Author CryingCanuck Posted July 18, 2008 Author Share Posted July 18, 2008 I FILED Folks.... Asked my lawyer this morning to get the papers on the road to my freedom. Now get this Y'all, I told the HEX last Monday that I want to file and get this train wreck over with, I asked her to simply not contest it to just let it take it's course. She then asks me if it will have anything to do with our Separation agreement, I tell her that no it won't ( she hates it she feels she gave up something in it but doesn;t knwo what) NOW for the divorce, the only thing is that I may hit a snag in that both our boys live with me and the lawyer is concerned that because the sep agreement doesn't touch on it since one is 22 the other 20, and they are both in College, my lawyer is concerned that the courts may insist that we firm up the Sep agreement to ensure the boys are looked after... I told me HEX that she asked me to wait a day so she can think about it, well she calls two days later and tell (get this) MY SON that I can go ahead and file for divorce THE B**ch.. So yesterday she calls again and tells me she wants to fight the sep agreement and hense will also fight the divorce, I think all night, toss and turn and today called my lawyer and told her to file the papers regardless of what the bee with the ITCH thinks. I'm thinking she won't fight it she won't lift a finger.. So we'll see in the end who is right... Link to post Share on other sites
TrustInYourself Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 I envy your resolve. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CryingCanuck Posted July 18, 2008 Author Share Posted July 18, 2008 Thanks TrustInyourself.. My resolve comes from the fact that this made in HELL-o person who I once loved dearly and went to hell and back for, is only out for herself and generally always was. This afternoon I sat down with my sons, told them of my decision and also told them that if their mother does actually fight the divorce and the Separation agreement, I will have no alternative but to spill the sad sick story in court.. The boys know a lot of it already, she exposed them to it, but they don't know it all. I'm just so tired of living in this limbo, I know in some ways I'm taking a hell of a risk but if it's not now, it will be eventually, and I think now is the best time so I can properly prepare for a fight on my own terms not on hers. Link to post Share on other sites
TrustInYourself Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 Thanks TrustInyourself.. My resolve comes from the fact that this made in HELL-o person who I once loved dearly and went to hell and back for, is only out for herself and generally always was. This afternoon I sat down with my sons, told them of my decision and also told them that if their mother does actually fight the divorce and the Separation agreement, I will have no alternative but to spill the sad sick story in court.. The boys know a lot of it already, she exposed them to it, but they don't know it all. I'm just so tired of living in this limbo, I know in some ways I'm taking a hell of a risk but if it's not now, it will be eventually, and I think now is the best time so I can properly prepare for a fight on my own terms not on hers. Exactly, that's not selfish. It's about self-preservation. It's about your health and your son's health. It's about your happiness. Be proud of yourself, I can't do what you are doing because of my emotions. I love my wife more than myself still. Best of luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 Good for you, Canuck. :bunny: It's high time you got on with your fine self! Lord knows, you gave that woman every opportunity to pull her head out of her hindquarters. You were kinder than what she deserved when she was in trouble. And although I know it won't stop her from bitching and acting like a victim.... you've been quite gallant throughout the ordeal. Don't let her under your skin. Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted July 19, 2008 Share Posted July 19, 2008 CC, good for you!! I dont think you are taking any risk at all! Truth of the matter is, you guys are only married on paper. I dont consider that a marriage. She left the marriage a while ago. All you are doing is cleaning up the mess and doing what needs to be done. Good for you! You defintiely do not need any more ties to this woman (except for your kids). There's no point in remaining married on paper and letting her reap the rewards of both worlds. Finalize it. Get it done. And then start your new life looking out for you again! Link to post Share on other sites
Author CryingCanuck Posted July 19, 2008 Author Share Posted July 19, 2008 HEX calls, tells me that if I proceed with divorce proceedings she doesn;t know what she will do.. I tell her to relax, this is what she was working for the past three years and that her phoney threats only make the process that much easier for me and makes my resolve all that much stronger. I for the life of me don't understand her, she's in a relationship living with another man, she knows I want all ties broken, she knows I feel absolutely nothing for her anymore that our life together has ended that I will never take her back that she has destroyed all feelings I had for her other than distain yet she fights the idea of divorce. I know she is worried she will be left with next to nothing if it goes to court, I'm prepared to give her half of the share of the house proceeds just so that she will go away forever, but I've been told that HEX's never really go away forever they always seem to come back for more..I fully expect to have to provide her with something in support even iuf she's living with another person, how much is anyones guess, I would like to negotiate it but to do that you have to be able to sit in the same room and she is 400 miles away from me. So there lies a lot of the problems, will they get rectified? who the hell knows, All I knwo is that since I finally made the decision about filing, seems like I have to hide formt he phone.... Oh well, C'est la vie Link to post Share on other sites
SingleDad Posted July 19, 2008 Share Posted July 19, 2008 Wow - CryingCanuck - you have been separated for more than 2 1/2 years ? You certainly have been resilient through your separation and not giving up. I may try to read the full history of your thread to fully see your perseverence and understand what I may also put myself through. I have been a strong advocate of hoping for reconciliation to keep a family together. And for having perseverence - you have done your part for 2 1/2 years. Your wife lives 400 miles away and has BF. I think you have done your part. I agree - It is time to move on. Good Luck. Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted July 19, 2008 Share Posted July 19, 2008 I for the life of me don't understand her, she's in a relationship living with another man, she knows I want all ties broken, she knows I feel absolutely nothing for her anymore that our life together has ended that I will never take her back that she has destroyed all feelings I had for her other than distain yet she fights the idea of divorce. When I asked a mutual friend of mine and my ex's why my exh wasnt filing and why *I* had to file for a divorce I never wanted, he simply said "Your h doesnt want a divorce. He just doesnt want to be _married_ to you. And right now, he's not married to you" It's an interesting perception on marriage and divorce. Your wife is doing the same thing. Your wife isnt married to you. She's with another man, she's living her "freedom". She (like my ex) doesnt want to be the bad guy and actually do the dirty work. They are selfish. ALL they care about is their wants, their needs, their welfare, and their guilt. By you filing, she can at least take less blame/guilt about actually filing. They have everything they already want, and so there is no incentive for them to file. Selfish SOB's! But I also suspect she has you as her backup plan. She wants to remain financially linked to you in case she needs you to support her. That's definitely NOT fair. When my lawyer advised me to file, he said it's better if I file as then we'll be in control of the divorce proceedings. It was the BEST move I ever made! Have you been supporting your wife for the last few years? If NOT, then perhaps you could use this fact to your advantage of not providing alimony. Alimony is only suppose to go to spouses who cannot support themselves. I was definitely not entitled to any alimony support, nor would I have accepted it from the asshat either, as I had my own decent paying job. If she's been living on her own for the last 2(?) years without your support, then you can prove she can indeed support herself, and her standard of living hasnt gone "down" as she's been content to live like this for the last 2 years already. Talk to a laywer! Find one who can keep the situation as civil as possible, but also someone who CAN fight if it does indeed have to come to that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CryingCanuck Posted July 19, 2008 Author Share Posted July 19, 2008 My lawyer gave me the worst case scenario and I can handle that, but I would hate to, simply because I really don't think I should give my HEX one cent more than I absolutely have to. I will have to fork over money for a portion of my pension and a few other things that are considered assets but let me tell you it will be so worth it. And of course the house.. As far as your comment about the HEX being selfish and not wanting to be the one to do it YOU'RE BANG ON the way I bet she looks at it is this, she doesn't want to be a two time loser as she calls it ( married before me) and since she is the one who totally destroyed our family (thank god she left thank you) I guess she just hasn't the guts to do the final thing, but that's OK I'm so there now, it tood a while and Dgirl you were always there to kick me in the butt telling me I have to eventually face it and pull that plug life support was failing and the quality of life just wasn't there.. SO the plug has been pulled and now I guess the stress starts all over but a light at the end of the tunnel is shining so bright. AND youre also right about the divorce being in my control I can decide certain things and leave the other party waiting and wondering... Feels good actually... My "friend" is totally soo supportive of what I'm doing and told me a few times that if my HEX takes me to the cleaners I can get re-dirty with her LOL Gee whatever does that mean? Link to post Share on other sites
Darth Vader Posted July 20, 2008 Share Posted July 20, 2008 Why should you have to pay the HEX? She's the one who left?! Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted July 20, 2008 Share Posted July 20, 2008 I agree with the division of martial assets such as the house, 401K's, IRA's etc. But pensions? Hell no! I had one of my Marines that made WO (Warrant Officer) imgaine his X's surprise when he just walked away from a 20 year carrer in the Marines rather than give her half of his retirement. (Just because you did 20+ years in the American military doesn't mean you have to retire.) Glad to see your taking and making the steps to get your Life back on track CC. It sounds as though your ready for the next phase of your Life and are ready to "Get up and get the "get down" feeling and ~ GET THE 'GET-DOWN' feeling going on! Link to post Share on other sites
ilmw Posted July 20, 2008 Share Posted July 20, 2008 Good for you CC! I know we come from the same camp of Divorce is the last option. But you among many have done all you could ever do! You gave... she took... and took...etc! I know if I was in the same situation... and what you have been through... I would do the same thing. Good luck...man Ilmw Link to post Share on other sites
Author CryingCanuck Posted July 20, 2008 Author Share Posted July 20, 2008 All this crap really is the beginning of the end of this road trip, I remember all the times I heard people say how they couldnt; wait for their divorce to finalize, I used to think, WOW you obviously never loved that person how could you if you can;t wait to get your divorce. I think, I proved my love for my HEX but I guess eventually you get worn down to the point where the only real closure is the one that the courts say it's OVER and thank god... Gunny, here in Canada a pension is treated exactly like a house, car, boats and anything else of value, it's a shared thing it goes both ways, an investment so to speak and at the end of a realionship that investment becomes a capital asset meaning she gets 1/2 of what was put into it for the time she LOl made that investment.. They are usually settled by giving the other something of close to equal value, problem is in a marriage that has lasted 22 years, she get 22% of that pension which would make it worth something close to a hundred K . So I fight like tooth and nail for the table scraps and she gets 22% of what I invested during the marriage, Fair NO but it's the law ! ! ! Thanks for your input ILMW always welcome. and the rest too, will be needing some support in the next while... Link to post Share on other sites
sumdude Posted July 21, 2008 Share Posted July 21, 2008 I know when I was working out the details of my D that my retirement fund could have been considered a marital asset and divided. Thing is the marriage didn't last liong enough so that wasn't an issue. So at least in Virginia any asset that was gained by either party during the marriage is considered a marital asset. Good luck CC , it's been a long haul for you on this road. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CryingCanuck Posted November 20, 2013 Author Share Posted November 20, 2013 My last post appears to be in 2009 well fast forward to 2013, if you can believe this I finally got that long wanted divorce, this past February and it took more and more patience and dislike of my HEX..... Now the feeling is just neutral, I don't dislike her I don't think of her in the least, I've beenin a permanent relationship with another woman for the past 6 years and we're having our "own" house built this fall and winter. Had I knows how difficult in the end my HEX would make it to get that divorce I would have filed on 2005 as soon as we split.... She's the one that left I tried to get things fixed in the end I have to apply for the divorce she was quite happy to remain married but separated.... Fought me hand and fist over getting divorced until she finally had to accept the facts I DO NOT CARE FOR YOU in the least you left I have moved on. Anyway to newly separated guys and gals out there, good luck to you I only hope you never have to deal with the garbage I put up with for SOOOO many years..... THE END No longer a question :-) CC 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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