Was I drugged by my bf or was it just the alcohol?

[tikigods]

This nice guy

 

~ Physically, emotionally, and verbally abuses you

~ uses you for money and gifts

~ 95% certain drugged you

~ cheated on you

~ lied to you

~ keeps you away from family

~ Makes you unhappy

~ Tells you what you can and cant do

 

 

I wish I knew what it would take for you to listen to someone about this, cause even drugging you and doing lord knows what to you while you are in this state isn't even opening your eyes! You need to get help, you need to find out why you stay with this guy cause well this is just getting insane

[blind_otter]

The thing is that it always escalates like this.

 

They do weirder and weirder, scarier stuff -- and the more you say nothing about it, the crazier the stuff will get. I'm just saying. That's the worst part. The way the abuse silences the woman -- she silences herself. Her mind says, NO. This is WRONG. and she just twists herself up and ends up abusing HERSELF.

 

She tells herself to shut up and not bother him. She tells herself that what is happening to her is OK, even though it isn't. She lives with the constant dissonance between what is happening in reality and what she tries to tell herself inside her head.

 

It's so f***ed up that it's absurd. Ridiculous. And it totally f***s up subsequent relationships with guys who actually repsect women, and don't treat them ilke objects to be used in whatever way they see fit.

[whichwayisup]

This nice guy

 

~ Physically, emotionally, and verbally abuses you

~ uses you for money and gifts

~ 95% certain drugged you

~ cheated on you

~ lied to you

~ keeps you away from family

~ Makes you unhappy

~ Tells you what you can and cant do

 

And then he treats you so well, looks after you and makes you feel good so you don't second guess him or wonder if he's mad/upset/disappointed in you.

THAT is abuse and control.

 

I don't want to worry you or anyone, I am ok, I just wanted to know what was going on. I agree that he should've taken me to the hospital if I was blacked out, or maybe it's a common thing with the in-crowd like BO has experimented with so he knows how to handle a situation like that...I am hoping I was just drinking too much and feel appreciative he took good care of me without complaining about it or making a deal out of it the next day, we'll see...

 

He covered his tracks. He cleaned up your puke, cleaned you up and got rid of all the evidence. Yeah, he took care of you, but won't give up any real details of what happened. He isn't tending to you in a healthy way!

 

Where are the towels that he used to clean you up? Are they washed? Thrown out? Go look, but do NOT mention it to him what you're doing.

[grateful]

Another red flag... he insisted you dye your hair and not just darker so that you wouldn't be an attention catching blonde. He made you dye it jet black. This makes me suspicious that he is photographing you while you are blacked out and he wanted your hair black for a certain kind of look for his photographs.

 

Another question you should ask yourself... has he ever suggested sexual acts that you've refused to do? Maybe he is drugging you to get what he wants against your will.

 

Please don't be alone with him. At minimum he has shown great disregard for your health by being so cavalier about your blackouts.

[HotCaliGirl]

Where are the towels that he used to clean you up? Are they washed? Thrown out? Go look, but do NOT mention it to him what you're doing.

I wish I had done that, he was getting ready to do laundry as I was leaving, but the towels the whole time - a lot of them - were filled in a laundry basket in the bathroom. Again, drugs never crossed my mind until my sister mentioned to me this morning, but I should've looked at what was all over them. I don't even know if i really puked cuz it's just hard to imagine how I have no memory of it.

 

But deep down I feel guilty writing all this because in reality, I can't imagine he'd want to hurt me. The thought scared me for a minute, but I am thinking I just drank too much and have to cut down...I don't mean to cause worry. He reallly overall is a nice guy...

[magda]

You are so scared of accusing him of wrongdoing that you are willing to put yourself in danger. I am scared for you. Do you have a therapist you can talk about this with? He "makes" you dye your hair black? This guy sounds like a big-time manipulator. Don't let yourself be a victim! I wonder if you can hire a private investigator to look into him since you clearly aren't ready to just give him the boot.

 

Not only should your boyfriend have called the hospital, told you to go to the doctor and not acted cavalier about the whole thing, but after a couple of times he should've refused to serve you alcohol. If someone came over to my house and puked and passed out every time, I would not invite them over and start fixing them a drink right away.

 

Re: the personal information. I don't know much about these drugs and how they work. I do know that GHB is dangerous when mixed with alcohol. But if you can't remember what happened, I'm not sure that you'd be coherent enough to give him accurate personal information. I have no idea, though, maybe someone else can shed some light. That's a scary thought if you could though.

[HotCaliGirl]

Another question you should ask yourself... has he ever suggested sexual acts that you've refused to do? Maybe he is drugging you to get what he wants against your will.

This is all embarassing to talk about, but when I was buzzed he said he wanted to videotape us having sex so he could watch me when I wasn't with him. I said no, but inside i was flattered he'd miss me enough to want to watch me. Just yesterday he said he has been looking at some lingerie to get for me and has them marked in a book, he has NEVER bought lingerie for me. He has also said we should start using some sex toys that I am not sure if i am all that comfortable with. I guess these are normal things in a relationship, but I've known him for many years and this is all being brought up one after another in a short period of time. I am seeing as a sign that he is finally falling more in love with me...that's how I see it, but this whole issue is making me a little uncomfortable and I don't think it will happen again now that i will drink less. Anyways, this is way too much info and I am reading into things with all the feedback, i don't know. I'm just getting a sick feeling all over again and it's pissing me off because I thought everything was back to normal, I hate getting that sick feeling:confused:

[whichwayisup]

I know this is killing you, imaginging the man you love might be drugging you. It is a possibility, so don't close that door.

 

You are defending him too. "He really overall is a nice guy..." Yeah, a nice guy who tells you what to do, how to look, how to act. A nice guy who MAY have drugged you, abused your body, taken advantage of you. That isn't a "overall nice guy" that's a sick, controlling, person who is dangerous and needs professional help. I am sorry for saying that, but I think you need to hear it. Your sister knows this, which is why she told you her thoughts this morning. Im' sure she is terrified for your wellbeing right now. So, let her help you. Listen to her, k. She loves you and has your best interest at heart. Remember that always!!!

[whichwayisup]

Anyways, this is way too much info and I am reading into things with all the feedback, i don't know. I'm just getting a sick feeling all over again and it's pissing me off because I thought everything was back to normal, I hate getting that sick feeling

 

That "sick feeling" is your GUT speaking to you...It's screaming at you. So, please, listen to it....

 

Everything is NOT back to normal. You still don't know what really happened. He has left you in the dark and only he knows the truth.

 

I hope you feel better. Call your sister and spend the day with her.

[Brittanyjean06]

This story sounds a little bit familar, I'll share my experiences with you

 

me and my bf( now my ex, which why I came here in the first place for the pain I was experiencing)

 

Two years ago when we were together, I reamber him giving me pills, ( which I thought were extacy), but they made me feel different, they calmed me down..I reamber my eyes closing, as he was looking at me, and woke up feeling like I was tripping, because my forhead was overlly large

 

and I was freaking out because, I new why my ( ex now ) had done this...to get me back for saying something that I shoulden't have...crazy isnt it? I try not to think about what happen, but there was something wrong with waking up and seeing everyone have big heads, I even could feel my head expand or whatever

 

now my story is a little twisted, but I try not to think about it, it caused so much drama , that I really don't know what happend..and DOn't want to know

 

first off you could be sliglthly paranoid, why would your bf drug you up? and cheak the camera

 

I know I was so paranoid when druged that I thought cameras were in the room

 

I'm sorry but look up some stuff on black outs

[BeFree]

HG,

 

I want to rush over and pick your ass up and take you to see someone. This is not right and I am worried that you are just brushing this off. He may be a nice guy in your eyes, but you never know what someone will do. (Lacy Peterson, example). You need to go to the doctor and find out if you do have a medical condition, they can also advise you on the facts of date rape drugs. This is serious, if I passed out and was throwing up, my boyfriend would have taken me to the emergency room right away. Most men would! Please do not go back to his house with out more facts.

[HotCaliGirl]

ok, thanks for the reality check...i do have to check out for now to get ready for the wedding...i'm dreading everyone's reaction to see me so different, I hope they don't ask why I did it because I won't know what to tell them. Thanks again for everyone's imput.

[Brittanyjean06]

I have that sick feeling in my gut right now from thinking what really happend, I am a paranoid person..I don't want to believe that my gut feeling is telling me the truth

 

but to believe I am syking my self out. eh

[Brittanyjean06]

when you woke up, did you just not reamber anything, what exactly did you feel like..

[HotCaliGirl]

when you woke up, did you just not reamber anything, what exactly did you feel like..

When I woke up, the first feeling I had was one of confusion. It was like I was surprised to be at his place, thinking I was supposed to be home. Then I looked over and was worried for not seeing him, until I turned back and saw he was behind me - we always sleep on our "side" so it was additionally disorientating being on the wrong side. This all sounds like details, but I was reacting in a strong way to everything. I then saw that there was a towel underneath me, combined with my last memory being still sitting on the couch sipping on my drink, I just freaked out.

 

I never wake him up, but I immediately started to shake him and asked why I was on that side of the bed. He said "you don't remember?" I said no, then asked why there was a towel. He said I had gotten sick, so I apologized for getting sick and went back to sleep. Then I felt my head and noticed I had curls - my hair curls a little bit unless I use a flat iron and blow dry it, and I felt it was damp, so I was like WTF? So when we got up I asked about my hair, and he said I had gotten sick on it so he had to give me a shower and wash my hair. He acted very casual, made coffee and didn't say anything else, until every now and then I would sneak a question like "where was I when I got sick" and so on, feeling so odd that I had absolutely no memory of anything...

[2sunny]

Am I wrong or would most men be more put out and upset at a gal if she drank too much and got sick all over and HE had to clean everything up?

 

Something is terribly wrong with this whole scenario and it makes me very afraid for your safety HG!!!!!

[TheSwordfish]

This definately sounds like GHB, the more you tell us. Please call the police, get to a doctor and stay away from this guy! This only happening

at his place, the strange salty taste, dream like state (this is what GHB victims describe), being numb, doing things you don't want to do, all screams GHB.

 

The best of luck, I hope you stay safe and are able to still have a nice wedding (will be really hard, I guess, with all this on your mind). Keep us informed.

[tinktronik]

Alright HCG , You've got to get a wake up call here. Honestly , if you hadn't had a long posting history here I would have thought you were a troll, b/c you just seem so oblivious to all of the signs. You suspect your bf is using you for money, he gets kinda physical with you occasionally , made you dye your hair black, and now you drink a miniscule amount of alcohol and black out at his home and possibly expect hes drugged you, the list goes on. You've got to be able to realize that :

 

1) you need to be checked out by a doctor because , you may have something going on with brain chemistry that is putting paranoid ideas into your mind and making you pass out randomly.

 

OR

 

2) your bf really is a scary guy doing all sorts of very strange things and you need to get away from him as quick as you can.

 

You seem to just blow all of this off with an "I don't know , well I've got to go to a wedding now " attitude .HCG , honey , I'm not saying any of this to be mean but either you've got something wrong with you or you need desperatly to open your eyes and do something to protect yourself. Please take all of the posters advice and sit down and try to think about this rationally , if you can't , find a doctor or therapist or crisis line immediatley.

[grateful]

I guess these are normal things in a relationship, but I've known him for many years and this is all being brought up one after another in a short period of time. I am seeing as a sign that he is finally falling more in love with me...that's how I see it, but this whole issue is making me a little uncomfortable and I don't think it will happen again now that i will drink less. Anyways, this is way too much info and I am reading into things with all the feedback, i don't know. I'm just getting a sick feeling all over again and it's pissing me off because I thought everything was back to normal, I hate getting that sick feeling:confused:

 

Thanks for answering my very personal question. It's clear this is very hard for you because you love him and very much want him to love you. That's why your interpretation of the new things he is bringing up is that he loves you more. My suspicious mind goes right to something terrible happening while you are blacked out. I really hope that you don't spend time with him alone again.

 

However, if you do please at least take this precaution. Do not drink alcohol or if you do - make your own drink. You've known him for years you can go to his bar area/kitchen or wherever and make it for yourself. Also, you shouldn't have to "sneak" in questions. This is all very scary for you and he should be supportive and answer whatever you want.

 

If it were up to me you wouldn't go to his house alone. But because you sound uncertain about whether you are in danger or if you are overreacting I think you should at least be prepared to protect yourself as much as you can. I know this is really hard. I also struggle with boundaries, trying to figure out if I'm being a hardass or a doormat and sometimes I really can't see straight between those two choices. Most advice here is telling you that your gut sick feelings are very likely to be right. Please follow your gut - - when our emotions make us sick to our stomachs they are trying to tell us something.

 

Good luck and keep posting.

[roxy_1980]

I think you need to go to the doctor for a different reason. I think you may be developing an allergy to alcohol. It can be FATAL. Just from how you describe it, getting sick all the time when you drink lately, then blacking out.

 

It may still be him drugging you, but if it's an allergy you have more problems than you know about. Go to a doctor.

 

If it is a date rape drug, they work their way out your system within 48 hours. No blood or urine test will find it now.

[pricillia]

CG,

 

I was wondering seriously are you going to listen to all the advice that you are getting here and take it to heart or are you going to continue to see this guy?

[Vertex]

I must say this thread is bugging me a little.

[pricillia]

I must say this thread is bugging me a little.

 

 

I agree vertex!

[Outcast]

It is GRUESOME to watch someone in such hideous denial.

 

WAKE UP before you can't anymore, HCG!

 

For god's sakes, NOBODY PASSES OUT AFTER TWO DRINKS OR THREE DRINKS!

 

NOBODY.

 

Did you hear that? NOBODY.

 

I can't imagine he'd do anything like this

I am hoping I was just drinking too much and feel appreciative he took good care of me without complaining about it or making a deal out of it the next day, we'll see...

 

in reality, I can't imagine he'd want to hurt me.

 

Yeah and the WIFE AND KIDS of the BTK killer never thought he'd do what he did, either. Don't think that youcan't be dead (and I mean DEAD) wrong about a man. THat's the worst mistake any human can make and it has proved fatal for many.

[tinktronik]

Yikes , I agree Vertex , It makes me mad that HCG is either not quite right on the paranoia tip or subjecting herself to this willingly!!!!!!!I just want to drive to CA and take her on vacation to somewhere where she'll be safe.