GoodorBad Posted March 7, 2006 Share Posted March 7, 2006 After being married for nearly 9 years, I got divorced and got into the internet dating scene. Quite frankly it has worked for me. I met a beautiful woman who lived across the country from me, and we talked hours every day for two months before finally meeting. On the first night we met we had sex. Please realize that I am a guy who was a virgin until I was 29, when I had sex with my wife/ex-wife to be. We began a nearly two year relationship which ended because I felt that I was not in love with her even though I really care for her deeply. We are still good friends and talk frequently. Quite frankly I do not think it was necessarily a mistake to have had sex so soon, because eventually we would have, and probably had the same end result. Two months after ending my relationship, I began communicating with another beautiful woman. We talked for about 2 months again, before deciding to meet one another. Before the trip I decided that I did not want to have sex, even in the unlikely event that she did on our first meeting. Well I was simply in awe of her beauty when we met in person. I really mean that I felt she had an aura about her, not just in a sexual way, but her whole presence. Well, first night we started to kiss, and I had no will power to resist and once again we had sex on the first date. We spent a week together, and I really feel that she is the woman for me, and she has expressed similar feelings toward me. In a way, it just seems wrong to get involved so so fast, but perhaps in a sense I do feel like I know these women from the extensive communication we have had before meeting. To date, I do not believe such fast intimacy has been detrimental, but it is difficult to know for sure. Have others had such fast intimacy with people that they have met online, and have others felt that this has been detrimental to their relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted March 12, 2006 Share Posted March 12, 2006 This is the adrenaline rush of lust....It has nothing to do with her being the right person. It has everything to do with wanting to have sex because you are intoxicated with passion. Link to post Share on other sites
Elyssa Posted March 15, 2006 Share Posted March 15, 2006 What's wrong with passion and lust? Enjoy the moment and yourselves. Just remember, it won't last forever. Don't base your relationship on the great sex you're having with her, or things may end very quickly after the "high" is over. In other words, don't let lust cloud your judgement, but there's absolutely no reason why you two can't enjoy eachother. Carpe diem -E Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 We spent a week together, and I really feel that she is the woman for me, and she has expressed similar feelings toward me. It is too soon to decide that. No matter how well you think you know someone from online, you don't know them well enough to make lifetime decisions. Enjoy the relationship for the next few months and see if you feel the same way after a lot of close contact. Link to post Share on other sites
penkitten Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 go for it! not everyone you meet is going to give you the feelings that you have right now. not everyone has the aura around them that you just are so drawn to. what do you have to loose? Link to post Share on other sites
monkey00 Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 lust and infatuation blows...i've been in a couple of these dilemnas before, lasted a few months before it's inevitable demise. But as someone said earlier, it's good while it lasts, once it wears off...she's just another person. im not psychic, who knows where this'll end up, but enjoy the moment. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 In answer to your original question , I too have had sex on a first date and yes you can enjoy the moment(s) and intense passion Theres nothing wrong with 2 adults deciding they are going to be intimate quickly but in most cases sex after 2 hours of meeting is more lust than it is something that will last into months. Some may have had lasting relationships on first date sex but mostly its mutual booty call. Enjoy it but dont expect it to be long term in most cases... Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 I think this depends on the situation. How much, how long have you talked with the long distance 'friend?' Has this person shared their thoughts, desires, life goals with you? In a situation like that, I think that sex or no sex on first meeting has little to no impact. The reality is, again, sex or no sex, connections are not always immediate. Like anything, sometimes love needs to grow. Now, lust, passion, hormonal things like that, that's all part of being human, lol. Maybe love can grow from lust or passion? Isn't love better with passion? Just my thoughts... Link to post Share on other sites
PRETTYBOI1982 Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 In answer to your original question , I too have had sex on a first date and yes you can enjoy the moment(s) and intense passion Theres nothing wrong with 2 adults deciding they are going to be intimate quickly but in most cases sex after 2 hours of meeting is more lust than it is something that will last into months. Some may have had lasting relationships on first date sex but mostly its mutual booty call. Enjoy it but dont expect it to be long term in most cases... Hello Mary3, I can totally agree with you on your previous statement 100%. I'd thought it was a long term relationship at first but at the end it turned out the opposite ways. So in other words. I'll never do that again and never have eversince my first and my last try. That was somewhat when I was still a teenager at age 17. I'm 23 years old now and been with my girlfriend now for 2 years. We've been through so much together through an on and off relationship and to be totally honest. I just can't count how many times it has happen with breaking up and going back together. I've learn so much as I started to get into deeper relationship. There were times when I did things when I think back, I'd regretted so much. Anyways, just complementing you on your wonderful post Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 Thanks PrettyBoi and I am happy that you found someone wonderful. I think good relationships ARE hard work and to keep it going ....so kudos to you for being the best bf a girl could have... Link to post Share on other sites
prfrogkisser Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 I have been in both scenarios and honestly anything can happen.I was talking for 2 months with a guy over the internet and when we meet in person we sleep together.It was the best relationship Ive had. If it werent because of the military relocation overseas we would be married. Communication and honesty are very important. We only live once. If you are spending time with this person and they make you happy who cares how it started. Life is about taking chances. You dont want to wonder all your life what if. If you have sex and something awesome happens after even better. There are no set of rules on how to start a relationship because we are all different. We live in a society that has told us what to do and not what to do. Noone knows what is best for you but yourself!! Good Luck:o Link to post Share on other sites
LongTallSally Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 In answer to your original question , I too have had sex on a first date and yes you can enjoy the moment(s) and intense passion Theres nothing wrong with 2 adults deciding they are going to be intimate quickly but in most cases sex after 2 hours of meeting is more lust than it is something that will last into months. Some may have had lasting relationships on first date sex but mostly its mutual booty call. Enjoy it but dont expect it to be long term in most cases... i was going to say this same thing. good advice mary3. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 Thanks Sally I do tend to live in the moment so have had those encounters . I know they say wait a long time before having sex but I wonder what is the * normal * time frame in a world where everything moves at warp speed ! lol Link to post Share on other sites
LongTallSally Posted March 16, 2006 Share Posted March 16, 2006 I wonder what is the * normal * time frame in a world where everything moves at warp speed ! so true. so very true. as long as you're as careful as possible, i don't think it's anyone's business but the people involved. Link to post Share on other sites
PRETTYBOI1982 Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 You guys know what I happen to know now and days? People are very confusing between love & lust. As stated before by Mary3 about "the adrenaline rush of lust....It has nothing to do with her being the right person. It has everything to do with wanting to have sex because you are intoxicated with passion." Thank you Mary3 for posting it out clearly! I can make a good example of what lust can be for a guy. I've done heard this statement made by my guys friends thousands of time about how they love this girl and want to be with this girl. Blah....this and that but in reality they're really lusting for that particular female. More like a strong desire to have sex with her. Then later on when they see another girl who is even more prettier then they'll end up saying the same thing over and over. Love is when you're committed to that one particular person and that you've made up your mind to spend the rest of your life with him/her for good until death do-us-part. Love is a pretty strong word to me and I do take it very seriously. I'm not saying everything think that way like how I do but you'll know when you're in love. Love can make you so stupid crazy things which at times you don't even realize it. It's the most unexplainable word that can't be define by human being. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted March 17, 2006 Share Posted March 17, 2006 They say Love is Blind...People can act very stupid while under the intoxicating effects of Love. Actual brain studies showed we tolerated more...were blinded by more things we should have seen... Love is a state of being crazy some reports say , LOL Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted March 19, 2006 Share Posted March 19, 2006 We talked for about 2 months again, before deciding to meet one another. Before the trip I decided that I did not want to have sex, even in the unlikely event that she did on our first meeting. Well I was simply in awe of her beauty when we met in person. I really mean that I felt she had an aura about her, not just in a sexual way, but her whole presence. Well, first night we started to kiss, and I had no will power to resist and once again we had sex on the first date. We spent a week together, and I really feel that she is the woman for me, and she has expressed similar feelings toward me. In a way, it just seems wrong to get involved so so fast, but perhaps in a sense I do feel like I know these women from the extensive communication we have had before meeting. To date, I do not believe such fast intimacy has been detrimental, but it is difficult to know for sure. Have others had such fast intimacy with people that they have met online, and have others felt that this has been detrimental to their relationships. Hi, I want to give a nod of complete approval to your actions in terms of what you call "sex on the first date" after weeks or months of online communication. The fact is, each of you "invested yourselves" in the other person, regardless of the degree of accurate familiarity you can, or think you can develop through what is chiefly online communication. I have a great line about this, and while it is rather crude, and it pokes fun at gender stereotypes, it still has a chance to get the mind really thinking about just what human social desires are touched by online interactions. The line is this: "How else can a woman have sex with a man she feels she knows while at the same time a man has sex with a woman he just met?" I contend that most of the rewards of sex are derived not from the sex organs of our partners, but instead from the physical and emotional energies we each give off and then position ourselves to take great pleasure from upon their return (after they 'bounce off of' the partner). Even the rewarding sensations of deep love come far more from trusts that we put out there, and have validated by someone whom we have anticipated/predicted accurately, which then come back at us, than they do from the other being involved. So it is really US, taking great pleasure in accurately anticipating that other person's will to stay right there, be it emotionally or sexually, that creates most of our pleasure. So where it concerns online communication of many weeks or months before meeting someone, then "sex on the first date" is well within the bounds of what is proper for people so inspired. The green light is on! Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted March 20, 2006 Share Posted March 20, 2006 SOLG wrote :So where it concerns online communication of many weeks or months before meeting someone, then "sex on the first date" is well within the bounds of what is proper for people so inspired. The green light is on! ~~~ I have to wonder about your analogy here. If in fact they have sex on the first date because of * months of communication * then weren't they in fact discussing sex at some point in the communication ? If in fact they were , the green light was likely given to the man , who had sex with her the nite they met. Is it likely that his discussing sex , which is apparently supposed to be something that comes much later in the IRL ( In Real Life ) relationship, shouldn't their starting point began on the day they met ( IRL ) as opposed to the date they began talking ? I say this because anything can be said via internet and half of the can be a cock and bull story at best. Only after spending real quality time can they both know if having sex is the right thing. This excludes those who meet and have hot sex because thats what they wanted all along. I am referring to a real long lasting relationship and question how they got to the sex part without prior discussion ? Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted March 20, 2006 Share Posted March 20, 2006 Let me add my two cents worth. I'll be honest... when my SO and I first met after 3 weeks of very intense talking via email and phone, we also had sex on the first date. It wasn't what either of us intended, but the attraction got the better of the both us and we did!! I guess some people might think that said something about our morality etc. But we did feel like we knew each other already. And the bond we had was amazing. Did it fizzle out after a couple of months? NO!! He's just about finished moving in to my house after a year together which has been happy and easy between us!! We plan on getting engaged at the end of the year. We couldn't be happier. So.... stranger things HAVE happened...!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Elyssa Posted March 20, 2006 Share Posted March 20, 2006 I have a similar experience as littlekitty... My husband and I had sex the first time we met in person after a long long time talking on the internet and it was definitely not motivated by lust. Sure, people who meets on the Internet never really knows if the person they talk to is real and truthful about their lives or not...but I guess we just knew. We got engaged and had sex within hours of meeting for first time. We had a LD relationship for a couple years after that in which we got together for 4-10 days every few months. We've been together for four years now. Not all sex-on-first-date stories go wrong, sometimes it's genuine and you just feel there's no point in waiting. -E Link to post Share on other sites
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