Vertex Posted March 21, 2006 Posted March 21, 2006 I feel like I am losing everything. First my dad dies and now my girlfriend leaves me. I have nothing!! This conversation took place after another conversation where she pretty much initiated a breakup and we were thus apart. Her: i'm just sad. i want you to know that i care Me: sorry but i can't believe that Her: that i care? Her: i know you can't Her: i'm just worried Me: about what Her: about you taking care of yourself Me: who knows. Me: it just upsets me to know Her: to know? Me: that yesterday you can be told you are loved Me: and the very next, be told it isn't worth saving or continuing Her: loving you isn't the same as loving the relationship Me: they are Her: no, they're not Me: if you loved me Me: you would be willing to keep the relationship Me: otherwise i am no longer loved romantically Me: but as something lesser Her: I still love you, but the way the relationship works isn't right Her: maybe you're right Her: i love the feeling when we are together, i love the memory of all the things we had and i love the idea of you Her: but i don't love the way you act during the relationship Me: what do you mean Her: i don't even know Her: i'm confused Me: why Her: i can't tell you why i'm confused. that's the condition of being confused Her: it's the very essence of confusion Me: please answer oyr phone Her: it's not even in this room Her: i'm next to my mom Me: well you know you're confused Me: and what you're confused about Me: but it is between a difference of choice Me: so, what confuses you Her: whether i love you Me: all i know is Her: if i lovved you i'd still be with you Her: i know that is your logic Me: no Her: but that's not how i feel Me: not what I want to say Her: ok what Me: i dont know Her: you just said Her: "all you know is.." Her: i'm sorry i interrupted Her: finish Me: idk, i guess i dont know anything to be honest Me: i thought i knew things but i guess i didnt Her: confusion Her: like i said Me: well. Me: it doesn't matter, you've made it clear you don't want to be with me Me: i refuse to believe you can be happy with me in person and suddenly feel otherwise. i know you love me and i know the relationship is good in person, but it just gets difficult with the distance and i don't deal with it correctly, and i don't give you enough space. i think this is my error. Her: you have a point Her: but the distance isn't going to change Me: no, but it's the way i deal with it Her: but you're still going to deal with it the same way Her: you're too clingy Me: well at one point i wasn't clingy enough Her: when? Me: and i think i went the other way too far Me: well at one point i had said i think i am clingy Me: and you had said no, i like being clung to Me: but that was a while back and i think i took it too far Me: and that when we are apart, i have failed to leave you with your space Me: and as a result it makes your mood bad and this is what causes you to feel the way you do Her: yea Her: and it just makes me want to pull away Me: right Her: i feel suffocated Me: yeah Me: i know Her: i need some space Me: it's just that Me: i know i love you and care for you, but when we are apart, i was unable to understand that people do need space Me: and i was being too demanding with your time Me: and it led me to make irrational claims like the ramiro/lee stuff Me: but i realize i was probably just suffocating you and as a result you pulled away and led me to keep pursuing which you didnt need Me: and i think what i should be doing is letting you have that time to yourself Me: instead of being offended otherwise Me: because otherwise you pull away and feel too clung Me: anyways this is my understanding of things Her: right Me: i don't know how accurate i am Me: but it's my realization Her: but now it's too late to just loosen up Me: well, i don't think it is, but i can't change what you think Me: it's easy to change things when you understand them Me: this was something i failed to understand before Me: and for this i think it isn't too late, but if you do not feel that way, then that is what you feel Her: i just feel like i need a huge breath of air Her: and i need to be by myself for a while in order to have it Me: i know Me: yeah Her: you made me dislike relationships in general Me: and i am sorry for that Her: don't be Her: i know you clung because you love me Me: but you must understand Me: that cling led to a pull away which led to more cling Me: and i think that cycle is what was doing it Her: but can you stop the cycle? Me: i think it can be stopped, yes Her: the cycle led me to just not want any relationship though Me: i know that Her: i just need some time alone Me: i understand Her: ok Me: i did not understand what i was doing before this morning Me: but now i feel like it's all so obvious, Me: and i can give you your space Her: heh Me: i just don't want it to end like that Her: so what do you want Me: sigh Me: it doesn't really matter Me: i dont want to breakup, that's all Me: i think space is totally possible Her: but i want space that a relationship can't give Her: it's a psychological thing Me: what do you mean Her: the feeling of not having to worry about anyone but myself Me: but you don't need to worry about me Her: finding things that make me happy Her: i'd have to worry about making you a priority Me: no Her: calling yoou Her: and i don't want anyone to be a priority except me Her: that's the kind of space i want Me: weren't you happy with me last weekend though? going out to eat, tea, snuggling together, kissing, hell even the rabbit lol, watching movies together... none of that made you happy in a relationship? Her: of course those things made me happy Her: but that only lasts as long as we are together Her: and we are apart more than we are together Her: when we are doing those things, we are in this fantasy land Me: o you don't think that happiness is worth the effort Her: and then real life sets in and i feel suffocated Her: stop Me: but it is real life and the suffocation is only from what i said earlier Her: everytime i have a complaint, you have an excuse Her: and i just don'tknow if you really had a revelation Her: or you're just making excuses Me: honestly it is a revelation... i'm not making excuses Her: but i just feel like i've been pushed to the edge and i'd rather jump and fly than take a step back Me: since when is it stepping back? Her: you're saying that you'll step back Her: so i'll have room to step back Her: imagine a cliff... Me: i am Me: well what i can tell you is certain things can be for certain if you step back with me Me: jump -- and you will not know if you even have wings, or how big the distance is. Her: you are still pushing me Me: how would i be pushing you Me: if i took a step back Her: right now Her: you are still forcing me to make a decision Her: i've already made one but you are still making it hard on me Her: you are still controlling me Me: i'm not forcing anything on you Her: i feel like you are still brainwashing me Me: no way Me: you want to break up with me -- i can't just take that willingly Me: but ok. Me: you can have your space. Me: sorry for pushing you Me: Have a nice life. Her: i don't know Her: I'm confused Her: give me some time to think Me: ok. goodnight. Her: good night If someone could PLEASE take the time to read this... I know it's a lot. What should I do? What is going on? I want to end my life... I don't know what to do.
Guest Posted March 21, 2006 Posted March 21, 2006 Check your other post for my answer. DO NOT KILL YOURSELF. This hurts, yes, but you will survive and you will thrive. Many many people have been where you are now and will tell you that life goes on and gets better when you meet the one you are truly meant to be with. This girl isn't it.
Delectable Posted March 21, 2006 Posted March 21, 2006 Also...you knew this was coming... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=739614#post739614 just last week you felt it was over. I'm sorry you're hurting...you'll be okay
littlekitty Posted March 21, 2006 Posted March 21, 2006 Regardless of what is happening with your girlfriend and your greif, please don't hurt yourself. I have been exactly where you are. My father died some 3 years ago. The day after I got the news, my bf of 2 years finished with me. I was heartbroken and desperate too. But I had to deal with it. Killing yourself isn't an out. It isn't even an option so don't consider it please. Imagine the pain and hurt your family and friends would feel. Please go and speak to someone, call a helpline or anything. If you really aren't coping by yourself, please get some help. With regards to your girlfriend. She's is clearly asking you for some time and space to asses what she wants. I think you need to let her have this, ok, it's not great timing, but pushing her won't make it better.
lindya Posted March 21, 2006 Posted March 21, 2006 If you're feeling suicidal then you need to contact an emergency helpline and speak to someone now. It seems that being in the relationship is causing her stress. She's not sure why - but it's clear from your transcript that the more the two of you talk about this, the worse it's going to make you feel. Why? Because she doesn't know quite what's going on in her head. Sometimes people don't. She's trying to process it, but because you quite understandably want some answers, she's having to process it out loud. That can lead to these terribly destructive conversations where the person who wants to end the relationship feels pressurised to list various reasons for why they might feel the way they do...all of which pile up in your brain and make you feel horrible about yourself. "Maybe it's this, maybe it's that"...one punch in the stomach after another. When someone's ending a relationship with you, I think it's pretty usual to feel that everything remotely negative they say about you is spot on truth....and that you, as a person, are just all wrong. I've been there, and I suspect most people on this board have at some point. Suddenly this other person seems like the opposing counsel, judge, jury and court audience all wrapped up into one, in a trial that's about you, your life and whether you "match up" to whatever it is they want. If they don't know what they want, it just leaves you feeling emotionally drained and even more confused than you were before. It's absolutely horrible. This situation is not your whole life - however much it might feel like it just now. It's a snapshot of your life at a time when it's going pretty badly. When a few traumatic life events have occurred at once. So you've been clingy lately. That's normal. You lost your Dad, and you're bound to be wrestling with all those scary feelings of loss and abandonment. Your girlfriend isn't coping with that, which doesn't make her a bad person, but it does mean that she really isn't the right person for you. The right person would be strong for you when you needed it. That involves an awful lot more than nice moments of cuddling up together in front of a DVD, which could be what she meant when she talked about "fantasy times" together. The attraction's there; it's easy to cuddle up and have a nice time together when real life isn't getting in the way...but for whatever reason, the two of you just don't function as a strong team against the reality of the outside world. There'll be someone like out there for you who will form a strong team with you - but it's not this girl. Your emphasis needs to be removed from agonising over how to make this relationship work (it doesn't work, it won't work) and onto getting proper help for all the difficult feelings you have just now. Go and see your doctor. Tell him/her how you're feeling. Ask about bereavement counselling.....and please try to resist the temptation to conduct any more lengthy analyses of the relationship with your gf. It does nothing but torture you.
the_alchemyst Posted March 21, 2006 Posted March 21, 2006 Don't hurt yourself. That would make me sad. (And I know I don't know you, but you have no idea how sincere I am when I say that I would be sad. I guess I'm strange.) Reading this thread, I was able to picture myself and my exbf. He is a bird that just wants to be free. He loves me, I have no doubt, but he loves his freedom, independence, and individuality just the same. Some us are less like this than others: Some of us don't separate our individual selves from the relationships, while others try jealously to make sure there is a fine line. He is the latter, I am the former. What does this result in? In him feeling asphyxiated, ready to run for the hills, and eventually--a break-up. Your situation, in this regard, reminds me of my own. What do you? Well, what can you do? You can't make her stay. You can't because you just literally can't, and also because if you somehow were able to do so, it would most likely be due to the resort of something unscrupulous, which is unethical and would leave to much resentment later on, on both sides, especially hers. Let her go. It's going to hurt. A lot. Probably. The amount it will hurt partly depends on you and how you handle things. If you keep a bitter and negative mindset, relishing in all else that is wrong with your life now aside from this break-up, you are going to throw yourself into the downward spiral of depression (which, I believe, you are already suffering from). Depression is a great evil; it can lead to the ultimate end: death. This is where I see you, and believe me, this is not where you want to be. If all else fails, think of it this way: If you die now, will you ever be with her again? Remember: There is only one person you cannot live without, and that is yourself. She is not saying she doesn't love you, so rejoice in that. She is not saying she is leaving you for another, so rejoice in that also. She is saying, though, that she wants time for herself and for herself alone. She is entitled to this and you must let her. She may very well return. Likewise, you, whether you believe it or not, need time to yourself, too. With all of the things that have happened to you, you need to take a time out, if you will, and recenter yourself. Your mind is utterly confused right now; take time to regroup. While it is true that healing can sometimes be better and easier with someone there cheering you on, it is also equally true that in order to fully heal, you need to go through some of the process alone. I suggest you drop this semester of school; you need it. Go somewhere you enjoy and take a vacation. Think about yourself and only yourself. Think about how you can improve your situation. Don't think about how you can end it. Let her go. Let her have the time she asks for. In turn, you let yourself go, too. Give yourself the time your mind is asking you for. Be alone for a while. Be with yourself. Yearn to "fix" the problems with yourself first. In time, you will see things, I hope, differently--better. Once you have established a better foundation in and out of yourself, you will notice you won't feel the need to "cling" so much. You will be more readily accepting to be more independent because you will feel more confident. Who knows? Maybe when she sees that you are capable of being in a relationship while still managing to keep a clear image of your personal self, she will come back. Your behavior is partly what is pushing her away. Stive to fix this and you will be halfway in getting her back. *hugs* Don't hurt yourself, please. You will accomplish nothing, and lose everything.
Values Posted March 21, 2006 Posted March 21, 2006 I have been very close to suicide for days maybe weeks now, my girlfriend that I thought I was going to marry has been cheating on me for nearly a year. We of course are broken up and she is flying high with a new guy while in her wake are a couple of castaways. Anyway as far as you go, I won't kill myself today if you won't, that goes for March 21, 2006. Tomorrow we will try to get through as well. Keep posting.
KittenMoon Posted March 21, 2006 Posted March 21, 2006 Honey, do NOT kill yourself, not today, not tomorrow, not any day in the future. Suicide fixes NOTHING- it's like burning down your house because you think you can't clean it. I used to want to kill myself as a teenager- I used to hate myself because I just couldn't do it, even as I held a knife to my wrist, wanting to end the pain but knowing I'd never be able to do it. Until one day I threatened to do it to my parents and my father said to me "If you killed yourself, it would absolutely destroy your mother." Even though it was so simple, that put it all in perspective, and I realized how awful it would be do kill myself. Suicide destroys those who we leave behind. Anyways, there is so much to live for- ice cream, action movies, summer days, beer, starry nights, friends and future loves.
Guest Posted March 21, 2006 Posted March 21, 2006 Dont do it bro. I went through something similar myself about a year ago. Ill be honest, it sucks. Its sucks alot. And it does get easier as time goes by. You need to focus on just getting through everyday. You will probably spend alot of time thinking, staring at the wall, and just dwelling on it. You will get past all that. I highly recommend working out, running, or something similar. It helped get me through it. Exercising helps you work out the anger and hurt, helps keep your head clear, and gets in good shape and looking good for your next relationship.
Author Vertex Posted March 21, 2006 Author Posted March 21, 2006 It's just that I don't have a father anymore. My mother and I fight constantly because after his death, she became confused and started abandoning her life at home, which was understandable since they were married for like 25 years. But financial issues are hard on me, and school is just all the more stressful. I don't have many friends here at school either because I am either in class, working, or talking with my girlfriend (when I had her). I used to feel that no matter how hard my life was, I'd still have my girlfriend to make it worthwhile. However, now that even my own girlfriend is leaving me, I feel like I have nothing to live for. I don't have a real family, my school is expensive, work is hard, classes are becoming less of a priority, and I have no friends and no girlfriend. I don't know why it is worth going on with nothing in my life going right! It saddens me because we had such a GREAT weekend, telling each other I love you, and watching movies, going out to eat, kissing, having sex, drinking tea together, hanging out, playing games together, snuggling, etc. It was so much fun and I know she thinks so too, but it hurts me because the very next day she drops this on me. I mean I know I was clingy a bit but it was only out of love. I thought people in relationships loved calling each other/emailing/IMing/talking/etc, but I guess I was being too demanding of her time. However, I feel like I only understand that I was clingy now and that she is wanting to depart at the wrong time, now that I know what's wrong! I am giving her her space -- we have not talked since this conversation. But I have a feeling she will just want to stay friends and I don't know if I can accept that. I feel like I've always been so supportive to her as well as her feelings, being a good listener -- and I feel like just being her friend is letting her take me for granted as an emotional outlet while she's out f***ing someone else in a new relationship. That thought just kills me. I'm fine with the space for now... but I feel like I did nothing but love her. I looked through my address book in my phone and realized she's the only one that truly "knows" me, and I her. I have other friends from pre-college but I don't talk with them nearly as much, and I realized that I will no longer have that someone to be my emotional partner. I have nobody to talk to.
KittenMoon Posted March 21, 2006 Posted March 21, 2006 If you are at college, as it sounds, you should go to your counseling center and talk to someone. It sounds like you and your mother would benefit from going to some counseling together, as well as seperate. Sometime eveything is just so overwhelming until we really start talking about it. DO NOT GIVE UP. Life wants nothing more than to defeat us sometimes. But we should never, ever, let it defeat us. If you can overcome this, you can overcome anything, anything at all. I am so very sorry you lost your father, but would he want you to give up? I am sure he would not- I am sure he would want you to have a wonderful life. I am sure he's looking down on you now and is sad he can't help you. Remember the people that love you, and the people that loved you. You can get through this.
CaliGuy Posted March 21, 2006 Posted March 21, 2006 Vertex, if it makes you feel any better I lost my mom and my g/f (whom I loved deeply) within a few weeks of each other last November. The way I see it, you have two choices. You can wallow in misery and feel sorry for yourself or you can pick yourself up by the bootstraps and understand that you have plenty to live for. I am sorry you lost your dad and now your g/f, but reading through your conversation with her it's clear you are not validating her at all. By that I mean you keep telling her what she 'feels and does not feel.' I know, I used to do that all the time. Instead of telling her she is wrong all the time, start listening to her. Don't say she is wrong because she isn't. Her feelings are hers and it's not you or I to tell her that her feelings aren't valid. They are just as much as yours. My suggestion to you would be to go to counseling and work on your own issues. You do need to grieve about the loss of your father. I'm still, in some ways, grieving the loss of my mom. The only parent I've ever known. Give your ex some space. Let her decide what she wants to do. Don't cling to her. Be confident in who you are and she will come back around. Read some of David DeAngleo's stuff. Ending your life is the easy, chicken-bleep way out. Is that how you want to be remembered!? I didn't think so Please do go to counseling, you won't regret it. I did and it changed my life for the better.
djrdei Posted March 22, 2006 Posted March 22, 2006 Vertex, I can relate to your problems well. In mid October of last year my dad got really sick and after a week he went to the ER. He found out there that he got diabeties and his blood sugar level was at 1175, so he was very close to a coma. He spent a week in the ICU and then a few more days in general care. Once he got home it was hell, he has to take 4 shots a day and he was very depressed. This all made me very depressed, and i just wasnt a happy person. My g/f shortly after this broke up with me because she said i wasnt the same person anymore, i wasnt any fun and i just was a miserable person anymore. Well im sorry that my dad is sick and that it really hit me hard, i thought the person who i loved would be there to support me when i needed it but i was wrong. Since then i have accepted my dads new life style and im just glad he is still here. I have pulled myself out of my depression and i just hope that now i can find a girl who really wants to be with me.
noclobber Posted March 22, 2006 Posted March 22, 2006 Slightly off-topic but it looks like some girls just break it off as soon as they are no longer having fun. Is it really worth it to have a relationship with such women? Life is not always easy and full of fun. Our partners need to be with us during our troubled times and not run away just because they are no longer having any fun.
Starnette83 Posted March 22, 2006 Posted March 22, 2006 wow i read this and it was like me and my bf had this conversation, except i was you and my bf was her. Anyways my best advice is to cut contact!!! the more u try to explain to them that u care and that its worth trying the worse it is....the more they feel suffocated because maybe they think we have noithing better to do than to work it out with them. I know it sux, i am in the same situation but dont u wanna be with someone who u dont have to talk into to being with u? Someone who will say "I WANT TO BE WITH U TOO"...who isnt always confused, uncertain or "Suffocated"...dont blame yourself !!! but do as i say and stay away, if she ever wants to talk, make it short, act busy if u have to....this is a waste of time..i promise...why torture yourself with someone this way?? Gosh i know it sux, i just broke up a 5 year relationship because i cant deal with anymore, i broke up for my own sanity, i love him-yes always will..but me feeling that i have to "convince" or find some way to communicate is annoying, also when i wanna be close and he says im suffocating him..i feel unwanted and i hate feeling that way!!!!!! move on, it is possible!!!
kypepeo Posted March 24, 2006 Posted March 24, 2006 In life, you live and you learn. Yes, it’s difficult now but take what you can learn from this and move on. It’s never healthy to let one person only provide ALL your emotional needs because that’s putting more weight on them than they can bear. That’s probably why she was saying that she wanted space to herself, to not have to worry about you. The fact of the matter is, no matter how much or how well we are able to emotionally connect with one person, that person can’t provide all our emotional needs. I learnt that the hard way. You need to have these needs met outside your relationship as well. You need friends who will fill in the gaps that your girlfriend can’t. As for now, let her go because she truly does need that. She needs the rest. If you two are able to work it out later then good for you. Either way, start building a network of friends around you. This makes you a more balanced individual whether or not you are in a relationship. Don’t put all your emotional eggs in one basket. It’s not fair on you or the other person. Look for activities that you have always been interested in and never pursued. There’s a lot of life to live out there. Recapture the essence of who you are, go out there and enjoy yourself. Take the time out to rediscover you.
Guest Posted March 24, 2006 Posted March 24, 2006 I read your messgae and identified very much with you. Like one reply said earlier that could have been me and my ex b/f's conversation (only i'm you and he's her). Only a few weeks ago I was very much in your shoes, contemplating ending my life because i thought i just couldn't take the pain. It can be unbearable, i know. I sought some counselling and that really helped. Sometimes you just can't do it alone, and an objective person outside the situation who doesn't know you or the onther person can be really helpful. Plus they do this for a living, they have me lots of helpful tips to help cope with the feelings. They can help you find the tools. I am still hurting but slowly it is getting better, so please don't end your life. It sounds like maybe part of the reason it hurts so much is because she left you in a time when you needed support. i had the same thing w/ my ex. I had broken my arm (not comparable to losing a parent iknow, and believe me i undersatnd that grief because i lost my father too when i was 10), starting my last semester at school and scared of my future. I though he would be there for me and i was wrong. It hurt so much because i think i felt like you did that i was there when he needed me but then when the tables turned he ended it. Try not to be so hard on yourself. it is something i have had to learned to do. Don't beat yourself up over thinking you were too clingy. You are going through a rough time and needed her. maybe you weren't too clingy, maybe she was needing to much space. Perhaps it was her who was unreasonable and not you. Look at some of you "mistakes" with empathy. You did the best you knew how, and she should recocgnize that and not bail on you for a few mistakes. I know to believe these things is easier said than done b/c i myself have trouble convincing myself of them sometimes. i also agree with the posts that no contact is best. A wise friend of mine told me something. It was that to ever have hope of working it out with my ex i had to let them go. you have to let go of the need for them, the anger, the hurt feelings and that takes time. If you try to repair things now it will not work b/c there is all that hurt that needs to be healed. My frind said that you have to wipe the slate clean, and meet again as strangers, and go through the process again. With no baggage. it is funny but in order to get her back you have to get over her...a bit of a paradox, but i think it is true. Please Please Please, take my advice on the no contact. Contact will only make it worse and cause more anger and hurt b/w you. Trust me i know. As much as you feel strongly about you meant to be together and you can work it out, she feels just as strongly about her space. is there anything she can say to bring you to her side, i doubt it, the same goes in reverse. You can't convince her to change her mind. It took me over a month and embarrassing myself and possibly burning the bridge to realize this. I definetely let my emotions get the best of me. Don't do what i did. You will regret how you behave. If you walk away you may not get her back but you'll keep dignity. Trust me that is what will matter in the long run. I also agree it is not good to cut out friends and others from your life when in a relationship. i think we have all done this to some extent at least once, and can be so easy to do. Maybe look at the positive. Take this opportunity to reconnect with your old friends. They may miss you more than you think. Try to get out and do things even if you dont feel like it. i know its hard but it does help. I know school can be rough, and i know how hard it can be to focus when you are going through a tough time. i have had to force myself to focus when i think i can't. I for the first time EVER had to have 2 exams deferred b/c i was an emotional wreck. Talk to your profs if you need to and they may be able to give you some leeway with school work given the situation. They may be able to defer exams or give you an extension so you can have time to deal with some of your grief. I know this post is crazy long but i actually like long ones when they are for me I hope u do too If nothing else take comfort in knowing you are not alone.
Guest Posted March 24, 2006 Posted March 24, 2006 i tried to post earlier, but i don't think it went, so here goes again...sorry if it posts twice...ignore if it does. anyways, i read your post vertex and i really identified with you. I am sorry that you are going through such a terrible time. Losing a parent isn't easy (i lost my dad when i was 10) and to have to go through a breakup at the same time is rough. my heart goes out to you. Please do not kill yourself though, it will get better, I promise and i speak from experience. I am going through a rough breakup too. Mere weeks ago i was feeling as depressed as you. i even thought of suicide. I for the first time EVER had to have 2 of my exams deferred b/c i was soo emotional. And i understand the mom thing, i tried to turn to her for support but she just seems to make me feel worse, which hurts because i wish i could turn to her. I imagine you may feel the same. It was like after he (my now ex) left me my whole world went grey. Things that were once fun, weren't anymore, or made me sad and reminded me of him. A poster previous to me suggested counselling and i agree. i started going about a month ago and it has helped A LOT. I still have a long way to go but the color is slowly coming back in my life. Each day is a bit better. Counselling is nice because it is an objective point of view who isn't biased by knowing you or the ex. Plus they do this for a living...they can give you some good tips on how to manage grief...techniques if you will. I think you feel very much like i do about my breakup. i felt like i gave a lot but then when it was my hour of need he bailed. Have some empathy for your actions. perhaps it is not you being too needy but her needing too much space. it may not be all your fault. I must say that i also agree with previous posters advice of no contact. It took me a month and a half of terrible interaction and dragging my dignity in the mud before i realized that no contact really is the way to go. It is definetely very hard (i still sometimes have to fight the urge to call) but neccessary. I regret now how i behaved and probably burned a bridge. now not only do i have a broken heart but lost dignity too. believe me when the pain subsides you will be happy that you took the high road of no contact. this way you will not say things you will regret later, when you are not in so much grief and pain. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE take this advice...i know what i am talking about. Think about it this way. Think about how strongly you feel about being able to work things out with her. Could anything change how you feel? probably not. She feels just as strongly about her position for needing space. You will not be able to convince her, she must want it on her own. If you continue contacting not only will you not heal, but you will push her further away...trust me...b/c that is what i did. Leave her with a good memory of you. because 1) she will be more likely to maybe want to work it out later down the road if she remembers you well and 2)(and more importantly) even if she doesn't come back you can be proud of how you handled it Also a wise friend once told me that in order to ever have a second chance you have to wipe the slate very clean w/ the person. Come into it again like you did the first time, as strangers. only time can erase hurt feelings on both sides. If you try to work it out now hurt on both sides will probably get in the way. It is a bit of a paradox but to ever have a chance of getting her back you have to move on from her. be in a place where you don't need her in your life. I know to believe these things and to move on is easier said than done. i struggle with it to. Logic can say one thing and emotions another. it is not easy. Perhaps take this time to rekindle those old friendships you lost touch with. they can be a big help and may miss you more than you think. I think the hardest part of a breakup is the change. You have all this time and energy you spent with/on that person that you have to fill with other things, and that takes time to do. There is a gap there that must be filled, and it hurts, but in time you can find things and others to fill it with. For school, as i can relate. it can be stressful enough without having all the grief you have been having to deal with. talk to your professors and perhaps you can get extensions on assignements or exam deferrals so you can take some time to process some of the emotions you are experiencing. This will take some of the pressure off. I understand how hard it can be to focus. I know this was a loooonnng post, but i kinda like when i get long resposnses I hope u do to:) I hope i have helped. just know that you are not alone, that there are others of us going through similar things. i was as down as you mere weeks ago so i can tell you from recent experience that it does start to get better and sometimes it can be sooner than you think. Like i said i'm not there yet, but i'm walking down that road, one step at a time and knowing that helps. Everyday one step closer to being back to 100%. It can be the same for you, have faith.
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