Newly divorced man being very hot and cold

[gymgirl48]

So I started at a new gym June 2025 and there was this unusually attractive man (let’s call him Dan) there but I never said anything to him. One day I needed to use a machine that he kept using then going and doing a different workout, then coming back to so I went over while he was doing another workout to use it and he kinda looked crazy. I just started using it and he walked up and I took my headphones off and smiled and said “ohh you were using this?” And he just smiled and said it was fine. That was the only conversation we had. A few days later we were walking past each other and made eye contact so I smiled and he said absolutely nothing. No smile. Nothing. I thought maybe he didn’t see me wave bc it was a little shy so I waved the next time we made eye contact. Still nothing. I said hmm maybe he didn’t see me so I waved again later and was more direct and he just looked at me then looked away. So I was like wow okay, I won’t speak to you ever again. 6 months goes by and within those 6 months he starts doing things like coming up to men that I’m talking to and just starting his own conversation mid conversation without acknowledging me or excusing us or anything. He even walked up once while I was talking to a guy, grabbed him by his shoulders, and physically guided him out of our conversation and began talking and laughing w him. We still hadn’t spoke to each other. He would often work out with a guy, we’ll call Chad. Chad would talk to me when Dan wasn’t there. One day in January Chad gives me a workout tip while he’s w Dan and Dan immediately chimed in and started talking to me which caught me by surprise. (Dan and I still haven’t spoke since June and don’t know each others name or anything) From that day forward San and I started chatting every day. He eventually tells me he’s newly divorced and he has two kids and we talk about that a couple times. We literally just chat about anything, laugh, joke, and workout. But he would make comments that I “talk too much to other people in the gym” (I only talked to Chad and two other men regularly). I asked him a few times to train me and he kept saying no so I did a session w a younger guy (Eric) and Dan comes up trying to add his input into the workout and I playful say “nooo no. I’m working w my real trainer. Byeeee!” And after that day he trained me at least 2-3 times a week. There was also a time that I was talking to a guy I told him approached me and wanted to talk to me and he comes up and interrupts our conversation and says “Hey bro, I just wanted to say she’s been talking since she’s walked in. She got a workout to do” (I only talked to that man and I was only there for 3 minutes and stretching). The guy later asked me if I was dating Dan and I said no and eventually addressed it w Dan and he got mad and said “TJ has a lady at home anyway why is he worried?!” Dan is also hot and cold. He’s fun and chatty some days and then dismissive others so I just began to wait for him to come to me and then I’ll work out w him bc some days he acts like im bothering him. So one day he stops me and says “you keep walking by me and can’t speak.” And I respond “I didn’t know I was required to speak” and he said “Yes. You need to check in.” I smirked and said “Ohh really?” And he goes “Yes… it’s proper gym etiquette.” (This is the same man that constantly tells me to stop talking in the gym.) So I eventually make my way over to him and ask him”if I’m required a check in do I have to check out?” And he says “No. But you do need to come and at least check in and say hi.” Okay so our days start going accordingly, I’ll come fist bump him. If he stops me to chat, I’ll chat. If not I’ll keep going. We started working out together a lot. And now Father’s Day is here. (It’s his first Father’s Day single). I was kinda talking w him about it and I decided to get him a Yeti for Father’s Day, mostly bc I’ve been trying to ask him if I should pay him to train me and he refuses, so it’s just a token of appreciation. He gets like super nervous when I give him the Yeti and says he doesn’t want it but he takes it. He’s kinda shy after that but I asked if I made him uncomfortable and we continued our regular routine once I said it’s just a water bottle. We’re back to normal, chatting, working out, joking. But he’s kinda rude. He says little rude things from time to time in a joking way but he’s my gym buddy and I don’t take it too serious. I also accidentally assumed that I told him something one day and he says “that wasn’t me, that must’ve been your other gym boo.” And I rolled my eyes and said “I don’t have another gym boo.” And kept working out. We never directly compliment each other we just acknowledge changes like I usually wear big tshirts and one day I wore a more fitted soccer jersey and he said “why do you have THAT on?!” Or I’ll tell him I like a new shirt he wears but that’s it. We also do not talk outside of the gym. We eventually follow each other on instagram and I saw a picture of his ex wife and SHE LOOKS LIKE ME! I’m tall and dark, she’s tall and dark. And even better. If my name was Tiana, her name is Tiara! And I immediately was like ooo… let me handle this man more gently and friendly so that he doesn’t feel like I need to fill in her space or anything. So I just continued being his friend and especially being careful to maintain a friendship. I’ll be honest, we do have amazing chemistry. I kinda liked him but like I said he just got a divorce. We don’t talk outside of the gym. He dm’d me once and was joking but any time I’ve dm’d him he’s super short or doesn’t respond so I just stopped. We had a conversation once about this muster girl that went to our gym and left bc she wanted to be his friend and talk and he didn’t want to. He says something like she asked him why he didn’t ask for her number and he said he didn’t need it and then she got mad and stopped coming to the gym. We started d talking about how he thinks she wanted more from him and was plotting on him and I said something like well you do the same thing to me and I’m not plotting on you. And he said something like yall get offended too easy and she wasn’t patient. And I said “Y’all? I don’t care” and laughed and he saiid “Well.. her” and I said “All of my men exist outside of the gym so Idk. Maybe she’s just mad at the response idk.” And we stopped talking about it. Well anyway, some time in August the young guy Eric returns back to our gym and he’s chatting w me while working out at the same machine. There are also some younger girls there that are flirting w Eric. Dan is in the area but using a different machine than us. The machine I’m using begins acting wonky, Eric comes over to check and says yea don’t use that one. I go to use the machine that’s free and it’s close to Dan and his lifting belt is right there and I joking say “What is this??? And toss it over to his side” he gets angry and stops his workout on a different machine and says “No! I’m using that!” And I go “Hmmm, no your not” and he starts yelling at me to go away, he’s using the machine and starts turning red. The girls next to me go “ooo!” And not I’m embarrassed bc these people are watching him throw a tantrum and yell at me over a workout machine he isn’t even using. I don’t even say anything else, I just walked away. Eric was so shocked he goes “don’t even worry about that you can use mine and gave me his machine to use.” Then later comes and tells me how that was uncalled for and rude. I stop talking to Dan and a week or so later I explain to him that he overstepped my boundaries and I didn’t like the way he talked to me and he just goes “ok?” So I just walked away. He’s being extra chatty and friendly to everyone else in the gym suddenly and I eventually ask him a week or two later what his issue is w me and why he treats me different than everyone else. (He was coworking out w a group of guys one day, sharing his machine) and he says “I’m not. That’s just your opinion and it isn’t right.” And I said “it’s not an opinion, it’s an observation” he continues to say he doesn’t treat me any way and if that’s my opinion then that’s my opinion and I said “You’re absolutely right and I don’t even have to speak to you” and stopped talking to him. It’s now been a little over a month and I’ve literally just stopped all contact. He tried jumping into a conversation I was having with another guy and I simply said “I’m not talking to you, I’m talking to him.” And kept talking and said that each time he inserted himself and spoke to me. We usually watch each other in the mirrors if we don’t work out together but I haven’t even been doing that. We have had to workout beside each other a few times, but we don’t speak or acknowledge each other at all. It’s been this way for over a month and just recently in the last week, he started this weird stuff. If I have to use equipment that’s anywhere near him, he leaves. So yesterday I was like hmmm I think he’s leaving when I get near him. So I went and used a machine close by him and he got up and left. I went to another area a little later and he just wiped it down to use it and immediately left. I haven’t said anything or did anything to him and this just randomly started happening after over a month of no contact. He used to come to the gym before me and now he comes at the exact time I come and have been coming every day and does this like I’m bothering him. There’s also another gym nearby that he can go to if he feels that uncomfortable by my presence. I honestly don’t know what this means, why he suddenly started doing this or how to even act. Like should I just try and stay opposite of him, should I switch gyms (I have a new gym buddy that I’ve started a routine w and I’d hate to switch gyms on him. I also can’t change my gym time.) part of me wants to just purposely keep making him leave the area until he changes his time or leaves the gym but I also don’t want to give him a reason to say I did anything to him bc I simply just removed myself. Why is he suddenly behaving like this? He still follows me on ig and actively watches my story but acts like I’ve done something awful to him in person.  

Edited 12 hours ago by gymgirl48

[ExpatInItaly]

You're going to need to break that wall of text into paragraphs to get decent replies, OP.

[ShyViolet]

11 hours ago, gymgirl48 said:

Why is he suddenly behaving like this? He still follows me on ig and actively watches my story but acts like I’ve done something awful to him in person.  

Onlinedating tips

Who cares why he's behaving like this?  It doesn't matter.  He's an extremely rude person and you put up with it for way too long.  It makes no sense that you associated with him and talked to him for as long as you did when he had a habit of being really rude on a regular basis.

Just go about your life and ignore him.