless to say it wasn't a pleasant experience for her. You really must go to the police, at least to file a report. No need to press charges, but at least it's down on record that you are suspicious. And they can give you much better advice and testing than you could do by yourself. Really without meaning to be rude, you are acting in a very naive, gullible, and risky fashion, and seriously need to reconsider your priorities. People in your situation have been brutally assaulted and murdered before, and it will happen in future. It would be better to act accordingly and play safe, so that IF he is dodgy, you protect yourself. No need to make wild accusations or complaints, but watch yourself & get the authorities to advise you. Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted April 23, 2006 Share Posted April 23, 2006 This nice guy ~ Physically, emotionally, and verbally abuses you ~ uses you for money and gifts ~ 95% certain drugged you ~ cheated on you ~ lied to you ~ keeps you away from family ~ Makes you unhappy ~ Tells you what you can and cant do I can hear wedding bells already! Seriously, to the OP - you have several people who have seen or been in abusive relationships, giving you their hard-won advice. What's your experience or knowledge of dangerously abusive relationships? What is the point in posting here if you are going to ignore EVERYTHING that EVERYONE is telling you? Please find two working brain cells, rub them together, and come to your senses. It's not like there is a shortage of well-adjusted, good-looking, NORMAL nice guys (or even naughty ones) in your part of the world. Get with the program dear! Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted April 23, 2006 Share Posted April 23, 2006 The thing is that it always escalates like this. They do weirder and weirder, scarier stuff -- and the more you say nothing about it, the crazier the stuff will get. I'm just saying. That's the worst part. The way the abuse silences the woman -- she silences herself. Her mind says, NO. This is WRONG. and she just twists herself up and ends up abusing HERSELF. She tells herself to shut up and not bother him. She tells herself that what is happening to her is OK, even though it isn't. She lives with the constant dissonance between what is happening in reality and what she tries to tell herself inside her head. Why do women in those relationships do that by the way? Can you explain the thought process a bit, might help with understanding how to prevent it. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted April 23, 2006 Share Posted April 23, 2006 I think he is taping sex acts while you are unconcious from the drugs he put in your system through your drink. He wants you to change your hair color so he can have different sex scenes. He may even be bring men in there to have sex with you while you are passed out. Your SEVERE denial about all of your boyfriends actions leads me to believe : A :You are delusional not because of him but because you have a mental illness and all of this paranoid behavior is directly linked to you. B : You have been screwed up by him for so long that all this weird stuff he does to you is *okay* with you. C: His asking about your finances could have been when you were *drugged* and he asked pertinant information he will use later to unload more money. D: You might just be a troll and are making all this up because you say the most bizarre things and then say " Well ,I am off to the wedding." Its like " Well last night I saw blood in the bathtub and some brain like matter in a 5 gallon bucket with a limb sticking out but he assured me it was nothing and I have to go now because we need some groceries " You are either so far gone now that anything he does is okay. 120 pleadings from us at Love Shack falls on deaf ears. I have to wonder whats REALLY going on with you. YOU need to get help . You need to do alot of things but mostly you just post more weird things on here and act non chalant and want us to know he is a * nice *. Oh really ?? I think you need help seriously. Link to post Share on other sites
Adunaphel Posted April 23, 2006 Share Posted April 23, 2006 I have just read the whole thread, like other posters, I'm very scared for your safety. It is very likely, almost sure that: - he has drugged you. - he has been videotaping you while unconscious. - if he has just taped/photographed you while unconscious, you can consider yourself very lucky. I'm not kidding. For all you(and we) know, he could have raped you while you were drugged. Or a buddy of his might have raped you while you were drugged. Did you notice anything "strange" when you awoke from the black out? How did you feel? I am basically meaning (since you were already asked how you felt) : did you notice anything strange with your genital area? Anyone who hadn't been up to something would have called the hospital, had he been in your bf's place. No sane person would have showered you while unconscious. He might have put make-up on you to take sexy pics of you while unconscious, and showered iyou to remove it. If so, you can call yourself lucky. He might have showered you to remove physical evidence of rape or sexual acts. HotCaliGirl. Wake. The. f***. Up. If I lived anywhere near you, if I knew you or just could find a way to know where your parents and brother live or work, I'd try to contact your family and tell them the whole story (screw privacy. You are in danger.) If you can be alone at your bf's place while he is out, *get hold of all the tapes, photographic film that hasn't been developed yet, cameras or videocameras that have tape/film inside you can find, and take it away or destroy it if you cannot take it away*. *Snoop like hell*. You don't want porn pics of you go around, end up on the internet, or in some stranger's hands. Contact the police. Stay away from this guy you call your boyfriend. Never drink again (not only alcohol, anything) or eat anything in his presence. Do not be alone with him again. You are in danger. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted April 23, 2006 Share Posted April 23, 2006 Especially since he pushed for the camera in your " Is my bf using me ? " post. I don't know if you ever got him one but if he is some sick twisted guy who has you so zoned out and is taking sex videos while you are unconscious you could be on the Internet because he is SELLING your naked body with possible other men taking their turns having sex with you or maybe just him having sex with you. I won't ask you to wake up anymore because I don't think anyone here can help you. Actually thats not my goal anymore because you are in *denial city* but just monitoring your next weird post. ... Link to post Share on other sites
ddnnee Posted April 23, 2006 Share Posted April 23, 2006 april fools! i think the OP is okay with this. Next time use a hidden voice recorder and plant it around because you will most likely drink at his house again after this incident. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted April 23, 2006 Share Posted April 23, 2006 Why do women in those relationships do that by the way? Can you explain the thought process a bit, might help with understanding how to prevent it. FOR THE RECORD - I am using "HE" and "SHE" as a grammatical convention and a writing shortcut, these can be true for women who are abusive to men as well. Usually there is a history of abuse, an extensive one. If not as an adult, as a child. So the child gets conditioned to believe that people who love them behave in that way. It's like hearing a loud sound constantly until you become mildly deaf. Then you can be groovin' along to noise that would drive most people insane. And so that dynamic is what is familiar, comfortable, the "known". Women like this will get involved with men who are not abusive and say "He's boring" or "He's just too nice" because it is outside of their worldview and what they view as normal behavior in relationships. After a while a woman's own body will betray her. Her adrenal glands become literally exhausted, and she stops having normal emotional reactions to things. She may develop an anxiety disorder, have somatic symptoms, and focus her attention inwardly because she is constantly told by the one who isolates her and is around her all the time that things are all in her head. That the reality she experiences is not reality, but some paranoid delusion. It's basically reconditioning, brainwashing. Look up STOCKHOLM SYNDROME -- it's called "Trauma Bonding". The victim will bond to their abuser. It's a bond that has to basically be deprogrammed out of the abuse survivor's head. Sometimes they can do it alone, sometimes they need outside help. After a certain amount of time of constantly thinking that your own mind is betraying you, it can be difficult to trust ANYONE, let alone yourself. After a time the abuser doesn't even need to tell the abuse victim to shut up, or do this, or do that. She will think those things for him. He gets her to do the work. She will try to predict his demands in order to avoid the abuse that she has been conditioned to expect, even before she met her abuser. The vicious cycle continues when the woman has children, and they see this death dance, and pantomime the patterns of relating to the opposite sex that they learn at their mother's breast. Link to post Share on other sites
Brittanyjean06 Posted April 23, 2006 Share Posted April 23, 2006 made you die your hair black? my ex wanted me to die my hair black, and helped me... did you not read LONG post about how my ex druged me up? It's in here... Link to post Share on other sites
roxy_1980 Posted April 23, 2006 Share Posted April 23, 2006 HotCaliGirl, I know that everyone is calling you stupid for staying with this guy. I am not implying any of the sort. Abusive men tend to seek out women who have problems with self esteem. They prey on girls like that. He doesn't think that you're gonna fight back, and so far he's right. You need to pick yourself back together and walk away. Get professional help like a shelter if you think he will not let you go. Men who insist on you making physical changes to yourself have control issues. First it's your hair, next thing you know it's a boob job, then who knows what else. It's not about your physical appearance, it's about being able to CONTROL YOU to change your apparance on his whim. Abuse is exponential, it increases so fast that eventually it gets out of hand and you're dead or very close to it. GET OUT NOW! Drugging you is just the latest step upwards, do you really wanna stick around for the next one??? Link to post Share on other sites
TheSwordfish Posted April 23, 2006 Share Posted April 23, 2006 I think the bad part is, teh finmacial situation part. Maybe he intents to do more then making you numb, even killing you (by accident). If it is GHB it can kill with a dose that is to high! If its allergy for alcohol, you have a problem as well, but then its medical. Link to post Share on other sites
TeaCooler Posted April 23, 2006 Share Posted April 23, 2006 are you by any chance dating andrew luster? get out now. you have nothing but problems with this person. the only one who is going to take care of you is you, and you're not. if this is real, something is going to happen to you. Link to post Share on other sites
TeaCooler Posted April 23, 2006 Share Posted April 23, 2006 D: You might just be a troll and are making all this up because you say the most bizarre things and then say " Well ,I am off to the wedding." Its like " Well last night I saw blood in the bathtub and some brain like matter in a 5 gallon bucket with a limb sticking out but he assured me it was nothing and I have to go now because we need some groceries " You are either so far gone now that anything he does is okay. 120 pleadings from us at Love Shack falls on deaf ears. I have to wonder whats REALLY going on with you. YOU need to get help . You need to do alot of things but mostly you just post more weird things on here and act non chalant... I think you need help seriously. i strongly agree. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted April 23, 2006 Share Posted April 23, 2006 HG- If you are around, I really want to know if you are okay and safe, honey! If you were to say you needed to, I'm sure we could set a place and time to meet up. I think you may need someone to keep you thinking about your best interest and good choices.... Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted April 23, 2006 Share Posted April 23, 2006 I think the bad part is, teh finmacial situation part. Maybe he intents to do more then making you numb, even killing you (by accident). If it is GHB it can kill with a dose that is to high! If its allergy for alcohol, you have a problem as well, but then its medical. Alcohol allergies don't make you sleepy. My mother is allergic to alcohol. Even a sip causes her to swell up and turn purple. She will go into anaphylactic shock from alcohol. So alcohol allergies, don't usually cause sleepiness. Unless you count passing out as your throat closes cutting off oxygen to the brain. Link to post Share on other sites
pricillia Posted April 23, 2006 Share Posted April 23, 2006 HG- If you are around, I really want to know if you are okay and safe, honey! If you were to say you needed to, I'm sure we could set a place and time to meet up. I think you may need someone to keep you thinking about your best interest and good choices.... sunny d, it makes me feel better to have someone like you out there that is looking out for her, I hope that you two meet and you help her through this, she may be in denial Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted April 23, 2006 Share Posted April 23, 2006 Hi, I'm a resident physician and your story is quite concerning for date rape. Date rape drugs like GHP are very easy to administer with alcohol and can cause amnesia for the event, disinhibited behavior.. It's out of your system in 3 days so I guess it's too late but if I were you I would anyway go to my doctor/gyno and get checked out right away. There is no way of knowing what happened during the time you were out-but I would stay away from this guy. Listen to your gut. Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted April 23, 2006 Share Posted April 23, 2006 Don't want to go to the police? Well, it's no secret that you have some extra cash so hire a P.I. to help you find out without telling your BF. A good P.I. will know what to do and how to do it. If the first one or two or three don't know how to find out keep looking. I guarantee that there are many P.I.'s that know how to find out. Exactly. What's the point in asking people on a message board to speculate about such a potentially serious incident, HCG? It's just creating a thread where your anxieties about this will be fuelled, without the possibility of you obtaining any real answers about what's going on. Also, it's evident from the last page that the rumblings of "is she really telling the truth here?" are starting - and as they begin to gather force, you'll only end up feeling even worse. Please get some professional advice about this situation - preferably from both a counsellor and from someone who can do a bit of digging into your boyfriend's past. How many more chances are you going to take with your own personal safety? Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted April 23, 2006 Share Posted April 23, 2006 I do not think it matters what advice we give! Whatever we say HCG will just carry on seeing the loser/user/abuser! Its awful but true! Sorry if that was harsh but I read this thread with an open mouth, especially the nonchalent way she is saying these freaky things like me MADE me dye my blonde hair jet black! Doh! And I bet he got the camera he wanted! Sorry if this is harsh but I can see that no matter what we say we cannot help her! Link to post Share on other sites
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