The w won't leave me alone

[Ladyjane14]

I guess she hates me.

 

Well...yeah...that would probably be a pretty good "guess".

 

You know, OWs often get so caught up in the idea that it's the MM who cheated. Afterall, the OW didn't make any vows or promises, right?

 

Semantics. Meaningless trivia when compared to human emotions.

 

I'll tell you....If any other woman poked her nose into MY business, I would make it my FULL TIME JOB to make her ass as miserable as humanly possible. That might not be right. It might not be strictly fair. But those little details wouldn't stop me from doing it. While I would certainly be careful to stay within the boundaries of the law, within those parameters...I would persecute her relentlessly. Or at least until I had my 'pound of flesh' anyway.

 

In comparison to what I would do, it looks like your BW is fairly mild-mannered. Three contacts hardly qualify as "harrassment". While it's probably true that she despises you....it seems more likely that she just wants some answers. If you were dealing with truly vindictive behavior, you'd probably be noticing some repercussions by now. She's probably just insecure, thinking maybe she hasn't had the whole truth.

 

Your choices are fairly clear. You can either answer her questions, or change your contact information.

 

She will eventually stop contacting you. Her animosity towards you will consume too much emotional energy, and after awhile....she'll realize that.

 

On average, it takes about two years for a marriage to recover from an incident of infidelity. During that time, the BS will be trying to reconcile all the information.

[EnigmaXOXO]

I think the whole hateful philosophy toward the OW revolves around the temptation that she put the MM in.

 

Wouldn't exactly call it 'hateful'. Nor would it have anything to do with 'temptation' unless you were insecure.

 

For me, I can't be ambivalent or excuse the behavior of a woman who would be so blatantly disrespectful towards another female … namely the wife of the man she's screwing. Not to mention their children, in some cases. This goes for men who are involved in affairs as well. I'm not gender bias when it comes to making excuses for crappy behavior or mollycoddling (enabling) those who think it's perfectly okay to do what they do --- so long as no one does it back to them.

 

It's NOT innocent. It's NOT okay. And there's certainly nothing "romantic" about it.

 

Speaking only for myself, I find it surprising (even startling) how people who show no respect for themselves or other people are the first to expect it (even demand it) from everyone else. Particularly those who they've violated most blatantly.

 

They're usually the one's who shout and cry "foul" the loudest.

 

In this life, you reap what you sow. What a happier world this would be if instead of doing nasty things to other people for your own self gain… and then externalizing the blame and/or making excuses for your own foul behavior… people would start to take some accountability for their actions and learn to accept the repercussions of their bad behavior like grownups.

[OzGirl]

In my case, my MM told me he was separated from his wife. He had his teenage daughter concur the story, too.

 

I was lied to by both of them.

 

I believed them because my own parents divorced after living separately in the same house for just over 12 months.

 

I understand if I'd tried to lure or tempt him, what "kind" of person I might be. But, he told his wife I lured him - it weakens his wrongness, I guess. She stayed with him, so they jointly blame me. That's fine. Lies are what they both still live with - I no longer do.

 

You can disect what happened in the past if it helps you to make a better future. Hammering down the OW achieves what? Retribution? The OW has hurt the W, so the W now hurts her back? Great.

 

What comes after that then?

 

Dealing with the marriage - you either want in or out. There are risks associated with both options.

 

Either way, the future for the W is no longer related to the OW. Realising that after escalating the amount of hurt and hostility in the situation just prolongs the inevitable. So, why bother?

 

I read somewhere that feelings are like a storm. You see them coming, and you can't stop them. You just have to sit them out and know that eventually, they will pass.

 

As to the question raised of does it matter who chased who? I'm sure it's a great little "in" joke for most people STILL IN an affair situation.

 

The joke's just not so funny when the truth comes vomiting out all over you.

[shamelesswendy]

I appreciate Everyone's feedback, even the doubters. I will probably take advice and change my address. I have to say I'll consider what folks said about the hate and whether I deserve it but I tend to think if a man wants it who am I to say no and why should I be the bad one? I'll keep trying to find those who can relate to my situation.

[Kuddos]

It's been 0ver 6 months since I last spoke to my MM and his frigging w keeps writing to me and emailing me. She's not threatening me but it's a pain. I've moved on and couldn't care less about MM and his problems. I think she wants a response but I don't know what I would say. She knows more about me then he did! Is this stalking? Any one else have this experience?

 

So, do you stil work with him? If so, then maybe the wife cant leave it alone because she is afraid it is still going on. If she tinks he sees you everyday, she will think there is something still going on.

 

If you really could care less about him, just talk to her once. Tell her the truth, yes, we had sex, no we didnt love eachother, yes, it was only a 2 month affair (or whatever). Then tell her nothing more is going on and if she calls, emails or anoything again, you will call the poilce.

 

Just tell her the truth, what she wants to know, and she will stop.

 

No, you dont owe it to her, but if you have any compassion, heart and soul at all shameless wendy, you would do the right thing. Look at it like redeiming yourself.

 

Oh yea, if you all have not guess by now i am a BS. No hate here, ladies!

[Guest]

Sometimes it's the OW who pesters the hell out of the W though too.. When my H had a one month affair on me I found out about it and pretty much told him he needs to choose because i'm not putting up with this crap. He told her it was over. Wellll for at least 3 months after this affair ended this lady would not leave me alone. She would drive by our house leave notes on our windshield she called me to give me details and I am talking verbatim details on what they did where they went things he told her etc etc.. I finally had to tell her look I am sorry you are hurting here lady but I can't help you he made his choice get over it and move on. This happened in 2002 and just this past December 2005 hubby about died when he opened up his email and there was a letter from her. He called me over to read it and basically all it said was she hopes we are doing good and what all she has been doing with her life since 'the incident'...Alls I can think of is oh God in heaven not again... And by the way no i'm not bashing the OW while she knew he was married it was my hubby's responsibility to say no IMO....