How important is the "spark", anyway?

[jerbear]

If you don't have the spark after 2 months I don't think you are going to get it.

That spark is independent and totally different from love, by the way. You may still could develop feelings of love for him.

 

Some people can't develop the spark for whatever reason. They are not at a time and place in their lives where that spark is going to happen, no matter who they are with.

 

My girlfriend is on zoloft and an anti-pychotic (I love her so much !), but she tells me these drugs sort of chill her feelings out, preventing that sort of mad, starry-eyed love we think of when we say "the spark".

 

I like the spark though.

 

If you think you are "open" for feeling the spark, and you still arn't, maybe it's just not the right guy.

 

Those drugs are sometimes worse than not taking them! I had my share and the spark died down.

[mrB2006]

amerikajin,

"Just because a woman talks about sex in your presence doesn't mean she wants to have sex with you."

 

Yes, I agree. But, this talk was coming from a devout Christian. She told me that several guys she has dated in the past were wanting to bed her, but she refused. She told me point blank that she is waiting till she gets married.

The questions she asked me were very direct...And I believe the same about sex....I told her my opinions, yet she kept asking. So there must have been a spark...

 

But again, does the spark always have to be physical?

MrB

[luvtoto]

This is phenomena that is not so easily understood; it's not logical, in fact, it's often highly illogical...because it's bio-logical. You just know it when you feel it, and you're not feeling it, so there - that's that.

 

Amerikajin, please tell that to my coworkers that are giving me such a hard time about letting *their* version of "MR. PERFECT" go. It's annoying!!! I wasn't feeling it...so there - that's that. They think I am too picky.

[Guest]

hey..don't worry about it, it happened exactly like that to me..i was seeing this guy for about 2 months and everything else was great, but "the spark"And the worst part for me was that i couldnt have sex with him anymore i just didnt feel attracted to him at all..but wished i did.

 

so let me tell you what happened maybe it will help you...accidentaly he found out what my feeling for him were, he read my email adressed to a very good friend of mine(it wasnt pretty at all that much i can tell you), and he felt really dissapointed and upset to find out how i see hiom, and how i feel about our relationship...so he dumped me.It didnt take me longer that a day to realise how important he was to me and how nice he is, and what a good thing we had going and how much of a fool i was...and i cried for days and begged him to forgive me for lyeing and thinking bad things about him..so, he forgave me and now we're still together...goodluck

 

 

 

I don't know...I don't know if anyone can really answer this. But maybe seeing others' perspectives will help.

 

I'm dating someone now (it's been a little over 2 months), and the spark just...isn't there. I like him a lot, we get along well, have interesting discussions, he's kind and smart.

 

But the thing is, the "spark" just isn't there for me. I have no idea whether or not he's feeling it; perhaps he is, but I can't imagine that it's what I would call a spark, since it seems like for real sparks to fly, both people should be feeling it. And I know I'm not. But who knows, since some people linger in love far past the point when their exes have moved on (as many on these boards, including me, have cause to know).

 

Sigh. Anyway. I don't feel much sexual attraction for him. God knows I want to. I wish I could. I feel like I ought to. I've never really felt strongly attracted to him, though I always liked him - but I thought maybe that was because I was still attached to my previous ex, with whom I felt all kinds of sparks. And now, it's like I hardly recognize myself - my sex drive is nil, which kind of sucks. At the moment, it's like I can't imagine ever being turned on again, I feel so disconnected from that part of myself.

 

So what is going on??? Am I being selfish? Do I just want the Hollywood? Am I kidding myself? People say love is a decision...do I just need to "choose" to love him? He seems like he'd be good for me in other ways...but, two months in, I guess I want to at least be in the honeymoon stage, tingling with anticipation. That stage never even happened.

 

Is it too much to expect from a stable relationship? It makes me want to cry, because I feel simultaneously disappointed and guilty for feeling that way.

 

I haven't ended it yet because I don't want to ruin a good thing for no reason...I just can't decide if the problem is that I'm idealizing love too much, or something. :(

[amerikajin]

If you're dating someone who's obviously bad news (i.e. a cheater, a liar, or criminal etc) and they see something you don't that's one thing...but otherwise, ya just tell them to mind their own business.