jerbear Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 The porn cheating thread I've read a few times. Yes, 200+ answers. One person's porn is another's PG rated show. There is a Chinese saying and of course prone to lost in translation A turtle laughing at a tortoise for not having a tail They both have tails. The decision comes down to the couple. I would not want my SO/W watching porn or naked men run around every weekend. My answer to the thread is, Yes, I would and have gone to a strip bar; if you call adoptive in-laws, family. (best man and friend's future wife & family all went :lmao: ) Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 Nope! Neither with nor without my wife. Just not my cup-o-tea! Link to post Share on other sites
BlahBlahQueen Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 This is why I don't like my BF going. Now your wife knows that you don't love her, you want that woman, and you think that she is ugly. You feel sorry for yourself because you are stuck with her, and whenever you have sex with her you're imagining that girl. Poor woman. SUCH a mistake to take you there, she's lost you now. WHAT?!?! :lmao: Whoa, nelly. Slow your roll. This is bizarre fantastical thinking. What does finding another woman physically attractive have to do with not loving your wife? And just because the stripper was hot doesn't mean he now finds his wife ugly and feels "stuck" with her! If that was the case, you'd have to chain your husband up and lock him in the attic, because every time he saw a more attractive woman he'd stop loving you and want to run off with her! Hell, why don't you just castrate him to quell your insecurity? Aside from that, I've gone to countless strip clubs with almost all my SO's (because I like strip clubs; they're fun, relaxed, and the ladies are quite hospitable hostesses). Some of the strippers along the way have been way better-looking than me. And you know what happens then? We sit there, we ogle, we drink, we laugh, and we go home happily with memories of a fun outing. So what. I have nothing against people who don't want their men going to strip clubs. But to claim that he somehow loves you less is just ridiculous. In fact, if he could fall out of love by seeing a hot naked chick, you probably didn't want him anyway. What kind of shallow bastard would he be then. Link to post Share on other sites
BlahBlahQueen Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 In strip clubs, you get lap dances, where a naked woman comes and basically rubs herself all over you. Then she takes you to the VIP room and jacks you off or gives you a blow job, or has sex with you. I think you're confusing a strip club with a whorehouse. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 I think you're confusing a strip club with a whorehouse. Nah.. That is the typical StripClub.. They all have the VIP rooms in the back The stripers ( not all ) perform sexual favors for money in the VIP rooms.. they are private rooms Link to post Share on other sites
BlahBlahQueen Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 The stripers ( not all ) perform sexual favors for money in the VIP rooms.. they are private rooms Not the ones I worked at. If you get caught doing anything of the sort, the managers would call the cops on you in a split second. You can get your business shut down if an undercover busts such activity. VIP rooms are strictly for private lap dances and champagne... Of course, other states may not have the strict strip club laws we have in Florida. But the whole worry is null if you're going with your SO, since he's obviously not gonna make off into the VIP room to get a handy... Link to post Share on other sites
castle26 Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 I am not and never will be in an open marriage. I was married for 20 years and never even considered having sex with another man for the past 24 years... Do I think that people should appreciate each others' beauty for the simple fact that it is beauty? YES Do I think that it is a terrible thing to appreciate and express to another when I find them attractive? Never Am I the jealous type? Not at all Are a whole bunch of people in the world hung up on jealousy? You bet! Do I feel threatened when my husband was looking at someone attractive? Hell no! If he wasn't noticing I was elbowing him to look. IT is just looking ... I don't know why people tend to feel so threatened. It is not as though they are heading to the bathroom the moment they find someone attractive. Like I said, skin is skin - we all have it... This is so true and jealousy is self-destructive. Having said that I myself am now OW who is not jealous, not of MM's W, strippers or anybody. I choose not to allow this emotion in my life and I think jealousy explains why people can be so devastated when their marriage or affair ends. Some last a lifetime and some do not but I cant let that fact worry me. Link to post Share on other sites
catgirl1927 Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 Strip clubs are different. You go into them specifically to become sexually aroused by someone who is not your partner... ...I would be disgusted if my partner went looking to be sexually aroused by someone else, then 'used' me for release. I'm so glad someone else sees it the way I do, and you've explained it MUCH better than I did. I should have used the word "want" rather than "love", because that's what I really meant. (I tried to edit, waited past the 240 seconds.) If a guy looks at those women, and then comes home and looks at me, he is going to see that I am not as thin, toned, tan or perfect as those women. I will be inferior physically and not as sexy. I will KNOW that's how he feels, which will make me more self conscious and thus, even less sexy. So he will be sorry that he isn't with a stripper. I know that many of them have very sad pasts and very sad lives. But not all of them are like that. Most of them are living pretty glamourous lives. They are so confident! But tons of money and time will do that. When you don't have to do anything but be beautiful, and you're never tired or stessed and your life is just one fab party after the other, of course you look better. You may not be in touch with reality, but if reality is perception, then there you are... I just can't compete with them. Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 I could not read the entire thread, but I can only say that for most people/couples more negative would come from a visit to a club then positive would. My H would not dare take me to one because he would get jealous of me and the strippers interactions Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 9, 2006 Share Posted March 9, 2006 Not the ones I worked at. If you get caught doing anything of the sort, the managers would call the cops on you in a split second. You can get your business shut down if an undercover busts such activity. VIP rooms are strictly for private lap dances and champagne... Of course, other states may not have the strict strip club laws we have in Florida. But the whole worry is null if you're going with your SO, since he's obviously not gonna make off into the VIP room to get a handy... I live in FL and I know several strippers who do that. Lollypops in Daytona is famous for it. Link to post Share on other sites
BlahBlahQueen Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 I live in FL and I know several strippers who do that. Lollypops in Daytona is famous for it. Gross. Maybe it's just Dade county that's like this. Eek... that's not a strip club, it's a whorehouse under a pretty name... Link to post Share on other sites
KOTG Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 I'm so glad someone else sees it the way I do, and you've explained it MUCH better than I did. I should have used the word "want" rather than "love", because that's what I really meant. (I tried to edit, waited past the 240 seconds.) If a guy looks at those women, and then comes home and looks at me, he is going to see that I am not as thin, toned, tan or perfect as those women. I will be inferior physically and not as sexy. I will KNOW that's how he feels, which will make me more self conscious and thus, even less sexy. So he will be sorry that he isn't with a stripper. I know that many of them have very sad pasts and very sad lives. But not all of them are like that. Most of them are living pretty glamourous lives. They are so confident! But tons of money and time will do that. When you don't have to do anything but be beautiful, and you're never tired or stessed and your life is just one fab party after the other, of course you look better. You may not be in touch with reality, but if reality is perception, then there you are... I just can't compete with them. I only quoted you because your obvious insecurities were the only reason i read this entire thread. I have gone to strip clubs,mostly with clients during a night on the town. Personally i find it uncomfortable and i always feel like that could be my sister on the stage, so no, every man does not go there to get sexually excited so he can go home and pretend he is sleeping with a stripper. Do the strippers have perkier breasts than my wives, of course they do.....Do i care, absolutely not, because my wives breast fed both my children and i find them to still be one of my favorite playthings. Do strippers have flatter stomachs than my wife, again of course they do, but again, that belly carried my children, and i love running my hands over it every single night when i cuddle up behind her! I love my wife more than anything else, and one of the things i love are the things that only i get to see, like her breasts and her stomach and her bum and the fact they aren't perfect only makes me appreciate them more! Why would i appreciate the ass of some women who will strip it and shake it for anyone who wants to look. My wife has gone with me to see what its all about, and she generally has a good time, and you know what, some of my clients spend far more time conversing with her than watching some size 2 shaking her ass. Why is that you ask, because attraction is far more than a tight ass and perky breasts. I really feel you should seek counselling, your insecurity will only destroy all your relationships in the future, and don't hide insecurity behind proposed femenism, its blatently obvious. Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 I have visited strip bars with friends (female) and would certainly enjoy going with my other half!! But then I'm happy to sit and appreciate the female form. I know he'd be going home with me, and I know he loves me. No harm in appreciating something else though? We'd both get hot and horny and I bet the sex would be fab!! Mind you, for a start I'm pretty open minded. Hell, I'm planning on marrying a guy who used to dance in an all male stripping/dance troup. So I'm pretty comfortable with that whole side of things. It comes down to security and open mindedness. If he wants to go occassionally to some place like this, I'm not going to moan about it. He knows where he's best off.... Link to post Share on other sites
BlahBlahQueen Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 I only quoted you because your obvious insecurities were the only reason i read this entire thread. I have gone to strip clubs,mostly with clients during a night on the town. Personally i find it uncomfortable and i always feel like that could be my sister on the stage, so no, every man does not go there to get sexually excited so he can go home and pretend he is sleeping with a stripper. Do the strippers have perkier breasts than my wives, of course they do.....Do i care, absolutely not, because my wives breast fed both my children and i find them to still be one of my favorite playthings. Do strippers have flatter stomachs than my wife, again of course they do, but again, that belly carried my children, and i love running my hands over it every single night when i cuddle up behind her! I love my wife more than anything else, and one of the things i love are the things that only i get to see, like her breasts and her stomach and her bum and the fact they aren't perfect only makes me appreciate them more! Why would i appreciate the ass of some women who will strip it and shake it for anyone who wants to look. My wife has gone with me to see what its all about, and she generally has a good time, and you know what, some of my clients spend far more time conversing with her than watching some size 2 shaking her ass. Why is that you ask, because attraction is far more than a tight ass and perky breasts. I really feel you should seek counselling, your insecurity will only destroy all your relationships in the future, and don't hide insecurity behind proposed femenism, its blatently obvious. Everything this dude said is right on; listen to him, because any man who's in love with his woman will feel the same way. KOTG, you are my new personal deity. What a man. Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 Everything this dude said is right on; listen to him, because any man who's in love with his woman will feel the same way. KOTG, you are my new personal deity. What a man. Gotta say I liked his post too! Link to post Share on other sites
catgirl1927 Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 Everything this dude said is right on; listen to him, because any man who's in love with his woman will feel the same way. KOTG, you are my new personal deity. What a man. I was fine with it until he said I was hiding behind feminism. I don't think that's what I'm doing at all. I expect flaming and criticism when I criticize someone's behavior or say something they disagree with. But don't label it something it's not. There is "blatantly obvious" animosity for feminism on this board, most likely because most people don't really understand what feminism is, they think it's all about man-hating, but it's really just not. There are man-hating extremists who call themselves feminists, but there are all kinds of extremists giving good ideas bad names, and that's a whole different battle for a whole different forum. Link to post Share on other sites
BlahBlahQueen Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 I was fine with it until he said I was hiding behind feminism. I don't think that's what I'm doing at all. I expect flaming and criticism when I criticize someone's behavior or say something they disagree with. But don't label it something it's not. There is "blatantly obvious" animosity for feminism on this board, most likely because most people don't really understand what feminism is, they think it's all about man-hating, but it's really just not. There are man-hating extremists who call themselves feminists, but there are all kinds of extremists giving good ideas bad names, and that's a whole different battle for a whole different forum. OK, forget the feminism part... can you at least agree that if a man loves you he is not going to stop loving you or enjoying making love to you because he saw some skinnier naked chicks humping a pole? Nor is he going to think you're lesser-than... Love is a lot more than physical attraction, and you are incorrect in feeling these strippers are better than you. Just because they have ideal bodies doesn't mean you don't have something they lack. The only real advantage they have on you is that they're probably more secure. That's not out of your reach. If your man is with you, he probably has a damn good reason to be. He picked you over his stripper friends, so obviously you've got them beat in most departments. A man in love will naturally find his woman attractive, eclipsing every other. He would never dream of replacing her, since in his mind, his woman has become the ideal, and having the image of anyone else in his head would put a damper on the act of lovemaking for him. If he loves you, why can't you love yourself? I read about your family history and I understand how it would have a negative impact on your self-image. But you have to find a way to move beyond that, whether it be through therapy or some deep soul-searching. Your poor opinion of yourself is not only completely unrealistic, it's downright harmful and unfair to you. Link to post Share on other sites
catgirl1927 Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 I think your whole post is so sweet and kind, I really appreciate it. As bad as it sounds on here, imagine what it's like in my head. I am really hard on myself, it's exhausting. Just FYI, I am using this board as a kind of therapy. I put all these feelings on here, all that stuff that goes on in my head, and my boyfriend never hears it. It's unfair to him, it hurts his feelings that I think he would do that to me. The fact is, if I really thought he would actually cheat on me I wouldn't be with him. Link to post Share on other sites
thegoodhubbie Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 OK, forget the feminism part... can you at least agree that if a man loves you he is not going to stop loving you or enjoying making love to you because he saw some skinnier naked chicks humping a pole? Nor is he going to think you're lesser-than... Love is a lot more than physical attraction, and you are incorrect in feeling these strippers are better than you. Just because they have ideal bodies doesn't mean you don't have something they lack. The only real advantage they have on you is that they're probably more secure. That's not out of your reach. If your man is with you, he probably has a damn good reason to be. He picked you over his stripper friends, so obviously you've got them beat in most departments. A man in love will naturally find his woman attractive, eclipsing every other. He would never dream of replacing her, since in his mind, his woman has become the ideal, and having the image of anyone else in his head would put a damper on the act of lovemaking for him. If he loves you, why can't you love yourself? This is dead on. In my mind, my wife is my ideal. There have been times when I have tried, just as an experiment, (and yes, maybe that was wrong ) to think about someone else while making love to my wife and it ruins it every time. I actually cannot enjoy lovemaking UNLESS I'm fully engaged with my wife. Looking into her eyes, whispering sweet nothings in her ear, etc. There are women I see every day at work that are knock out gorgeous, but I wouldn't lay a finger on one of them even if they wanted me to. My honey is everything To answer the OP question, I would love to go to a strip club with my wife, but she would never ever do it. She is also very insecure and wouldn't get the fact that its just fun/skin. That said, I wouldnt go to a male strip club with her either! Link to post Share on other sites
flavius Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 When my wife (the thermo-nuclear Mrs. Flavius) turned 40 I took her (blindfolded) into the Las Vegas all-nude Palomino club on girls' night. When the blindfold came off she was eye-to-eye with a fat nine-inch male organ of Afro-American origin. She darn near fainted! (s***, I almost fainted!) I got her good and drunk, gave her a stack of bills, and hooked her up with a bachelorette party in progress, then chaperoned from a distance. The only rule was 'nothing goes in anything.' She got rubbed on and dick-whipped by a dozen amazing young specimens, handled the merchandise a little, and even went "amateur" and picked up a few bucks from the dancers (she has tits like a 16 y.o. which saw the neon-light-of-day for the first time that night.) The dancers thanked me, congratulated me, and back-slapped me, and the bachelorettes wanted to marry me. Her head was spinning for a month after:bunny: It was my treat for her, a reward for being a good, faithful, passionate wife and girfriend to me for 21 years. That is the ONLY time she's ever seen or touched any other man in a sexual sense. Would she enjoy it? Hell yes. A whole big-ass oily pile of them! Does she WANT TO? No. But if she woke up one day wanting to, we'd discuss it together and decide what we've decided individually and separately a thousand times before: we've already got the best deal, and there's no reason to trash it out. Some say that the divorce rate is 53%. But our divorce rate is 0% to date. You can't live in insecurity and fear without reducing your marriage to a 47% success, at best. Link to post Share on other sites
thegoodhubbie Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 Sir my hat is off to you. That is amazing. I actually think I might consider doing the same for my wife on her 40th Bday. She has already warned me that she is going to be plenty depressed, and I promised her I wouldn't let it happen. Can't think of a better way to do it than that! Thanks !! Link to post Share on other sites
flavius Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 Not for the faint of heart, i warn you! Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 Not for the faint of heart, i warn you! Flav.... you little star you!!! What a wonderful hubbie you must be! Link to post Share on other sites
catgirl1927 Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 Ew, really??? Did she like it? I wouldn't want some stranger in a club touching me with his wiggly, I think it would be kind of gross. One of my friends told me a friend of hers went to one of the male strip clubs and a guy did that to her and gave her crabs! Of course, that's one of those stories told by a friend about a friend, so who knows if it's really true. I bet it was funny though! I'm glad she had a good time. 40 will be AWFUL, I cried for two weeks when I turned 30. Link to post Share on other sites
rble618740 Posted March 10, 2006 Share Posted March 10, 2006 On the issue of porno in print/on t.v. vs. strip club: temptation. I trust my husband and he trusts me, but there are things I do to reduce temptation. I do not bad mouth my husband to other men (lest they think I'm giving them the green light to intrude on my marriage), I do not share my deepest thoughts and emotions with other men while not revealing them to my husband, and I do not pursue the attention of other men by the way I dress/act/speak. I don't do these things because I think I'm going to cheat - but why seek out temptation. Every marriage has down times, and every married person is human. It's best just to reduce the temptation. My husband could not contact or find the women in pornographic movies or magazines, but with a strip club - she's standing right there, and may be willing to exchange information. It's a much greater temptation. It's the whole, "forsaking all others" part of my vows that would make me feel guilty for ogling a naked man that wasn't my husband. For me, I cherish my sexual interactions with my husband and that I am the only person who touches him in certain ways. Even if its not sex, I think that my husband paying another woman a couple bucks to rub him in the same way cheapens our intimacy. I'm not insecure. In fact, quite the contrary. I'm not tooting my own horn, but I'm certain that my husband finds me more attractive than any stripper he might go see. But, on the point of getting him revved up to come home for good sex, he's revved up because she's someone different. No matter how sexy I am, if what he wants/needs is something different, there's no way I can be that. This kind of goes back to the foresaking all others thing. I don't try to change people's minds on this topic. That's not my goal. I understand other perspectives. In fact, I think if going to see strippers with your spouse improves your marriage - by all means, do whatever works for you. But for me, its not an insecurity thing, it's a moral dillemma. Some people think its "just skin." I agree. It's definitely just skin. I guess where I differ is that, I don't believe he has to have sex with a stripper to be doing something wrong, in my book. Touching another woman and seeking out temptation with a readily available (in some cases) person is wrong enough for me. Link to post Share on other sites
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