Mr T

[TAG321]

Three years of talking every day, but we’ve never been on a date. Do I keep hoping or finally ask for closure?

I’m looking for some honest advice because I’m struggling to know what to do, and I think I need some outside perspectives from people who aren’t emotionally involved.

About three years ago, I started talking to a woman I’ll call Miss T. From the beginning, there was something different about our connection. We clicked almost immediately, and within the first week, we’d both said that it felt different and that we couldn’t really explain why.

We ended up talking every day, often from early in the morning until late at night. Hundreds of messages a week, voice notes, photos of what we were doing, joking around, flirting and having proper conversations about our lives. It wasn’t just small talk. We spoke about difficult things we’d been through, our families, work, our pasts and what we wanted from the future.

We had a lot in common, including difficult relationships with our fathers. We grew up close to each other, went to the same school, and had this strange feeling that we’d known each other for years. Talking to her was effortless. She was someone I could tell things to that I wouldn’t tell many other people, and I genuinely trusted her advice.

We talked about a future together. We discussed going on dates, holidays with her two children, walking the dog, family life and what it might be like to build a life together. She told her parents about me, and her family had noticed how happy she seemed when she was messaging me. She also supported me through some very difficult times, including the death of my dad, and I’ll always be grateful for that.

The frustrating thing is that, despite all this, we’ve never actually been on a proper date.

She’s a single mum with two children, and the children’s dad hasn’t always been reliable about having them. She’s often had a lot on her plate, and finding the time and energy to meet has been difficult. I have always understood that her children come first, and I never wanted to add pressure to her life.

At one point, she told me she hadn’t moved on, that she still cared about me, but that there was a lot going on in the background and she physically didn’t have the time or energy. She said she hoped things would improve. When I asked if there was someone else, she said, “No, don’t be silly,” and explained that she just didn’t have time.

I’ve tried to be patient because I genuinely believed what we had was special, and I didn’t want to give up on something that felt so natural to both of us.

Recently, I told her that I still really liked her, missed our conversations and wanted to go on the date we’d talked about. She replied that things hadn’t changed in a week, but didn’t really explain what was stopping us. I then asked directly what needed to change before she would be ready and said I wanted to understand because I cared about her and missed her. She hasn’t answered that question.

I’ve sent a few lighter messages since, and she has replied briefly on occasion. I recently wished her a happy birthday, and she replied, “Thank you x.” I’ve now asked her what she did for her birthday, but I don’t know whether she’ll respond.

The hardest part is that my feelings haven’t changed. I’ve tried dating other women, but nobody has come close to the connection I felt with her. It doesn’t feel fair to pursue someone else when I know I’m still emotionally invested in Taii.

I also made some changes in my working life partly because I wanted more freedom and time to build a life with someone, rather than working 60-hour weeks. I don’t regret everything about those decisions, but it hurts that the future I imagined hasn’t happened.

I keep wondering whether the problem is genuinely her circumstances, whether she’s frightened of how dating might affect her children or her relationship with their dad, whether her feelings have changed, whether we wanted different things, or whether there’s someone else. I simply don’t know, and that’s what I’m finding so hard.

Part of me wants to send her one final, honest message. I’d tell her that I still care about her, that I wanted to see where things could go, that I’d have been willing to work around the practical difficulties if she wanted that too, and that I need to know whether she ever genuinely wanted the same thing. I’d also tell her that I still think she’s worth fighting for, but I can’t make this happen on my own.

The problem is that I’m frightened of sending it and getting no response, or being told she doesn’t feel the same. I know it would hurt me badly. At the same time, I’m struggling with the uncertainty and don’t know how much longer I can keep hoping.

I’m not looking for people to tell me what I want to hear, and I don’t expect anyone to know what’s going on in her head. I just want honest opinions.

What would you do in my position?

Would you send the honest message and ask for clarity one last time?
Would you stop contacting her and leave the next move entirely to her?
Do you think it’s possible for two people to have a genuine connection but for the circumstances or feelings not to be right?
How do you let go of the hope of a future with someone when the connection felt so real, but you never got the chance to find out what it could have been?

I care about her a great deal, and I don’t want to pressure her or make her feel guilty. I just wish I understood what happened to something that once felt so mutual and effortless.

Thanks for reading. I’d appreciate honest advice, even if it’s not what I want to hear.

Edited 11 hours ago by TAG321
Name change

[TAG321]

9 minutes ago, TAG321 said:

Three years of talking every day, but we’ve never been on a date. Do I keep hoping or finally ask for closure?

I’m looking for some honest advice because I’m struggling to know what to do, and I think I need some outside perspectives from people who aren’t emotionally involved.

About three years ago, I started talking to a woman I’ll call Miss T. From the beginning, there was something different about our connection. We clicked almost immediately, and within the first week, we’d both said that it felt different and that we couldn’t really explain why.

We ended up talking every day, often from early in the morning until late at night. Hundreds of messages a week, voice notes, photos of what we were doing, joking around, flirting and having proper conversations about our lives. It wasn’t just small talk. We spoke about difficult things we’d been through, our families, work, our pasts and what we wanted from the future.

We had a lot in common, including difficult relationships with our fathers. We grew up close to each other, went to the same school, and had this strange feeling that we’d known each other for years. Talking to her was effortless. She was someone I could tell things to that I wouldn’t tell many other people, and I genuinely trusted her advice.

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We talked about a future together. We discussed going on dates, holidays with her two children, walking the dog, family life and what it might be like to build a life together. She told her parents about me, and her family had noticed how happy she seemed when she was messaging me. She also supported me through some very difficult times, including the death of my dad, and I’ll always be grateful for that.

The frustrating thing is that, despite all this, we’ve never actually been on a proper date.

She’s a single mum with two children, and the children’s dad hasn’t always been reliable about having them. She’s often had a lot on her plate, and finding the time and energy to meet has been difficult. I have always understood that her children come first, and I never wanted to add pressure to her life.

At one point, she told me she hadn’t moved on, that she still cared about me, but that there was a lot going on in the background and she physically didn’t have the time or energy. She said she hoped things would improve. When I asked if there was someone else, she said, “No, don’t be silly,” and explained that she just didn’t have time.

I’ve tried to be patient because I genuinely believed what we had was special, and I didn’t want to give up on something that felt so natural to both of us.

Recently, I told her that I still really liked her, missed our conversations and wanted to go on the date we’d talked about. She replied that things hadn’t changed in a week, but didn’t really explain what was stopping us. I then asked directly what needed to change before she would be ready and said I wanted to understand because I cared about her and missed her. She hasn’t answered that question.

I’ve sent a few lighter messages since, and she has replied briefly on occasion. I recently wished her a happy birthday, and she replied, “Thank you x.” I’ve now asked her what she did for her birthday, but I don’t know whether she’ll respond.

The hardest part is that my feelings haven’t changed. I’ve tried dating other women, but nobody has come close to the connection I felt with her. It doesn’t feel fair to pursue someone else when I know I’m still emotionally invested in miss T.

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I also made some changes in my working life partly because I wanted more freedom and time to build a life with someone, rather than working 60-hour weeks. I don’t regret everything about those decisions, but it hurts that the future I imagined hasn’t happened.

I keep wondering whether the problem is genuinely her circumstances, whether she’s frightened of how dating might affect her children or her relationship with their dad, whether her feelings have changed, whether we wanted different things, or whether there’s someone else. I simply don’t know, and that’s what I’m finding so hard.

Part of me wants to send her one final, honest message. I’d tell her that I still care about her, that I wanted to see where things could go, that I’d have been willing to work around the practical difficulties if she wanted that too, and that I need to know whether she ever genuinely wanted the same thing. I’d also tell her that I still think she’s worth fighting for, but I can’t make this happen on my own.

The problem is that I’m frightened of sending it and getting no response, or being told she doesn’t feel the same. I know it would hurt me badly. At the same time, I’m struggling with the uncertainty and don’t know how much longer I can keep hoping.

I’m not looking for people to tell me what I want to hear, and I don’t expect anyone to know what’s going on in her head. I just want honest opinions.

What would you do in my position?

Would you send the honest message and ask for clarity one last time?
Would you stop contacting her and leave the next move entirely to her?
Do you think it’s possible for two people to have a genuine connection but for the circumstances or feelings not to be right?
How do you let go of the hope of a future with someone when the connection felt so real, but you never got the chance to find out what it could have been?

I care about her a great deal, and I don’t want to pressure her or make her feel guilty. I just wish I understood what happened to something that once felt so mutual and effortless.

Thanks for reading. I’d appreciate honest advice, even if it’s not what I want to hear.

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[ShyViolet]

She has no intentions of meeting you in person, she has already made that painfully clear.  Asking her again wouldn't change anything.  You don't have an amazing "connection" with her, you can't know that if you've never met in person.  You are infatuated with a fantasy of her that you've built up in your head.  You should take a big step back from this, because it's nothing more than a huge waste of time.