We have been texting for 4 weeks. She (19F) became distant to me (23M) the past days after a party

[wahedstrijder]

In short: we have been texting for two weeks and went on two dates. The last date was the day before the party and it seemed going well since she took a selfie on our way home and still texted.

At the party we did not talk to eachother (both predrinking and club). The next day I reached out to her, her replies seemed normal, it wasn’t short, she asked questions back and she replied fairly quick but after 3 replies it became dry and she stopped asking questions or trying to continue the conversation. Since then we hadn’t text eachother.

5 days later after the party I reached out asking how she is doing and that i kept thinking about how we didn’t talk at the party and that I wanted to get it of my mind. She asked what about it has been bothering me and I told her I felt like it might have come across te wrong way since things had been different after. She didn’t respond yet and I didn’t explain yet it was because I didn’t know how to jump or could find the right moment to talk and not because I didn’t care about her or was uninterested. She knows from earlier conversations I am introvert, more quiet in group settings and pointed out I was quiet the first time we met.

What is she thinking and what should I do?

Story in full detail

We first met when she was invited by a friend to join our group (we we’re attending a show.) I started talking to her when we sat next to eachother. A few days later she found me on TikTok and sent me a TikTok. Since then we have been TikToks and texting eachother daily. This went on four 4 weeks. From her texting she seemed invested, curious, playful and we had conversations until bed time each time. During this period we hanged out two times (never referred to it as dates).

So the last time we hanged out was the day right before the party. We had fun and it went well. On the way home she took a selfie, the texting continued and she told her friend about it. Although her last reply was quite early but apparently she fell asleep and texting continued the next day (this is the day of the party).

On the day of the party, the last text i sent her was me saying i was curious how her outfit turned. This was around 18:00. She did not open the message at all which seemed unusual and gave no update at all, or asked about me (though we’d see eachother at the party anyway, and she was with a friend so I didn’t think much of it, but during our hangouts she did occasionally text her friends). She arrived around 22:00 and still gave a hug (which I always initiated) upon arrival.

Here is where it went wrong. We did not get to talk to eachother the whole night for a whole 5 hours, during both the predrinking and at the club. She left home earlier when her friends decided to go home too. We gave a hug, I said “you’re leaving so early” and that was the goodbye.

I woke up next day and something felt off; no text from her and she still didn’t open the last messsage I sent yesterday on TikTok. So I messaged her on WhatsApp asking how she slept. She replied and the conversation seemed normal; she responded fairly quick, no short replies and she was asking questions back. But this stopped after 3 replies and the replies came in slower (was she waiting for me to say something about last night?) I asked her if she went home earlier because she was tired. She only replied, nothing to continue the conversation. I asked if ate somehwere afterwards. Also only replied. I commented she didn’t get the food we were looking forward to try try after clubbing. “lol maybe next time ig”. I texted her we should get it sometime. She passed on saying she already went eating alot recently with a =)). I only “okayy” and this is where our conversation stopped. About 30 minutes later I still sent a TikTok like how we did later. She only replied next day but nothing to continue a conversation on it. She also stopped sending me TikToks.

The thing is, she knew how introvert I was and mentioned I appeared quiet the first time we met. We had conversations about our personalities and how I am more quiet in group settings. I guess me being quiet that day wasn’t the problem, it was me not talking to her at all, but she didn’t talk to me either. I wonder if i came across as uninterested or not caring about her, but I just couldn’t find the right moment to jump in and talk. There wasn’t a moment I sat directly next to her, and usually in group settings I just talk to people sitting directly next or across me. She was the whole time with her friend (she told her about our date, I know because she asked about [city name]) who I didn’t knew yet, or what they we’re talking about. In my head I was thinking about coming off awkward if walked to them and just stood there not knowing to say anything if I wasn’t familiar with the topic they were talking about. And if I’m not off to a good start it also becomes harder for me to start talking after. In the club she also was the whole time next to her friend, music was loud and I was just there the whole time dancing with the rest of our group.

5 days after the party I reached out asking how she has been doing, that I have been thinking about how we didn’t spoke last time we saw eachother and that i wanted to get it off my mind. She replied “hey im okay, wbu?” and asked what about it has been bothering me.  
I replied that last time we met we didnt talk and that i felt it might have come across the wrong way since things have been different since.

It was about 23:00 and thought she went to sleep but I have no reply yet, even when she was active on TikTok early this morning reposting one. I still do not know how she exactly feels, how I came across to her that night or had the chance to explain myself. What should I do?

Edited 6 hours ago by wahedstrijder
Improved the title

[flitzanu]

you don't really explain why you spent 5 hours at a party that was a date with her, and you didn't even speak to her?

[wahedstrijder]

20 minutes ago, flitzanu said:

you don't really explain why you spent 5 hours at a party that was a date with her, and you didn't even speak to her?

The party wasn’t a date. I was invited by a friend, not her. She arrived with another friend, and I explained why I couldn’t speak. 
 

Anyway she responded she didn’t think much of it and that i shouldnt be worried. And that she was on vacation and busy packing “so ig we couldnt talk regularly”. But i’m not buying it because she before she texted me even with exams and deadlines, as well didnt even give any updates

[ExpatInItaly]

I would find it completely bizarre if I were at the same party with a guy I'd been communicating with regulary and hung out with twice and we barely interacted. 

I get that you are introverted, but if you are so introverted that you can't do more than say hello and goodbye in such a situation, you may not be ready to date yet.  You don't appear to have much confidence in yourself. Out of curiosity, have you dated much before?  

2 hours ago, wahedstrijder said:

In my head I was thinking about coming off awkward if walked to them and just stood there not knowing to say anything if I wasn’t familiar with the topic they were talking about.

It was far more awkward to essentially avoid each other all night. 

2 hours ago, wahedstrijder said:

In the club she also was the whole time next to her friend, music was loud and I was just there the whole time dancing with the rest of our group.

You realize that this would not stop most guys when they are interested in someone, right? 

2 hours ago, wahedstrijder said:

I wonder if i came across as uninterested or not caring about her,

More than likely, yes. 

Look, I won't put it all on you and don't mean to come down on you. She could have just as easily approached you. You both are quite young and you both sound fairly inexperienced with dating. My guess is that you are both so afraid to actually show reasonable interest in each other that you have shot yourselves in the foot a bit here. It's hard to say if the awkward avoidance of each other at the party had much to do with it, but I would agree she seems less interested at this point. 

I would suggest that you directly ask her to have dinner/lunch with you. None of this "we should get food.." Be clear that you would like to take her out. She might say no, sure. But it will be good practice for you in leading with more confidence and seeking more clarity.