freelove Posted February 10, 2006 Posted February 10, 2006 I've noticed that alot of people on these threads are saying that loving someone is a decision. Maybe I am misunderstanding, but when you love someone, you just feel it and the rest should come effortlessly. Please would someone elaborate on it being a decision.
Outcast Posted February 11, 2006 Posted February 11, 2006 It means that even on the days when you don't feel like it, you do the nice thing for your beloved. You bite back the snarky remark. You choose loving words and actions over 'letting it all hang out' because 'letting it all hang out' can mean 'dumping a load of garbage' on the person you claim to love. Nobody, no matter how much they 'love' a partner, is able to be selfless and kind and even-tempered all the time but because they love the partner, they work hard at being kind and loving even when they're not up to snuff. It's about even when your relationship is in a bit of a slump because you've both been busy, *not* having an affair with the hottie in the office. It's about choices to do and be loving.
whichwayisup Posted February 11, 2006 Posted February 11, 2006 I've noticed that alot of people on these threads are saying that loving someone is a decision. Maybe I am misunderstanding, but when you love someone, you just feel it and the rest should come effortlessly. Please would someone elaborate on it being a decision. Loving someone is the easy part...It's maintaining it and keeping the relationship GOOD and healthy that is the work. The heart loves, but it is the mind that decides whether the person is worth loving or not. Haven't you ever fallen for the wrong person? You cannot live on "just" love.
clandestinidad Posted February 11, 2006 Posted February 11, 2006 when you love someone, you just feel it and the rest should come effortlessly You'd think that would make sense, huh....but it doesnt happen that way because people start analyzing and worrying and freaking out about various things, and convince themselves otherwise rather than just letting it flow. And they determine that they dont want to put anything into someone, for those various reasons, and it automatically shuts down the feelings they had. Its the mind that changes it, not what the person feels....the mind can turn anything around.
HokeyReligions Posted February 11, 2006 Posted February 11, 2006 Love is NOT effortless. Its a choice made every day, every hour....
Becoming Posted February 11, 2006 Posted February 11, 2006 Love is NOT effortless. Its a choice made every day, every hour.... Yes. It's a decision to love (active verb, not feelings) rather than just feel so that when feelings change (as they constantly do) you're outta here instead of continuing to care for another's wellbeing as much as yours. Love is a commitment to care (active verb, not feeling state) for another when you'd rather be self-centered. Until you get to that state, you don't really love; you like and/or lust, but don't really love.
7on Posted February 11, 2006 Posted February 11, 2006 Well if love is a decision, why can't I decide to not have those butterflies?
Outcast Posted February 11, 2006 Posted February 11, 2006 Well if love is a decision, why can't I decide to not have those butterflies? Because you're still a victim of your chemistry. Give it 6-9 months.
descartes Posted February 11, 2006 Posted February 11, 2006 Well if love is a decision, why can't I decide to not have those butterflies? "Butterflies" are the biochemistry of your body telling you that the person who inspires them in you is a suitable mate. But love is not an autonomic response. This is how it is so easy for us to confuse sexual feelings with feelings of love. Really, wouldn't it be horrible if people could just reduce love to biochemical responses in the brain?
cugo999 Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 Love between a man and a woman does not exist. For me there is no love..we are all confused with our raging hormones and think that what we are feeling is love. I trully wonder if true love ever exist..why then is it so hurting..so cruel and make us sleepless, alwys wondering. I hate it all, if that what love is.
jerbear Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 "Butterflies" are the biochemistry of your body telling you that the person who inspires them in you is a suitable mate. But love is not an autonomic response. This is how it is so easy for us to confuse sexual feelings with feelings of love. Really, wouldn't it be horrible if people could just reduce love to biochemical responses in the brain? I like the way you chose descartes as a name, decartes as a philosopher in regards to love. Interesting... Here is what I think for descartes, endorphins mixed with pheromones and sexuality. Now what I really think is pretty much something that hits you all at once and just happens. Love is: Emotional, getting that good feeling being with the person, getting those butterflies in the stomach before doing something, pheromones!, hormones, chemicals, psychological, doing something nice JUST BECAUSE, sometimes forgetting your name, thinking about the person, someone you miss, side swipes you out of nowhere, being with someone long enough, sometimes you just don't get it, sometimes you don't know why, it can happen while dreaming, it can happen at an epiphany. Sometimes it just happens. Logically you can't figure it out.
jerbear Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 Love between a man and a woman does not exist. For me there is no love..we are all confused with our raging hormones and think that what we are feeling is love. I trully wonder if true love ever exist..why then is it so hurting..so cruel and make us sleepless, alwys wondering. I hate it all, if that what love is. Love is a process that one goes thru, it gets sent to you, you pursue it, or some love is never returned. There are different levels of love ranging from parent/child, siblings, friendship, LTR, STR, romantic love, and much more. Some are builtin from birth and some are just as you say hormones and sleepness nights. The one everyone is talking about is the human condition of being with someone and connecting with someone. Part of the human need. Notice that human beings have mostly twos of everything? Love is not easy, sometimes it just happens.
quankanne Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 You bite back the snarky remark hee ... had to read through that one twice, because I saw "snarky remarky" the first time ... must ... get ... more ... caffeine .... you're right, though, it's a decision you make every time you have the option to act otherwise, or when you're feeling that maybe it's just not living up to your expectations (and that happens even when you've been with someone for years on end, be it friend, family or lover). I trully wonder if true love ever exist..why then is it so hurting..so cruel and make us sleepless, alwys wondering. I hate it all, if that what love is. there's a wonderful line Debra Winger has in "Shadowlands," as she's dying and she tells her husband something like, "Part of the happiness now is the pain that comes later." Love is not without pain, but when you give yourself over to love, you realize that pain doesn't necessarily destroy you, but makes you stronger, because you grow emotionally. Some people choose to hang on to the pain or the hurt and deny themselves love, and their lives are that much poorer because of it. would I willingly choose the pain – whether to inflict or receive it? No. But I choose not to let it stunt me when it does happen. And that's all part of choosing to love someone. You trust that love you feel is greater than any hurt that may come with it; however, you also understand there's a difference between sickness (psycho love) and healthy love.
riobikini Posted February 14, 2006 Posted February 14, 2006 RE: FreeLove: " Love is a decision? I've noticed that a lot of people on these threads are saying that loving someone is a decision. Maybe I am misunderstanding, but when you love someone, you just feel it and the rest should come effortlessly. Please would someone elaborate on it being a decision. " I guess it's best explained like taking the last ride out of a city about to be wiped out by a hurricane or something, -you hop in the pick-up all happy and thankful, at first, but then, on down the road, you find out you're riding with a psychopath. You decide if you want to take your chances walking, or stay with the ride. It's a decision. You may have been mentally and emotionally committed to the whole idea before, but now, -it's just you figuring out where your best hope for survival might lie. This picture may be a little extreme, -but I think it cuts a clear enough path through the obvious confusion and horse manure to let you see the weight of the dilemma. -Rio
Extra Truth Posted February 15, 2006 Posted February 15, 2006 You bite back the snarky remark hee ... had to read through that one twice, because I saw "snarky remarky" the first time ... must ... get ... more ... caffeine .... you're right, though, it's a decision you make every time you have the option to act otherwise, or when you're feeling that maybe it's just not living up to your expectations (and that happens even when you've been with someone for years on end, be it friend, family or lover). I trully wonder if true love ever exist..why then is it so hurting..so cruel and make us sleepless, alwys wondering. I hate it all, if that what love is. there's a wonderful line Debra Winger has in "Shadowlands," as she's dying and she tells her husband something like, "Part of the happiness now is the pain that comes later." Love is not without pain, but when you give yourself over to love, you realize that pain doesn't necessarily destroy you, but makes you stronger, because you grow emotionally. Some people choose to hang on to the pain or the hurt and deny themselves love, and their lives are that much poorer because of it. would I willingly choose the pain – whether to inflict or receive it? No. But I choose not to let it stunt me when it does happen. And that's all part of choosing to love someone. You trust that love you feel is greater than any hurt that may come with it; however, you also understand there's a difference between sickness (psycho love) and healthy love. Obviously you don't understand the self-love involved with masochism and the love of pain, especially when it involves the certainty that a love is true, and even more so, when you, I, believe absolutely in the possibility of a perfect love with someone, bound in pain, bound in hurt and possbility. I'm talking about a love that is not easy, that is not simple and sugary, that is based on the principle of drama, and the extreme passions ans possibilities of love--it 's hot, it's cruel, and it's infinite. That kind of love is a happy disease and I am inflicted, unwittingly, or not, by a love I've lost, but am willingly to happily, and in misery, suffer until I have the chance to earn it back. Most don't understand slave and master, sadist and masochist, sexuality, yet, I believe that most love that runs a wreck has some element of this. Without a doubt, this is the most f#@ked up Valetine's Day I've ever had. But I like pain, a healthy one, like this, and would never trade it in for anything. Now, for the Puritans and others on this site--not to start a religious war---but,, no amount of God, or other deity, is going to break my view down that Love is a choice, a flame, a Big Bang, a grand dance of seduction, that is not over until everyone is dead (and sex is something else) but you gotta have guts, and faith in your own convictions about who you love, to ever have a chance at a second one. You have to see your lost love in the arms of another lover, and accept them back, without any blow to your pride, and accept the disgust you feel in the arms of a lover you don't want, while nonetheless satisfying the hydraulic needs of your own libidom all the while knowing you are in love with your True Love. Casual no-strings attached sex is probably the way to survive here. Just don't give up on you and yours, accept the pain that comes with faith, and don't hold back on living. Anyone dig here? Is this a blue or red site? Bush or Kerry....but I digress. I think that, it takes a certain flexibility to accept someone back into your life that has left you for better odds, and fundamentally, that reconcilation will be based on keeping, and not keeping, score. I am so devestatingly in love with my ex, and she is with someone else tonight. I would take her back because pride is not an issue. Love is. And I accept this mistake/state of affairs, and acceot the carnal nature of people. Nonetheless, I believe in her, and I believe in us. So as she satisfies herself, so I will I, to equal the score in our minds so to speak with pumping, humping, blowing, eating, etc., for psychological and abatement reasons, accepting the nature of jealousy and sexuality. No matter what, my love is brave, and for her it has not changed, and never will. Time does not heal all. Believe what you believe, and if who you believe you love is worth it, never let go. Your odds are 50-50 until they marry, and given some time, and opportunity, I think Love wins all. Don't let the quiters speak for you, especially if you know who you are dealing with. And if you are wrong in th future, so be it, but for now, realize, that if loving is wrong, you don't want to be right, because that is the road to comprise, settling for second best, lving in in fear, and worse. Good luck all in your quest for true love. It does exist. If you are certain about the quality of the person you love, don't quit until YOU FEEL YOU MUST QUIT, and ACCEPT PAIN as part of the process. Blessings ET
riobikini Posted February 18, 2006 Posted February 18, 2006 FreeLove, See the below thread link for more explaination on how loving someone, (or choosing not to), can, indeed, be a decision, after all. -Rio http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=716710#post716710post716710
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