Touche Posted February 5, 2006 Share Posted February 5, 2006 Wise decision, Content. I'm glad you decided not to go to lunch with him. As far as what you say about the fact that sometimes he's nicer than other times, well LOTS of bosses are this way. It may have nothing whatsoever to do with you. Maybe you're right that it does but don't worry about it. A lot of bosses are this way anyway, as I said. Just keep doing your job and being professional and you'll have no problem. In time, he may stop with the flirtation, if you give him no encouragement. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Content10 Posted February 5, 2006 Author Share Posted February 5, 2006 Touche'-I definitely have some sanity when I am cold to him. He backs off for a while. I am naturally outgoing and I'm sure that's what he's drawn to BUT I also know who to tone it down to. I'm really hoping that this is all due to that he respects my dedication to my position. I know you think that I'm not getting it but like you said I could be in denial. Sami-I'm not going to go because I'm ssccaarreedd...ha Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted February 5, 2006 Share Posted February 5, 2006 No, it does sound like you do get it Content. I think deep down you DO know what this is all about. And yes, tone it down if you have to. It sounds like it will benefit you to do that around him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Content10 Posted February 5, 2006 Author Share Posted February 5, 2006 thanks and take care Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted February 5, 2006 Share Posted February 5, 2006 ssccaarreedd???? you shouldn't if you know yourself and your boundaries really well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Content10 Posted February 5, 2006 Author Share Posted February 5, 2006 sami-wow you're tough and quick to the point. I guess I say I'm scared because I don't want to put myself in a situation like that. First, I would think that everyone would notice that we're both missing. 2nd-is he really going to say something? aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh the unknown. Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted February 5, 2006 Share Posted February 5, 2006 Waw!!! that makes it even more complex. Is that the only reason you're not going Ms "deeper"?. What about dinner then?. No one will see or say anything. You're both overachievers working late that day(s)???. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted February 5, 2006 Share Posted February 5, 2006 Forget any meals together and let it stay in the realm of the unknown (even though I KNOW you KNOW already!) Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted February 5, 2006 Share Posted February 5, 2006 You got it my friend. Hope it'll stay there. I think early dinners may be a possiblity then. Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted February 5, 2006 Share Posted February 5, 2006 sami-wow you're tough and quick to the point. I guess I say I'm scared because I don't want to put myself in a situation like that. First, I would think that everyone would notice that we're both missing. 2nd-is he really going to say something? aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh the unknown. If you REALLY want to know and work on a relationship with your boss, transfer to another department or division before you do it. Coming from an HR background and being thru a workplace romance; this is one road you don't want to trek down. There is a saying "you don't sh*t where you eat" It is hell. There are rules on workplace dating and collusion. Also if he is putting pressure on you, it is sexual harrassment regardless of who is at fault. If you are missing a feeling, well transfer out first before going to an office romance/affair. talk to your husband first about your needs. If your boss is causing you anquish, it is now sexual harrassment based on hostile work environment. If you don't want anymore to happen after 1 year, don't If you are energetic and he is pushing you to the sack, well back off and brush off his advances, report it to HR. If you speak he has to stop. I have to disagree with Sami on going out for a dinner or finding your innerself in this aspect. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted February 5, 2006 Share Posted February 5, 2006 Jerbear, he's MUCH more subtle than what you're talking about. At least it appears that way to me. That's why Content isn't 100% sure of it. He's not completely obvious about it. This shouldn't even be an issue. Stay professional, avoid lunch and ESPECIALLY dinner (early or otherwise) with him and there will be no problem. Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted February 5, 2006 Share Posted February 5, 2006 Who told you she's not interested in meeting him over in a resturant. There's something more "deeper" into this than you may think. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted February 5, 2006 Share Posted February 5, 2006 No, Sami. Go back and read through. She realizes it's playing with fire. Why are you pushing for her to have lunch/dinner with him? It's not in her best interest to do that, IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted February 5, 2006 Share Posted February 5, 2006 Jerbear, he's MUCH more subtle than what you're talking about. At least it appears that way to me. That's why Content isn't 100% sure of it. He's not completely obvious about it the issue. This shouldn't even be an issue. Stay professional, avoid lunch and ESPECIALLY dinner (early or otherwise) with him and there will be no problem. The subtle issue is very true but from my angle, I see what he is doing. He is not doing lunch or dinner because he can approach her in his office in front of another person (ie. HR, advocate, lawyer, etc...) to voice his concerns. Having lunch or dinner is another issue. Content did mention in one post about him being outgoing and she being more sane when he is not around. Staying professional in this case will not work and he can do other things. Content can live with it and oneday just quit out of anguish, give in, or curioustiy; then not do a thing. The boss' actions is not conducive to a professional environment and should not take place. Lunch and/or dinner as a pair should be avoided. I'm taking the stance of protecting her with a secondary stance of protecting the employer. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted February 5, 2006 Share Posted February 5, 2006 No, but he's been trying to get her to go to lunch. At least that's what I think Content said. I don't agree with you. I think staying professional and neutral will stop this. If he has no encouragement, I doubt he'll go further with his flirtations. Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted February 5, 2006 Share Posted February 5, 2006 Who told you she's not interested in meeting him over in a resturant. There's something more "deeper" into this than you may think. That is why I suggested transfering to another department or division. There are rules in regards to a boss fraternizing with subordinates. Since she needs the job, he is in a higher position to grant her more "wishes" if he so desires. She might get a negative or lower than usual review. That is an abuse. HR can not really intervene until something happens. Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted February 5, 2006 Share Posted February 5, 2006 No, but he's been trying to get her to go to lunch. At least that's what I think Content said. I don't agree with you. I think staying professional and neutral will stop this. If he has no encouragement, I doubt he'll go further with his flirtations. I disagree but it has been going on for about 1 year. Content can stay professional and see if he stops; if he doesn't... hostile environment sexual harrassment. It is subtle. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted February 5, 2006 Share Posted February 5, 2006 Yes, subtle and hard to prove. I mean even she's not sure what's going on. I could be wrong, but I don't think she's all that bothered by it. She's curious about his intentions more than anything else. I think it's a dead issue. Sounds like Content knows how to handle this now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Content10 Posted February 5, 2006 Author Share Posted February 5, 2006 jerbear is correct that he continually says things to me in my office and a lot of times in front of my employess. they just laugh or keep working. sami I would never have dinner with him. if he asked I would definitely know what he's up to. I stay late at work, he doesn't. touche' I'm curious by his actions-yes I'm surprised by the way that he treats me that no one has ever said anything but we are in a fast paced enviroment and everyone is extremely busy Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 What about this folks!!!!???? Read and reflect please. I'm glad you're not going out with him. I commend you for that. Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 The truth of the matter is that you always know the right thing to do. The hard part is doing it. - Norman Schwarzkopf Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 What about this folks!!!!???? Read and reflect please. I'm glad you're not going out with him. I commend you for that. I concurr 100%. The truth of the matter is that you always know the right thing to do. The hard part is doing it. - Norman Schwarzkopf One of the great leaders of our time in my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Content10 Posted February 10, 2006 Author Share Posted February 10, 2006 Well, hope you all have had a great week. Tomorrow's Friday!!! My boss has not asked me to lunch-yeah...but a couple of days ago he kicked me in the butt and I just kept walking. He was needy that day. He just wouldn't stop teasing me. Now, that last couple of days he's been fine for the most part. I hope you see why I've had ?'s. He is truly confusing and trying to understand him is merely impossible. Link to post Share on other sites
sami Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 "but a couple of days ago he kicked me in the butt and I just kept walking". Isn't that something you LSers???? Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 Do you like this behavior? Do you want it to continue? If you do, then ignore it. He'll keep right on with it. If you do not like it, and do not want it to continue, then document each time he does it and file a complaint with HR. Just curious, have you shared this information with your husband? Link to post Share on other sites
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