Crack Abuse

[Ladywithafan]

Last night was the last straw...sister gave him $20 and you know what happened...then came...later on...I'll make you a deal...can I borrow your car...I'm feeling like this is not "Deal or No Deal"...so, although I had a few sparks (drinks), I was not drunk enough to go along with anything and I made that clear. I got mad (around 2 a.m.), left in my truck called my mom & told her the WHOLE story...i.e. drugs...she called my boyfriend's parents & left a message. His sister called me this morning and I told her the truth...my mom said that he needs to get out of my house...not that we can't see each other but that he needs to get himself together...somewhere else. He has no job, no car, and no money...I don't know what's happened since I left the house this morning at 8...Any thoughts?

[Ladywithafan]

Last night was the last straw...sister gave him $20 and you know what happened...then came...later on...I'll make you a deal...can I borrow your car...I'm feeling like this is not "Deal or No Deal"...so, although I had a few sparks (drinks), I was not drunk enough to go along with anything and I made that clear. I got mad (around 2 a.m.), left in my truck called my mom & told her the WHOLE story...i.e. drugs...she called my boyfriend's parents & left a message. His sister called me this morning and I told her the truth...my mom said that he needs to get out of my house...not that we can't see each other but that he needs to get himself together...somewhere else. He has no job, no car, and no money...I don't know what's happened since I left the house this morning at 8...Any thoughts?

 

 

Apparently, no one from his family called him all day...he called me at work about 4:45...no mention of anything until I got call on way home...I told him that I talked to his sister in the morning...he called me a drunk *** yeah, 3 drinks does not turn me into the tazmanian devil...someone (he he) already took that job...

 

So, went home, where was my love, on couch w/ESPN going...friends had already invited me for dinner but I had to deal with my bf. Went & got dinner for 2 of us & then left...got my lotto tickets & a valium...came home & went to bed.

 

He was extremely pissed about what I did. Well, I love him & I'm not playing his game with his family anymore. Let him tell the truth for once. He said he was going out on the island today & getting a job either waiting tables or doing something...isn't it funny that it's taken 9 mo. to get this reaction? or, he said he's leaving...guess that shows his love for me...I felt like crying on the way home because as I felt awful about what I did....but after seeing the look on his face, there was no need for me to cry for him...he doesn't give a f**k...

 

Going out with a girlfriend tonight to the Museum in Sarasota & relax...

[Poconobob]

Apparently, no one from his family called him all day...he called me at work about 4:45...no mention of anything until I got call on way home...I told him that I talked to his sister in the morning...he called me a drunk *** yeah, 3 drinks does not turn me into the tazmanian devil...someone (he he) already took that job...

 

So, went home, where was my love, on couch w/ESPN going...friends had already invited me for dinner but I had to deal with my bf. Went & got dinner for 2 of us & then left...got my lotto tickets & a valium...came home & went to bed.

 

He was extremely pissed about what I did. Well, I love him & I'm not playing his game with his family anymore. Let him tell the truth for once. He said he was going out on the island today & getting a job either waiting tables or doing something...isn't it funny that it's taken 9 mo. to get this reaction? or, he said he's leaving...guess that shows his love for me...I felt like crying on the way home because as I felt awful about what I did....but after seeing the look on his face, there was no need for me to cry for him...he doesn't give a f**k...

 

Going out with a girlfriend tonight to the Museum in Sarasota & relax...

 

 

I'm soooooooo proud of you, not that you need someone telling you that, you should be proud, not just upset. The upset part, I understand, but remember, HE DIDN'T SAY IT, it was the devil that was talking, of course he was pissed, you brought allthis in the open, and someone has to pay!

 

It NEVER is the fault of the user except for periods of low self esteem during a sober period when they acknowledge the using. Otherwise, forget it, you can never win with an addict, a true addict cannot say no, cannot stop without intervention, without help.

 

If you lived to live this way, what life would it be? NOTHING, just one sided love of someone you've become co-dependent for, you've become his keeper, you've shown your love, now it is ME time for you and I'm glad you get out.

 

 

 

THIS IS A NOTE FROM MY PSYCHOLOGIST, I spoke to him today and mentioned this topic we've been talking about and he said "oh ya" how is she? He said to tell you to go to ALANON it is for you, not him. Even if you go to one or two meetings, you'll be feeling better for it.

 

Also, if you want to have an appointment, PM me and I'll give you the name/number of the doctor, he is ultra cool by the way. The problem is, he books out like 6 weeks plus in advance but for a new patient, you get in fairly soon.

AND ... if need be, you can have one of my appointments, I mean it!

 

He is in Largo, Fl..

 

Did you get a chance to read my other posts? One got placed too far back in the text, it is before these last two of yours.

 

Anyway, I gotta go to work, fun fun ...

 

Speaking of work, going out to the island, getting a job is only 1/10th of the problem because next will be POOF where did the check go.

 

I personally would kick them out, them as in the friends, and ultimately it is your parents house and what they say goes... even if it is him.

 

You need and I dare say NEED to talk about this with someone, someone who understands, not just a new gf... okay?

 

I hope you are taking this all in stride, you should, you are on the right track!!!

 

You'll make it!

 

bob

[Ladywithafan]

THIS IS A NOTE FROM MY PSYCHOLOGIST, I spoke to him today and mentioned this topic we've been talking about and he said "oh ya" how is she? He said to tell you to go to ALANON it is for you, not him. Even if you go to one or two meetings, you'll be feeling better for it.

 

Also, if you want to have an appointment, PM me and I'll give you the name/number of the doctor, he is ultra cool by the way. The problem is, he books out like 6 weeks plus in advance but for a new patient, you get in fairly soon.

AND ... if need be, you can have one of my appointments, I mean it!

I would love to see someone...it's not like I haven't used before but you know a user likes company and I do not want to anymore...

He is in Largo, Fl..

 

Did you get a chance to read my other posts? One got placed too far back in the text, it is before these last two of yours.

I have gone back and read all of the posts; and after this weekend, I will reread....

Anyway, I gotta go to work, fun fun ...

 

Speaking of work, going out to the island, getting a job is only 1/10th of the problem because next will be POOF where did the check go.

 

 

This will be the hard part...he'll want to keep part of the check for a party fund...I don't know how to deal with this...

I personally would kick them out, them as in the friends, and ultimately it is your parents house and what they say goes... even if it is him.

We live in a duplex at the beach...it's not either of our homes but my name is on the lease.

My mom would love to have me come back to her but also knows that I love being close to the beach; hurricane season, if it's bad may make the choice easier??? lol

You need and I dare say NEED to talk about this with someone, someone who understands, not just a new gf... okay?

I don't want to bother my new friend with this problem...not necessary, we have too much fun together; but I do need to see a professional. Since I've used in the past but do not consider myself an addict as even faced with friends using in front of me, I've said no. I've never been one to do the 24/3 day thing ...once it was gone it's gone...but he can't always do this....do you think I need any rehab for myself ... or is just staying away from users it? As far as my alcohol use, yes maybe alanon would be good.?

 

I hope you are taking this all in stride, you should, you are on the right track!!!

 

I know I'm on the right track...it's tough because I can't use my alcohol use to destress because he try's to take advantage of me in that situation; getting loose is not good whith him around. But, getting out once a week with my friends will be my saving grace...It helps to see that there are people, places and things to see & do!

 

I can't pm as I don't have that feature...could you send me a pm with the info?

[blind_otter]

I don't want to bother my new friend with this problem...not necessary, we have too much fun together; but I do need to see a professional. Since I've used in the past but do not consider myself an addict as even faced with friends using in front of me, I've said no. I've never been one to do the 24/3 day thing ...once it was gone it's gone...but he can't always do this....do you think I need any rehab for myself ... or is just staying away from users it? As far as my alcohol use, yes maybe alanon would be good.?

 

 

I know I'm on the right track...it's tough because I can't use my alcohol use to destress because he try's to take advantage of me in that situation; getting loose is not good whith him around. But, getting out once a week with my friends will be my saving grace...It helps to see that there are people, places and things to see & do!

 

If you don't have PMs, you can't receive PMs.

 

Alanon is not for alcoholics. AA is. I don't go to Alanon because it's not a loved one who is an addict, it's me.

 

I never used 24/7 either. I would usually get high all night, sometimes for a few days in a row, but I held down jobs for the most part. I was sober for months at a time sometimes. But still an addict. I got my undergraduate degree in psychology. All the time, using. WHen I told my friends and family that I was in AA many were surprised. THey thought i had "A hold" on my addiction.

 

The thing is that addiction is NOT ABOUT THE SUBSTANCE. You can be an addict and NOT CURRENTLY USE THE DRUG.

 

It's about your relationship with substances. IMO you're still an addict. You're addicted to your relationship with this man who basically has nothing to offer you right now, but something to focus your attention on. Codependecy. No normal person would tolerate a little tiny bit of what you seem to think is totally tolerable. That's a huge red flag.

 

But whatever I'm just typing this for myself.

 

There's a guy in my AA group who was sober for 5 YEARS before he went to a meeting. THought he wasn't an addict because he could quit. Turns out he is an addict/alcoholic. His life was miserable even after he quit and he had to use the 12 steps to turn his life around.

 

I keep reading your posts and it's like a slow motion train wreck. You totally don't see where you are going, but you keep going there anyways.

[electric_sheep]

I'm going to just jump onto the end of this thread. I havn't read it all.

 

A long time ago in another life I smoked crack cocaine ... not a lot, and not for long ... just smoking it a few times was enough to convince me of the sheer insanity and capacity for destruction of this drug (this from someone who use to eat 4 hits of acid and wash it down with a bottle of champage). Just from those few experiences, I cannot even imagine how it would be possible to form any kind of ligitimate or healthy relationship with a crack user.

 

Yes, just about any addiction can ruin your life. Nevertheless, there are gradations and levels of addiction, and it's better to be addicted to some things rather than other things. From my own experiences, and the few crack addicts I've known in my lifetime ... we all agree:

 

crack addiction (use) = madness + pain + suicide.

 

And as far as I'm concerned there is no such thing as casual crack use.

[Poconobob]

THIS IS A NOTE FROM MY PSYCHOLOGIST, I spoke to him today and mentioned this topic we've been talking about and he said "oh ya" how is she? He said to tell you to go to ALANON it is for you, not him. Even if you go to one or two meetings, you'll be feeling better for it.

 

Also, if you want to have an appointment, PM me and I'll give you the name/number of the doctor, he is ultra cool by the way. The problem is, he books out like 6 weeks plus in advance but for a new patient, you get in fairly soon.

AND ... if need be, you can have one of my appointments, I mean it!

I would love to see someone...it's not like I haven't used before but you know a user likes company and I do not want to anymore...

He is in Largo, Fl..

 

Did you get a chance to read my other posts? One got placed too far back in the text, it is before these last two of yours.

I have gone back and read all of the posts; and after this weekend, I will reread....

Anyway, I gotta go to work, fun fun ...

 

Speaking of work, going out to the island, getting a job is only 1/10th of the problem because next will be POOF where did the check go.

 

 

This will be the hard part...he'll want to keep part of the check for a party fund...I don't know how to deal with this...

I personally would kick them out, them as in the friends, and ultimately it is your parents house and what they say goes... even if it is him.

We live in a duplex at the beach...it's not either of our homes but my name is on the lease.

My mom would love to have me come back to her but also knows that I love being close to the beach; hurricane season, if it's bad may make the choice easier??? lol

You need and I dare say NEED to talk about this with someone, someone who understands, not just a new gf... okay?

I don't want to bother my new friend with this problem...not necessary, we have too much fun together; but I do need to see a professional. Since I've used in the past but do not consider myself an addict as even faced with friends using in front of me, I've said no. I've never been one to do the 24/3 day thing ...once it was gone it's gone...but he can't always do this....do you think I need any rehab for myself ... or is just staying away from users it? As far as my alcohol use, yes maybe alanon would be good.?

 

I hope you are taking this all in stride, you should, you are on the right track!!!

 

I know I'm on the right track...it's tough because I can't use my alcohol use to destress because he try's to take advantage of me in that situation; getting loose is not good whith him around. But, getting out once a week with my friends will be my saving grace...It helps to see that there are people, places and things to see & do!

 

I can't pm as I don't have that feature...could you send me a pm with the info?

 

 

 

 

 

YOUR pm option is turned off... so I'll post it here:

 

Dr. Gerald Boutin 727-518-7294 is the phone number... He is ULTRA cool with demanding you turn things around, very down to earth, and the office itself has taken care of some pretty known athletes, actors, etc.. not that they are better people but usually the athletes network to get the best doctors out there. The Psychiatrist is a guy named Dr. Ronald Knaus, he even has a few books out there, one of late is on meditation but foremost if you need meds, he is really good.

 

If you decide to give 'em a try, let me know and I'll do all I can to help

 

 

OH... with Alanon, it isn't for addicts, it is for PEOPLE who are loved ones of them.

 

And for alcohol, only you know if you need counseling, better yet, a doc could tell you.

 

One thing I was told is ... ask yourself, do you need IT or does IT need you in order to be used. What that means is does the drug run you or do you run it... do you choose to drink or do you need to drink in order to function.

 

I would say you'd be pretty damn normal if you'd start over. I can say it won't be easy because you are so used to taking care of him. Dr. can help with that too...

 

bob

[Poconobob]

If you don't have PMs, you can't receive PMs.

 

Alanon is not for alcoholics. AA is. I don't go to Alanon because it's not a loved one who is an addict, it's me.

 

I never used 24/7 either. I would usually get high all night, sometimes for a few days in a row, but I held down jobs for the most part. I was sober for months at a time sometimes. But still an addict. I got my undergraduate degree in psychology. All the time, using. WHen I told my friends and family that I was in AA many were surprised. THey thought i had "A hold" on my addiction.

 

The thing is that addiction is NOT ABOUT THE SUBSTANCE. You can be an addict and NOT CURRENTLY USE THE DRUG.

 

It's about your relationship with substances. IMO you're still an addict. You're addicted to your relationship with this man who basically has nothing to offer you right now, but something to focus your attention on. Codependecy. No normal person would tolerate a little tiny bit of what you seem to think is totally tolerable. That's a huge red flag.

 

But whatever I'm just typing this for myself.

 

There's a guy in my AA group who was sober for 5 YEARS before he went to a meeting. THought he wasn't an addict because he could quit. Turns out he is an addict/alcoholic. His life was miserable even after he quit and he had to use the 12 steps to turn his life around.

 

I keep reading your posts and it's like a slow motion train wreck. You totally don't see where you are going, but you keep going there anyways.

 

 

 

You know what there blind otter, I admit that now given the circumstances that she should kick him out whereas before if you recall I'd argued the point about not becuase he may do himself in... But in retrospect I looked at it partially from my own rose colored glasses as if I WERE in the shoes of the dude and that was incorrect thinkin.

Furthermore...

 

I used 24/7 from say Jan '05 to November 16th, 2005 literally 24 hours per day for days and days and days on end and got worse and worse, it started out $30 a day, then $60 then $100 then stayed at a huge amount from July to Nov. It took more and more to set off, worse yet, I wasted so much as I'd melt and melt to get a big hit and geeeezzzzzzzz what am I saying, it brings back bad memories. The devil's coctail is a killer!

 

I stopped abruptly and still don't actively pursue though occasionally I have an irrational thought when things go south but that is overcome by exercise.

 

OH... I asked my doctor if I am an addict, he said no... He said I was a user and wanted to escape from myself.

Why is that? I ran out of time and forgot to dig deeper into that subject, it came to me after I was asking about Ladywithafan's problem..

 

)

 

time to go to the gym...

 

bob

[blind_otter]

 

OH... I asked my doctor if I am an addict, he said no... He said I was a user and wanted to escape from myself.

Why is that? I ran out of time and forgot to dig deeper into that subject, it came to me after I was asking about Ladywithafan's problem..

 

)

 

time to go to the gym...

 

bob

 

I don't know, bob...all addicts are users who are trying to escape from themselves! What else would they be?

 

I think that those with addictive personalities probably never eradicate that from their personality. You just learn how to live with it and have to teach yourself different ways of coping.

 

Dry alcoholics, or addicts who quit using their drug of choice but never attempt to challenge themselves and face the things that they did to themselves and others while using, tend to find themselves in situations even after they quit using where they are in an emotional mess. It all comes down to learning how to look at yourself honestly and acceptingly.

[Ladywithafan]

I keep reading your posts and it's like a slow motion train wreck. You totally don't see where you are going, but you keep going there anyways

 

I've been looking at this situation for a while thinking something close to that...I did take a few graduate classes at USF/Sarasota a few years back, the first one being an addictions class. We had speakers/movies every week. One of the speakers was a woman who had a 20 crack habit. I can't find my info on it, but she worked on a book re: substance addiction. After the class I gave her a brief of my own situation; at that time my bf was incarcerated. She told me I was addicted to him, not drugs. My use for fun just got bad because of the way he handles his drug use. However, I didn't/don't like to get high...just did it for fun & see where I got...

 

And, I do feel that with my disclosure to his family, I have started back in the right direction for myself, while still letting him stay with me. He knows that if he does not get a job shortly; he will be out the door. His parents live five miles away so it's not like he doesn't have anywhere to go...however, I know they don't want him with them doing drugs...

 

[Ladywithafan]

This woman had a 20 year crack habit...and turned herself around...

[blind_otter]

Yeah you told them the situation and they didn't do s***.

 

My psychotic ex, who is serving time in prison for trying to kill a friend of mine after a weekend long crack binge, was the same way.

 

His Mom would cry to me about how she didn't want him on drugs, but she never did ANYTHING ABOUT IT. She was an enabler. I ended up getting a restraining order against both him and his mother.

 

I realized after a year that she allowed him to do it. She set up the dominos and now she wants to cry because they are falling in the direction she set them up?

 

It's a mistake to rely on the family. Ultimately this is about him - he is a grown man. Why would you expect his family to do anything? Why should they?

 

And yes, you are addicted to him, so get your ass to an ALANON meeting and that will probably feel like an hour long slap in the face, I'll be honest with you. They don't pull punches and they do tell you to get off the pity pot. But it does a lot of good.

 

My family exhausted themselves trying to get me sober. You know what? I got sober when I had to make the effort all by myself.

[blind_otter]

This woman had a 20 year crack habit...and turned herself around...

 

And this relates to your BF how?

 

This woman had a different life. A different childhood, different parents, different everything.

 

You're reaching. Don't lose your dignity and become pathetic over your addiction any more than you already have. Your addiction is trying to save this man. Get help.

[Poconobob]

This woman had a 20 year crack habit...and turned herself around...

 

 

I didn't know someone could live that long "using" that sh#t, her heart must be GONE.. I couldn't imagine the body after that long.

 

bob

[Ladywithafan]

OH... with Alanon, it isn't for addicts, it is for PEOPLE who are loved ones of them.

 

I'll look up where the meetings are in the Sarasota/Bradenton area before I leave work

And for alcohol, only you know if you need counseling, better yet, a doc could tell you.

 

If I have a drink or two, it's because I choose to do so...I do not need to drink...I do understand that...I had done an intake back three years ago and they gave me all these tests...drugs, drinking, mind...I didn't have a problem with anything according to them & I asked them, then, why did I get high with the bf & allow it...I know it's a codependency thing...I know I need help for that and I'm ready to get it...I took the phone # of your Dr. and will be making a phone call this week! Thank you

One thing I was told is ... ask yourself, do you need IT or does IT need you in order to be used. What that means is does the drug run you or do you run it... do you choose to drink or do you need to drink in order to function.

 

I would say you'd be pretty damn normal if you'd start over. I can say it won't be easy because you are so used to taking care of him. Dr. can help with that too...

[

 

I don't think I'm too bad right now...I sleep, I eat, I just feel that I need some extra help to deal with this situation at home. I love my job. My kids live out of state with my x-husband. BF is not allowed contact with them due to past; which is fine with me. So, I have all the time/space to devote to resolving my enabling stuff with the bf....making a new friend at the SSF was a plus as it opens my eyes again to people and life & doing things with friends each week gives me something to look forward to other than another weekend of upsetting moments...

 

[Ladywithafan]

Yeah you told them the situation and they didn't do s***.

 

His dad came to the front door Sat. morning as I was about to leave. Had gone to bed early fri. night (mid), got up, got paper, coffee & was ready to do errands...first thing he says "what the f*ck is going on?".....bf comes out of bedroom and proceeds to put it all on me that I was drunk and didn't know what I was talking about...dad asks if he's smoked in the past 10 days...he says no....later on, admits...

 

My psychotic ex, who is serving time in prison for trying to kill a friend of mine after a weekend long crack binge, was the same way.

 

His Mom would cry to me about how she didn't want him on drugs, but she never did ANYTHING ABOUT IT. She was an enabler. I ended up getting a restraining order against both him and his mother.

I realized after a year that she allowed him to do it. She set up the dominos and now she wants to cry because they are falling in the direction she set them up?

 

Dad finally becomes calm after about an hour and when he leaves, gives his son $$.....imagine that.....should have given it to me, or actually went to Publix & came in with some food....

It's a mistake to rely on the family. Ultimately this is about him - he is a grown man. Why would you expect his family to do anything? Why should they?

 

And yes, you are addicted to him, so get your ass to an ALANON meeting and that will probably feel like an hour long slap in the face, I'll be honest with you. They don't pull punches and they do tell you to get off the pity pot. But it does a lot of good.

 

See other post, I'm looking up locations in a few. Don't know if I'll make it this evening but I'm trying....

 

My family exhausted themselves trying to get me sober. You know what? I got sober when I had to make the effort all by myself.

 

 

Well, it's not like I'm not sober...and I quit the substance on my own, couldn't find any professional help at the time...so here I am now, looking at him and making my own choices.

[Ladywithafan]

Thankfully, there are meetings right on the island where I live...had no idea. So I will go tonight and I think it will be a good thing!

[blind_otter]

Thankfully, there are meetings right on the island where I live...had no idea. So I will go tonight and I think it will be a good thing!

 

Congratulations on making the first step!

[Guest]

Thankfully, there are meetings right on the island where I live...had no idea. So I will go tonight and I think it will be a good thing!

 

 

YOU MADE MY DAY... I am so happy, truly I am, I got a tear in the corner of my eye knowing you will make it! You sound like you are on the right track, yipppeeeeeeeee!

 

Let us know how you made out, okay?

 

bob

[Poconobob]

Thankfully, there are meetings right on the island where I live...had no idea. So I will go tonight and I think it will be a good thing!

 

 

GEEZZZ i keep forgetting to log on... that was my post before in "guest" about being proud.

 

argggg

 

nighty night

 

bob

[Ladywithafan]

I came home, had dinner with my bf...he didn't really say anything about the whole weekend's events & I didn't bring up or rehash either...

 

I went through some mail, got a call f/girlfriend who lives near where I was going to my meeting. My bf asked where I was going; told him to see my friend & then the Alanon meeting...he said, "thought you were going in the morning..." I said, c'mon now...I work in morning, the meeting is right here on the island at 8 p.m. and I gave him the paper that I had printed w/scheduled off the computer & left. Went, was nervous as hell...but went. It was so cool. I felt peace when I actually walked into the church. I was the first one in the room where meeting took place. Then, momentarily later, the room was full. It was super for me. I had a couple of moments during the meeting when I felt a light bulb go off inside my head and felt the intensity of what was going on in this serenity. They asked me to come back and I said, yes. The next meeting is Thurs.; an open discussion and one of the people said I'd really enjoy it.

 

Came home; I think my bf was thinking I was going to stop by my gf's house & have a couple of beers prior to coming home to him...he was sitting on the couch & when I walked in, looked like I had amazed him. He asked me how it went and I simply said, I had a wonderful time.

 

Watched a little tv & went to bed...had very intense dreams...but woke up peaceful.

 

I'm so glad I went and look forward to Thursday night.

 

I believe I've taken another step "for me." And that is a happy thought!

[blind_otter]

Awesome, I knew you would like it. I'm so glad.

[Ladywithafan]

Awesome, I knew you would like it. I'm so glad.

 

 

I do read everything in this thread that I've talked about and what all of you guys have to say...I don't take it personal...I take it as advice from people who know the variation of experience that I've had with this substance and how it has affected my life. Many of you have been there/seen it/done it...and you can make certain observation....we're all on the same highway; just in different lanes?...gee, I kinda like that...anyhow, I do appreciate ALL the input...thank you, again... :)

[blind_otter]

I'm so happy that you did this for you, it really looks like you are finally looking at your life and YOUR needs, first!

[Ladywithafan]

I'm so happy that you did this for you, it really looks like you are finally looking at your life and YOUR needs, first!

 

 

....put others before me (...low self esteem issues, definitely...)x-husband, children(but that's a necessary #1 to me), boyfriend...

 

And, I'm feeling good about what I'm doing so it naturally carries over into my daily activities!